#invisiblehoward

       Of course, he should know better than to have allowed himself to grow so fond of Miss Alexis, how he finds himself awaiting her weekly clandestine visits to the bookshop, spends all his free time getting lost himself within the pages of the books that line the shop walls, squireling away the ones he thinks she’d love, leaving handwritten notes within the margins for her to read. His Grandma scolds him, warning him how he has no business fraternizing with the ton, he tells her how Lexi is different, and she reminds him his place and hers, how they’re from DIFFERENT worlds; how he’s read too many books, too lost within his own imagination for his own good, and maybe he thinks there might be some truth within her words as much as its wounds him to hear.

     They’re JUST friends, he reminds himself every time his heart flutters at the thought of her, how Lexi fast becomes the highlight of his week, despite his Grandma’s warnings. It’s Thursday, and he eagerly awaits her arrival, a copy a Pride and Prejudice set aside for her arrival, only off the presses a few short weeks ago. She arrives a little after 1pm and the two scurry off a quiet space in the back of the store away from prying eyes, god forbid they should be seen talking in such a manner so openly.

      Fez holding out the book for her, “This came in this week, Pride and Prejudice, written by the same author as Sense and Sensibility, I do wonder who she is don’t you? A mystery, like Lady Whistledown.  I digress Miss Alexis but I should think you’ll be rather fond of Miss Elizabeth” a small smile offered as he passes her the book carefully, fingers almost brush causing his cheeks to flush instantly, “I do hope you enjoy it, how did you find last week's offering? Favourable?” he wonders, he loves hearing he thoughts and opinions on the books they read, their own private book club, unknown to the rest of the world.

    “ i don’t give a  fuck  about a  FAKE FAN ,  saying you  mad  but you’re  PROUD  of me.  while your asses  up in arms ,  don’t forget to  go down on me. “

@invisiblehoward​ asked:  “ you can talk to me, you know. whatever you have to say, i’m not gonna judge you or do anything. i just want to listen. ” ( for fez )

Fez inhaled deeply. He already knew Lexi wouldn’t judge him. She proved that with just one long conversation. Showing up to check in with him at the store, and now showing up after Rue rushed through like a fuckin’ hurricane, those things only reassured him she had a good heart. He simply didn’t talk much, not like he’d talked with her that night. He listened; he wasn’t listened to. 

             He always loses track of time when it comes to Lexi, how minutes turn to hours, and before he knows it's 11.30PM, and he SHOULD  be driving her home, but selfishly he wants her to stay, to have her in one of his shirts, cuddled up in his bed with him, he’s thought about it on lonely nights when he’s still awake at 3AM, dreaming about all the things they spoke of; letting his imagination run wild and its always Lexi Howard by his side in every dream.

          Her head in his lap looking up at him with sad brown eyes, and he knows she could convince him to do just about anything when she looks at him like that, he tells her they should be thinking about driving her home, but he doesn’t want to, wanting nothing more than to have her here with him and the look on his face says it too.

           “all i’m sayin’ is it’s a school night and yo mom ain’t exactly my biggest fan... BUT you do be makin’ a point.” he shrugs, boyish grin plastered across his face “not that ima bad influence or nothin’ but if you told a lil white lie ‘bout being a rue’s place i wouldn't tell no one.” bold for him because he’s not usually this forthcoming but the more time they spend together the more it doesn’t ever feel like long enough. Fez could listen to her talk for HOURS, and he does, never getting tired of the marvel that was her mind, she's like, the fucking smartest person he’s ever met, and she's funny, so fucking funny and the best part is she doesn’t realise it.

             “be nice to like, fall asleep beside ya instead of on the phone sometime--” sleepovers were new territory, and being real fezco had never even had a girl that wasn’t rue in his bed, and that was like not the same, but he couldn’t help let his mind drift off to the idea of Lexi fucking Howard in his bed.

               Freedoms stripped away, all sense of who he was replaced with faded beige, his bullet wound healed, but the scars of that night still burned in his mind, prison was nothing like it seems on TV. Locked up like an ANIMAL waiting trial for a crime he didn’t exactly commit, but to claim innocence a lie too. This is ROCK BOTTOM. No funeral for his brother; and no justice for his death, the cop responsible still gets to go home to his family; gets to LIVE, while Ash is buried six feet deep in an unmarked grave; his Grandma shipped off to some state facility, his home left in ruins. His lawyer comes some days; goes over the same story; tells him he should THINK about the plea deal; consider his OPTIONS, reminds him how a jury would look at someone like him, how they won’t see him as a KID who was failed by EVERYONE, no -- they’ll see a MONSTER, and when he looks at himself in the mirror that’s just what he sees looking back.

           The first time Lexi came, he wouldn’t see her; COULDN’T BARE facing her, told Rue to tell her not to come back, that he was a LOST CAUSE, but Rue’s stubborn, and she comes back, week after week, and EVENTUALLY she talks him into letting Lex on his visitors list. He’s nervous as shit the night before, can’t fucking sleep -- but nothing new there, even in the free world before all this sleeping never came easy. You’ve got a visitor O’Neill, and he’d lead down to the visitors' room, knots in hit stomach as he spots her already seated at a table, and already he HATES that she’s seeing him like this, but FUCK it was nice to see her face in person, swallowing thick the lump in his throat.

          Lexi being here, a sharp reminder of EVERYTHING he’s lost.  He doesn’t get why she even WANTS to see him; he had NOTHING to offer; an almost certain fate behind bars for the foreseeable.  “Wasn’t sure if you’d come --” head bowed down, staring at the worn plastic table, feeling like if he looked at her for too long his heart might just fucking stop. He wants to tell her how much he’s missed her; how she’s never left his mind these past couple of months; how her letters were the only  thing he looked forward too; he knows it’s selfish -- that he doesn’t DESERVE her compassion; her love. But she gives it ANYWAY.

rue had came in like a hurricane strung out and looking for a fix, and tore through the place like her mind was set on destruction, leaving him to deal with the aftermath. wrecked with not only disappointment but guilt for being the catalyst to it all. fuck, dragging her out of his grandma’s room kicking and screaming, tongue sharp and cruel -- but he knew the words of an addict never meant shit. but the actions? those were betrayal. she’d pushed too far this time, and in the wake of it he’s left with his hallow ache in the pit of his stomach and his mind goes to the one good thing, that might just take the edge off it; lexi howard.

they text back and forth like they had been since the week after new years when she’s caught him off guard, his usual confidence wavering when he’s faced with those wide doe eyes and ruby smile, ash had roasted him for that later stuttering like a fuckin’ fool over a girl. and before long he’s in the car, cover of darkness overhead as he pulls up outside her house a quick text and moments later she’s making her way to the passenger seat, leaning over to open the door. the usual warm smile he’d have falters, sure he’s happy to see her, but heart still heavy with deception from his own family.

fez offering a smaller, more sombre smile as she climbs in, “ i know you said yo was fine but -- i know she you best friend since pre-school -- s’okay if you ain’t.” giving her the grace he wasn’t sure how to give himself.

Steve’s hands inch closer as they sit near one another. “Lexi,” he gave her a hint of a smile. “Anyone would be crazy not to miss you.” He wasn’t just feeding the girl a line or saying what he thought she wanted to hear. Robin had told him to be himself, part of being Steve Harrington was that he was romantic, that he actually said what he meant when it came to a girl he liked. “You wouldn’t think that I actually wouldn’t miss you, would you?”