#intrisic

“Uh wait. I mean, um. Señora de Alva, may I ask you something?” Elena sheepishly questioned, inwardly wondering if what she was about to say next was something that her cousin would decry as “wildly inappropriate especially about such a personal matter.”

Yet Elena forged ahead with her question. She wasn’t trying to seek private information or meddling, she was just worried about him.

Ever since their return from Cariza, she and Mateo had been staying up all night researching ancient Maruvian texts, counterspells and information that would be useful in their fight against the Delgados. Mateo had said that Ash was the most dangerous malvago he had ever seen, which meant that they had to create a whole new line of defense for their spells and other potential surprises that may be in store.

While the kind-hearted wizard usually spent most of his nights decoding scrolls and learning new potions and thus, always needed a few power naps throughout the day to keep his energy up, he seemed more exhausted than usual to Elena.

Not only exhausted, but his mannerisms while they worked together was also different than before. Instead of geeking out excitedly whenever he found a new spell or explaining how it would greatly benefit future magical endeavours and the difficulty it required, he would work silently and seriously. Gone was the glint of intellectual curiosity, replaced by an almost haunted look of intense concentration.

That concentration is what Elena was scared of.

She recognized that look for she had felt it herself when Shuriki first returned. The cold fear of what Shuriki’s presence meant along with the ceaseless image of her parent’s death drove her to distract herself by not focusing on Shuriki but on the present and what she could do to stop her. She refused to even think of Shuriki in present terms or even think of her as a real person until forced to confront her in person. Shuriki always loomed in the back of her mind and in her nightmares.

While she did not blame Mateo for not wanting to concentrate on whatever it was that was haunting him so, what worried her was that he didn’t tell her what it was.

One thing she had learned, learned from Mateo, in fact, was that even though she was the leader of Avalor, she did not have to act strong for him. He told her that it was normal to have fears and that it was important to tell your fears to someone rather than bottle them up pretending to be a perfect queen. That's the way to lose her true self. Secretly allowing fears to consume her heart, the ones whispering that she isn’t strong enough while smiling on the outside, pretty smiles of nonchalance.  

He had told her two years ago that he would be there for her “no matter what” and though she didn’t say it out loud at the time, she would be there for him no matter what.

And now, he was haunted by something, something she did not know and he wasn’t telling her and she didn’t want him to hide it from her and pretend he was fine. She did not want this small distance between them. Nor this larger physical distance since he had been visiting his home far more often to retrieve some scrolls that Alcazar left in his familial home.

“Uh well, this may not be my place, but Señora de Alva, has Mateo been less like himself to you? I mean, it’s just that when he has been at the palace, he seems so tired. I mean not a normal tired but like he has been awake from things other than studying? I-I mean.. I’m sorry. I’m not making much sense, am I?” Elena sighed in defeat at the end of her small ramble, unconsciously taking the chance to peek inside the house through the open door. There was no Mateo in the kitchen.

Rafa noticed the princess’ wistful glance at the kitchen and smiled softly. She gently took Elena’s arm and led her to the kitchen table where she brought out a set of wooden cups for some calming chamomile tea.

“You don’t have to do this.” Elena protested but Rafa waved her off.

“No, no I insist.” Rafa said, pouring tea for both of them before sitting down. She took Elena’s hands in her own, her hands still warm from the tea and looked deep into her eyes.

Elena couldn’t help but notice that Rafa’s eyes were so like Mateo. Not only in color but in the kindness that shone from them. Unexpectedly, Elena thought of the first time she had seen Mateo gazing at her from outside the amulet she had been trapped in. The first person to truly see her and in her chest, she instinctively felt that utter relief and hope as if that first meeting was seconds ago.

But that relief soured into a hollow pit in her stomach as she came back to reality, thinking of Mateo at the present with his tired, dimmed hazel eyes.

“I appreciate your concern for my son. I must admit when he first moved into the palace, I was concerned that he would not be as well cared for there as I would like him to be, but from the way Mateo talks about you and how you work with him, I see you not only care for him too but you understand him. Elena, what you two have is incredibly special. Such instinctive understanding between two people doesn’t happen everyday, nor does the amount of adventures and obstacles that you have battled through together. I know this may be an old woman’s view on you, but you are destined to work together as friends, partners and...maybe even more? I hope you don’t think I’m pushing anything but your bond is deep, Elena, and I hope you lean on it during times of trouble.”

Elena felt the tips of her ears grow red at Rafa’s praise and her neck flushed when the older woman got to the part about being “something more.”

Elena had only recently realized to herself that she was developing feelings for Mateo. Feelings far deeper than those she had for other friends. Mateo was one of the only people that she let go of her strong regal bearing. She felt at times that she knew all of him and he knew all of her. Their deep devotion to Avalor, their desire to help others, the wish to make Avalor a better place than they had left it. But she did not only care for their commonality which she had realized that they plenty. She also loved his character, the things that made him Mateo. His enthusiasm for all things magical, his instances of klutziness that only contrasted his absolute grace in dancing, his patience, his compassion..the list went on. Then the nights working together side by side only brought out these burgeoning feelings even more.

She could trust Mateo, be comforted by him and most of all, she felt complete next to him. There was nothing they couldn’t do together.

“Well I-It seems Mateo doesn’t want to lean on me during times of trouble.” Elena admitted, feeling surprisingly vulnerable at saying that idea out loud.

“I know what you mean. I’ve seen Mateo’s look recently. He hasn’t looked this way since...nevermind.” Rafa looked away for a moment, and Elena swore she could have seen the shine of threatening tears. This pause was promptly dismissed when Rafa focused her gaze back at her, leaving Elena with more questions but no words on how to voice them.

“I haven’t seen him look that way for a while, but I have not asked him about it. I think it has something to do with what happened in Cariza but he has been so busy working that-”

“I know.” Elena interrupted, “I know it has something to do with what happened in Cariza, but I don’t know what. If he’s worried about fighting Ash, I have been reminding him of his strength in fighting against Fiero. Twice. I know he’s strong enough to face her, but he just gives me that strained smile, and-”

“Then you should ask.” Rafa told her firmly. “He may want to keep this from you, but I think he will tell you. In all his years, you’re the only one he has opened up to so fully. I should know.”

Rafa rose from her chair, led Elena through the small house to an jarred door, indicating that Elena should go to the basement. “I’ll see you in an hour if you choose to stay, and please tell him to talk to me too. He may be a grown up now but he’s still my little boy.”

“Thank you, Señora de Alva.” Elena grasped Rafa’s hands gratefully.

“Please calm me, Rafa.” Rafa replied, opening the door to the basement even further and left the house.

Elena crept slowly and quietly down the stairs, making sure to listen for any sounds of Mateo’s light snore. She didn’t want to wake him up if by chance he was having a well-deserved rest.

She saw the back of his silhouette first. A familiar sight of him hunched over a spellbook. Any second now she expected him to turn around with that sweet, heartwarming smile of his but he stayed studiously reading.

“Mateo.” Elena said softly.

“Wha-what?” Mateo startled, flipping the book off the table.

“Sorry, hey, it’s just me. It’s just me.” Elena reached out to him and Mateo’s body instinctively relaxed except his eyes, his eyes remained worried as he looked at her.

“Hi,” Mateo repeated breathlessly, “Is everything okay? Do you need me for something?”

‘Everything’s fine. Pretty boring back at the palace, actually. I came here because I think you need something from me.”

Mateo looked at her, confusion plain on his face and a protest clearly about to pass his lips but she stopped him before he could begin.

“Mateo, I’m worried about you, and don’t say I shouldn’t be. I can’t help but notice that you’re different. So does your mom. You seem haunted by something and maybe it’s none of my business but I-I. Mateo you mean so much to me. You have given me strength and hope through all these awful events. Like on Dia de los Muertos two years ago. When I told you about the prophecy of darkness, it felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders because I knew whenever I felt that I was going to break down from the stress of it all, I could rely on you. I could tell you all of my deepest fears. All I want is to be able to do the same for you.”

“Elena..” Mateo faltered, averting his eyes to look at the floor.

“Please, Mateo.” Elena bit her lip to avoid the sob of unadulterated emotion that threatened to rise in her throat, sadness that he was still trying to hide from her, “I can’t say I know how you feel at the moment, but I think I can guess it. Remember when you said that to bottle up your emotions and pretend you were fine was a sure way to lose yourself? Mateo, I don’t want to lose you. If you are hurting I want to help you and if I can’t help, I will hurt alongside you so you won’t be alone. I will go to the ends of the Everrealm for you because I know you would do the same for me. Please let me help you.”

Mateo faced her again, his eyes brimming with unshed tears, “I don’t want you to be in pain for me.”

“I’m already in pain now that you’re hiding something from me. It’s like a distance between us and..and I don’t like it.” Elena said softly, wiping a tear from his soft cheek.

Mateo gripped her hand, keeping it on his cheek, “I-I.” He sucked a deep inhale, “I don’t like the distance between us either.”

Elena almost flung her arms around him in relief that he was about to talk to her about his feelings, and from the knowledge that he had disliked their distance too, but refrained with a small smile through the happy tears that were threatening to spill.

“I don’t think I can stop Ash.” Mateo admitted.

Elena brought both hands up to his cheeks and softly shook his head, gripping his velvety curls, “I told you, I have complete faith that you can fight Ash and her evil minions. I know she has more practice than you, but Mateo de Alva, if there is anything you have that she doesn’t, it is the magic of your pure heart. Love always triumphs over evil.”

Mateo chuckled under his breath at Elena’s impassioned response, leaning his head a little more into her hands, “Thank you, but that’s not it.”

He grew serious once more, the hollow look returned, plummeting Elena’s stomach.

“I-ever since..I. I’ve been having nightmares about what the Delgados were about to do to you. Those greedy monsters were going to sacrifice you for power and I was utterly helpless to stop it.” Mateo furiously wiped his tears, teeth clenching as he spoke.

“And the whole time I was stuck there in that cell, fearing that that was the last time I was going to see your face. I felt like my heart was ripped out.”

Elena’s heart went out to the poor boy, remembering how he angrily rattled the cell’s bars as he yelled at them that they wouldn’t succeed. Despite his defensive exclamation, that look of fear had been very much present as she turned back to look at him one more time.

Elena admitted only to herself that when she looked back at the Carizan cell, she had tried so hard to memorize Mateo’s face. His every curl and feature knowing that it may be her last time seeing him.

“I’m so sorry.” Elena said. In the days since that awful event, she had been having horrible nightmares of her helplessness during that sacrifice but not once had she stopped to think of how it must have felt for Mateo, that he was once again in sync with her, feeling helpless and desperate to stop what seemed the impossible.

“You shouldn’t be.” Mateo rushed to assure her, clasping his palms over hers, “That’s why I didn’t want to tell you. You were having all those nightmares about the sacrifice, I didn’t want to add to that. After all, you were the one in mortal danger, not me.”

“Hey, don’t say that.” Elena objected, “Your feelings matter just as much as mine. They matter to me.”

“I felt so helpless.” Mateo sniffed and Elena hugged him. Their bodies melded into each other with that comfortable, accustomed click that came with being together. It felt safe, it felt right, it felt like a space that only they could occupy and gain strength from.

Elena drew away from the lovely embrace to press her forehead into his, staring deeply into his hazel eyes, “I know a lot of things seem uncertain and scary right now, but I promise that no matter what darkness comes I will be there for you. I want to be your rock, your confidante, your supporter, all of it. I can’t imagine a life without you, it feels like a-”

“Like an intrinsic bond between us.” Mateo finished, a genuine smile finally spread across his face, “There’s something deeper between us, isn’t there?”

“Yes.” Elena whispered, a hair’s breadth away from kissing him. Their breath intermingling until Mateo closed the space between them.

Like the kiss, their bodies went onto autopilot, enjoying the thrill of its rightness and completeness in a space that was completely their own.