#greenbeans

Earth: Are you ready to commit? Lunar: Like, a crime or a relationship?

Lunar: Cause your pretty and your smart, and your ignoring me so your obviously my type. Earth, who was distracted: I'm sorry- what were you saying? Lunar: Perfect.

Lunar: I am so cool. I am an absolute Chad. I am the epitome of coolness and awesomeness— Earth: Hi. Lunar: *melts down in a flustered heap of softness*

Earth: I think I'm falling for you. Lunar: Then get up.

Earth: Lunar, you love me, right? Lunar: Normally I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere I won’t like.

Lunar: I love you. Earth, not paying attention: What was that? Lunar: I said I’m selling you to the zOo-

Lunar: Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt. Earth: Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks I don't want to hear shit.

Lunar: Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl. Earth: Okay. Lunar: And make out during the scary parts. Earth: Th- Earth: The scary parts. Earth: Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Lunar: My hands are cold. Earth: Here, let me hold them. Lunar: My lips are cold too. Earth: *covers Lunar's mouth with their hand*

Lunar: Are we fighting or flirting? Earth: I'm pinning you against a wall with my hand around your neck- Lunar: Your point?

Lunar, talking about Earth: WHAT THE FUCK I WAS ARGUING WITH THEM AND I SAID “OOH YOU WANNA KISS ME SO BAD” AND GUESS WHAT? THEY DID. THEY KISSED ME. WHAT THE FUCK WHAT DO I DO.

Lunar: Talk dirty to me, baby~ Earth: The dishes. Lunar: Wh- Earth: They’ve been there for 4 days and it’s your turn to wash them. You still haven’t cleaned them and I have asked you to do so several times.

Lunar: Do you love me? Earth: We’re literally married. Lunar: Yeah, but as friends or—

Lunar: My future partner must be brave, strong, intelligent, successful and organized. Earth: *steps on a caterpillar and proceeds to drop to their knees and sob while apologizing profusely* Lunar: That one. I want that one.

Lunar: I don't know how to tell you this, but... I love you. Earth: That's great, Lunar. Especially considering the fact we've been married for 6 fucking years.

Earth: I like your new pants! Lunar: Thanks, they were 50% off! Earth: I’d like them better if they were 100% off. *winks* Lunar: The store can’t just give away clothes for free. Earth: Thats’s… not what I meant. Lunar: That’s a terrible way to run a business, Earth.

Lunar: I fell— Earth: From heaven? Lunar: No, I literally fell— Earth: In love with me the moment you saw me? Lunar: MY ARM IS BROKEN! Earth: Okay, but do you think I'm pretty? Be honest.

Lunar: We have a problem. Earth: No, YOU have a problem. I have an idiot who keeps making them.

Earth: Ugh, crushes are so dumb. Lunar: I know. Whenever I’m near the person I like I just start acting stupid. Earth: But you’re always acting stupid? Lunar: ... Lunar: Yeah, don’t think about that too hard.

Lunar: I truly go into housewife mode when I'm someone's soulmate- like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning. Earth: This is a lie. Earth: I'm literally dating them. This is a lie. Earth: THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE, WHAT IS THIS.

Earth: That was so hot, Lunar. Lunar: I literally called the person who just flirted with you a degenterate dog and told them I hope they get dragged through the streets. Earth: I'm so in love with you.

Earth: Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night? Lunar: It was autocorrect. Earth: Autocorrect wrote "You're so hot. Please step on me."? Lunar: Yes.

Earth: I want to be with you for the rest of my life. Lunar: Damn, that sounds like a marriage proposal. Earth, getting down on one knee: That's 'cause it is.

Earth: I was going to suggest we do Marilyn Monroe and JFK roleplay, but I’d get way too into it. Lunar: What- how? Earth: You’d be like “come to bed … Mr. President” and I’d be like, “I need to increase the amount of American military advisors in South Vietnam by a factor of 18.”

Earth: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine. Lunar: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again. Earth: O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns?? Lunar: Is it working?

Earth: *angrily presses Lunar against a wall* WHERE'S THE MONEY?! Lunar: ... Lunar: Are we about to kiss-

Lunar: So you like cats? Earth: Yeah. Lunar: *tries to impress them by slowly pushing a glass off the table*

Lunar, sweating: Earth, there’s something I need to ask you- Earth: Finally! You’re proposing! Lunar: How’d you know? Earth: Lunar, you’ve dropped the ring five times during dinner. Earth: I even picked it up once.

Earth: I’m proud to identify as morosexual. I’m attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively. Someone asked me what the Spanish word for "tortilla" was once, and now I dream of kissing them under the moonlight. Lunar: What kind of animal is the Pink Panther? Earth, already taking off their clothes: God, Lunar, you’re so fucking stupid.

Lunar: Goodnight to the love of my life, Earth, and fuck the rest of y'all.

Earth: Smart is attractive. Educate me on something I don't know! Lunar: The mouth of a jellyfish is also an anus. Earth: Stop.

Lunar: Pros and cons of dating me. Lunar: Pros. You'll be the cute one. Lunar: Cons. Holy shit, where do I begin-

Earth: You’re not jealous, are you? Lunar: No! Earth: Good, ‘cause I consider my fake relationship with you a lot more meaningful.

Lunar: Wow, Earth, you want to hold my hand before marriage? How awfully lewd of you. Earth: We literally slept together yesterday. Lunar: That's NOTHING compared to the lewdness of holding hands.

Lunar: Can you cut me some slack, Earth? I’m sort of in love. Earth: I’m sorry, but that’s really not my problem. Lunar: I’m in love with you. Earth: *blushes* Oh. That brings me in the loop a little.

Earth: How much did you spend on this date? Lunar: $1400. But all of it's on credit cards, so it's like $5 a month for the next 2,000 years.

Lunar: This date is boring! Earth: This isn't a date. I said I was going to the store. Lunar: Then why did you invite me? Earth: I didnt, I specifically said "don't come with me," then you said, "fuck you Earth I'll do whatever I want!

Earth: I love them both, but how do I propose to two people? Lunar: Two different restaurants, one person at each restaurant. Twice the dessert, twice the applause. Earth: Won’t people think it’s weird if there is a third person just sitting there, though? Lunar: I saw someone feed their pet peacock crème brûlée from their mouth at the French place on the corner last week: I think faux third-wheeling at an engagement is the least of your worries.

Lunar: What do you want to be for Halloween? Earth: Yours. Lunar: Lunar: …yeah, that would be pretty scary.

Earth: Lunar, you love me, right? Lunar: Normally I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere I won’t like.

Lunar: Babe, you're so funny! Earth: We have 1492 days until your tragic premature death. You will break my trust three times before that happens, but I forgive you. Lunar: Awwww, that's sweet of you!

Earth: We’re getting married, bitches! Lunar: And we're about to make it everybody else's problem.

Earth: BE A BETTER PERSON! Lunar: WHY?! Earth: BECAUSE SOMEONE NEEDS TO HAVE MORALS IN THIS RELATIONSHIP, AND IT SURE AS FUCK AIN'T GONNA BE ME, SWEETHEART!