Empaths are always exhausted because they see through the masks people wear as if they aren’t even there. It takes a lot of energy always having to wonder why people don’t want to live in their truth.
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Empaths are always exhausted because they see through the masks people wear as if they aren’t even there. It takes a lot of energy always having to wonder why people don’t want to live in their truth.

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Hallo und herzlich willkommen auf meinem Block:
Das Leben und Juli
Ich bin Juli und 28 Jahre alt.
Eigentlich wollte ich schon immer einen Block schreiben, aber ich wusste nie worüber. Über mich, irgendwie, aber was?
Es war mir schon immer bewusst, dass ich irgendwie empfindsamer war als die meisten um mich herum. Jedenfalls die Menschen, mit denen ich enger zu tun hatte. Aber es gab keine Benennung, kein Wort dazu.
Jetzt weiß ich es endlich besser:
Ich bin Hochsensibel!
Das bedeutet in kurzer und verständlicher Form:
Alle Menschen haben einen „Wasserfilter“ im Kopf, der dafür sorgt, alle Informationen die in diesem Moment, in dieser Situation, unwichtig sind, auszuschalten und beiseite zu legen. Weil sie nicht relevant sind.
Hochsensibel haben diesen Filter nicht.
Wir nehmen zu jeder Sekunde und zu jedem Moment alles in unserer Umgebung wahr. Egal wie unwichtig sie für diese Situation ist. Wir nehmen alles intensiver und deutlicher wahr. Und wir können es nicht ausschalten.
Es ist manchmal ganz schön schwierig damit umzugehen. Und ich erlebe leider oft Altagssituation als zu stressig und zu fordernd.
Und darüber möchte ich hier Schreiber. In erster Linie nur für mich. Um meine Gedanken zu sortieren. Um meinen Kopf etwas freier zu machen.
Aber jeder, dem es ähnlich geht, der zu viel um sich rum wahrnimmt, der zu viel auf einmal fühlt, dem vielleicht Halt fehlt, der sich selbst noch finden muss, der sich alleine in dieser großen Welt fühlt, ist hier willkommen, zu lesen, zu hören, zu verstehen. Und sich mit seinen Gefühlen und Empfindungen nicht mehr so alleine zu fühlen.
Also herzlich willkommen auf meinem Block!
Non attachment is something I’ve been trying hard to grasp, and maybe one day master.
The emotional wiring that creates within us the overwhelming need to emotionally validate our actions and thoughts can be altered. Reading about polyvagal theory and doing Vagus nerve exercises has profoundly changed my mind, my viewpoint, and most of all, has helped me to work on stopping my masking behaviours.
Letting go without attachment applies to our thoughts: to the instinctual feeling we may have that forces us to internally assign a good or bad value to everything we do, say, and feel. If we can practice mindfulness in observing these valence checking behaviours, we can rewire our brains to let them go.
I wish that just for one day, I could turn off my hyper sensitivity and not sense every tiny nuance in people's attitudes. I wish that the only feelings I felt were my own.
“My sensitivity is my strength” I scream to the heavens as I cry and wish to be anybody else.

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Being neurodivergent is like my brain is written in Java Script and everyone else is written in HTML
No running, no chasing. Just being. You are you. I am me. We just meet. Sit, walk, talk, and we don't effort. EVER. Don't think. Don't plan. Don't care. We just exist together. @connectingwithsoul
Is this why I feel a sense of sanctuary at AA Meetings like no other place? Haven't encountered homophobia yet, but as I've learned from others, "if nobody gets on your nerves at a meeting, you just haven't been going to enough meetings." All are welcome, and where the hell else can you speak your mind and people at least are quiet enough to listen?
It's also very draining. I'm in extreme mental pain right now, and I seemto absorb and feel way too much, so sometimes I feel it's NOT good for me to go so much. My life is hanging by a thread, and I have nowhere else to go, and people have been kind to me there. I can't help it.
And a weird thing too. It's taking me a little to break through my isolation and low self esteem, so it hasn't been easy going to my AA group, but in ways I feel more at home there than at NA. In one way it's because of my queerness. At my AA group it feels like that doesn't have to matter and I can leave everything else at the door while I come in and focus on my self and experience. The NA group does have many more queer people, I think like 40% of the group I went to was such and while the rules are the same, I feel more almost pressured to make that part of my recovery. I do have some resentments regarding the gay community and how I've been incapable of forming relationships that aren't anything other than chaotic and painful.
Is this internalized homophobia? Have I been fucked up for so long, and not knowing who I am for so long, and having used "coming out" alcoholically, I still really don't? Have I snapped my own mind? Am I an empty, hungry ghost, unliving and hating it, with no energy to pick up tools for my liberation from this life, from this cruel, ravenous world?
IDK
WTF