#graduate problems

But the one thing that’s posing some difficulty for me lately is “don’t tell other people something that will hurt them”. The situation is that I have an undergraduate student that I have to train as part of my work for my graduate advisor and I do not know how to deal with him at all. He obviously has energy and enthusiasm but it is directed in every place except the right one. For instance, my advisor and I have tried to direct him to reach logical conclusions from pretty simple problems and he will pull in factors that have nothing to do with what we’re talking about. So, today he told me about a research idea he has where he pretty much pulled every piece of jargon out of his ass that he possibly could and mushed them all together into this fucking mess and told me he had a great idea and all I could tell him was to email me what he had typed up and I’d give him some feedback on it. I don’t want to burst his bubble (I kind of do in a sadistic way but that’s shitty and is my bad Kermit impulse) but he’s just not going in the right direction at all and isn’t thinking critically about his ideas.

I’m talking numbers.

So since leaving university I have struggled to get a job in what I graduated in... Something I was convinced was my dream job and what I have been working towards and striving for all these years... I changed my mind three times whilst applying to university and changed courses once whilst there, and thought I had finally found my calling. (Don’t get me started on how stupid it is making 17/18 year olds decide what they want to do for the rest of their lives and then charge them £9000 a year to study said profession, making them stick with said choice in fear of going bankrupt once they realise they had no idea what they wanted to do at 18 after all....) 

So yes, finally since graduating and minimum wage job hopping to get by, I have been offered a full time dream job. And I am excited (a little bit, it’s mostly worn off now) and grateful but I can’t help feeling like... is this it? Is this all I’m going to do now? I do think I’ll enjoy the job, but I kind of want to be something else now. Again i don’t know what... Just like at 18 I still have no idea what I want to do really, but I don’t think it’s this. 

I have been trying to make a YouTube channel, posted a few videos. And in all honesty I would love to be a “Youtuber” full time (I think?), and make enough money that I wouldn’t have to work a normal job and I could just post videos for a living, write books, take pictures, blog, do whatever the hell I want. But LOL yeah right. Not gonna happen.