#graphic design problems

And sometimes my brain skips a beat and replaces words with something that sounds similar/plausible on the fly. Normally it just gets me a few funny looks, and I can pass it off as an English/Irish idiom.

Suffice to say, that did not quite work as intended this morning.

Client: You’re on the right track.

Me: 

Who are they? Pippin???

Me: "BIIIITCH"

Basic jist: Client demands entire re-haul of a design in a day, AFTER everything was signed off on and thinks it’s as simple as pressing a button. I say no, I explain that if it’s absolutely necessary then it’ll take at least a day. They INSIST it’s necessary (it isn’t), they clearly don’t believe me and demand I give them the raw files so that they’ll find someone else to finish it. I give them the files. They come back a day later saying it isn’t necessary after-all and I can finish it for a later deadline. I laugh for a good hour. I am the most petty!

people keep asking you to design things for experience. you dont want to design for experience anymore. experience has a mouth full of fangs and when she smiles ink spills out into the spaces between your computer keys.

 you ask for body copy. they send you body copy. its in a language you have never seen before. when you try to use google translate the cia shows up and confiscates your belongings.

they ask for one last change. you make one last change. you dont know how long you have been making one last change. 

when the client finally sends you pictures you’ve been asking for a bag containing teeth and a paper clip come out of your fax machine. when did you get a fax machine? 

you find a new font you like. when you install it a hand made of 1s and 0s reaches out and caresses your face. its soft. you will use it on your next project.  

the client asks you to make the graphic red. you make it red but its not red enough for them. they demand for you to use your own blood to make it red enough. somehow its still not red enough when you do.