Genre: angst, angst, angst - more so the remiscent type of angst, and some super slight romance, and super slight vent fic
Pairing: Misc. X GN!Reader
Notes: This is what happens when I feel an oncoming panic attack and need to release whatever messed up stuff my brain is gonna form whether or not I like it.Â
Fair warning for this little thing here, though: this is not very story based, much rather like a random train of thought. It may also be a little unhinged, but what can one expect when dealing with something that they donât know how to navigate well in the slightest?Â
This is also semi-based around the song âLOVEâ by PEGGY, emphasis on semi-based. I was hopping between songs that I thought would be able to satiate my sense of despair and partial loathing, but that song was the kicker for this piece.Â
Below the cut.
(03/01)
This started out okay.Â
This was easy at first.
I was blind to the absolute disaster this would be to my wellbeing, but...
I still want it.Â
I still crave it.Â
....Maybe.Â
Click.
(03/03)Â
Crying doesnât help. Iâm not externally shaking. There arenât tears streaming down my face.
But it doesnât feel right to not let it be outward.Â
I can feel my heart pounding in my ears.Â
I can also feel their hands over my ears and eyes when that one sound got me to flinch and freak out. I can feel their fingertips pushing my hair behind my ear, and their palm on one of my cheeks with their lips oh so gingerly pressing the slightest on the other.Â
I can feel their breath on my neck, and their hand on my leg, brushing sweet, simple little circles right by my kneecap. I can feel their hugs, tight and warm and comfortable and nice.Â
I can feel their gaze linger, and the tears that were about shed all because of a cheesy little moment in a TV show. I can feel the vibrations of their voice from behind, and their grip wrapped around my upper arm and my waist.Â
But as much as I can feel, that fails to negate the fact that this is both the beginning and the end.Â
Things are never gonna be exactly the same, not unless years pass by first.Â
This is a whole new door, and the options are limited as to what happens next.Â
Plan as many dates as one can desire, but Iâm not them. I donât have control over their decisions, and I know that I have no right to be particular about what they do with their time.Â
So this shouldnât sting so much.Â
...
It does.Â
Why does it sting so much?Â
Lack of affection from previous partners? Lack of safety? Understanding?Â
Is it me? Is romance that foreign of a concept?Â
My cynicism can only go on for so long.Â
I can only maintain the thought that love is something that isnât important for so long.Â
Click.
(03/07)
At least, in my book, my brain and heart shouldnât mix. They shouldnât combine, because if they do, something will happen that I know Iâll come to regret in the future.Â
I know I want this.Â
I know I want the fleetingly teasing touches, the gentle affection, the mutual respect, the comfort, the safe space in the form of people.Â
I know I want it.Â
I know that I find that fact hard.Â
I know that my heart is actively trying to shun that knowledge, and that my brain is trying to enforce it.Â
I never thought that Iâd end up here, honestly. I thought that Iâd be able to go through life with little worry in this regard. I thought that love would come, and that it would come when necessary, when some unknown force knew that it was time to push it unto me.Â
Is this the universe doing just that, or am I rushing it do that?
Click.
(03/12)Â
I shouldnât have done this. That door should never have opened, and I should have never even fathomed letting it materialize. Nothing good comes from pessimism, panic attacks, and persistence.Â
This should be good.Â
I know that, logically, this is good. I know that this has the potential to work.Â
I know that this was the stipulation. The catch-22. The deal with the metaphorical devil.Â
I knew that when I let this happen.Â
When they leave, what do I do? If theyâre alone together, I can only accept that fact. Thatâs all there is to do.Â
I wish I could find the capacity to cry about this.Â
Click.
(03/14)Â
Iâve never been in love before this. Never really had a chance to, if Iâm being honest.
Iâve always found it cheesy, and my focus was never directed towards something that âshallowâ.Â
Iâve been questioning if it really is that shallow, now.Â
This whole deal has been good. Really, it has.Â
Itâs nice, feeling like Iâm appreciated as opposed to hearing it from the mouth of my mother, father, or family member. Even teachers, bosses, and coworkers can say it and it doesnât hold as much meaning as the small actions and expressions they direct at me.Â
It only just now dawned on me that this is selfish.Â
I want to love, I want to be loved, and I want to share love.Â
Physical, emotional, mental - I want love to be a part of my life.Â
But they come first, thatâs the end of this story. Thatâs all there is to it.Â
However, love is selfish by nature.Â
Someone wants someone else to themself, or to themselves.Â
They want that person or people to be there with them at all hours of the day.Â
They want to hold their hands, and press fluttering pecks to their pulse points.Â
And now, itâs in my grasp. Itâs been in theirs, though, and now I feel awful for thinking about how wrong my thought process has been.Â
...Â
I have a feeling that I need to calm down before this progresses any futher. That, or I need to up my anti-depressant prescription.Â
Whichever comes first, I guess.
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Request: Hi can I request a headcanon for Langa and Miya (aged up) from Sk8 the infinity. Please and thank you <3
Title:Â âFriends...?â - General Relationship HCs
Genre:Â lil floofy, lil comedic, m a y b e a lil bit suggestive (nothing extreme at all) and a lil bit romantic
Pairing: Langa Hasegawa/Miya Chinen (aged up) x GN!Reader (separate)Â
Notes:Â So, this is exciting! And quick, but I canât complain - I was wondering how I would get the new additions warmed into the other fandoms I write for.Â
Otherwise, to the requester, I wasnât sure what you wanted in particular, so I thought that Iâd just go with general headcanons for both - like friendship to relationship, and the ups and downs that come with both. I hope you donât mind!Â
That said, I hope you guys enjoy!Â
Below the cut!Â
Langa Hasegawa
okay soÂ
he is a bit of an enigma
keyword: a bit
it takes someone special to understand him
and weâve all seen how he is with Reki
so what more would it be to get along with Rekiâs excitable skater friend?
you two met purely by chance
you had gone to S one night, just to chill
you werenât necessarily there to compete, but if the chance required it, youâd do it
and then you saw Reki enter with Langa in tow
he had told you a fair amount about the new kid
but you didnât expect him to be like this
you expected someone a little more nerdy, to be honest
âhey! (Y/n), this is Langa. you remember the dude iâve been telling you about.â
âoh, i remember, of course. so, Langa, huh? iâm (L/n) (Y/n), but you can just call me (Y/n).âÂ
he only nodded, but you could tell that he was quite interested.Â
you are cute, he thought
but he was there for the skating
he didnât see much from you, as he had been hanging out with Reki, but when you got challenged to a beef by a random competitor that night
you had a fire lit in your eyes
and boy did you act on it
Langa and Reki were ubnable to take their eyes off you as you dodged, slid, and managed to bunt the challenger into a nearby rock just to win
the whole feat was insane
and Reki was ecstatic as he didnât get much of a chance to see you go hardÂ
but Langa?
yeah, that was the âahaâ moment
it was only a matter of time until he went to get attached to you
the rest of the night came by like a breeze, you even helping the guy you beat up and calling it good
but afterward is where things got a lottle bit crazier
after S that night, rather
you and Reki would be hanging out with Langa often, and even though you had to balance work and some school related topics
it worked out
and the many days that you guys had spent together paid off
in fact, there is one occasion that stood out to you
Adam had been going wild at S one night, and upon a whim, had challenged âSnowâÂ
you had no idea who it was until Reki gave Langa a lookÂ
it was one that he gave you when you did something stupid
and thatâs when you knew
the beef commenced, and Adam had put up his âbestâÂ
(translation: he manipulated what he could)Â
in the midst of said beef, the Love Hug was pulled
at first, Langa was at a disadvantage
you all thought that he was about to get obliterated, especially since Reki had nearly been killed not too long ago
but no
what happened shocked not only you, but the whole crowd
all eyes were on Langa as he dodged said move
and you could have sworn that the light in his eyes was completely new
âholy shit...â
a stunned silence surrounded the crowd
âhe dodged the Love Hug...â
at that point in particular, you saw something in him that you had never seen in anyone else up to that point
power
true power against the one individual that everyone feared (whether or not they wanted to admit it)
but it wasnât corrupt
it was pure
he didnât fly, like Adam perceived it, no
he was gliding
and it was glorious
the night went by after
and as soon as you got home, you stared at your ceiling
and everything came rushing back
he truly made skateboarding look like an art
and it was a gorgeous one
from that point forward, you two were almost attached at the hip
you and Reki had your days
but in your free time (in the case that it lined up with his), you would be hanging out with Langa
he had asked you a few questions on of these times
and the one that stood out the most was likely the most simple
âhave you ever dated anyone?â
âum...â
it was forward, really
and you hesitated, but...
ânot anyone, really. at least, I suppose.â
he watched you intently before you could continue
âthe best one was the one popular guy in kindergarten in the US. i was only there for a few months, and you know how childish that crap is...it really meant nothing.â
he quirked an eyebrow
his eyes were piercing to say the least
âso i guess...no one.â
âah...â
it became quiet, almost awkardly so
but what came about that night as well
holy shitÂ
âwell...would you...like to go on a...d...date with...me sometime?â
you both were the color of Rekiâs hair as he uttered that sentence
âheh, yeah...yeah, iâd-iâd like that.â
as he walked you home that night, the stars seemed brighter and the moon was glowing more than usual
the both of you were debating whether or not to do more than whatt you didÂ
but you both settled for the cliche of brushing your hands against the other personâs like they do in cheesy romance anime
you went to bed with the thought of him, and Langa vice versa
Reki was focusing on teaching Langa during this period, so in the times that he would stay after Reki would leave and you would stay by and help him further
youâd go out on late night runs to the nearby grocery store and get some ramen
those were what you considered to be your dates, and they happened so often that you two were already being suspected of dating by Kaoru, Miya, and Joe
(Reki was still a little clueless, but thatâs just another endearing part of him honestly)
it was only when Kaoru had pulled you aside at Joeâs restaurant with Joe on standby that you confirmed it
âhey, kid! so you and Langa, huh?â
âyou utter buffoon, we already discussed this-â
âitâs fine Kaoru, really. if you really wanna know, yes - we are dating.â
it may have been uncharacteristic, but Joe had his jaw on the floor
Kaoru had a shit-eating smirk on his face, though
âi told you, Kojiro.â
âokay, douche-âÂ
(i think we all know where the conversation went afterwards)
anyway, on one of the few nights that you didnât go to S and Reki had asked you to see him (this being one of the nights that he hadnât gone to S in a while)Â
(he had a falling out with Langa before this, you knew)
Joe and Miya were talking to Langa just as your two-month anniversary came upÂ
he seemed shaken
about you, Reki, S, everything really
and they could see that
but they thought that this would be a decently good distraction
and it seemed to work
but only after you had enough and dragged Reki to S one night
Langa and him reconciled, thank god
but now Langa had to organize for your anniversary
Reki had found out by now
and it was him who pushed Langa to it
âdude, they love you! theyâve never been this way with anyone, not with any of the people that theyâve had crushes on or anything! do what you want, but know that they donât care about that stuff!â
âbut, Reki-â
âLanga, just do it.â
so he did
and what he planned swept you off your feet
Kaoru had you help around his shop for the day, but knowing that you had this day to look forward to with Langa, let you off early
(mightâve been good to mention it before, but you worked at his calligraphy shop as a receptionist)Â
you already knew beforehand that formal wear was welcome
Joe was of course in on it, even setting aside a special little area in his restaurant on one of the off days
when Langa had come to pick you up, you were taken aback
you were both dressed up to the nines (as best as you could both do) and damn, he found you attractive
you found him just as, if not more, attractive in his light blue dress shirt and black tie
yes, there were candles with your favorite scent scattered in the safest places
yes, there was a vase with your favorite flowers in the middle of the table you two were sat at
yes, it was unbelievably cliche (again)Â
but it was special as neither of you had actually done anything more than hold hands and kiss each otherâs cheeks when you were parting ways
this?
this was different, though
there wasnât much music involved, honestly, but that didnât change anything about the night
it actually made the night a little better, considering the weather had decided to cooperate with you two
the sounds from the crickets outside were a little jarring, though
the night seemed to fly by, and it left you two a little upset
after the date, you both had been silent
it was amazing, truly, but the night still felt pretty young
you both decided to chill out at a convenience store
but of course, given the chance, you two did end up skating that night
and no, you did not do it in formal wear
lots of tricks were taught and watched, and lots of jokes were made
you even mimicked the positions of human emojis while skating in and out of Langaâs view just so you could get a chuckle out of him
a lot of words were also shared
as the night finally started to slow down, you two sat on the side of the rink
âdid you plan this, Langa?â
he cleared his throat and nodded
he was red
it really clashed with his hair
you smiled, he blushed even more, and the night just felt right
it didnât meet an end until you were walking with him on your way home
â(Y/n)? can i...can i do something?â
âhmm? whaddaya wanna do, Langa?â
â...can i...kiss...you?â
now you were flustered
he could have sworn he saw you rereading his words in a statement just standing there
ây-yeah, go for it.â
he gingerly brushed his hand against your jaw, tilting your head towards him lightly, and leaned in
and then it was magic
time froze, and it seemed like fireworks went off around the two of you
it was sweet, but a little more rough than either of you intended
and it may have gone on a little longer than either of you intended, as well
but damn-
best first kiss ever.Â
seriously
Langa did end up walking you home the rest of the way, and from then on a new habit came about
instead of the simple cheek kiss, there was a kiss on the lips waiting whenever you guys would see each other and depart for the day.Â
Miya Chinen
so lets consider Miya around...17? 18?Â
around Langa and Rekiâs age
so the funny thign about this isÂ
he was going from interview to interview and event to event
meaning he wasnât at school often
but he was at S often
and so were you
you attended almost every night, watching each beef go down
some of the results made you cringe, but you refused to leave
you still found the action of it so cool to watch and observe
and Miya was one of your favorites to watch
the way he moved was so precise yet so powerful and seemingly uncontrolled
it was truly intriguing
it wasnât until you got cornered by Adam that Miya was made aware of your existence
yeah, it took a whileÂ
either way, Adam started to persist - challenging you to a beef, then following that up with even more pressing after you denied itÂ
except it could be considered a tad bit more...touchy
if he actually managed to touch youÂ
Cherry and Miya had seen this go down
Cherry sent Miya to get you away, and Cherry would take care of the restÂ
but then you kicked Adam right where the sun doesnât shine and he fell to his kneesÂ
the crowd around you was taken aback
(frankly, so were Cherry and Miya)
but Miya was a little amazed
so he made it a goal to talk to you once the current beef was over
which he followed up on as soon as the winner was announced
âhey, i saw you earlier. nice kick.âÂ
âoh, uh...thanks.â
âiâm Miya.â
and everything was uphill from there
it didnât take long for you two to exchange numbers and bond over your favorite video games and skateboarding
from time to time, heâd invite you to the skate parkÂ
or the store that Langa and Reki work at
or even just skate beside you when walking to the gas station for a soda or some snacks
seriously, it was amazing to watch him so close upÂ
some of the tricks he did (some which he hadnât shown anyone) were so hard that you were questioning if heâd even land them
but then he did and you were faced with the constant visual reminder that he was an award winning skater
at some points, when you two were hanging out and playing video games
heâd throw a hissy fit when he lost
heâd try and blow it off, but then heâd go to the nearest bathroom and scream profanities at the top of his lungs
but then again, you did the same when you lost, too
you both got a laugh from it, thankfully
and it didnât help that the games you two played were both of your favorites
sometimes, when you didnât feel up to playing a few rounds, you would sit back and watch some random movies
i see Miya as someone who doesnât watch movies often, but when he does, heâd be a little picky about the content
nothing bad, it has to be good. iâm not wasting however many minutes on some crappy b-movie - like that, yâknow?Â
however, you sometimes chilled out and laughed at the filmed shitshows
laughing at it was fun
and he learned to find the stupid things and laugh
(even though he would still prefer the better movies, lol)Â
on nights when heâd attend S, youâd stay beside the little group that had formed and talk to Reki and Langa, sometimes popping a comment towards Joe or Cherry
but when youâd watch him, he tried to do his best
trust me when i say that he knew you were watching
but sometimes, when you werenât thereÂ
(again, you attended often, not every night)Â
he would get into beefs and wipe out horribly
Cherry would let you know when he would get hospitalized
and Miya would try to play it off as something smallÂ
(which made sense - he had an idea of how to land from many years of skating, after all)Â
but you would almost lose it
a couple times you were left in tears
you knew it was from a place of worry, and he did too
the thought left him a little flustered, though
he had never really reached out to others, especially someone that was a simple gray man in a crowd at S
not even a low-ranked skater, but a viewer.Â
it was new to him
but he had a feeling that you were cool when you fought back
and it didnât help that you were so kind and caring despite the fire in you
he truly knew that you were feisty
and he loved it, really
but he also loved your nice side
the side that, from observation, you didnât openly show oftenÂ
not even to your own family, oddly enough
it was a little unsettling, but he was honored to be one person to see you vulnerable
...-ish
it still felt nice either way
it wasnât until Joe had taken notice to his actions towards you
Cherry tried to keep him from prying, but even Langa was invested and Cherry was semi-ignored from that point forward
it was very obvious, especially when you wore a particular hoodie with some cat ears on the hoodÂ
it wasnât for any specific reason, you said
it wasnât meant to get closer to Miya, you said
you totally didnât mean to get bold and fluster the boy, you said
(if you canât tell, those were blatant lies)Â
(even Cherry groaned internally when he saw your triumphant smirk from the side)Â
(you really werenât slick)Â
but yeah, he was left speechless
you had even ironed a patch on the front pocket of a cat skateboarding
he was firetruck red after thatÂ
you left the park soon after
and Miya had been cornered not long after you left
âso, (Y/n), huh?â
and Miya crumbled
it was the usual,
âthey like you, tooâ
âyou canât keep this in forever, dudeâ
âat least ask them what would happenâ
âgo for it, big guyâ
and so
he didnât
he thought it through first
kid you not, it took almost a complete year for him to even develop the closeness to you that he had
much more to even consider asking you out
cuz heâd barely be there unless he was at S
and he knew that while he was there almost every night, you werenât and the perfect opportunity would be hard to find
he also didnât know if a stuffed animal, or chocolates, or flowers, or whatever was necessary
anything you liked was on the table to give you
he was so close to spending a good 100 bucks on you for a gigantic plushie
he didnât, but he wouldâve had Joe not saw him eyeing it by chance and gotten him to put it back
but the chance had to come up soon
cuz though it took a while, he had been planning on confessing and thought out what to say
(had to emphasize just how long it took - at least four more months before he got the confidence ngl)Â
but when he didÂ
oh boy-
it was so awkward
it wasnât even planned either
heâd tried to talk to you in private as the night at S was coming to an end and the big players were leaving (him included)Â
âhey! (Y/n)!â
of course you looked at himÂ
the whole crowd around you didÂ
but you responded either way
âwhatâs up?âÂ
he had gingerly reached for your hand as soon as he ran up to you
but he grabbed it eventually and took you to the skate park
(you busted in donât ask questions)Â
you both sat on one of the ramps, you kicking your legs and Miya messing with his hands
he cleared his throat...
prepared the words in his head...
and began
â(Y/n), i like you. and i wAnted to know if you would be willing to go on a, uh...dAte with me.âÂ
his voice had to crack
twice
you laughed - like snort laughed
he found it adorable, but you both knew heâd never say something like thatÂ
âyou dork! of course i would. i like you, too, after all.â
and the story begins...
i must say, chaos was inevitable
with everything that you guys are involved in, it was only bound to happen
especially with the crew
on the days where you all randomly go to the beach just to chill out, you end up running from Reki and Miya chasing you with water guns
you are armed, obviously, but their aim is insane
(you hid in a corner in a closed off area of a beach house that you had to climb a fence to enter)
(they still found you and got you, but there were no open cracks in the walls or anything)Â
(you still question how they even knew you were there - the shot came from the back)Â
either way, when you guys are tired, you and Miya usually stay later than the rest of them and walk to your friendâs house
they donât live too far away, and when you and Miya started dating, crashing their house when they werenât home was the next best thing
Shadow being himself, he was scared at one point when you two stayed back
then it became a habit until you got your license
on the days where you guys werenât doing anything, you were either playing video games in your room or he was teaching you how to skate in your driveway
or you were bothering Joe (and Cherry, when he was there) at his restaurantÂ
on the days where neither of you wanted to do anything, though, you just laid together
it didnât matter where, as long as you two were in private
that was more often than not when you guys were able to choose
those little adventures and chill days just transitioned into your dates
except for when your three month anniversary came up
Miya went all out, even got the team to help outÂ
(and they actually werenât insane - it shocked you)Â
(and Miya, but you didnât need to know that)
it was lit just enough to make the room seem a little more romantic
(favorite/flower) was in a vase set up in the center of the table
and the food was better than usual, there was even some dessert
(deemed a surprise for the couple by Joe)Â
either way, it surprised you
you had only been told that you had to wear something nice
but this?Â
it felt like you were underdressed for the occassion
âMiya, did you do this?âÂ
âmhm...i hope itâs not too much...â
you almost started crying as you reassured him that it wasnât
and of course, you both had to skate with everyone when you were done
it wasnât until after everyone left that the best thing of that night happened
the gate surrounding the ramps left a slight shadow on the concrete, courtesy of the moon
you were stood in the middle of one of the ramps watching Miya skate when your phone went off
it was only a simple text, but Miya heard the ping and jumped
when you had looked away, he was coming at you super quick
and then managed to knock you and himself over
(cliche, i know - just go with it)Â
he was on top of you, and turned bright red when he noticed your proximity to him
the only things that either of you could focus on were each others eyes and your lips
and after a few seconds of anticipation...
it happened.Â
it was a little awkward, but for being your guysâ first kiss?
Genre: a very angsty vent piece (that is one of two forewarnings), and a slight song-ficÂ
Pairing: Misc. X GN!Reader
Notes: I never really thought that I would result to doing this, but here we are!Â
Iâve been dealing with a lot of conflicting stuff lately, and I canât keep it in anymore. I donât feel comfortable enough to tell my friends this stuff, nor my parents - anyone, really.Â
The feeling of being fairly anonymous calms that just a little, so here goes nothing. This is based off the Hero and Villain song, âTrust Me Notâ, by Backseast Vagabond. If you want to, you can listen to it here.Â
And donât worry, I will get to the requests right after this. I just needed to clear my mind before finishing the pieces that were requested - they arenât forgotten.Â
Otherwise, this will deal with some intense topics, and some trauma-related aspects of relationships and such that I have experienced as well as suicidal ideation and extreme depictions of anxiety and anger.Â
Remember, if you do not feel comfortable reading this, please skip this piece. Please.Â
Below the cut.
âWhat are you doing, dear?â
Blank eyes, bags, and looking gaunt. Lovely.
âArenât you tired?â
Sniffling.Â
âGod, what are you doing here? I donât think that you were invited.â
Two different versions. Two different people. Of course, there was always two sides to a story.Â
âHere you go again, pretending that you love me....â
âWhen just beneath the surface, youâre convinced that youâre above me.âÂ
Two people. One on each shoulder.
They looked similar, save for the fact that they were polar opposites. One happy, one depressed. One stable, one unstable. One actually living, the other simply surviving.Â
The image stings.Â
âDig deep into the past, Iâve never been one for doing things half-assed - if Iâm here to save you, Iâll be here forever!â
No. No, no, no, no-
âJust take my hand, Iâll be your knight in shining armor!âÂ
I slammed my fist on the marbled counter.Â
Scene upon scene of the two of us flashed through my head, colors drained and atmosphere dull.Â
That used to be happy.Â
That used to be perfect.Â
What happened?Â
Was it ever perfect?Â
âYou think youâre a hero?â
Then the tears come. They sting too.
âAnd theyâll tell you, you are!â
And now sobbing. I love this, really, itâs great.
Itâs amazing feeling like shit, like you can never be happy. Itâs great being tired, itâs great running in circles and trying not to drive off the nearest bridge when going to your parentâs house.Â
Itâs great to be in a constant state of pain, and wondering if youâre leading them on.Â
They donât deserve it. They donât deserve me and my fucked-up-ness.Â
ââSo stoic and handsome,â and, âYouâve come so far!ââ
Great, now my hands are bruised.Â
Though, I guess I kind of deserve it. Especially after what I started, I deserve it.Â
Nothing more than an asshole and an idiot, doing what I did and what Iâm doing now.Â
How can I see their face again and still have the gall to embrace them?Â
Iâm starting to think that all Iâm good for is a good fling.Â
That seems like the only course of action that I can take without it hurting.Â
âYou think youâre villain, but I know youâre not!â
Really now?Â
Really now?Â
Iâm not a villain?Â
...
I donât believe it. I canât.Â
âUnder all that angst and anger is a beating, human heart.â
Not true.Â
âWhat about the lonely little girls?â
âIâm sorry!âÂ
Stop-
âWhat about her monsters who prevailed?â
âIâm sorry!âÂ
Stop, not this, please not this-
âYou never came to save my world-â
No-Â
âWhat about me?â
âWhat about us?â
âWhat about us?â...
What. About. Us?
WHAT ABOUT US?Â
You never came for me when I needed you most, you only decided to come at the worst possible times.Â
You claim that youâre here to make me happy, you claim that youâre here to make things easier and help me get better, but you donât! You never did! Youâve caused more harm than good more often than not! Youâve hurt me more than I could ever dream of hurting others!Â
And the worst part about it is that...youâre still me.Â
You are still me....
...Why do you have to be a part of me?
âI recognize that youâre upset, I know they did you wrong.â
âOh, you know nothing of me!â
âOh, you know nothing of me!â
I did it.Â
The mirror is now in shards, about a fifth of them lodged in my hand.
I couldnât hear the shatter. I could only hear them...
Them, that nasty little prick of a voice that makes me âhappyâ...
âBut trust me, please believe me - this wonât stop the hurt for long!âÂ
Lies.Â
Thatâs all they are, just lies.Â
...right?
âWe donât need to end like this! Look me in the eyes...â
âHere comes the hero complex....â
Oh, the hero complex, indeed...
Gotta love it, being so stupid that you donât even realize that youst head is shoved so far up your ass that you assume the red sheen over the world is your rose-colored glass when really itâs just the copious amount of feces clouding your vision.Â
âI may be a villain...â
âYou call yourself a villain...â
Am I the villain? Truly?
âBut youâre the one who lies.â
âBut we know itâs a disguise.â
Yeah, seems about right.Â
I really must be the villain by now.Â
Especially now.Â
âSo, youâre back at it again, twisting and manipulating every word Iâve said....â
Let me guess....
âCome on, you know thatâs not true - Iâm just trying to help you! Let me help you!â
âIâm trying to help you! Let me help you!â
Yeah, seems about right.Â
âYou are not my hero! You donât know how it felt...â
Hitting the nail on the head, really.Â
The pessimist in me has always been right, from what I could observe.Â
âWhat else could I do with the cards that Iâve been dealt?â
The first one, the next one, the third, fourth, fifth, sixth....
This may be the only good âcardâ that Iâve gotten.Â
âYou are not the villain! You once held my hand.â
....
I canât do this anymore.Â
âStand up. Get out.â
âSometimes things donât go as planned.â
I pulled my trembling body away from the mirror, blood dripping from my hands and tears staining my face. I was still struggling to breathe, and my heart was still racing.Â
But I canât do this anymore.Â
âNEW MESSAGE: Darling <3â˛
Delete.Â
I deleted the chat I had with them and proceeded to type out a long-winded response.Â
I didnât know what else I was to do in this scenario.Â
âHey.
âItâs pretty shitty of me to do this to you, as I donât know if Iâm really good for you. Iâm fucked up, youâre not - you donât need the baggage.Â
âThat, and I donât know how I feel about dating. I know I liked you at one point, but now....
âI donât know. I donât know what else to say.Â
âAt least, besides the fact that I canât deal with this pain, and stress, and I donât want you to carry my baggage.Â
âIâm gonna disappear for a while, but I donât want you to worry.
âIâll be in a better place then.â
I grabbed my car keys and checked my savings.Â
Getting the hell out of here would have never felt worse, really...but this needed to be done.Â
For directory (masterlist and request rules, etc.), go here.
Hey! So, this is a little unceremonious, but Iâm back. And I mean it this time.
I feel like I keep making up excuses to assure anyone that follows me and looks forward to my writing that Iâm still here and that anyone who has requested something will receive it, but thatâs just it. I donât want to keep making excuses, so Iâm going to try and regulate what I can so I donât lose track of it.
That said, some things have begun to change in my life - not just small things, no - and with them f i n a l l y coming to an end, I feel like I can confidently say that things will change.
My mental health was quickly and painfully getting worse - I wonât disclose why exactly, but I will say that it began to affect me physically and that became the breaking point - but I have found what I need to get a grip on it as best as I can.
Things that used to take up an excessive amount of my time are done (some for the time being), but I am currently looking for another source of income since my previous job was a primary reason for my mental health being so bad.
This has led to me looking at more of my favorite franchises, as well, since focusing on the same 4 or 5 (alternating, of course) wasnât really helping me creatively nor mentally.
Thus, I have decided to open up more options for requests! Considering my blog is called âFanfiction Dreamscapeâ, varying fandoms are open, so hereâs three more for you all!
Introducing....
Sk8: The Infinity,
Harry Potter,
and Danganronpa!Â
(God, thatâs a sight. Anyway-)
There arenât going to be many stipulations regarding the characters, but I will say this: These are going to be more particular with what can be requested since some of the properties above have weird age ranges and odd worldbuilding from time to time.
Regarding Sk8: The Infinity:
Some of the characters are stated to be explicitly gay/bi/pan, etc. (granted, I may just be looking in the wrong places), so this will be considered upon a request.
Certain characters are so far underage (Miya) that I will not even consider aging them up, much less acting upon anything (though I do have faith that this will not be an issue).
Characterization for some of these characters may be off at times
Regarding Harry Potter:
No Cursed Child. Any reasonable person would be able to see that it is trash and blatantly ignores the source material while itâs at it (doing itâs thing at the dumpster).
This has nothing to do with what [redacted] has said/done/etc.. This is purely fan work for a franchise that has been transferred to the fans themselves.
Not all characters will be available. If I wanted to include all of the characters, then I might as well open another blog strictly for Harry Potter, and that is just not possible with the amount of time that Iâm going to have to write.
Characters written will be written in various timelines - no one specific timeline is needed for requests.
Regarding Danganronpa:
All games (aside from âUltra Despair Girlsâ) will be available for requests, though not all characters will.
Characterization may be a bit off for characters that arenât focused on as much, but I will try to make sure that they are as accurate to the source material as possible.
NO - I will not write Hifumi, Hiyoko, or Teruteru. I will not state why, but Iâm going to be very forward about that now.
V3 characters are all still technically underage, though they are around 17 years of age. They are within an area that I will age them up, but nothing extremely explicit.
Not all âDanganronpa 3: The End of Hopeâs Peakâ characters are going to be available to request since I have only started to watch the series and frankly donât like I good portion of the newly introduced characters.Â
With that out of the way, hereâs whatâs going to happen with any future requests.
Requests: Â
They will stay limited. As of right now, I donât feel comfortable enough expanding the number of requests that I will take at a time. Either way, emergency requests will be available in all numbers - though they are still subject to change in the case that too many come in.
They will abide strictly by the rules that I have placed. This is pretty self explanatory. Iâll link my blog directory at the beginning and end of this post so you can access whichever set of rules (mobile or online) that you need.
Finally, hereâs what is currently being worked on. Current works are simply in the process (and most are all under my own advisory), so they donât have a strict date. Anything otherwise will be stated as such.
Current Works (Prompts included):
Alternate Endings (Pt. 2) - Victor Nikiforov x GN!Reader
Victor finds the note that Reader had left for him upon seeing him and Yuuri Katsuki together at a competition. They have claimed that they are happy for him and have come to terms with being apart, but Victor never realized just how much having his childhood friend by his side meant to him.
No specified date to publish
Where the Hell Am I? (Pt. 2) - Shota Aizawa x Reader
After getting a general run-down of the city Reader has just landed in, Dylan helps them get settled in. Upon finding a place to crash for the time being, Reader runs into a couple people who leave them starstruck. They also come bearing an offer and questions...
No specified date to publish
âWhat the Actual F*ck is Music Theory?â - Bakusquad x GN!Reader
Bakusquad (separate) have a crush on the Reader, and each one has a particular way of reaching the music-obsessed and highly talented classmate.
No specified date to publish
Partners in Crime (AU) - Black Butler (Ciel, Sebastian, Reapers) x Reader (Mostly platonic)
A series of shenanigans with the black butler characters based off of the tales of Sherlock Holmes (again, based off of - not replicas of).
No specified date to publish.
Tales from my Pillow (Stories) - Pillow ThoughtsÂ
A collection of prompts based on the poems in the poetry book titled âPillow Thoughtsâ by Courtney Peppernell.
No specified date to publish.
With all that done and ready, Iâd say that this is it for now. I do have two current requests that I am working on, and one of them is going to be published within the next day.
That should be it! Have a wonderful day/night/morning/whatever-tf (thatâs the laziness kicking in, not gonna lie) and I hope you donât think too low of me.
Directory can be found here!
SIDENOTE: My internet is being very weird, and I was hoping to post this in a couple days, but with everything happening like it is (again, regarding the internet connection), I have to post this now. Sorry about that!