#heather warner

Fucking Lasagna [david/patrick, E, 1,118] by @this-is-not-nothing

It's Valentine's Day and there's lasagna.

i've got arms that long to hold you [david/patrick, G, 635] by @landofsonlali

sleepy cuddles and kisses and lots of love ❤️

take me to the ocean blue [david/patrick, T, 318] by @hullomoon

David enjoys looking at Patrick.

The night's not over [david/patrick, T, 408] by anonymous

If Jake was alone in his apartment that night.

Together, Always [david/patrick, E, 4,947] by @samwhambam

“Guess who texted me,” David said as he pulled the covers back on the bed. Patrick placed his book on the nightstand as he held his arm up to let David burrow in close to his side. “Who?” Patrick mouthed at David’s temple, pressing kiss after kiss into David’s skin. “Jake,” David announced. **What if Jake reached out to David and Patrick a few days after the party to hang out. Just the three of them. Slight spoilers for episode 6. But this takes place after the episode.

Top Five [david/patrick, E, 3,148] by @unfolded73

Post 6x06. Spoilers in the notes.

2021

a road that will never lead to rome [david/patrick, T, 3,109] by @wild-aloof-rebel

Patrick gives David the world.

Broken Trust [david & moira, M, 5,773] by @ladyflowdi

Time is an adult’s construct, so it may be the beginning of autumn, or October, or maybe December, when David gets sick.

Cameroon [gen, G, 300] by Rosey_Peach

Darling, Je Vous Aime Beaucoup [david/patrick, E, 6,784] by @noahreids

Not yet able to take the honeymoon they want, Patrick surprises David with a minimoon weekend in Montreal. David has a few surprises of his own.

Honeymooners and Spring Breakers [david/patrick, E, 8,000] by @reginahalliwell

David and Patrick book a few days at Temptation Resort Cancun for their honeymoon, but unfortunately their desire to take advantage of good deals means it falls during Spring Break.

Hot Springs And Northern Lights [david/patrick, E, 3,136] by LondonSpirit

Patrick's and David's Honeymoon in Iceland. That's it, that's the fic. Enjoy!

in the fading golden light [david/patrick, E, 7,564] by @swiftlythebest

A year after getting married David and Patrick are finally able to take a honeymoon. They venture out to a new Rosebud property and have a week of great sights, good food, and wonderful sex.

lean on me [david/patrick, G, 2,048] by budd

A stressful encounter with a less than polite customer at Rose Apothecary leaves Patrick on edge. #42: "just really needed a hug sort of hug"

Merry Christmas... Couldn’t Miss This One This Year [david/patrick, M, 39,059] by @theyallcomeframed

A story of missed opportunities loosely based around the Christmas song made famous by the Waitresses, "Christmas Wrapping."

nothing even compares... [david/patrick, M, 1,179] by @startswithhope

David and Patrick finally make it to Iceland for their long awaited Honeymoon and David's excited to visit as many hot springs and luxury spas as they can find. The secluded beauty that awaits them in their cabin and the prospect of seeing the Northern Lights together provides them with a more relaxing change of plans.

Patrick Brewer the Valentine's Troll [david/patrick, T] by @fortheloveofskz

Patrick trolling David on Valentine's Day with a series of ridiculous memes.

Snowed In [david/patrick, G, 1,382] by honeysuckle22

When Valentine's Day plans are miscommunicated, David, Patrick, and Alexis find themselves snowed in.

Stuck with Alexis [alexis & twyla, G, 2,059] by slimexpuppy

AU – During their time in Schitt’s Creek, Moira finds herself pregnant, much to her and Johnny's surprise. The little tyke, Charlotte (Lottie for short) is now just over 2 years old. Alexis loves telling anyone who could hear how cute her little sister is, but isn’t so keen when it comes to spending more than a few minutes with her at a time. She isn’t her daughter, after all.

Sunshine on the Water [david/patrick, T, 3,318] by @flowerfan2

It’s their honeymoon and everything is going swimmingly, at least until David discovers that even his unflappable husband gets nervous sometimes.

The Fourth Best Day Of My Life [david/patrick, E, 3,189] by @frizzlenox

“We’re having a spa day today. What do you think of your masseuse?” “He’s incredibly sexy. I’m not sure my husband would approve. Did he pay extra for a happy ending?” When David gets injured shortly before their honeymoon, Patrick is forced to reschedule their planned getaway and throw together a staycation. He decides to do a bit of role-playing, wanting to make up for a misunderstanding from their Wedding Day.

The Honeymoon [david/patrick, T, 11,333] by @maybewecandreamalittle

Season 7 Episode 1: The Honeymoon Just as David and Patrick are about to go on their honeymoon, a break in at the store ruins those plans and forces them to turn back around to Schitt's Creek. David handles it as well as you'd think. Meanwhile Alexis is in New York beginning her new job at Interflix with a slight snafu, Johnny is trying his best to influence future entrepreneurs, and Moira makes a new friend on set.

there are many ways to say i love you [david/patrick, G, 1,231] by fairmanor

“I just feel like – like I need to check something. Did you only tell me you loved me because that was what we were already talking about?” A Valentine's Day ficlet about love and love and love.

to love and be loved [david/patrick, G, 200] by budd

David brings Patrick breakfast in bed to celebrate their first Valentine's Day together in his apartment.

Valentine's Day [david/patrick, E, 2,116] by Rosey_Peach

What Dreams May Come [alexis/twyla, E, 1,540] by alchemise

A sexy dream becomes reality.

When I saw you there [alexis/twyla, G, 507] by mintybears

Post-canon. Alexis comes home, and it has an unexpected effect on Twyla.

2022

[art] this is not how I wanted to spend my night [gen, G, fanart] by @schitthappens

cardstock cutout of David Rose

Across the Hall [david/patrick, T, 2,797] by @stereopticons

“Fuck!” he shouts again. It’s not helping him get the door open, but it does make him feel better. The door to 7B opens and David’s neighbor pokes his head out. He’s dressed in pajamas, his hair rumpled and his eyes sleepy, and David finds it extremely annoying how much that look is doing for him. The neighbor—Peter or Paul or some P name that David couldn’t be bothered to remember—gives him a bemused smile. David gets locked out of his apartment. His neighbor offers to help.

all that you are [david/patrick, G, 317] by Thunder_Cakes

David can't answer those questions for Patrick. But this one? This one is easy.

Bee Mine [david/patrick, T, 3,344] by @goodiecornbread

David has been receiving anonymous Valentines every day. Does he have a secret admirer?

but it's golden [rachel/heather, T, 3,186] by @hullomoon

Rachel knew that going back to Schitt's Creek meant she'd see Heather again. What she didn't expect was spending the weekend with her.

Forever, Always [david/patrick, NR, 496] by @tyfinn

David and Patrick's first Valentine's Day

Higher Ground [david/patrick, E, 823] by Thunder_Cakes

Patrick worked to divorce his expectations of sex from gender, but some assumptions still stuck around. He’d always thought of being penetrated as the more vulnerable position. Until he sunk into David for the first time.

on a night like this [david/patrick, T, 3,352] by @dessertwaffles

Here’s the thing: Patrick has been doing magic since he was eight years old and it’s never backfired. His magic has always been very straightforward: he thinks hard about what he wants to happen and then it either happens or it doesn’t. There’s no in between. So, when they walk into their hotel room and David makes a face at the absurdly tiny beds and asks Patrick if there’s anything he can do about it, Patrick doesn’t hesitate. Or, David and Patrick attend an overnight conference and Patrick’s magic starts to go haywire. (a.k.a. the magical only one bed fic)

piste de résistance [david/patrick, M, 2,022] by @thesleepyskipper

David’s heart is beating out of his chest, thumping in a way he can feel throughout his entire body. He’s had panic attacks and experienced plenty of anxiety before, but he doesn’t think he’s ever been as nervous as he is right now. His fingers and toes feel numb. He can’t even blame it on the extreme cold temperatures, as they’re tucked inside warm (yet fashionable) boots and gloves, appropriate for standing outdoors in the winter for long periods of time. He's sporting the perfect "my boyfriend is an Olympian" look. It’s all a bit surreal, the way he finds himself here, not only almost enjoying being out in the cold, in nature and all for an extended time — but being at the Winter Olympic Games, watching his boyfriend ski in the men’s moguls competition, vying for a medal is certainly the craziest part of it all.

pomme de terre [david & stevie, G, 434] by @halfeatenmoon

"I love vendor trips when it's a vineyard in summer, or we get to sit in someone's barn and eat fresh baked brownies." "There's hot toddies and cheese in the barn afterwards." "David, even that can't save an expedition to pick onions in the snow."

Something Sweet [david/patrick, G, 833] by Rina

It's Valentine's Day and David has a plan for that.

Sweet Buns! [ted/miguel, T, 916] by @a-noble-dragon

Honestly, what did Mullens think he was doing trying to compete with the big boys? He had absolutely no chance against Miguel, who's advert had been running successfully for the past three years now, gaining him plenty of traction each time and expanding his ever growing client list. Please, what did cute little bunnies have, that he didn't?

threw out our cloaks and our daggers [patrick/rachel, M, 3,956] by @5ambreakdown

5 times patrick experiences a new home on his own, and one time he doesn't have to.

tights are something that can be so personal [alexis/twyla, E, 822] by @middyblue

For Valentine's Day, Twyla sends Alexis an album of a boudoir photoshoot she's done. Sexting happens.

To soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak [david/patrick, E, 146,793] by @beaiola

Pre-Schitt’s Creek canon-divergence. Despite the disaster with Barbara Streisand’s vocal coach, Alexis is not quite ready to give up on her singing dreams. Unfortunately, once word gets out, all the other industry professionals suddenly find their diaries full up and in desperation, Johnny turns to the local music school – and its owner, Patrick Brewer – for help. Meanwhile David Rose, disappointed at missing the cherry blossom season in Japan, and recovering from his latest romantic misfortune in New York, returns home to lie low for a few weeks. They don’t get off to the best start, but soon David can’t deny there’s something about his sister’s vocal coach.

to strengthen whilst one stands [david & alexis, T, 1,295] by @dinnfameron

“Take what?” Alexis overenunciates each word, immediately ready to go to battle. He isn’t going to let her off easy. “Don’t,” David says. “You stole my Zegna.” “Um, no? I didn’t.” “Don’t lie," David presses. "You’re a dirty little sneak thief, and you stole my cashmere hoodie. What else did you take?” OR One of David's sweaters is missing. He's mad at his sister until he isn't.

You gotta have... [david/patrick, T, 307] by @fictasticvoyage

Patrick sneaks up on David while he's folding laundry and listening to classic 80s George Michael.

Your Mariah Carey [david/patrick, T, 10,483] by @rosedavid

Even though this will be anonymous, he wants it to be personal. He assumes David will figure it out at some point, and he wants them to have more meaning than a random holiday cliché. Finally, it clicks. From: Your Mariah Carey OR Valentine's Day rolls around, and Patrick can't hide his feelings for his business partner any longer. Cue the secret admirer trope.

2023

Enchiladas [david/patrick, G, 1,796] by penna_nomen

When Alexis arranges for Moira to appear on a cooking show, Patrick and Stevie convince David to be her sous chef. Cue the wine. Written for the Candy Hearts Exchange.

endlessly [david/patrick, E, 7,.065] by @blackandwhiteandrose

David’s fingers are skimming along the inseam of Patrick’s dress pants when an incoming call from the funeral home lights up the dash display, startling them. David makes a move to answer it, but hesitates halfway to the screen. “It’s not my night. I specifically asked…” Patrick reaches to connect the call. He knows David had asked to not be on rotation, so it has to be something important.

Everything's Coming Up Rose [david/patrick, T, 1,668] by @rosedavid

Patrick meets David while they're shopping for Valentine's Day cards.

February 13th [patrick & stevie, T, 1,328] by @unbreakablejemmasimmons

“Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news when you’re already— like this— but we got a new shipment of inventory in and I think David might be at the store until pretty late. He wanted to get it all done before tomorrow, because—” “—because tomorrow you have sickeningly cute married couple plans for your sickeningly cute married couple holiday.” Does making homemade pizza and watching Julia Roberts movies count as sickeningly cute? Patrick supposes it does, but Stevie doesn’t need to know that.

Love Notes on David’s Nightstand [david/patrick, T, 225] by @fictasticvoyage

Patrick has to get to work earlier than David, so he leaves notes for him every morning.

Pretty Humiliating [david/patrick, T, 697] by @eponymiad

Stevie drags David for rejecting Patrick's offer during the embarrassing lice incident. David retaliates.

The Announcement [david/patrick, T, 956] by @wearpersistencewell

What if Patrick had proposed a week earlier, and David got to tell his family closer to how he planned? Closer.

2024

A Case of You [david/patrick, T, 1,896] by @wearpersistencewell

David and Patrick spend an evening with Albany and Ruth; David imparts some wisdom.

Grand Plans [david/patrick, T, 519] by @wearpersistencewell

David and Patrick go out for a romantic Valentine’s Day in Toronto. You can’t buy love, but can love buy a romantic dinner?

I Came Straight To You [david/patrick, t, 2,061] by @68henley

As the monthly open mic night approaches, Patrick searches for the perfect song. An evening with old friends helps him find one, one that explains just how he found his way to David.

What I’ve been waiting for all along [david/patrick, t, 2,207] by lesbiantism

5 times Patrick thought about marrying David and the 1 time he knew for sure

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