āWomen are not exhausted from carrying menās emotions. Theyāre exhausted from carrying their own entitlement.ā
By: Karina Schneidman and Grainger
Published: Jul 12, 2025
A bit about the writers first.
GraingerĀ holds a B.S. in Psychology and is currently earning his Masterās in Clinical Mental Health Counseling at Liberty University. Heās an active menās ministry leader and pastoral counselor with over 5 years of experience, currently seeing clients in both faith-based and clinical settings.
KarinaĀ holds a Masterās degree in Behavioral Science with concentrations in mental health, counseling, marriage and family therapy, career development, and child and adolescent therapy. She has a robust research background and is board-certified in brain health, ADHD, sensory processing, and wellness. She, too, actively sees clients in clinical practice.
Together, we represent both the psychological and pastoral lenses on todayās mental health landscape. We are deeply committed to truth over trend, accountability over blame, and growth over grievance. Which is exactly why we couldnāt let the recent Vice article on āMankeepingā go unanswered. What youāre about to read isnāt just a rebuttal. Itās a reality check grounded in science, sharpened by real-world counseling experience, and unwilling to accept yet another one-sided cultural narrative that shames men while infantilizing women.
Grainger
I once had a friend of mine tell me that when he really wanted to meet a girl, he just took his dog to the park and Boom! There were beautiful girls everywhere. Then he carefully āaccidentallyā let his dog get too close to this gorgeous girlās dog. Personally, I think itās brilliant. But what if it wasnāt a dog park? What if it was women taking their boyfriends or husbands to aĀ Man Park? Glad you asked.
Definition of Mankeeping
This concept ofĀ MankeepingĀ that is circulating the interweb is based on a paper1Ā that was dropped on us last November. I received an email from the APA Div. 51 the day the paper onĀ MankeepingĀ released and read it almost immediately. I made every attempt to read it with an open mind. It is based on theĀ Theory of Kinkeeping, which is familial division of labor. This theory posits that females basically hold the family together by ensuring everyone stays in touch.Ā MankeepingĀ flowed from this theory, adding that women take on the burden of menās lack of social networks and thus bearing the brunt of their emotional baggage, making up for losses caused by menās isolation. Here are some of the conclusions I came to:
Observations
I could see how it would be emotionally draining for the wife to be the loading dock for every problem a man has. There are certain things a man needs a man for. There are certain problems that a man cannot address with his wife, especially ifĀ sheĀ is the problem he needs addressing. And treating your wife as an emotional garbage can doesnāt help. Thereās a balance. She needs to be in on most communication, but not all. And we can all agree that men need to get better at verbally communicating.
Men understand other men better than women understand men. Of course, this is due to our brain hemispheres being at different distances. Female brain hemispheres are closer together and there is a significantly higher fire rate between the hemispheres. Whereas male brain hemispheres are further apart and there is not much firing between them. So when a woman asks what heās thinking about, and he says nothing, he really means- Nothing! And this fries a womanās brain-circuits. She just canāt imagine a world in which one can sit and think of nothing. Here, a man must relate to another man about this.
The recent article in Vice addressing this paper didnāt mention that in the paper they addressed the concept of men relying on their partners to find them friends. They even mentionedĀ in the paperĀ the SNL skit where wives took their husbands toĀ Man ParkĀ to play with other men. I donāt rely on my wife to make friends for me, but I also donāt have many friends. Mostly because the men in my life view me as a leader, which is aĀ divider. Leaders separate the person from who theyĀ were (or are)Ā into who theyĀ could be. Therefore, when they see me coming, they see aĀ divider, not a friend.
Having said all that, I polled my wife and friends and their wives. I asked them if they felt the emotional pull from their husbandsā problems. They all said absolutely not. I think I know why.
Marriage vs. Dating
For the established relationship, she has already seen most of his worst characteristics. There is an expectation that he will turn to her before he turns to the bottle, drugs, porn, or another woman. Also, by this time, she wants him to be open and emotionally available. This is because they have spent years building something on the core principles of good relationships: trust, sacrifice, love as a verb, and loyalty.
He first tried to impress her. Wore his best shirt (probably his only clean shirt). Tried out that cologne he read about. Cleaned his car out for the first time this year. He wanted her to see the best parts of him so she would want a second date. Then the second date gets here and he gets the nerve to lean over and kiss her. This is how the dating scene looked 10, 15, and 20 years ago. Not today. And this is what the Vice article was addressing. Dating.
In the new dating scene, you snap each other. You hope she sends you something sexy. But she doesnāt. You wonder why. Then you hear and see on snapchat and TikTok that girls want a sensitive man. They donāt likeĀ toxic masculinity. So you dig deep to find the innermost parts of you and become vulnerable, because feminism. But then he makes a critical mistake.
See, for the new relationship, youāre still building something. You havenāt really established much yet. And yes, she wants to know what sheās getting into before the relationship takes off. But she doesnāt want too much too soon. And this is exactly what many Gen Z males are doing. They hear women say they want an emotionally available man, so they word vomit. She then gets turned off quickly. Itās because itās out of balance. She needs to know what positive contribution he brings to the table first. She really just wants to see that he cleaned his car out. That he wore his best shirt. That he doesnāt smell like an oil slick.
One Possible Cause
One unspoken contributor is for years, thatās what women have been asking for. Theyāve been criticizing anything masculine as broken. Theyāve been scoffing at the idea that cognitive empathy is better than emotional empathy. āOf course, emotional empathy is better, because itās what women do, and that makes it better.ā Men have heard the outcry and responded. And now women are realizing they donāt really like the response. But they got what they asked for. And even worse, they canāt say that they asked for a spineless crybaby that they donāt really want. Because Theyāll get cancelled by their peers. So they have to blame-shift. Itās the only course of action for the regretful Karens.
I think in homeostasis terms. There is bilateral culpability, in my estimation. Boys need to grow a pair and be the man they wanted to be when they were a kid, wrecking fire trucks into the Jenga tower. They need to put their best foot forward first. Be strong. Capable of protecting her. Regardless of what the cluster B Karens say,Ā allĀ women want to be protected.
Girls need to stop asking for a spineless man. Allow him to be the man he was designed to be. Stop playing victim incessantly. Be satisfied with him being very different than you. Be content with him learning how to become emotionally intelligent over time, even though heās not right now. But of course, you also have the women who just play victim because itās the newĀ in-thingĀ to do. And for those, no man will make them happy. But I will stop short of covering this and let Karina say it much better than I could.
Karina
Like Grainger, I too approached both the article and the research paper with an open mind and a sensible attitude. After reading them thoroughly, I walked away with a growing sense that modern relationships have been twisted into something coldly transactional and contractual. AsĀ
Abigail ShrierĀ aptly puts it,Ā āLove isnāt an accessory. Itās an adventure.āĀ So when exactly did we decide to throw men out with the bathwater?
Whatās most ironic about this so-called āresearchā is that it starts in the middle of the story completely skipping over how we even got here. Itās a story thatās now being told with no sense of balance, no rational breakdown, and certainly no attempt to understand or accommodate both men and women in the conversation. Instead, it seems to be another installment in a growing cultural habit of placing blame squarely on men, with zero curiosity about the other half of the equation.
The audacity of academia inserting itself into the dating discourse wouldnāt bother me if academia werenāt already so incredibly biased. Why does that matter? Because despite the thousands of courses, degrees, and certificate programs dedicated to Womenās Studies, there isnāt a single mainstream academic institution in the U.S. offering a degree in Menās Studies. Not one. Do you understand how minimizing and manipulative this is overall? Why are we surprised that college educated women (educated by a feminized culture) are crying about masculinity?
Oversight or Intentionality?
This is more than a minor oversight itās an intentional, built-in bias. Writing entire research papers on relationships and dating without a single academic framework or scholarly resource focused on men their psychology, biology, emotional needs, or social challenges is already disparaging. But to then use that limited perspective to justify an article likeĀ āMankeeping,āĀ which amounts to little more than emotional gluttony, is even worse.
The narrative of this article positions men as emotionally dependent burdens, while highlighting women as the āmothersā the ones whoĀ mustĀ carry the weight of dealing with a man. But where is the insight, accountability, critical thinking, and self-agency of these so-called Mother Teresas? What happened to holding the actual mothers of these āemotionally stuntedā men accountable for how they raised their boys? Furthermore, why arenāt these women who are āexpectedā to be everything for their boyfriends not setting boundaries and working on building a healthier relationship or leaving?
If a man is stoic, strong, accountable, and protective, heās labeled controlling. If heās emotionally flexible, open, and vulnerable, heās suddenly ātoo much work.ā What do women want? Because even Mel Gibson couldnāt figure it out. Have we considered the possibility that todayās woman might not even be able to tolerate dating herself let alone handle compromise, challenges, and growth in a relationship?
Clinically Speaking
In my practice, I work with both women and men who are currently trying to survive the black hole of modern dating. Men are afraid to compliment women because of the #MeToo movement, which has increased fear around being misunderstood or falsely accused. Men report that many of the women they attempt to date want to see their credit report before agreeing to meet for drinks. Women, on the other hand, often report being offended if their dinner isnāt paid for. Really?
So what is it, exactly, that a woman can offer a man in a relationship today that he canāt already provide for himself? You rarely hear or read about how men are exhausted by a womanās constant, incessant emotional needs as she moves through her hormonal monthly journey. Why is only one side of emotional fatigue ever acknowledged?
Moreover, the suggestion that men need therapy while completely ignoring the emotional immaturity, unrealistic expectations, and entitlement often present in modern women is ridiculous. Many women lack emotional intelligence arguably more than men.Ā But shhh we canāt discuss that. We canāt criticize women, because then weāre labeled womanhaters, jealous, or sexist.
Women are constantly praised for āknowing their worth,ā even when that āworthā is based on shallow standards and zero depth beyond grooming habits, social media likes, and an obsession with hydration. If weāre going to demand that men ādo the work,ā then we must also be honest about how many women are actively avoiding their own growthāhiding behind situational trauma to justify a lifelong narrative of victimhood.
Conclusion
In the end, modern dating is not failing because men are emotionally stunted itās failing because the narrative has been manipulated by emotionally inflamed women. Men are judged, discarded, and shamed, while women are excused, glorified, and insulated from criticism. If women are exhausted, so are men except men are expected to suffer silently.
Dating is a messāas it should be. Itās an actual labor of love. It requires curiosity, courage, failure, misunderstandings, and, of course, micro-stressors. As Grainger pointed out, preparing for a date is an art form. The jitters, the unknown, the act of sharing a space together leaning on each other through conversation and physiological cues. What happened to putting in the work?
Where are the parents of these so-called victimized women who ācanāt handleā dating men? Where are their fathers? Have they ever evenĀ triedĀ to understand what a man needs in a relationship how to set boundaries and bring real value to each other? Of course not. Because, well, itās too much emotional work to act like people and adults. Cuddling with a cellphone and raging against some trending social movement is easier. Itās more comfortable.
Speaking of comfortable, I guess I got too comfortable, and my dog just got out. And Iām not even looking for a date. Iām happily married! Gotta run!
Thatās our 4 cents. Stay Classy!
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Things to remember:
Gender Studies is fake and everything that comes out of it is complete nonsense.
If "females basically hold the family together by ensuring everyone stays in touch," behind that woman is a man who has heard "happy wife, happy life" a hundred times.
