#hell time

The wettest cat alive

He's so pathetic even his dad didn't want him. Failed to even drink himself to death and somehow ended up kidnapping a kid and now he's a fuckin dad??? He's just a kid he's like 17. He's blown up a meth lab have I mentioned that? He's blind in his right eye so yea the hair isn't a fashion statement. He lives off of chicken nuggets and he's so gay. Pathetic little guy gonna get kidnapped again?? Probably he's a cat boy that can't control when he cats but he will jump really high and hiss at you.

The saddest man alive how the fuck did he end up with 3 gay bfs??? Idk and neither does he he's fucking bi but noooo women are mean to himmmmm. His fault for flirting with everyone tho he's lucky his bfs see past his bullshit honestly. He can summon weapons at will and has been bullied out of being a murder and now he's a cop (he still murders bad guys look at him. He needs blood of the damned) but he's also a pathetic little man who is scared of the dark and will cry about it. His hair is a fashion statement. It's a bad one. He also can't live a day of his life without baked goods or he'll die. Oh yea did I mention he was born a blonde?

Would they get along? Yea they cannonically know each other Magnus thinks Elis' man boobs are a bench. Elis is so tired. So tired he doesn't even argue bc Magnus runs off the moment he sees Elis' kid.

okay, wow, previously i had just been using the 1 month= ten hell years equation for the cage as well, which puts michael and adam in the cage for around 1,200 years.

now that this has been brought to my attention i figured i would mathematically break it down:

(also feel free to correct me if i do this wrong because i'm not great at math, but i’m pretty sure i got this right)

so, there's 1,440 minutes in a day, we’re going to assume 5 earth minutes is equal too 1 cage week

in one earth day there is 288 sequences of 5 minutes, which would mean 288 cage weeks pass every 1 earth day.

288 weeks roughly converts to 5 years, so 1 earth day = 5 cage years.

365 earth days = 1,825 cage years

michael and adam stayed stuck there for 10 earth years.

10 earth years = 18,250 cage years.

The show tells us that Dean spent 40 years in hell (30 on the rack, 10 torturing others and turning demonic) and Sam's soul over a century (getting tortured by Lucifer in the Cage). Adam... Who the fuck knows. A lot. Maybe with torture, maybe not. Regardless, it does try to stick to the whole time moves faster in hell thing (sort of... I can think of a few exceptions).

However, the idea the Winchester's literally experienced time as these durations is absurd. Dean climbs out of his grave and remembers phone numbers, how to drive, and the date he went into hell. Sam isn't a vegetable. No way would they be remotely that capable of picking life back up where they left off unless you retcon it into something more metaphysical. And honestly, this one is kinda fun to retcon.

This was a gift for me and is a wonderful, gen coda to the latest episode that addresses the horrible gaffe the writers committed regarding canon yet again.