#sk8theinfinityxreader

(03/01)

This started out okay.  This was easy at first. I was blind to the absolute disaster this would be to my wellbeing, but... I still want it.  I still crave it.  ....Maybe. 

Click.

(03/03) 

Crying doesn’t help. I’m not externally shaking. There aren’t tears streaming down my face. But it doesn’t feel right to not let it be outward.  I can feel my heart pounding in my ears.  I can also feel their hands over my ears and eyes when that one sound got me to flinch and freak out. I can feel their fingertips pushing my hair behind my ear, and their palm on one of my cheeks with their lips oh so gingerly pressing the slightest on the other.  I can feel their breath on my neck, and their hand on my leg, brushing sweet, simple little circles right by my kneecap. I can feel their hugs, tight and warm and comfortable and nice.  I can feel their gaze linger, and the tears that were about shed all because of a cheesy little moment in a TV show. I can feel the vibrations of their voice from behind, and their grip wrapped around my upper arm and my waist.  But as much as I can feel, that fails to negate the fact that this is both the beginning and the end.  Things are never gonna be exactly the same, not unless years pass by first.  This is a whole new door, and the options are limited as to what happens next.  Plan as many dates as one can desire, but I’m not them. I don’t have control over their decisions, and I know that I have no right to be particular about what they do with their time.  So this shouldn’t sting so much.  ... It does.  Why does it sting so much?  Lack of affection from previous partners? Lack of safety? Understanding?  Is it me? Is romance that foreign of a concept?  My cynicism can only go on for so long.  I can only maintain the thought that love is something that isn’t important for so long. 

Click.

(03/07)

At least, in my book, my brain and heart shouldn’t mix. They shouldn’t combine, because if they do, something will happen that I know I’ll come to regret in the future.  I know I want this.  I know I want the fleetingly teasing touches, the gentle affection, the mutual respect, the comfort, the safe space in the form of people.  I know I want it.  I know that I find that fact hard.  I know that my heart is actively trying to shun that knowledge, and that my brain is trying to enforce it.  I never thought that I’d end up here, honestly. I thought that I’d be able to go through life with little worry in this regard. I thought that love would come, and that it would come when necessary, when some unknown force knew that it was time to push it unto me.  Is this the universe doing just that, or am I rushing it do that?

Click.

(03/12) 

I shouldn’t have done this. That door should never have opened, and I should have never even fathomed letting it materialize. Nothing good comes from pessimism, panic attacks, and persistence.  This should be good.  I know that, logically, this is good. I know that this has the potential to work.  I know that this was the stipulation. The catch-22. The deal with the metaphorical devil.  I knew that when I let this happen.  When they leave, what do I do? If they’re alone together, I can only accept that fact. That’s all there is to do.  I wish I could find the capacity to cry about this. 

Click.

(03/14) 

I’ve never been in love before this. Never really had a chance to, if I’m being honest. I‘ve always found it cheesy, and my focus was never directed towards something that “shallow”.  I’ve been questioning if it really is that shallow, now.  This whole deal has been good. Really, it has.  It’s nice, feeling like I’m appreciated as opposed to hearing it from the mouth of my mother, father, or family member. Even teachers, bosses, and coworkers can say it and it doesn’t hold as much meaning as the small actions and expressions they direct at me.  It only just now dawned on me that this is selfish.  I want to love, I want to be loved, and I want to share love.  Physical, emotional, mental - I want love to be a part of my life.  But they come first, that’s the end of this story. That’s all there is to it.  However, love is selfish by nature.  Someone wants someone else to themself, or to themselves.  They want that person or people to be there with them at all hours of the day.  They want to hold their hands, and press fluttering pecks to their pulse points.  And now, it’s in my grasp. It’s been in theirs, though, and now I feel awful for thinking about how wrong my thought process has been.  ...  I have a feeling that I need to calm down before this progresses any futher. That, or I need to up my anti-depressant prescription.  Whichever comes first, I guess.

Click. 

Slam.

Rustle. 

“I need to get some sleep.” 

- 

“Still, I’ve never been in love.

Is that something that I want?

Convince me I’m fine, 

I’m not losing my mind.

Maybe it’s just not for me. 

No! 

I don’t need L-O-V-E.

Maybe I’ll just wait and see.

Langa Hasegawa

okay so 

he is a bit of an enigma

keyword: a bit

it takes someone special to understand him

and we’ve all seen how he is with Reki

so what more would it be to get along with Reki’s excitable skater friend?

you two met purely by chance

you had gone to S one night, just to chill

you weren’t necessarily there to compete, but if the chance required it, you’d do it

and then you saw Reki enter with Langa in tow

he had told you a fair amount about the new kid

but you didn’t expect him to be like this

you expected someone a little more nerdy, to be honest

“hey! (Y/n), this is Langa. you remember the dude i’ve been telling you about.”

“oh, i remember, of course. so, Langa, huh? i’m (L/n) (Y/n), but you can just call me (Y/n).” 

he only nodded, but you could tell that he was quite interested. 

you are cute, he thought

but he was there for the skating

he didn’t see much from you, as he had been hanging out with Reki, but when you got challenged to a beef by a random competitor that night

you had a fire lit in your eyes

and boy did you act on it

Langa and Reki were ubnable to take their eyes off you as you dodged, slid, and managed to bunt the challenger into a nearby rock just to win

the whole feat was insane

and Reki was ecstatic as he didn’t get much of a chance to see you go hard 

but Langa?

yeah, that was the ‘aha’ moment

it was only a matter of time until he went to get attached to you

the rest of the night came by like a breeze, you even helping the guy you beat up and calling it good

but afterward is where things got a lottle bit crazier

after S that night, rather

you and Reki would be hanging out with Langa often, and even though you had to balance work and some school related topics

it worked out

and the many days that you guys had spent together paid off

in fact, there is one occasion that stood out to you

Adam had been going wild at S one night, and upon a whim, had challenged ‘Snow’ 

you had no idea who it was until Reki gave Langa a look 

it was one that he gave you when you did something stupid

and that’s when you knew

the beef commenced, and Adam had put up his “best” 

(translation: he manipulated what he could) 

in the midst of said beef, the Love Hug was pulled

at first, Langa was at a disadvantage

you all thought that he was about to get obliterated, especially since Reki had nearly been killed not too long ago

but no

what happened shocked not only you, but the whole crowd

all eyes were on Langa as he dodged said move

and you could have sworn that the light in his eyes was completely new

“holy shit...”

a stunned silence surrounded the crowd

“he dodged the Love Hug...”

at that point in particular, you saw something in him that you had never seen in anyone else up to that point

power

true power against the one individual that everyone feared (whether or not they wanted to admit it)

but it wasn’t corrupt

it was pure

he didn’t fly, like Adam perceived it, no

he was gliding

and it was glorious

the night went by after

and as soon as you got home, you stared at your ceiling

and everything came rushing back

he truly made skateboarding look like an art

and it was a gorgeous one

from that point forward, you two were almost attached at the hip

you and Reki had your days

but in your free time (in the case that it lined up with his), you would be hanging out with Langa

he had asked you a few questions on of these times

and the one that stood out the most was likely the most simple

“have you ever dated anyone?”

“um...”

it was forward, really

and you hesitated, but...

“not anyone, really. at least, I suppose.”

he watched you intently before you could continue

“the best one was the one popular guy in kindergarten in the US. i was only there for a few months, and you know how childish that crap is...it really meant nothing.”

he quirked an eyebrow

his eyes were piercing to say the least

“so i guess...no one.”

“ah...”

it became quiet, almost awkardly so

but what came about that night as well

holy shit 

“well...would you...like to go on a...d...date with...me sometime?”

you both were the color of Reki’s hair as he uttered that sentence

“heh, yeah...yeah, i’d-i’d like that.”

as he walked you home that night, the stars seemed brighter and the moon was glowing more than usual

the both of you were debating whether or not to do more than whatt you did 

but you both settled for the cliche of brushing your hands against the other person’s like they do in cheesy romance anime

you went to bed with the thought of him, and Langa vice versa

Reki was focusing on teaching Langa during this period, so in the times that he would stay after Reki would leave and you would stay by and help him further

you’d go out on late night runs to the nearby grocery store and get some ramen

those were what you considered to be your dates, and they happened so often that you two were already being suspected of dating by Kaoru, Miya, and Joe

(Reki was still a little clueless, but that’s just another endearing part of him honestly)

it was only when Kaoru had pulled you aside at Joe’s restaurant with Joe on standby that you confirmed it

“hey, kid! so you and Langa, huh?”

“you utter buffoon, we already discussed this-”

“it’s fine Kaoru, really. if you really wanna know, yes - we are dating.”

it may have been uncharacteristic, but Joe had his jaw on the floor

Kaoru had a shit-eating smirk on his face, though

“i told you, Kojiro.”

“okay, douche-” 

(i think we all know where the conversation went afterwards)

anyway, on one of the few nights that you didn’t go to S and Reki had asked you to see him (this being one of the nights that he hadn’t gone to S in a while) 

(he had a falling out with Langa before this, you knew)

Joe and Miya were talking to Langa just as your two-month anniversary came up 

he seemed shaken

about you, Reki, S, everything really

and they could see that

but they thought that this would be a decently good distraction

and it seemed to work

but only after you had enough and dragged Reki to S one night

Langa and him reconciled, thank god

but now Langa had to organize for your anniversary

Reki had found out by now

and it was him who pushed Langa to it

“dude, they love you! they’ve never been this way with anyone, not with any of the people that they’ve had crushes on or anything! do what you want, but know that they don’t care about that stuff!”

“but, Reki-”

“Langa, just do it.”

so he did

and what he planned swept you off your feet

Kaoru had you help around his shop for the day, but knowing that you had this day to look forward to with Langa, let you off early

(might’ve been good to mention it before, but you worked at his calligraphy shop as a receptionist) 

you already knew beforehand that formal wear was welcome

Joe was of course in on it, even setting aside a special little area in his restaurant on one of the off days

when Langa had come to pick you up, you were taken aback

you were both dressed up to the nines (as best as you could both do) and damn, he found you attractive

you found him just as, if not more, attractive in his light blue dress shirt and black tie

yes, there were candles with your favorite scent scattered in the safest places

yes, there was a vase with your favorite flowers in the middle of the table you two were sat at

yes, it was unbelievably cliche (again) 

but it was special as neither of you had actually done anything more than hold hands and kiss each other’s cheeks when you were parting ways

this?

this was different, though

there wasn’t much music involved, honestly, but that didn’t change anything about the night

it actually made the night a little better, considering the weather had decided to cooperate with you two

the sounds from the crickets outside were a little jarring, though

the night seemed to fly by, and it left you two a little upset

after the date, you both had been silent

it was amazing, truly, but the night still felt pretty young

you both decided to chill out at a convenience store

but of course, given the chance, you two did end up skating that night

and no, you did not do it in formal wear

lots of tricks were taught and watched, and lots of jokes were made

you even mimicked the positions of human emojis while skating in and out of Langa’s view just so you could get a chuckle out of him

a lot of words were also shared

as the night finally started to slow down, you two sat on the side of the rink

“did you plan this, Langa?”

he cleared his throat and nodded

he was red

it really clashed with his hair

you smiled, he blushed even more, and the night just felt right

it didn’t meet an end until you were walking with him on your way home

“(Y/n)? can i...can i do something?”

“hmm? whaddaya wanna do, Langa?”

“...can i...kiss...you?”

now you were flustered

he could have sworn he saw you rereading his words in a statement just standing there

“y-yeah, go for it.”

he gingerly brushed his hand against your jaw, tilting your head towards him lightly, and leaned in

and then it was magic

time froze, and it seemed like fireworks went off around the two of you

it was sweet, but a little more rough than either of you intended

and it may have gone on a little longer than either of you intended, as well

but damn-

best first kiss ever. 

seriously

Langa did end up walking you home the rest of the way, and from then on a new habit came about

instead of the simple cheek kiss, there was a kiss on the lips waiting whenever you guys would see each other and depart for the day. 

Miya Chinen

so lets consider Miya around...17? 18? 

around Langa and Reki’s age

so the funny thign about this is 

he was going from interview to interview and event to event

meaning he wasn’t at school often

but he was at S often

and so were you

you attended almost every night, watching each beef go down

some of the results made you cringe, but you refused to leave

you still found the action of it so cool to watch and observe

and Miya was one of your favorites to watch

the way he moved was so precise yet so powerful and seemingly uncontrolled

it was truly intriguing

it wasn’t until you got cornered by Adam that Miya was made aware of your existence

yeah, it took a while 

either way, Adam started to persist - challenging you to a beef, then following that up with even more pressing after you denied it 

except it could be considered a tad bit more...touchy

if he actually managed to touch you 

Cherry and Miya had seen this go down

Cherry sent Miya to get you away, and Cherry would take care of the rest 

but then you kicked Adam right where the sun doesn’t shine and he fell to his knees 

the crowd around you was taken aback

(frankly, so were Cherry and Miya)

but Miya was a little amazed

so he made it a goal to talk to you once the current beef was over

which he followed up on as soon as the winner was announced

“hey, i saw you earlier. nice kick.” 

“oh, uh...thanks.”

“i’m Miya.”

and everything was uphill from there

it didn’t take long for you two to exchange numbers and bond over your favorite video games and skateboarding

from time to time, he’d invite you to the skate park 

or the store that Langa and Reki work at

or even just skate beside you when walking to the gas station for a soda or some snacks

seriously, it was amazing to watch him so close up 

some of the tricks he did (some which he hadn’t shown anyone) were so hard that you were questioning if he’d even land them

but then he did and you were faced with the constant visual reminder that he was an award winning skater

at some points, when you two were hanging out and playing video games

he’d throw a hissy fit when he lost

he’d try and blow it off, but then he’d go to the nearest bathroom and scream profanities at the top of his lungs

but then again, you did the same when you lost, too

you both got a laugh from it, thankfully

and it didn’t help that the games you two played were both of your favorites

sometimes, when you didn’t feel up to playing a few rounds, you would sit back and watch some random movies

i see Miya as someone who doesn’t watch movies often, but when he does, he’d be a little picky about the content

nothing bad, it has to be good. i’m not wasting however many minutes on some crappy b-movie - like that, y’know? 

however, you sometimes chilled out and laughed at the filmed shitshows

laughing at it was fun

and he learned to find the stupid things and laugh

(even though he would still prefer the better movies, lol) 

on nights when he’d attend S, you’d stay beside the little group that had formed and talk to Reki and Langa, sometimes popping a comment towards Joe or Cherry

but when you’d watch him, he tried to do his best

trust me when i say that he knew you were watching

but sometimes, when you weren’t there 

(again, you attended often, not every night) 

he would get into beefs and wipe out horribly

Cherry would let you know when he would get hospitalized

and Miya would try to play it off as something small 

(which made sense - he had an idea of how to land from many years of skating, after all) 

but you would almost lose it

a couple times you were left in tears

you knew it was from a place of worry, and he did too

the thought left him a little flustered, though

he had never really reached out to others, especially someone that was a simple gray man in a crowd at S

not even a low-ranked skater, but a viewer. 

it was new to him

but he had a feeling that you were cool when you fought back

and it didn’t help that you were so kind and caring despite the fire in you

he truly knew that you were feisty

and he loved it, really

but he also loved your nice side

the side that, from observation, you didn’t openly show often 

not even to your own family, oddly enough

it was a little unsettling, but he was honored to be one person to see you vulnerable

...-ish

it still felt nice either way

it wasn’t until Joe had taken notice to his actions towards you

Cherry tried to keep him from prying, but even Langa was invested and Cherry was semi-ignored from that point forward

it was very obvious, especially when you wore a particular hoodie with some cat ears on the hood 

it wasn’t for any specific reason, you said

it wasn’t meant to get closer to Miya, you said

you totally didn’t mean to get bold and fluster the boy, you said

(if you can’t tell, those were blatant lies) 

(even Cherry groaned internally when he saw your triumphant smirk from the side) 

(you really weren’t slick) 

but yeah, he was left speechless

you had even ironed a patch on the front pocket of a cat skateboarding

he was firetruck red after that 

you left the park soon after

and Miya had been cornered not long after you left

“so, (Y/n), huh?”

and Miya crumbled

it was the usual,

‘they like you, too’

‘you can’t keep this in forever, dude’

‘at least ask them what would happen’

‘go for it, big guy’

and so

he didn’t

he thought it through first

kid you not, it took almost a complete year for him to even develop the closeness to you that he had

much more to even consider asking you out

cuz he’d barely be there unless he was at S

and he knew that while he was there almost every night, you weren’t and the perfect opportunity would be hard to find

he also didn’t know if a stuffed animal, or chocolates, or flowers, or whatever was necessary

anything you liked was on the table to give you

he was so close to spending a good 100 bucks on you for a gigantic plushie

he didn’t, but he would’ve had Joe not saw him eyeing it by chance and gotten him to put it back

but the chance had to come up soon

cuz though it took a while, he had been planning on confessing and thought out what to say

(had to emphasize just how long it took - at least four more months before he got the confidence ngl) 

but when he did 

oh boy-

it was so awkward

it wasn’t even planned either

he’d tried to talk to you in private as the night at S was coming to an end and the big players were leaving (him included) 

“hey! (Y/n)!”

of course you looked at him 

the whole crowd around you did 

but you responded either way

“what’s up?” 

he had gingerly reached for your hand as soon as he ran up to you

but he grabbed it eventually and took you to the skate park

(you busted in don’t ask questions) 

you both sat on one of the ramps, you kicking your legs and Miya messing with his hands

he cleared his throat...

prepared the words in his head...

and began

“(Y/n), i like you. and i wAnted to know if you would be willing to go on a, uh...dAte with me.” 

his voice had to crack

twice

you laughed - like snort laughed

he found it adorable, but you both knew he’d never say something like that 

“you dork! of course i would. i like you, too, after all.”

and the story begins...

i must say, chaos was inevitable

with everything that you guys are involved in, it was only bound to happen

especially with the crew

on the days where you all randomly go to the beach just to chill out, you end up running from Reki and Miya chasing you with water guns

you are armed, obviously, but their aim is insane

(you hid in a corner in a closed off area of a beach house that you had to climb a fence to enter)

(they still found you and got you, but there were no open cracks in the walls or anything) 

(you still question how they even knew you were there - the shot came from the back) 

either way, when you guys are tired, you and Miya usually stay later than the rest of them and walk to your friend’s house

they don’t live too far away, and when you and Miya started dating, crashing their house when they weren’t home was the next best thing

Shadow being himself, he was scared at one point when you two stayed back

then it became a habit until you got your license

on the days where you guys weren’t doing anything, you were either playing video games in your room or he was teaching you how to skate in your driveway

or you were bothering Joe (and Cherry, when he was there) at his restaurant 

on the days where neither of you wanted to do anything, though, you just laid together

it didn’t matter where, as long as you two were in private

that was more often than not when you guys were able to choose

those little adventures and chill days just transitioned into your dates

except for when your three month anniversary came up

Miya went all out, even got the team to help out 

(and they actually weren’t insane - it shocked you) 

(and Miya, but you didn’t need to know that)

it was lit just enough to make the room seem a little more romantic

(favorite/flower) was in a vase set up in the center of the table

and the food was better than usual, there was even some dessert

(deemed a surprise for the couple by Joe) 

either way, it surprised you

you had only been told that you had to wear something nice

but this? 

it felt like you were underdressed for the occassion

“Miya, did you do this?” 

“mhm...i hope it’s not too much...”

you almost started crying as you reassured him that it wasn’t

and of course, you both had to skate with everyone when you were done

it wasn’t until after everyone left that the best thing of that night happened

the gate surrounding the ramps left a slight shadow on the concrete, courtesy of the moon

you were stood in the middle of one of the ramps watching Miya skate when your phone went off

it was only a simple text, but Miya heard the ping and jumped

when you had looked away, he was coming at you super quick

and then managed to knock you and himself over

(cliche, i know - just go with it) 

he was on top of you, and turned bright red when he noticed your proximity to him

the only things that either of you could focus on were each others eyes and your lips

and after a few seconds of anticipation...

it happened. 

it was a little awkward, but for being your guys’ first kiss?

“What are you doing, dear?”

Blank eyes, bags, and looking gaunt. Lovely.

“Aren’t you tired?”

Sniffling. 

“God, what are you doing here? I don’t think that you were invited.”

Two different versions. Two different people. Of course, there was always two sides to a story. 

“Here you go again, pretending that you love me....”

Crack, crack, crack - scratch, scratch, scratch - sniffle, sniffle, sniffle - look up! 

“When just beneath the surface, you’re convinced that you’re above me.” 

Two people. One on each shoulder.

They looked similar, save for the fact that they were polar opposites. One happy, one depressed. One stable, one unstable. One actually living, the other simply surviving. 

The image stings. 

“Dig deep into the past, I’ve never been one for doing things half-assed - if I’m here to save you, I’ll be here forever!”

No. No, no, no, no-

“Just take my hand, I’ll be your knight in shining armor!” 

I slammed my fist on the marbled counter. 

Scene upon scene of the two of us flashed through my head, colors drained and atmosphere dull. 

That used to be happy. 

That used to be perfect. 

What happened? 

Was it ever perfect? 

“You think you’re a hero?”

Then the tears come. They sting too.

“And they’ll tell you, you are!”

And now sobbing. I love this, really, it’s great.

It’s amazing feeling like shit, like you can never be happy. It’s great being tired, it’s great running in circles and trying not to drive off the nearest bridge when going to your parent’s house. 

It’s great to be in a constant state of pain, and wondering if you’re leading them on. 

They don’t deserve it. They don’t deserve me and my fucked-up-ness. 

“’So stoic and handsome,’ and, ‘You’ve come so far!’”

Great, now my hands are bruised. 

Though, I guess I kind of deserve it. Especially after what I started, I deserve it. 

Nothing more than an asshole and an idiot, doing what I did and what I’m doing now. 

How can I see their face again and still have the gall to embrace them? 

I’m starting to think that all I’m good for is a good fling. 

That seems like the only course of action that I can take without it hurting. 

“You think you’re villain, but I know you’re not!”

Really now? 

Really now? 

I’m not a villain? 

...

I don’t believe it. I can’t. 

“Under all that angst and anger is a beating, human heart.”

Not true. 

“What about the lonely little girls?”

“I’m sorry!” 

Stop-

“What about her monsters who prevailed?”

“I’m sorry!” 

Stop, not this, please not this-

“You never came to save my world-”

No- 

“What about me?”

“What about us?”

‘What about us?’...

What. About. Us?

WHAT ABOUT US? 

You never came for me when I needed you most, you only decided to come at the worst possible times. 

You claim that you’re here to make me happy, you claim that you’re here to make things easier and help me get better, but you don’t! You never did! You’ve caused more harm than good more often than not! You’ve hurt me more than I could ever dream of hurting others! 

And the worst part about it is that...you’re still me. 

You are still me....

...Why do you have to be a part of me?

“I recognize that you’re upset, I know they did you wrong.”

“Oh, you know nothing of me!”

“Oh, you know nothing of me!”

I did it. 

The mirror is now in shards, about a fifth of them lodged in my hand.

I couldn’t hear the shatter. I could only hear them...

Them, that nasty little prick of a voice that makes me ‘happy’...

“But trust me, please believe me - this won’t stop the hurt for long!” 

Lies. 

That’s all they are, just lies. 

...right?

“We don’t need to end like this! Look me in the eyes...”

“Here comes the hero complex....”

Oh, the hero complex, indeed...

Gotta love it, being so stupid that you don’t even realize that youst  head is shoved so far up your ass that you assume the red sheen over the world is your rose-colored glass when really it’s just the copious amount of feces clouding your vision. 

“I may be a villain...”

“You call yourself a villain...”

Am I the villain? Truly?

“But you’re the one who lies.”

“But we know it’s a disguise.”

Yeah, seems about right. 

I really must be the villain by now. 

Especially now. 

“So, you’re back at it again, twisting and manipulating every word I’ve said....”

Let me guess....

“Come on, you know that’s not true - I’m just trying to help you! Let me help you!”

‘I’m trying to help you! Let me help you!’

Yeah, seems about right. 

“You are not my hero! You don’t know how it felt...”

Hitting the nail on the head, really. 

The pessimist in me has always been right, from what I could observe. 

“What else could I do with the cards that I’ve been dealt?”

The first one, the next one, the third, fourth, fifth, sixth....

This may be the only good ‘card’ that I’ve gotten. 

“You are not the villain! You once held my hand.”

....

I can’t do this anymore. 

“Stand up. Get out.”

‘Sometimes things don’t go as planned.’

I pulled my trembling body away from the mirror, blood dripping from my hands and tears staining my face. I was still struggling to breathe, and my heart was still racing. 

But I can’t do this anymore. 

‘NEW MESSAGE: Darling <3′

Delete. 

I deleted the chat I had with them and proceeded to type out a long-winded response. 

I didn’t know what else I was to do in this scenario. 

‘Hey.

‘It’s pretty shitty of me to do this to you, as I don’t know if I’m really good for you. I’m fucked up, you’re not - you don’t need the baggage. 

‘That, and I don’t know how I feel about dating. I know I liked you at one point, but now....

‘I don’t know. I don’t know what else to say. 

‘At least, besides the fact that I can’t deal with this pain, and stress, and I don’t want you to carry my baggage. 

‘I’m gonna disappear for a while, but I don’t want you to worry.

‘I’ll be in a better place then.’

I grabbed my car keys and checked my savings. 

Getting the hell out of here would have never felt worse, really...but this needed to be done.