#hitting

i just need a quiet place to scream how i love you.

this isnt really about anyone specific, just my own feelings and like, wants. and its something thats been on my mind for awhile. i cant stress enough that its not about anyone but me, and i very much dont mean to hurt or like, attack anyone.

since leaving my ex, i have never felt so free to be me. to do what i enjoy. and to explore ideas and thoughts about my own sexuality.

yeah, i have weird kinks. yeah, i like being beat up. and since dumping my ex, ive been able to find a number of people who i've involved myself with in some form for another, and i very much love them all very dearly.

but i cant help but notice a recurring issue of me either being too much for people or not enough for people. maybe im being overly critical of myself. maybe not.

and while i love having weird sex and flirting. the one thing that ive been feeling for a LONG time is that i am fuckable, but not lovable. i dont mean like. that im an irredeemable unlovable cretin. but the way i was treated for. months. and my own observations about how overwhelming i can be, or how unsatisfying i can be... i was made to feel like an object, essentially told that outright, and me feeling like i fumbled on the more sentimental heartfelt side more often than not...

i just want to be someone's someone. i want to feel wanted, and wantable, in a romantic way. i want to be held and called theirs. nothing would make me happier.

Any other time, Sam would be irate, but, with Dean, stood looming over him- all leather boots and brute, sitting naked on the edge of a motel bed, he’s drunk off it.

Dean’s noticeably chubbing up in his jeans as he slaps Sam across the face with a whistle-fast backhand. Sam’s head’ll snap to the side from the blow, spittle flying and a deep moan tearing from his chest.

Dean’ll lean down and spit on that face, wet, cooling fast and gross. He’ll smear it in, wiping his slobber up Sam’s nose, into his eyelashes, his eyebrows and hairline. Sam’ll grunt, drunkenly chasing Dean’s rough palm across his face with slack, smack-numb lips.

He’ll pull back then, glowering down his own nose with a look of big-brother sadism. He’ll watch Sam’s cock bob and twitch under the glare, under the anticipation of more, when he gets the idea.

A punch, hard, winding and solid, direct to Sam’s abdomen. Big body jerking forward, curling around it with one of the loudest moans Dean’s ever heard from him.

He’ll punch again, even harder this time, barely letting Sam catch his breath from the first, and laugh at how the pre-cum dribbles and drools from his near-purple-with-arousal cock.

Dean spares a fleeting thought to the paper-walled, neighbouring rooms before deciding he simply doesn’t care. Let them hear; Sam’ll be horrified enough later for the both of them.

“Fuck- fuck- fuck- fuck-“ Sam babbles, reaching out and gripping at Dean’s forearm for respite, gasping for air. His jagged nails cut in and Dean watches quietly as Sam fights to stop his eyes from rolling back, from cumming untouched.

Dean likes to think he has a merciful streak- a trait Sam’s instilled in him over many a time and effort. So, with his free hand, Dean quickly pulls back and smacks Sam’s cock directly.

Sam screams as milky-white ropes shoot up from his tip, streaking the fist-shaped reds of his stomach, the bruising knuckles on the back of Dean’s hand, and just barely splattering atop his bare, heaving, sweat-slicked chest.

I sigh and rub my forehead before popping four more pills in my mouth, I swallow them with a swig of my whiskey bottle, im tired...

My beautiful daughter is out again, calling herself a boy, and dressing like a fuckboy, so stupid..., she explains to me "It's not a phase dad! I know who I am!"

I huff through my nose, transgender, please-, its just a fad, she doesn't know what being a woman feels like because she's never been treated like one

I hear the door close softly and I take another swig, she walks in, in those disgusting clothes, too baggy for her, she jumps when she sees me and stares in fear

"H-hey dad" she says softly and timidly, I snort and explain that a real man would never speak with such fear in his voice

She starts crying almost immediately and I scoff loudly, I get up and start walking towards her chuckling as she whimpers in fear

I stop in front of her and lift her chin up so she looks at me, she shakes in fear as I start lovingly stroking her cheek...before smacking her so hard she falls

She screams in pain and fear "DADDYYYY!!!", I groan as those words leave her precious lips, I decide to start my speech about how she's not trans, just confused because she's never been treated like a proper woman

Her eyes are leaking tears as bad as my cock is leaking precum, I grip her by the hair and drag her to my bedroom, mumbling about how I'm going to show her how a proper girl is fucked

She whimpers and curls up in a ball after I throw her on the bed, I take off my belt and whip her with it, she screams and starts trying to wiggle away before I give her a dirty look and order her to undress out of those tranny clothes

She cries more but listens, she takes off her baggy clothes slowly, still weak and sore from my beating, I start stroking my cock at the sight, she can't make eye contact but that's okay, I'll make her

Finally she's bare and vulnerable in front of me, in a fraction on a second I lunge at her, she screams as I have my hand around her throat, I forcefully spread her legs and she cries harder

I tell her to shut up and take it like the good girl I know she is, I don't give her any time to respond as I force my thick cock in her tiny, virgin pussy

She screams, moans, whines and cries at the mix of disgusting emotions she feels, I give her no time to adjust as I start thrusting as hard as I can, as I fuck her I whisper about how she'll be a good wife to me someday, how tight she is, how I knew she was a girl all along because no tranny can take cock this well

She whimpers as I give no warning before cumming inside and fucking it deeper, she cries and leaks my cum while I start getting dressed

I leave her there, all pathetic for me before telling her