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got too nosy and just found out what i did last night!!
heres me embarrassing myself rq:
i kept calling my gf papi IN PUBLIC, got carried out of the party by said gf, FORGOT I SPOKE ENGLISH (gf doesnt speak spanish so she was cooked), fell asleep in the bath tub after throwing up, and cried myself to sleep last night bcz i luv my gf even tho she was right next to me.
safe to say, i had a time last night!
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“You must be fun to hang out with”
Yea sure *flashes back to the time I was at a party and I asked “where the hoes at” and the whole party collectively decided I should leave *
Having hangxiety when you didn’t black out and have nothing to be embarrassed about is like being a prophet but you only get visions of other, doomed timelines
Me when drinking:
Me the next 48 hrs:
everything hurts
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i wish the morning debrief didn’t have to happen because I kissed who? I slapped who? I danced on who? let’s not talk abt it actually
Had a fun night, now in bed waiting for the bad thoughts to come
my least favorite thing about alcohol is the way i forget.
drunkenness induces the deepest conversations and most honest answers, yet these moments are lost between my fourth and fifth glass of wine. the edges are blurred, making me question whether i imagined the intimate way he held my hand or if he looked me in the eyes before he left. i replay my tipsy nights. i wonder if i said anything embarrassing. in fact, i spend weeks with it in the back of mind - maybe i said something that pushed them away.
it’s just fuzzy enough to blame on me.
sometimes memories come back in flashes, like fireflies lighting up for a second before disappearing again. oh - did he say - now i can’t remember; it’s gone again.
i wish the loose lips didn’t come with a loose memory. i want to replay the feeling of your skin, but it gets harder to recall. i want to remember the name of your aunt, but that was our last conversation. too many gaps are filled by imagination.
it’s alcohol’s greatest allure and deepest tragedy; the loss of memory.
