#heradeity

She is Queen.

She is Mother.

This post is going to be a bit different. I could stick to writing about the customs we know of from a purely historical perspective, and while it would be informative, it wouldn’t reflect what I’ve actually been up to. Some of you might already know, but I’m getting married, so I approached this topic with the intent of seeing what I could do (and get away with).

So this post is going to be more about method and the practical challenges that come with doing the groundwork of adapting very old (and often outdated) traditions in a way that makes sense for our modern times.

I do have some disclaimers to make before I get started:

Most (if not all) of the literature around ancient Greek marriage is hetero-normative. However, this does NOT mean that marriage rites shouldn’t be adapted for queer marriages or that queer marriages can’t be done within Hellenic paganism. It’s our job as reconstructionists and revivalists to rework and adapt to our needs.

Similarly, this post is bound to mention or detail cult practices that are no longer in line with our modern sensibilities. I also want to make it clear that this post is not a tutorial. I’m not saying how things should be done, I’m only exposing elements that I consider reworkable and propose suggestions so that it can help others make their own research and decisions, with the level of historicity that they deem fit.

While the wedding customs from fifth century BC Athens are decently known, the ones from other cities and regions of Greece are much more obscure outside of anecdotal and fragmentary details (with the exception of Sparta). For this reason, the Athenian example is what I’ll be using as foundation. If you reconstruct practices from other areas of the Greek World, you might find something valuable in this article: The Greek Wedding Outside of Athens and Sparta: The Evidence from Ancient Texts by Katia Margariti.

Basic/simplified structure

The typical Athenian wedding would spread over three days, and be marked by several steps, some of which are listed below. Note that the order of these steps is not precisely known and might have been flexible:

Pre-wedding:

Decorating: korythale at the door, decoration of the nuptial bedroom

The Proteleia

Filling of the loutrophoros

Wedding day

Nuptial bath

Adornment of the bride

Wedding Feast

Hymenaios

Anakalypteria

Nymphagogia

Katachysmata

Day after

Epaulia

Gamelia

Final sacrifices

Some of these steps included specific customs and traditions, not all of which are reconstructible for various reasons.

Decorations

The korythale: the korythale was a sprig, usually from an olive tree (or laurel), which was placed at the groom’s door (and perhaps the bride’s too). The word in interpreted as deriving from “koros” and “thallein”, which would translate “youth-blossom”.

The korythale is very reminiscent of the eiresione, which was a similar kind of branch of laurel used during the Thargelia and/or the Pyanepsia that had apotropaic purposes. Athenian weddings included a procession from the bride’s home to the groom’s house, so the presence of the korythale at the doors would indicate that a wedding was taking place involving the decorated homes.

While I haven’t seen any one make this interpretation, I would still be tempted to argue that decorating the thresholds of houses has a similar protective and luck-bringing purpose than the eiresione, which was also hung above the door of Athenian houses.

The thalamos (nuptial bedroom): While there is no doubt the houses were properly decorated for the occasion, we have mention of special care given to the nuptial bedroom.

It’s important to understand that the procession from the bride’s house to the groom’s went up to the bedroom door, it was generally an important location and its preparation is seen represented on ancient pottery. Euripides mentions the adornment of the bed with fine fabrics, while Theocritus mentions the smell of myrrh (sacred to Aphrodite). There is also evidence that, in the Imperial period, the practice of hanging curtains to create a canopy above the bed was adopted, very likely from Egypt.

When it comes to adapting this today, it is pretty straightforward and there is plenty of room for personalization. The korythale could be challenging depending on how easily available olive or laurel are in your area. I would also argue that the custom could be more loosely adapted so that instead of being at the houses’ doors, it could take the form of a floral arrangement at the door of whatever venue you are using.

Proteleia

In short, the proteleia refers to sacrifices and offerings that would be made to various gods before the wedding. The exact timing of these is more or less unknown, but we have reasons to believe they could be done a day or a few days before the wedding, and perhaps also on the day of the wedding. These offerings were made independently by each family.

It is in this context that the offering of a lock of hair and of childhood items is best known for brides. The recipients of the offerings are varied: In Athens the most mentioned are the Nymphs and Artemis, but various sacrifices to Aphrodite, Hera, Athena and Zeus were also performed. In other parts of Greece, pre-nuptial customs often included sacrifices to local heroines. Plutarch, in the 2nd century AD (and therefore way after the focus of this post) mentions the main five nuptial deities to be Zeus Teleios, Hera Teleia, Aphrodite, Peitho and Artemis.

Today, I believe the exact choice of who to offer to and what to offer very much comes down to personal preferences and circumstances. While we assume that both families made prenuptial sacrifices, we know very little of the groom’s side of things, since the focus was on the bride, and the rite of passage aspect was not present for the groom in Ancient times. This is a gap that leaves room for modern innovation eg. including Apollon to either replace or accompany Artemis or choosing a group of deities that is more couple-centric rather than family-centric.

Personally, I have settled on Aphrodite, Hera and Artemis and have integrated a Spartan custom that includes the mother of the bride in the sacrifice to Aphrodite. Hera Teleia will receive a lock of my current hair, while Artemis will receive a lock of hair from my first haircut as a child (that my mother has kept all these years), alongside some other trinkets. The groom will honour Zeus Teleios in a passive way. And I will honour the Nymphs through the the rite I will explain next.

Nuptial baths

Both bride and groom had a ritual bath before the wedding. Its purpose was of cleansing and purificatory nature, and is consistent with other water-based pre-sacrifice purifications. What made the bride and groom's baths distinctive was their preparation. The bath water used to be drawn at a specific spring or river. At Athens, the water for bridal baths came from the Enneakrounos, the fountain house for the spring Kallirrhoe, but each city had its dedicated source. The water was carried in a special vase named the loutrophoros (bathcarrier) and the act of fetching the water and bringing it back to the homes constituted a procession. The loutrophoros was often given as offering to the altar of the Nymphs after the wedding. It was an important symbol of marriage, to the point that, if a woman died before being married, she would often be buried with a loutrophoros.

This will be more or less difficult to adapt depending on circumstances and environment, but the logic of a purifying bath (or shower even) can be kept (though I would discourage bathing in water you are not sure of the cleanliness of). The idea of having a specific vessel can also be kept. Personally, I plan to have a special vessel for some type of purified water, and while I may not bathe in it, I plan to sprinkle it and/or wash my hands with it.

Adornment of the bride (and groom)

Traditionally, the bride would have a nympheutria (which we could equate as a bridesmaid, but seems to have often been a female relative) charged of helping the bride get ready. I won’t get into the details of the clothing we know about, mostly because there seems to be a lot of variation, and because I consider this to be a very personal choice. However, we can note that both groom and bride were adorned with a wreath or a garland of plants that were considered to have powers appropriate for the occasion (sesame, mint, plants that were generally considered fertile or aphrodisiac). Perfume is also something attested for both bride and groom, especially the scent of myrrh. The bride would wear a crown, the stephane, which could be made out of metal or be vegetal (the stephane is now the object of its own crowning ceremony in Greek Orthodox weddings). The bride’s shoes were also particular for the event, and named nymphides. The bride’s veil was placed above the crown.

Hymenaios and Feast

I am grouping these two since they are linked. The feast was more or less the peak of the wedding ceremony and lively with music and dances, as Plutarch indicates (Moralia, [Quaest. conv.] 666f-67a):

But a wedding feast is given away by the loud cries of the Hymenaios and the torch and the pipes, things that Homer says are admired and watched even by women who stand at their doors.

The hymenaios was a sung hymn in honour of the couple and the wedding, and there were other songs that were specifically sung at weddings. However the hymenaios wasn’t only for the feast, these songs would be sung also during the processions. The hymenaios also had the purpose of ritually blessing the couple, a ritual that bore the name of makarismos.

As for the feast, it was obviously abundant with food and the prenuptial sacrifices provided the meat that would be served. There is otherwise very little difference with what a modern wedding feast would be like: food, drink, music and dance around which gathered friends and relatives of the couple. Like today, the wedding cake(s) was an important part of the celebration. It was called sesame and consisted of sesame seeds, ground and mixed with honey and formed into cakes to be shared with the guests.

Anakalypteria

Note that there is a bit of a debate around this step, which is the unveiling of the bride. Some believe the bride kept her face veiled until this part of the wedding, where her face would be uncovered for the groom to see. Others interpret this step the other way around, where the bride is then veiled as a result of being now married. The timing of the unveiling is also up for the debate. It might have been during the feast (at nightfall), or after once the couple was escorted to the bridal chamber. There doesn’t seem to be a clear consensus.

The concept of unveiling the bride is otherwise something that isn’t unknown to us as a modern audience. As with everything else, how to interpret and modernize it is up to personal preference.

Nymphagogia and Katachysmata

The nymphagogia aka the act of “leading the bride to her new home” took place at night, likely after the feast. It is at this point that the groom ritually led the bride to his home by taking her by the wrist in a ritual gesture known as χεῖρ’ ἐπὶ καρπῷ (cheir’ epi karpo). The relatives and friends of the couple formed a festive procession that accompanied them to their new home accompanied by music and songs. The mother of the bride led the procession carrying lit torches, while the groom’s mother awaited for the new couple in their home, also bearing lit torches.

Once there, the rite of the katachysmata would happen. The couple would be sat near the hearth and the guests would pour dried fruits, figs and nuts over the bride and groom as a way to incorporate them into the household and bless the union with prosperity and fertility. As part of this rite, the bride ate a fruit (either an apple, quince or pomegranate). It is only after this step that the couple would be escorted to the bridal chamber.

These two rites are tricky to adapt in a modern context because of how location-specific they are (and that’s not even taking into account the implications of having family escort you to your bedroom etc). My take would be that the katachysmata is not too far off from the custom of throwing rice/flowers at the couple after the ceremony, and could probably be incorporated as such. The torches could also be replaced by any source of light placed in a meaningful location, depending on the where the wedding is being held. The nymphagogia could also do with an update, the easiest of which could simply be holding hands while leaving the wedding ceremony.

The day after (Epaulia, Gamelia & sacrifice)

The epaulia refers to wedding gifts to the couple, which would be given the day following the ceremony. At this point, it is implied that the couple has consummated their marriage and are officially newly-weds. Pausanias informs us that the term “epaulia” (also?) refers to the gifts brought by the bride’s father in particular and included the dowry.

After the epaulia, the bride's incorporation into her husband's house was complete. This might have been when the groom held a feast for his phratria (aka direct family), as a way to conclude the wedding.

As for final sacrifices, the bride herself may have marked the end of her wedding by dedicating her loutrophoros at the sanctuary of Nymphe, south of the Acropolis.

The epaulia could be adapted, in modern terms, with having a registry. Should someone choose to have a specific vessel linked to the ritual bath today, it could very well be kept, dedicated to the Nymphs and used as a small shrine. Considering how symbolic the object is, there is also room for it to become a piece of family heirloom.

Final words

This is really only a small summary of what a wedding could have looked like, sprinkled with a few ideas of how to manage the gaps, discrepancies and limitations. As I said in my introductions, there are details I haven’t mentioned. Some of the customs detailed here have clear modern counterparts, but others don’t. I’d like to conclude by addressing these.

First, the ancient Greek (Athenian) wedding is completely devoid of priestly participation. It was entirely planned, organized and led by the two families. Religious responsibilities were entirely self-managed. I find this point important to remember because it makes it much more accessible than if modern Hellenic pagans had to seek out an external authority.

Some of you might have noticed the absence of wedding vows, at least in a formal form like the one we are used to in our modern days (derived from Christian and Jewish traditions), this is not an oversight, there simply were none that we know of. As a sidenote, I would also advise against turning a wedding vow into a formal oath. I’m still debating on what to do myself, but I’m leaning towards a religiously non-binding vow that won’t curse me should things go wrong.

Hera: make cornbread...

Me: why? why cornbread specifically.

Hera: make. cornbread.

Me: guess it's cornbread time

Okay this was sitting in my drafts for days now cause I forgot I’d started to answer it lmao.

I was recently reading some thesis and essays on her and her worship and her nature and she’s just- Gods the myths don’t showcase just how lovely she is. I’m just- she is the Woman, the protector of Women and Girls in all stages of life even tho most look at Artemis of Aphrodite- It is her that is-

Hera the Unmarried

Hera the Girl

Hera the Maiden

Hera the Betrothed Bride

Hera of Marriage

Hera the Grown Woman

Hera the Widow

I’m just- she’s the guardian of women. She was connected so very strongly to Womanhood because she was associated with ALL STAGES of a woman’s life. It’s something many these days associate with Aphrodite, but like- it was Hera who guards women in all aspects of life, even tho Artemis has the maidens and Aphrodite has their youth, along with some aspects of marriage- but Hera is marriage and women, and newly weds would make their first marriage sacrifices to Hera Teleia and Zeus Teleios (Married Hera and Married Zeus).

And in Cult Worship (not the myths, the Cult Worship, the actual way she was viewed and worshiped, not the story telling of the myths) she was worshiped most for womanhood, fertility (with people, animals, and plants alike), and childbearing, which I most commonly see given to Artemis (she does rule it, but Hera does too). Hera has a hand in childbearing as well! For the woman especially. Artemis I might say is more for the child, healing the mother and bringing the child forth, and Hera is the mother, she soothes the mother and helps her through it.

Prior to 6th century BCE she was worshiped more individually, but after it was mostly in association with Zeus, as the Divine Queen. And in that manner she is the Mother of All, she is the Queen. Much like how Zeus is the Father of All, the Divine King, the King Supreme, she is the Queen and Mother. She can be turned to in any stage of life, and you can know she’ll be there to help you. She stood for women, was not the cruel, jealous, and spiteful Goddess so many consider her to be, but a hand on yours, a hug, a comforting smile. She is the Queen, a Mother, and a Goddess of Women.

And she was even associated with military strength! And even wealth in some forms! In Argos she had a sanctuary and was worshiped for Motherhood, Military Strength, and Wealth. The Military Strength was as she is Queen, like Zeus she is prayed to in times of war (which those who read ATLOP may have noticed, she was part of Zeus’ prayer as they were commonly associated after 6th century BCE). And wealth comes from the cow herding, which brought in a fair bit of wealth and cows are her sacred animal.

It’s just... Hera is so lovely- such a wonderful queen- and so many just look at the surface of her myths without any understand of what they mean, what they say, what they show, without understanding they’re stories and not her.

She doesn’t take your bullshit. If you’re procrastinating, or putting off doing something important because you just don’t wanna, Hera will make sure you do it. 

She’s very motherly. She likes to fuss over her worshippers, and make sure that they’re safe, warm, comfortable, etc. Today, I had a ritual bath for her, and while I was meditating I kept getting the urge to get out. Turns out she was worried that I was going to overheat in the very warm bath, which was so lovely of her.

She’s incredibly protective of her devotees. If you’re dedicated to Hera, she will fight for you, tooth and nail. When I had an issue recently with a spirit, her and Set (another deity I worship) stopped the spirit immediately. She’s extremely loyal, but only if you pay her the respect she deserves (which heads up, is a hell of a lot. She’s the Queen of the Gods, and she knows how she should be treated). 

She’s extremely powerful. Hera walked right through the wards I had put up around my astral house. She may be written off as not very powerful, but she is Queen. Of. The. Gods. She has power and she knows how to use it. 

She’s nothing like the myths. Hera is not angry, or vengeful. She delivers the due justice that people deserve. If you disrespect her, you will feel her wrath. But if you’re kind, and respectful, and treat her well, you’ll have no problem. 

She’ll want you to get married. Boy, I should have seen this one coming. But Hera wants you to get married and start a family.

If she doesn’t like your partner, that could be an issue. Luckily, Hera likes my current partner. However if Hera doesn’t like your current partner if you have one, you may need to reconsider working with her, or look at your relationship. She wants what’s best for you, but you might not always agree on what that is. 

Her and Zeus are close. In fact, when I work with Hera, I can often feel Zeus along for the ride as well. 

Offerings offerings offerings! As I’ve said, Hera knows what she deserves, and she’s reminded of this at times when I’ve forgotten to give her adequate offerings. One thing I’ve found is that she’s a big fan of devotional acts as opposed to offerings, which is when you do an activity and dedicate to a god or goddess. For example, yesterday I played a board game with my family, for Hera, and today I had a ritual bath for her. As someone who is broke and a closeted witch, I can’t really give loads of offerings, but devotional acts seem to make her just as happy.

Dedicate some time to her. Leading on from my first point, spend some time with Hera for the gods’ sake. She wants to know you’re devoted to worshipping her. She’s not the type of goddess you can just pray to once and expect her to be raining down blessings on you left right and center.

The myth with Hephaestus paints an ugly picture, but as a person with disabilities, Hera has been nothing but understanding. I have severe mental health issues, including severe PTSD and psychosis, and this can make my worship difficult when there are days I can barely feed myself. However Hera has been lovely and so comforting during rough times, coming to me in dreams and when I’m meditating, and even just feeling her presence now feels me with a warmth that comes with motherly love. In short, Hera is a wonderful goddess, and I highly recommend reaching out to her if you have a calling to!

For the past few weeks, our prompts have been to write a fairytale, and to imagine a myth ending differently. For the latter, here’s a text one of our mods @lucinaofstarlight​ wrote, concerning the relationship between Hera and Heracles. 

TW for a vague mention of attempted sexual assault

Glory of Hera

After a moment of silence, as if the world was drawing breath, the battlefield was filled with loud cheers of joy as the Olympian gods celebrated their newly-fought victory over the giants. Heracles got an approving nod from Athena, who had fetched him to help with the battle: after all, a prophecy had stated that the gods could only win if they were aided by a mortal. And Heracles had been a great help indeed, having shot many giants with his arrows. The hero's confidence faltered slightly when he saw Hera approach him.

In the midst of battle, he had saved the Queen of the Gods from being attacked and assaulted by giant Porphyrion. The enemy had first been struck by a thunderbolt thrown by Hera's husband Zeus, and Heracles had then rushed to help by shooting Porphyrion with an arrow. No harm had come to Hera, who had then proceeded to fight as she had before. The goddess of motherhood and marriage was quite fierce when she wanted to be, as Heracles had experienced before. He was a brave and resourceful warrior, even now clad in the hide of the Nemean lion he had killed. But if there was something that made him feel nervous, it was being in the presence of the goddess who had caused many problems for him before. What was she thinking about right now?

“Thank you for saving my life”, Hera said, to Heracles' surprise. What confused him even more was her tone, which was actually genuinely grateful.

“Of course, my lady”, the man replied politely. Hera must have noticed the slight suspicion in his voice and demeanor, and chuckled.

“Has it not dawned on you yet, boy?” the queen asked, and proceeded to explain. “I don't hate you. All the obstacles I have thrown at you have been challenges for you to overcome.”

She glanced at her husband who was standing nearby, chatting with his beloved daughter Athena. Hera turned back to Heracles and continued:

“Zeus fathers children, I forge them into the heroes this world needs. In that sense, you are my son as much as you are his.”

Her tone was proud and royal but at the same time the look in her eyes was soft and approving. Heracles was confused and unsure what to think, but in the end supposed that this was a good thing.

“Geez”, he said, scratching his head embarrassed. “I guess that explains the meaning of my name and all.”

Hera's Glory. The goddess simply nodded and turned her head towards the night sky, where the stars were clearly visible now. There was the milky way, which had come to existence when Hera had nursed baby Heracles and he had sucked so strongly that milk had spilled across the sky. Her milk had also given Heracles his super strength. As he had been just an infant he himself didn't remember this event, but Hera did, and thought of that memory now.

I also think about his great relationships with both his step moms Hera AND Leto (Leto was originally one of Zeus’ official, recognized brides, you can’t take this away from me). The two love him and spend a fair amount of time with him, having a mutual affection between them.