Breakfast: Oatbran with honey and cinnamon, black tea

Snack: 1 red capsicum, a soy flatwhite

Lunch: Gung-ho tofu soy box at Noodle Box (egg noodles aren't vegan! Next time I'll go with rice)

Dinner: 2 slices of ezekiel bread, one with avocado, lemon juice, and salt and pepper, the other with peanutbutter and honey

Dessert: 4 squares of dark chocolate with almonds, 1tbsp of apple sauce

I realise that honey isn't vegan, but maybe I'll be beegan? I LOVE HONEY TOO MUCH AND AM NOT READY TO PART WITH IT!!!!!!!!!

I am feeling freaking awesome today! And I want to share 3 new obsessions with you all. Here art they (or something...):

Coconut Oil- Oh my gossssssh, it is AMAZING! Seriously! I lathered my body in it before bed last night, and it was sooooo lovely. It smells incredible, and you only need to use a tiny bit for full coverage, so it's really good budghet-wise. Plus, my skin felts wonderfully soft and hydrated this morning, but not greasy at all! RESULT! I've been using it as a facial moisturiser and a lip balm too, and all is going well, so I might try it as a conditioner too. I may have just found my ultimate beauty product! Yay!!

Veganism- The more I read into the benefits of veganism, not only on personal health, but the health of the planet, the more I want to be a vegan! Everything just makes so much sense to me, but I am freaking out about what my family's response would be... I mean they let me go vegetarian when I was 12, so it shouldn't really be a problem... maybe I'll slowly ease into it and they won't even notice... hmm.

I listen to Bob Dylan every single morning on the way to school

I drink copious amounts of green tea

I currently look like an ogre/Quasimodo, because my eyes are all puffed up from wearing makeup (I am totally allergic!)

I really really REALLY love cats. I want 3: Bagush, Ginsberg, and Romeo

It is password protected so if you want to check it out just leave me a message (off anonymous please!)

xx

I overslept for the third day in a row! I wish my body would return to its normal, insomniac state. Jeez.

I read Wuthering Heights in the bath, but then the bath was lukewarm because our solar panels obviously haven't taken notice of the sunshine, so I went and read it on the front porch.

I ate waaaay too much peanutbutter today. But it is so good, I just can't help myself. I just had more (woops) on Ezekiel toast with a little honey and sliced banana... omg, amazing!!

I went for a nice long walk on the beach and there was this whale dancing for me on the horizon. I named him Frederick.

And I realised that I don't care if I have or not. I don't want to lose weight, I want to lose fat. If I am taut, toned, and, most importantly, healthy, then I will be one happy girly!

I've been clean eating (well, 95% of the time) for almost 3 weeks now, and I feel awesome. Now that I've started exercising too, I imagine this great feeling is only going to get better! Who cares if I weigh the same? As long as its muscle, and I am strong, then yay!

xx

Breakfast: 4tbsp oat bran cooked in water, served with honey and 1tbsp of peanutbutter, english breakfast tea sans milk

Snack: Green tea

Lunch: One Pan Brunch (egg, tomato, baby spinach, potato, onion, garlic, slice of sourdough bread), Soy hot chocolate

Don't get me wrong, I love them all dearly, but I can't help but feel a pang of jealousy whenever I'm with them.

At Chicago, one of the cast members said that her son had been to see the show and he had shown a great interest in my friend Ruby. Ruby just nodded, acting all nonchalant about it, as if it happened all the time... Which it does.

She has this X-Factor which just appeared one day, while I was still off on exchange in France. Seriously, when I left she was as awkward and embarrassing as me... when I returned she was Ruby! Sexy, flirty, X-Factor Ruby. Ruby, who gets complimented on everything from the way she wears her hair to her belly button ring. Ruby, with the million dollar smile and the long legs shown off in tiny shorts. Ruby, Ruby, Ruby, Ruby! She even has songs written about her...

Then there is Hannah.  Hannah is at ease with everybody, and is a total clown, so people love her enough already, and then there are her looks. She is a total goofball, and yet she walks around with this amazing gracefullness, her hair long and soft, her face worthy of a modeling career. Seriously, she is stunning, and the fact that she doesn't take notice of her own awe-inspiring beauty just makes her even more fabulous.

Aleesia is my best friend, and yes, I love her to bits, but again the jealousy strikes. It's made even worse in this case, because she has such a low sense of self-worth. Boys meet her and get all giddy inside and talk about how pretty and sweet she is... and yet she is in denial. She doesn't believe that she is beautiful. She has these wonderful curves that look fabulous in anything drawn in at the waist, and her beauty is exotic; high cheekbones, dark skin, green eyes... GAH! Why can't I be like that! And Aleesia is so quiet that she comes across as really kind (which she is 90% of the time!) and intelligent (she is!!!) A+ student, accomplished musician, church goer, and a total sweetheart. How an Earth am I meant to compete with that??

Fun Ruby, Relaxed Hannah, and Sweetheart Aleesia...and then there is me. I've never really been called beautiful. I've never had a guy fall head over heels in love with me. Or even crush on me. I am goofy like Hannah, wild (at times) like Ruby, and as informed about the world as Aleesia. But I am not confident. I don't find it easy to make small talk with strangers. I can't play piano and I certainly don't get A's at school. I'm crazy and funny and noisy around those I know well, and yet I am reserved and miserable and aloof with others. I am chubby, silly, extremely loud, extremely awkward Jess.

And I guess I'm okay with that. But surely I could teach myself to feel comfortable around new people? Surely I could learn to think before I speak, or to make people laugh with wit rather than gruesome faces (I can pull some horrendous heads)? Surely I could re-establish myself as awesome, sexy, funny, slender Jess?

I want to. And apparently if you want something enough, it happens.

xx