#im so dramatic

seeing ao3 go down for maintenance is like waving goodbye to a loved one as they sail away on a ship, unaware if they're about to crash into the iceberg this time or not

Btw im NOT pregnant yippie!!!!

you know after my whole RANT about missing irl parallel fics about pazzi, i’m reading this fic where paige is a handyman and azzi is a wnba player and the author ATE IT UP like i don’t have to try and picture paige because the way she’s written is SO paige. ugh im so happy

I feel like I'm going through a pre-grief for season 5, Idk it's weird cause I know it's the end of ST but it's also the end of a personal phase for me. I mean I started watching this show when I was 14 and I recently turned 24…WTF. Do you see what I'm talking about? ST has been a part of my life for a long time and I can't believe it's ending, it's sad and exciting at the same time. I know many people in this fandom share this same feeling. I can remember how I was in the closet when season 3 came out, I was so afraid of what my family and friends would think of me, but seeing Robin and Steve in that bathroom scene gave me the courage to come out to my own loved ones (everything turned out very well btw). ST was always there for me during hard times in my life, it was my comfort place, and my inspiration too in so many ways. Thanks to ST I made a lot of friends, created a blog here, made a lot of theories and analysis, went viral on tiktok (that was a very random moment lol), I WROTE MY FIRST NOVEL (I don't care if it's a byler fanfic it's the longest thing I've written in my life), and that's how I discovered my passion for writing. Now because of that I'm in my third year of university studying language and literature… I just can't believe it. I'm getting very emotional here, sorry. I go back to what I said at the beginning, the pre-grief. It's really hard to know that it will end, to leave all that behind and move on, to another stage. It gives me a little anxiety, I won't be here on tumblr as much for sure, maybe I'll stop writing byler fanfics (being honest that will never happen), we won't be waiting for another season anymore, we won't be analyzing trailers or episodes or whatever, I'm going to feel so lost, I don't know. I'm also going to miss the Byler nation/community, which I've had the privilege of watching grow over the years, seeing the work of so many people here. You guys are so talented, and this place feels like a safe home to me. Okay, this already seems like a goodbye letter, it is not. What I'm trying to say is that I'm going to try to enjoy the little bit of time we have left until Season 5 premieres, because I already know that from November 26th to January 1st I'm going to be crying buckets, I just know it. So I'll have fun even though it seems like I'm going crazy because of this ending. Although, if I'm going crazy, we could go crazy together, right?

i hate the word “grope” so much it triggers me so badly and legitimately makes me wna cry Lol