Dan slowly lifted Neil’s helmet off and placed it down next to him. Trying to hide her look of concern with a light smile. Neil couldn’t return a smile, he was too focused on trying not to pass out from the burning, growing, pain and asphyxiation. Somewhere, far off, he heard his other teammates making quiet comments. Though he couldn’t make out the words quite right, he could still hear their tones. Matt sounded concerned, kneeling down next to Dan and whispering softly to her. Kevin: annoyed. Grumbling about how Neil should know how to pace himself on the court. Andrew: bored. He stood with his racket perpendicular to the ground, his chin resting on the butt of it. Aaron seemed intrigued almost curious, but not a single drop of concern could be found in his eyes. . Allison and Seth were talking so quietly, he couldn’t even hear the tone they were using. Nicky was standing farthest away from Neil, his facial expression looking like he was trying to piece something together. That look made Neil’s gut twist with anxiety. He couldn’t afford anyone finding out about this, they’d kick him off the team for sure. Exy was all he had, he couldn’t bare to lose it. Renee stayed silent, but she hovered just behind Dan, worriedly looking down at Neil.

“Do you need water?” Matt asked, breaking the few seconds of extremely uncomfortable silence. Neil nodded, managing to get out a raspy, “Yes… Please,”

Matt nodded and got up, leaving the court in search for Neil’s water bottle. Neil then made moves to get up, Dan instantly started trying to help him. Neil just waved her off, wanting to get up on his own. He’d shown enough weakness enough already.

“How about you go to the locker room? Take a break for a bit, ok?” Dan suggested, Neil instantly opened his mouth to protest. He had to get back into the practice, he could get through this if he just got used to it. He was sure of that.

“No,” Dan shut it down before it even started, “I’m your team captain, so you’ll listen to me and go, alright?” Neil had no other choice than to obey. He picked his racket up and slowly made his way off court. Once he was off, Dan turned back to her team and started practice up again.

The court doors banged shut behind Neil. He trudged into the locker room, trying his best to ignore the intense stare he felt from Wymack. But Wymack hadn’t said a word to him yet. Neil hoped he would keep it that way.

Neil sat down on one of the wooden benches, his elbows on his knees as he put his head in his hands. He was still working on getting his breathing under control when he heard the locker room door swing open with force. Neil jumped and looked up to see Kevin approaching.

“What the hell was that?” It sounded more like a demand than a question. Neil rolled his eyes and stood up.

“I’m fine, thanks for asking,” He replied, his voice dripping with annoyance.

“I don’t give a shit,” Kevin spat, the anger was practically radiating off of him.

“What the hell happened to the Neil Josten I recruited? The one who gave me his game? And now you can’t even get past the first twenty minutes of practice?”

“I’m working on it,” He said simply, his tone harsh yet cold.

“Well work harder,” Kevin berated, balling the front of Neil’s jersey in his fist. Even though there was about three layers between Kevin’s fist and his chest, one of which being his thick chest padding, Neil could still feel a sudden fear pulse through him. Neil grabbed Kevin’s wrist and forced his way out of his grip. Making sure to keep his expression schooled, to not let a single hint of fear creep on it.

“Fuck off,” Neil glared, taking a few cautionary steps back.

“We can’t afford having you passing out every goddamn game, so you better get your shit together or else-” “Or else what?” A new voice cut in, “Take a hike, Kevin,” Neil looked past Kevin’s shoulder and saw Nicky standing at the door, his arms folded as he leaned up against the wall.

“You’re in no place to tell me what to do,” Kevin huffed, turning towards Nicky.

“Andrew’s orders,” He said simply, his voice staying level. Kevin grumbled something angrily under his breath and walked off, heavily glaring at Nicky as he passed by. Neil sighed and sat back down, staring at his hands. He could hear Nicky walking over to him, then felt Nicky sit down on the bench, a solid two feet between them.

“Is there something you want to share, Neil?” Nicky asked softly. Neil squeezed his eyes shut, swallowing the lump in his throat.

“No, I’m fine,” He said, fooling no one.

“I won’t tell them, you know,” Nicky reassured. He thought back to the week before when Nicky had said the same thing. He’d walked in on Neil mid testosterone shot. At first, Nicky thought that he was doing heroin or something, but Neil was quick to sweep that idea away. He half lied and said that he took it because he had a natural testosterone deficiency, and that he needed it. Which was true, Neil just didn’t say how much testosterone he was really lacking. Nicky did seem skeptical at first, but Neil had no trouble convincing him. Maybe he just hadn’t done as well as he thought he did in that department.

“How can I trust you?” Neil questioned, opening his eyes again, though he didn’t dare look up at Nicky. Truly, he didn’t know how to trust anyone, let alone Nicky. And to be quite honest, Neil didn’t want to trust Nicky, but it seemed that he’d have to now. Nicky already knew, he was just waiting for Neil to say the words.

“I haven’t told a soul about your heroin addiction,” Nicky joked lightly. He laughed softly at his own joke. Neil felt a ten pound weight fall off his shoulders from that. He sighed, finding a way to work up the courage to say it, it was only a simple two words, and yet they seemed to get caught in his throat. Neil took a few deep breaths, wringing his hands.

“I’m trans,” His voice was quite, borderline inaudible. Though Nicky picked it up clear as day.

“Thank you, for trusting me,” He said genuinely. Neil just nodded in response, finally standing up and looking at Nicky.

“Just promise me you won’t be an idiot again?” Nicky asked as he stood. Neil sighed and started weighing the pros and cons of not binding while on the court.

“It’s really too many layers to even notice, and the chest armour alone can probably hide it,” Nicky cut in before Neil could think of refusing.

“Fine, I won’t be an idiot anymore,” Neil agreed, he could see Nicky physically relax.

“Starting tomorrow,” Neil added. Nicky nodded and thought of that as reasonable.

“Alright,” Nicky started to the door, then turned when he noticed Neil wasn’t following just yet, “Come on, we’ve got a practice to finish,”

Neil nodded and starting jogging out of the locker room. He gave Wymack a small nod as he passed by him, to show that he was fine. Wymack’s look said that they’d be talking about this later, but Neil didn’t want to worry about that right now. As he walked onto the court and towards his starting position, Nicky stopped him with his racket.

“Hey, take it easy kid, got it?” He waited for Neil to show a sign of understanding.

“Got it,”

-

tag list:

@just-jackson-ah

@mehlisssa

@vio-is-lit

Neil never had anyone say ‘I’m proud of you’ to him before he met the Foxes. Before he joined their team, or rather, their family. Now he heard at least once a week. And not just from Dan, it was also from Wymack, Matt, Nicky, Allison, and Renee. The others never quite said it, though they showed it in other ways. Aaron would clap a hand on his shoulder briefly after a particularly good game. The angry look in Kevin’s eyes would dissolve momentarily, and something else would replace it, pride perhaps. Andrew would nod ever so slightly at him, a small smile daring to pull at his lips.

Neil loved winning almost more than he loved Exy. But the feeling of victory could never surpass the feeling of unity. The Foxes were like clockwork on the court. It had taken them a while to get there, but each movement flowed so smoothly into the next now. It’s like they had all adopted a sixth sense, the whole team knew what was going to happen next before anyone else. They were practically unstoppable. Some nights, Neil would return to the dorm exhausted, drained, sore, bruised, almost physically broken. Those nights, he’d lie in his bed, staring up for hours, an idiotic grin on his face as he replayed the game over and over again in his mind. He’d review the moves and plays he made, how the other team reacted, how his own team reacted. Thinking of every possible way he could improve. Those nights were his favorite. Neil was constantly evolving, trying to change. Trying to be better. He wanted nothing more in his life than to be better, to make most of the life he had been so lucky to re-obtain. 

Neil never knew that he’d live past the age of 20, and now he was given so much more time. He wanted to spend as much of it as he could, making a legacy, proving a point. Proving that he was more than just the Moriyama’s ‘property’, proving that he could do more than anyone ever thought he could. He wanted to prove that Neil Josten was a living horror story. Neil wanted to show them all that he survived. He survived. He didn’t care what life threw at him anymore, he could take it, he could survive it.

The Foxes had just won a game against USC. It was brutal, but one of the most pacifistic games they’d ever played. It was always like that with the Trojans, they put up a strong fight, and the Foxes always gave it their all. No matter what the outcome, they’d be happy either way. Both teams decided beforehand that they would meet up for dinner afterward. It was a home game, so the Foxes were in no rush to get back to Fox Tower, and the Trojans were always up for a good celebration. After their brief celebration on the court, they shared a genuine handshake with the Trojans, then trudged off to the locker rooms to freshen up.

Neil usually liked to get in and out of the locker room as fast as he could, even though by now he was comfortable with the guys and trusted them, he still didn’t want to keep everyone waiting. But today was an exception to that, today Neil stood under the warm water stream for 20 minutes, letting his muscles relax as he let his thoughts take him where they needed to go. Neil wondered what it’d be like to win a game once he got to Court. He wondered how much adrenaline would pump through his veins as the final buzzer went off. How he’d take his helmet off with numb, shaky fingers. Wipe the sweat from his eyes as he stared at the scoreboard in disbelief. The cheer of the crowd would be deafening. He would feel the stadium shaking. He’d be breathless, sweaty, and gross. Neil already knew that that feeling would be addictive, he knew that he’d be hooked the second he felt it. And Neil couldn’t wait for that. 

   Neil was startled out of his daydream by the stall door being banged. Andrew’s voice echoed through the room as he said, “Hurry the fuck up, we don’t have all night,”. Neil laughed to himself at that. He was in too much of a good mood to let anything get to him.

   He quickly got ready after that, half-assedly drying his hair with a towel. Knowing that it’d air dry by the time the dinner started. Neil barely got two steps out of the locker room before Nicky showed up and started to adjust the button up he was wearing.

   “How the hell is your collar so crooked?” Nicky muttered, his tongue poking out of his mouth ever so slightly as he adjusted it. Neil was used to this by now, Nicky did it every time they went out to Columbia. He just stood still and let Nicky do his thing, fixing his collar, pushing back his hair, making Neil look ‘socially presentable’. After all, everyone was so sure that he’d end up in Court one day, Neil needed to not only be likable but also look it.

   They all filed out of the stadium and into their respective cars. Ever since things started getting more serious between Andrew and Neil, he was promoted to sitting in the front seat. Kevin protested at first, but then stopped and let it go. Which was probably best, seeing as Neil could sense that Andrew was on the verge of punching him. Neil carefully got into the car and buckled his seatbelt. Even though it seemed a bit unnecessary since they were only minutes away from the restaurant. He gazed out the window as Andrew pulled away. Watching as the stadium got smaller in the side mirror until it was out of his sight. Nicky chatted mindlessly about something that had caught his interest earlier. Kevin and Andrew chimed into the conversation when it was necessary, but Nicky was the main reason the conversation stayed alive. Nicky didn’t like it when there was too much silence, even if it was comfortable silence. He couldn’t allow that.

   The usual calm noise of Nicky’s talking was interrupted by a frightening, “Holy shit!” Neil had only mere moments to asses and react, looking into the rearview mirror to see Nicky’s eyes wide with fear. Neil’s eyes flicked down to the windshield and time seemed to slow down for a second. The car in front of them had just been t-boned at the intersection, and Andrew was moving way too fast to be able to slow the car down in time to save them. Neil felt Andrew start to swerve the car out of the way, but he was too late to react. Neil felt Andrew’s arm press against his chest to keep him from flying forward as they collided with the car. Andrew had no idea if that would help in the slightest, but in that one moment, Andrew was afraid. Afraid he’d lose Neil, so easily, just like that. Gone.

-

TAGLIST:

@just-jackson-ah  @art-and-fics @mehlisssa @vio-is-lit @what-am-i-doong @andrewspipedream