#hqxreader

You were irresistible. You were heaven, and Hinata basically combined. It wasn't just about your well-known cute face but also for your personality. So it wasn't a surprise to have Torū Oikawa also fall for you, too.

His genuine attention was given to a few rare subjects—mainly volleyball, milk bread, and well...you. Was it really wrong for him to be persuaded by eyes that looked like they were handpicked by the gods themselves? Or finding himself heeding to every whim of yours with words that sounded like they were blissfully unaware of the sweetness stuck on them? Yes or no, Oikawa was whipped. Hard.

Now, Torū Oikawa is a man who is also found to be charming. He's got the looks, smarts, and body to be considered attractive. Because of that, he came to be used to flattery, the honeyed words of girls trying their hardest to receive even the slightest compliment from him. But you? You were different. You didn't outright flaunt your beauty, didn't beg for attention, you were yourself, and maybe that's why he fell in love. Fell in love with the way you never held back true kindness, and people still craved for it. The way you smiled—oh gosh—especially your smile.

He melts—not literally, of course—but if he could, he would whenever he sees that bright smile of yours. Every single time you flash even the smallest grin or let out the tiniest chuckle, his knees buckle. .

"Torū!" You call out, waving rapidly as you caught up to his large strides. It was a sight really, seeing the most popular boy in school freezing up at the mere sight of you. Everyone could understand, though. They couldn't fight the fact that they would react the same way, too. "You done with practice?"

His fingers carded through your hair as you wrapped your hands around his body. "I-uhm- yeah. I'm done. Wanna walk home together?" In that second, he thought that when you agreed, it would be the happiest moment he would have ever had in his entire lifetime.

But he's wrong. Maybe you would be the first person to give him so many happy experiences. For now, however? He just wants to bask in the glory of being the one to gather that many shining smiles from you.

(03/01)

This started out okay.  This was easy at first. I was blind to the absolute disaster this would be to my wellbeing, but... I still want it.  I still crave it.  ....Maybe. 

Click.

(03/03) 

Crying doesn’t help. I’m not externally shaking. There aren’t tears streaming down my face. But it doesn’t feel right to not let it be outward.  I can feel my heart pounding in my ears.  I can also feel their hands over my ears and eyes when that one sound got me to flinch and freak out. I can feel their fingertips pushing my hair behind my ear, and their palm on one of my cheeks with their lips oh so gingerly pressing the slightest on the other.  I can feel their breath on my neck, and their hand on my leg, brushing sweet, simple little circles right by my kneecap. I can feel their hugs, tight and warm and comfortable and nice.  I can feel their gaze linger, and the tears that were about shed all because of a cheesy little moment in a TV show. I can feel the vibrations of their voice from behind, and their grip wrapped around my upper arm and my waist.  But as much as I can feel, that fails to negate the fact that this is both the beginning and the end.  Things are never gonna be exactly the same, not unless years pass by first.  This is a whole new door, and the options are limited as to what happens next.  Plan as many dates as one can desire, but I’m not them. I don’t have control over their decisions, and I know that I have no right to be particular about what they do with their time.  So this shouldn’t sting so much.  ... It does.  Why does it sting so much?  Lack of affection from previous partners? Lack of safety? Understanding?  Is it me? Is romance that foreign of a concept?  My cynicism can only go on for so long.  I can only maintain the thought that love is something that isn’t important for so long. 

Click.

(03/07)

At least, in my book, my brain and heart shouldn’t mix. They shouldn’t combine, because if they do, something will happen that I know I’ll come to regret in the future.  I know I want this.  I know I want the fleetingly teasing touches, the gentle affection, the mutual respect, the comfort, the safe space in the form of people.  I know I want it.  I know that I find that fact hard.  I know that my heart is actively trying to shun that knowledge, and that my brain is trying to enforce it.  I never thought that I’d end up here, honestly. I thought that I’d be able to go through life with little worry in this regard. I thought that love would come, and that it would come when necessary, when some unknown force knew that it was time to push it unto me.  Is this the universe doing just that, or am I rushing it do that?

Click.

(03/12) 

I shouldn’t have done this. That door should never have opened, and I should have never even fathomed letting it materialize. Nothing good comes from pessimism, panic attacks, and persistence.  This should be good.  I know that, logically, this is good. I know that this has the potential to work.  I know that this was the stipulation. The catch-22. The deal with the metaphorical devil.  I knew that when I let this happen.  When they leave, what do I do? If they’re alone together, I can only accept that fact. That’s all there is to do.  I wish I could find the capacity to cry about this. 

Click.

(03/14) 

I’ve never been in love before this. Never really had a chance to, if I’m being honest. I‘ve always found it cheesy, and my focus was never directed towards something that “shallow”.  I’ve been questioning if it really is that shallow, now.  This whole deal has been good. Really, it has.  It’s nice, feeling like I’m appreciated as opposed to hearing it from the mouth of my mother, father, or family member. Even teachers, bosses, and coworkers can say it and it doesn’t hold as much meaning as the small actions and expressions they direct at me.  It only just now dawned on me that this is selfish.  I want to love, I want to be loved, and I want to share love.  Physical, emotional, mental - I want love to be a part of my life.  But they come first, that’s the end of this story. That’s all there is to it.  However, love is selfish by nature.  Someone wants someone else to themself, or to themselves.  They want that person or people to be there with them at all hours of the day.  They want to hold their hands, and press fluttering pecks to their pulse points.  And now, it’s in my grasp. It’s been in theirs, though, and now I feel awful for thinking about how wrong my thought process has been.  ...  I have a feeling that I need to calm down before this progresses any futher. That, or I need to up my anti-depressant prescription.  Whichever comes first, I guess.

Click. 

Slam.

Rustle. 

“I need to get some sleep.” 

- 

“Still, I’ve never been in love.

Is that something that I want?

Convince me I’m fine, 

I’m not losing my mind.

Maybe it’s just not for me. 

No! 

I don’t need L-O-V-E.

Maybe I’ll just wait and see.

Ushijima

Something was different. Ushijima could feel it.

He could feel it in the way his alarm woke him up in the morning, though he’d always woken up at six fifteen. He could feel it in the way he sat on the edge of his bed, rubbing his eyes until he felt awake enough to walk to the bathroom. He felt it in the way his favorite socks rolled onto his feet, the way his shoes felt hitting the asphalt on the way to the gym. He could feel it in the way he was walking, the way each foot hit the ground.

It was all the same, but at the same time, it felt so different.

Though he’d thought about it this morning, Ushijima never missed a day of working out, not even during off season. He woke up everyday at exactly six fifteen in the morning and arrived at the gym no later than seven o’clock. Any later and the gym would be packed with loud, obnoxious gym rats who always felt the need to start a conversation with him. He hated having to talk to them. He didn’t like conversations with random people generally, but when he was there to work out, he just wanted to work out and go back home.

As his fingers gripped the cold bar of the handle to the entrance of the gym, he checked the time. Seven o’clock on the dot. Everything was exactly as it should be, exactly as it had always been.

And yet, it felt so different.

Images from the night before kept creeping into his mind as they had been all morning. Perhaps that was what made the day feel off. Perhaps the physical memories of fingertips tracing along his skin was what made everything feel so different.

He wasn’t at all a heavy drinker. In fact, he didn’t really drink much in general, but last night was a special occasion. A very special occasion. So special that it was still affecting him the next day. Parts of the night seemed almost like a blur, almost like they didn’t happen and he began to think that he might have imagined it.

He looked down at his legs as he sat on the bench of his favorite machine. He was wearing shorts. He always wore shorts when he worked out. This time though, as he stared at the black nylon, he knew that under those shorts was all the proof he needed that he hadn’t imagined last night. He noticed it when he changed into his pajamas the night before. A small, purple mark, formed by lips he’d never felt on that part of him before, the reminder that last night most definitely happened.

With a heavy sigh, he shook his head and added weights to the bar before lying down to begin his first set.

Kageyama

Kageyama blushed at the thought of your underwear as he looked down at his phone. He remembered exactly how it looked as it slowly slipped down your legs, the light purple lace raising goosebumps on your skin before it was tossed to the floor. A quiet chill ran over his body which forced his eyes closed as he took a deep breath.

“Tobio Kageyama!” A loud voice called through the cafe.

Kageyama stepped over to the counter quickly and grabbed his carrot, apple, and celery juice before moving to an empty seat facing the window. Since he’d woken up, his thoughts hadn’t moved far from what took place last night.

It was your birthday yesterday and just like the previous three years, you celebrated it with Kageyama and Ushijima, your two closest friends. It was a regular night, a very normal night for the three of you, but at some point, things shifted and Kageyama couldn’t seem to understand when that happened.

He would be lying if he didn’t admit that he had always sort of had a thing for you. It was how you had initially met, afterall. And after a slightly botched first date, you both remained friends. Ushijima joined in a few weeks later and soon your little pack was complete.

Things would most certainly be different now. Something happened last night that ensured that things could never really go back to how they were before, but Kageyama wasn’t sure that he wanted them to.

Kageyama looked at himself through the reflection in the window. He didn’t look as tired as he felt. He felt drained, but his reflection showed a completely different feeling. He looked awake, bright, he even had a slight blush to his cheeks which only deepened as his mind, once again, drifted to the night before.

Was this the face that Ushijima was looking at? Were these the eyes that held his gaze so intensely before he leaned in closer? Kageyama had never seen that look in Ushijima’s eyes. In all the practices, all the games, all the nights out having fun, he’d never seen the intensity he had the night before and it was all Kageyama could think about.

You

Five hours and twenty-nine minutes. That’s how long it had been since you closed your apartment door after Ushijima and Kageyama left the night before. And for all five hours and twenty-nine minutes, you’d thought of nothing but them.

It wasn’t like you were short on things to be doing. The state of your apartment was quite disgusting and cleaning it had certainly taken up a lot of time, but it wasn’t doing anything as far as a mental distraction and that was what you desperately needed.

You were very familiar with Ushijima’s strict schedule and knew that he would be awake early regardless of the fact that he left your apartment at two o’clock in the morning. Why couldn’t he have just stayed? The thought of both of these men being the first thing you woke up to, your body sandwiched between theirs, Kageyama’s light fingertips tracing circles over your hip while warm air from Ushijima’s quiet breathing brushed over your neck. It was enough to keep you in bed just to dream about.

But they didn’t stay the night.

They both left early, possibly confused and needing time away. You certainly did. That is, until the feeling of your empty bed provided a perfect storm for your mind to race until the only thing you could think about was them being next to you.

It was a difficult situation because while you wanted to repeat last night, again and again, and you were fairly certain they did too, you really just missed your friends. Because who else did you tell your most amazing news to than your best friends? It became complicated when that amazing news was about your best friends. This was what led you to lie in your bed until an appropriate time to send an unrelated message to open up the floor for conversation. A tactic that usually worked any time two of you would fight.

Ushijima

The loud buzz of his phone had Ushijima setting his weights down again to check his messages.

Dinner. With you and Kageyama.

Ushijima stared down at the message. Everyone had read it, based on the little notification at the bottom, everyone saw it, but no one said anything. Did that mean Kageyama didn’t want to see them? What if it was something Ushijima did? Maybe he took things too far and now Kageyama wasn’t going to talk to him anymore and he would lose his best friends.

Were they still only friends at this point?

Even if they never did anything like that again, they would still need to talk about it, right? Was Ushijima the only one that felt something worth talking about?

He set his phone down on the bench next to him and let out a heavy sigh, brushing his hands over his face. His hands were rough, and big and weren’t really gentle. Not like yours or Kageyama’s. Kageyama didn’t have small hands, but they felt more delicate than Ushijima’s. Softer even.

Ushijima’s mind filled with images of the night before. The way Kageyama’s hands delicately ran along your hip, the way they slowly slipped your t-shirt from your body, the way they tangled in your hair as he kissed you. His movements were always so tender, so gentle with the way he touched you.

Whatsmore, when Kageyama noticed him watching, he smiled lightly before moving those gentle fingers to Ushijima’s jaw, then neck, then chest. He’d never been touched so softly before. He had certainly had girlfriends but none of them brushed their fingertips along his skin in the way Kageyama did. Light, skimming grazes across his jaw had Ushijima swallowing hard. Call it a moment of weakness or whatever it was, but it took no thought for him to reach forward, grip the back of Kageyama’s neck and roughly push his lips to his. He knew it was rough. He was always too rough. But the way those gentle fingers moved from his cheek to his waist, he might have gotten even rougher.

Ushijima cringed as he gripped at the front of his hair before picking his towel up from next to him on the bench and twisting it in his hands. Maybe he had been too rough, too forward, and now Kageyama didn’t want anything to do with him. Would this ruin their friendship? What if it affected their teamwork? Would he really never speak to him again over a kiss? It was a lot more than a kiss, but he didn’t even want to think about it.

His attention was pulled as his phone vibrated on the bench next to him and he looked down to see what it was. A message in the group chat. Ushijima’s eyes quickly ran over the text and he smiled.

Kageyama

“Shit. Fuck. Shit.” Kageyama dropped his phone to the table and rubbed his forehead. The lady at the table next to him was with her young son and Kageyama quickly went red. “Sorry.”

It wasn’t like he didn’t want to meet you and Ushijima, but he was sure he needed more time to think about how he was feeling. The way you casually asked made it seem like last night was nothing to you. And then Ushijima didn’t even respond. Maybe he didn’t want to see him. Maybe last night only felt like something to Kageyama.

Kageyama always had a little something for you, but he never knew how to take it further and if he was being honest, he really did enjoy your friendship. But after last night, things wouldn’t be that easy to ignore anymore, not with you but especially not with Ushijima.

Kageyama was really taken by surprise when Ushijima kissed him. It wasn’t like they weren’t headed in that direction, the three of them were all in your bed, but it still took him by surprise. Perhaps the surprise was less to do with the fact that Ushijima did it and more to do with the fact that Kageyama liked it as much as he did.

They were teammates and had been friends for some time, but this was different. This wasn’t just teammates being teammates or friends being friends, this was so much more. Kageyama felt so much more than that. The way Ushijima grabbed Kageyama from on top of you and pulled him into his arms before crashing their lips together had Kageyama’s heart racing in the little cafe he was sitting in.

Thoughts of Ushijima possibly regretting what he did flooded Kageyama’s mind and he sat up quickly as he thought about it. What if Ushijima didn’t want to take things that far? It would be strange, but Ushijima was a strange guy. Kageyama always found him slightly difficult to read because his expressions were very baseline, never getting too excited in either direction. It was also entirely possible that Ushijima had been hiding feelings he might have had for Kageyama this whole time.

“Don’t be stupid.” Kageyama bit his lip, trying to hide the smile that was forming on his face. It wasn’t worth thinking about because whether Ushijima had feelings for Kageyama all along or not didn’t matter. What mattered was now and whether those feelings Ushijima had for Kageyama, matched Kageyama’s feelings for Ushijima.

You

It had been ten minutes since you moved from your spot in the shower. You were doing a great job being productive, but the peaceful, reflective place in the shower took that away immediately. You couldn’t get your head on straight. No matter what you did, the image of Kageyama tightly gripping the waistband of Ushijima’s jeans was burned onto the backs of your eyelids.

You were really hoping they didn’t notice how much you were staring, but even in the moment, it was impossible not to. They were beautiful. You knew them completely, totally, inside and out. You could predict what they would say, when they would say it, even how they would say it. Yet this was a side of them you had never seen before. And if you were being honest, you desperately wanted to see it again.

“God why do you have to be so creepy when you stare?” You covered your face as your cheeks began heating at the memory.

The night had definitely taken a turn from where you expected it to go. You knew you would be drinking, but you’d definitely been drunk with them before. Where exactly the night changed was difficult to figure out. After stumbling into your apartment with Kageyama and Ushijima, it didn’t take long for things to heat up.

The specifics were hazy, not that you were so drunk because neither one of you were all that far gone, but the haziness came from confusion. You were confused as to how it all started and you were so confused as to how it never happened before. One moment you were sitting on your couch, laughing with the guys, the next your lips were on Kageyama’s.

Luckily you realized what you had done and pulled away, but that was only briefly until Kageyama pulled you back in. You honestly had no idea how long you were kissing, but it was long enough for Ushijima to get up from the couch, preparing to leave. That didn’t happen though because as soon as he stood, you grabbed the collar of his shirt and kissed him.

“What a mess,” you mumbled to yourself, finally turning off the water.

Ushijima

Ushijima looked down at the photo with a small smile. It was the three of you from last night in the bar. Ushijima stood in between the two of you, his arms around your shoulders. He was always in between the two of you, but it was a place he enjoyed being. He felt comfortable there. The three faces in the photo smiled up at him. You were all smiling. Even Ushijima. He never really liked smiling in photos. Honestly, he never really smiled all that much in general, but there was something about you and Kageyama that always managed to bring the smile out for him. You were different from other people. You and Kageyama were special to him.

His eyes moved from his own smile to yours and then Kageyama’s. It occurred to him that Kageyama didn’t smile much at practice either. It was something about the three of you together that just worked. He noticed Kageyama’s hand resting on the back of his head in the photo and it forced a gasp from him which made him quickly turn to make sure no one heard. It was a feeling he knew now. A feeling that maybe he’d felt before, but now he could never forget.

The way Kageyama’s quiet breaths began coming out in whines, his gentle fingers gripping onto Ushijima’s hair as he pushed him further and further. Not only could he not forget, he didn’t want to. He loved the memory. More than the memory, he loved being with Kageyama in that way and that assured something in himself that he had been questioning all morning.

He was sure that he had feelings for you and feelings for Kageyama. And these feelings were not in the way they used to be.

Ushijima quickly saved the photo to his phone and grabbed his towel, ready to head back home to shower. Before he reached the gym doors, he pulled out his phone again, staring at the photo of the three of you. With a smile, he set the photo as his background image and headed home.

Kageyama

Kageyama did his best not to bump into the people passing him on the sidewalk as he looked down at his phone. They did look really happy in the photo. But that’s how they always were together, happy. Kageyama’s eyes wandered to his shoulder where he could see Ushijima’s hand resting comfortably and it immediately sent his mind to the night before.

Ushijima was bigger, taller, and heavier than Kageyama. Having his warm hands touching him felt better than he thought it would. Not that he’d ever thought about Ushijima in that way. It wasn’t that he never thought about it, it had come up a few times randomly, but their relationship wasn’t like that and Kageyama chalked the thought up to being stressed. Now though, he knew what it felt like and it was better than any of those thoughts.

It wasn’t just Ushijima’s touch either. Your touch felt amazing to him as well. You weren’t as big as Ushijima was but the contrast was nice. It was a complicated situation, one which none of you had talked about yet. Even though Kageyama was not the one who was inside you at all last night, there was a strange sense of satisfaction at seeing you with Ushijima. He actually enjoyed watching you both together, but not in the way that he wanted to see you both together without him. He wanted to be with you and he wanted to be with Ushijima. Both of you. Together. Making both of you feel good and seeing both of you happy.

You

Why you were standing in front of your mirror with, most likely, expired makeup and applying it with dirty brushes and old techniques was beyond you. Yet you really felt the urge to try hard tonight. It wasn’t like you never wore makeup, but you certainly didn’t go all out like you were now. It wasn’t even just the makeup either. You had pulled out several different outfits, hating all of them and even considered going out to buy a new one. All for literally one night. You knew why you were doing this though.

Ushijima had surprised you last night. Honestly, both of them had. But while Kags did surprise you, it was nothing like how Ushi did. You’d seen a lot of different sides to these guys over the years, but last night was a new one. Ushijima had always been the quiet one of the group, always following around you and Kags with whatever you wanted to do. He never complained, never really spoke up for the things he wanted, just always going along with you happily. Last night was not like that.

Last night, Ushijima had a quiet dominance. It wasn’t even dominance so much as confidence, like he knew what he wanted and was going to get it. The way he whispered in your ear, the way he pulled you into a kiss, the way he asked you to take off your jeans. You knew you wanted more. And you thought that somehow makeup and new clothes would help get you there.

Ushijima

It wasn’t like you never chatted privately, it just didn’t happen often. Not to mention the fact that the three of you all planned to meet. So it hung in Ushijima’s mind as to why Kageyama would message him privately.

He’d spent the last thirty minutes trying to find something that felt comfortable. Everything seemed to be off all day and even the clothing that he normally loved, wasn’t sitting right and Ushijima was annoyed. Kageyama asking him this random question only furthered his discomfort.

He glanced back down at his phone, half expecting Kageyama to explain why he was messaging privately, but he knew he wouldn’t. That wasn’t something Kageyama did. He said he’d explain, but Ushijima knew that after he got his answer, his incentive to answer Ushijima’s question was no longer there. It didn’t matter though, he was nearly at the restaurant at that point and he picked up his pace a bit.

Kageyama

Panic filled Kageyama’s body as he looked at the text. This was a normal reaction, right? You spontaneously have sex with your best friends the night before, unsure of your feelings and their feelings, and now you’re seeing them for the first time since then. This was panic, but it was a normal panic. An understandable panic.

He took a deep breath and swallowed heavily. Maybe he wasn’t panicking , but he was certainly nervous. He looked up from his phone and saw Ushijima rounding the corner. That’s when it hit him. Full-force, like a bat to his gut, the wind was forced from his lungs and he froze.

Last night may have been a spontaneous event, but Kagemaya now realized that he didn’t want it to be an isolated event. He didn’t want it to be an accident that only happened once and they never spoke about it until some time in the future when they were all in relationships with other people and they’d nearly forgotten that it ever happened at all. No. Maybe Kageyama didn’t plan last night, but it was most certainly not something he wanted to only happen once.

Upon seeing Ushijima, Kageyama realized that he wanted Ushijima in more ways than one and as Ushijima reached him, smiling a smile that not many people got to see, Kageyama grabbed his cheeks and pulled him in for a kiss. And not just any kiss. This was a deep, slow, romantic kiss that, for the briefest moment, made time stand still for the two of them.

You

That was strange. You did have a tendency to run a little late, but this time was nothing compared to usual. Sometimes you could be thirty minutes late without realizing it. Not the greatest habit, but you really couldn’t help it sometimes. This time, you’d been so nervous all day that you were only running a couple minutes late because you couldn’t find your shoe. Honestly, you were sure that Kageyama didn’t realize just how close to ‘about to leave’ you were. You might as well head down there and surprise them.

You stuffed your phone in your pocket and opened the front door. Ready to step out, you gasped as you were met with a wall of Kageyama and Ushijima in your doorway. Seriously, you weren’t that late. They had to come all the way up here to get you?

You were about to make a face at them for not believing you until your eyes made their way down to the space just in between the two men. In the small space between their bodies were their hands clasped tightly. Before you had the chance to say anything, Kageyama stepped into your apartment, pulling Ushijima with him. Just as he was about to walk past you, he stopped and leaned into you, whispering into your ear.

“We have a lot to talk about.”

so you kept it to yourself. all the sadness and frustration, the melancholy when you thought about how he used to almost come home running just to see your face. it was bottled up inside of you, and sometimes, only when you were sure to be alone, you let it all stream down your face.

it was your pain, not his, and you loved him enough to keep it quiet.

it was about 9.30pm when you got out of your burning hot shower, wiping the condensation from your mirror. but you avoided looking at your reflection for too long, knowing full well that the only thing you’d see would be your red and puffy eyes. it was frequent that you cried in the shower, letting the tears mix with the water as they streamed down your body.

you went to your wardrobe and put on one of sakusa’s t-shirts and black sweatpants. you used to love wearing his volleyball t-shirts, but now you carefully avoided them.

‘hey, is the match over?’ you texted before shoving your phone in your pocket and making your way to the kitchen.

one of the last things that sakusa and you still did together was eating dinner, and you held on to that as desperately as you could. so there you were, busying yourself behind the counter with some background music that gave you a fake sense of liveliness.

but the only thing you could focus on was how your phone stayed awfully silent. no answer, he had not even read your text. your fingertips turned white on the pan handle, like you were trying to distract your brain from the fact that you were this close to cry again. but you were exhausted, you spent your nights turning around in bed, obsessed by the fear of him ever leaving you. but at the same time, wouldn’t it be better? what did you still expect from the man who made it impossible for you to fall asleep without holding a pillow, just because it tricked your mind into thinking it was him? you just missed him so much.

you hated to admit it, but you almost leaped to your phone when you heard it vibrate on the table. he still had you wrapped around his finger, and you felt weak for that.

an hour ago but i stayed over for a bit.

you saw red when your eyes laid on his answer. your tears transformed into tears of anger as you threw your phone on the couch furiously. of course he had stayed over, because it was so much more entertaining than coming home to you, his number two priority.

dinner was still simmering in the pan when you went to sit on a chair, your elbows resting on the table as your fingers tangled in your hair. too busy contemplating your miserable state, you didn’t notice that your phone buzzed again. and the “but i’m home in two minutes” that he sent you was left unseen.

sakusa felt drained when he opened your front door, but the familiar noise of the latch made his shoulders relax instantly. he was always glad to come home after an exhausting match.

quietly, he took his jacket and shoes off before letting out a quiet yawn and heading to the kitchen, the only room that was lit.

“hi babe how-” he started but was cut short by the sight of you sobbing in your hands. “hey… hey, what’s going on? what happened?” he asked, kneeling beside you.

you couldn’t help but let out a sarcastic chuckle at his words. ‘you, omi. you happened’ you thought. slowly, he grabbed your hands in his to take them away your face. he already knew you were sobbing, but the look in your eyes made his worry triple in intensity. they were accusing, and he knew very well that it had something to do with him.

“you were not supposed to see that” you said, immediately taking your eyes off of his, “i’m usually better at hiding it”.

of course you knew that hearing this would hurt him. but how could you not want to hurt him just a little bit right now? was it selfish? probably, but you didn’t really care.

“what do you mean ‘usually’?” he asked, stroking your arm gently like you were made of glass. you bit the inside of your cheek before standing up from your chair and going back to the kitchen counter. sakusa was clever, he could guess on his own what you meant by ‘usually’.

you knew he had followed you to the kitchen, but you kept looking straight ahead, at least until he forced you to turn around and face him.

“i’m sorry. i should never have treated you the way i did lately... you really matter to me and i apologize for making you feel like you didn’t”, he said with a low voice, his thumb tracing the outline of your wet cheeks.

there were many things you had to say to him right now. but when you opened your mouth, the only thing that got out was a painful sob. he pulled you in for a hug so fast that you didn’t even realize it until you smelled his familiar perfume in the crook of his neck.

“this was the last time you cried without me knowing, understood?” he whispered against your ear as his arms crossed on the small of your back. “and i’m sorry that it wasn’t the first time…”

sakusa wanted nothing more than to make amends for all his mistakes right here and right now. however, he knew he’d have to do more than just want it.  but right now, as he felt your grip desperately tighten around his chest like you were afraid he’d disappear, he was ready to do everything in his power to make sure you’d never feel like that because of him ever again.