#glitterrants

Coyote and Hangman tell everyone they have a secret handshake and make a point to turn their backs to everyone so that none of the daggers can see it. At first nobody cared. Now, it has become a competition on who figures out their handshake first. This has been going on for months. They are lying. They don’t have a secret handshake.

Phoenix has been religiously listening to Kpop ever since she was a teenager. When you are a passenger in her car, you get the full dose of worldwide pop every time. Whether it's French, Portuguese, Korean or Czech. Rooster could swear he once heard her singing along to music in some sort of Balkan language too. Nobody exactly knows how many languages she speaks... or if she just memorised the lyrics.

Bob hates the quiet. If there’s no chatter or music around, he’s the first person who’ll turn on the radio or hell, even a vacuum. He once vacuumed an entire carpeted room just to have background noise. It wasn't even his house. Point is- he can’t stand silence. He also has the habit of buying his music physically. There’s a CD booklet in his car and he still uses his old Panasonic boom box as often as he can.

Fanboy is a triplet. He‘s the youngest of the three and the only boy. The oldest of his sisters, had twins when she was just seventeen. The other triplet, also had twins, only after her wedding four years later. All four of his nieces love to come visit him as much as they can and when they do his place becomes a warzone of unicorn stickers and glitter glue.

Rooster has a tattoo on the bottom of his big toe. Its two small dots and a line. It has become a bit lopsided and faded thoughout the years. He did it in college after finding one of Gooses old polaroids, where Carole had drawn that very same smiley on her and a 2-year-old Bradley‘s toes.

Payback, has been engaged three times. All to the same girl. They never broke up, she just broke off the engagement all three times. Both are stupid in love with each other but Payback is too stubborn to stop proposing. And while she always says yes at first, she's too stubborn to change her mind about not wanting to marry a member of the military on principle.

Coyote, even though he never admits it, has reached beyond level 12,000 on Candy Crush. The Candy Crush Gods whisper to him at night. He denies it all.

Bob carpools if he can, that’s where he picked up on Nat‘s love for Kpop. He really enjoys the album concepts and even has a folder for the photocards, which is a hit with most of the daggers nieces and nephews. They don’t trade fair, yet he agrees every time. He once traded a limited edition photocard for a drawing of a teddy bear with glasses, because it "looked just like" him. He didn't even blink. Bob is a weak man when it comes to making kids happy.

Phoenix, Payback, Fanboy and Mav are friends on Strava and compete on the leaderboards with each other. Sometimes Mav will go on a run around 11pm just to beat them by a step or two. Which has made all of them even more competitive.

Hangman and Rooster secretly take pictures of each other without the other noticing. They send them to each other and whoever gets the most pictures in a week, pays for drinks at the Hard Deck. The problem is, they both take it way too seriously. (competitive little shits) Rooster climbed a tree once, to get a good angle of Jake conversing with a random guy in a Costco parking lot. Hangman once climbed through a window into Bradley's house just to take a shot of him drooling, dead asleep on the couch.

divider by @cafekitsune

It's not really about throwing weak punches (which Rooster doesn't) or only using boring comebacks (which...is a matter of opinion). It's about the fact that after that very first time when Rooster and Hangman ended full-on yelling at each other years ago, it got increasingly harder to piss Bradley off because he just stonewalls Jake.

For Jake, fighting is a thing that just happens (and yeah he also has a lot of fun with it). Sometimes people disagree, and sometimes arguments or disagreements need to be hashed out as loudly and firmly as necessary. He has multiple siblings- so he is very much used to fighting, screaming, and chasing/being chased with some sort of makeshift weapon. But he is also used to hesitant "I'm sorry"s, "please forgive me"s, "I didn't mean that"s when their parents finally had enough. And to the many, many times where forgiveness came naturally and an hour after a blowout fight, he would knock on his younger sibling's door and ask if they wanted to tag along with him to Burger King, the cinema, or the pool- just like his older sibling had asked him.

Because, to Jake, forgiveness comes as easily as the insults he loves to throw around.

Maverick is the sort of Kim K character that rose to fame through his crazy antics and A-List contacts from his teens to his early twenties, gets offered a reality tv show. (yes im keeping the leaked sex tape story, you will have to pry it from my cold dead hands) Of course he agrees because not only is it an easy source of income, but it also gets him into the headlines.

Carol, the heiress of a real-estate enterprise, and her Navy boyfriend are reoccurring characters on the show, and fan favourites. Mav gets accused of spreading military propaganda on his show every 2-3 business days, even though they never talk about what exactly Gooses job is. He is seen wearing his uniform a total of 15 seconds at most before he changes into his brightest patterned shirts. (He surprised Carol with coming back from his deployment early)

The planning of the wedding is a whole season in itself, and they sell a DVD of the ceremony, which Goose jokes is going to be their “future children's college fund, when I’m done spending Carol’s fortune with Mav!”

As soon as Bradley is born, Carol has Mav move in with them because Goose gets stationed overseas for a few months, and ohgod does the media have a field day with that. They accuse Mav of stealing Carol from Goose, the words of “obscure love triangle” get thrown around A LOT. So he moves into the house next door to give Carole a break.

Meanwhile, Mav is having the biggest, completely unrelated, existential crisis of his life behind closed doors. Because for some reason Tom Kazansky of all people, the man who is the biggest name in fashion and one of the most iconic creative directors, moves into the house right across his backyard. And oh my god, he’s so hot. Mav always knew that he wasn’t exactly straight, but yep, that year was the one where he realised that he was definitely bi if not gay. Also, that season Mav throws 13 parties in hopes of Tom attending even one of them (he didn’t) and gets absolutely ripped apart because by the third party it all looks unfathomably cheugy.

When Bradley is around six years old, Goose dies. They don’t film a season that year. Or the following.

When they do start up again, the headlines shift. Nobody wonders if Carol and Mav are together anymore- they just assume they are, considering they are basically co-parenting Bradley. Meanwhile, he has finally caught the attention of Tom, while they weren’t exactly dating, they were also not seeing anyone else. Well, until Tom sold his house and moved to Europe overnight, without saying goodbye or calling Mav once.

In his infinite wisdom, Mav decides to marry his close friend Penny Benjamin in a shotgun wedding a few weeks after that. Everyone is happy with that. Penny finally got away from her obsessive, cheating ex-husband after 15 years. Baby Amelia and Penny’s older kids, Daria and Glenn get a bonus Dad and a weird pseudo sibling in Bradley.

Most of the following seasons is just depicting the obscure world of this weird patchwork family, and the kids going through middle and high school. After a while, Mav and Penny get divorced because they realise they are better off as friends.

Bradley is pretty much considerd to be the king of all nepo babies, and no matter WHAT he does someone will say that he doesnt deserve it.

He also regularly gets absolutely flamed for his hawaiian shirts, he takes it on the chin tho because most of them are Gooses and he doesnt care about what fashion critiques have to say about him! (especially not after they act like Mav is Aphrodite reincarnated when he pulls up to a function in a sleeveless shirt and slighty longer hair. ew)

Mav and Ice finally get their shit together after almost 16 years of pining (yay) but decide to keep their relationship private (nay). That season Bradley constantly talked about Mav's "situationship" to the cameras in the solo interviews.

Mav also makes it a point to comment on every and any new slang word the kids use in front of him. The ones he list is the following:

stan - Mav: "Who the hell is Stan and why do Bradley and Amelia want to be him so bad? Also... why are we talking like Yoda, is that cool again?"

big mood - Mav: "So, is it like, feeling big emotions? But then anything would be a 'big mood'. There is nothing this family doesn't do big. WAIT NO THAT SOUNDED WRONG! YOU KNOW I DIDN'T MEAN-"

vibe check - Mav: "Trust me when I tell you, I was the first to fall for the whole vibe changing oil diffusers and weird room mists. That does not work, I have no Idea how the kids even thought of that. That was like 15 years ago..."

rizz - Mav: "Can I be honest... I thought we were talking about the crackers. Ritz crackers, y'know!"

no thoughts, head empty - Mav: "God I though the dog was having a medical emergency but they were just calling him stupid!"

brainrot - Mav: "Once again, almost called a doctor, but turned out be stupid. I don't know if this says more about me or the kids..."

GOAT - Mav: "I though it meant something bad and grounded the kids... yes both Carole and Penny yelled at me..."

divider by @cafekitsune

don't forget to like and reblog if you enjoyed this post!

bbg this is such a good ask, OH MY GOD!

⊹₊⋆ I have honesty not though about this a lot, because I'm pretty sure having a singular migraine attack in your life can get you disqualified from flying any sort of plane professionally. BUT!!! I'm just gonna think of this as an AU and for that I have a few thoughts! ⋆₊⊹

okay so even though women are 3 times more likely to have migraines, I actually think that neither Phoenix nor Halo have migraines.

But a woman who had migraines all her life is Hangman's mom. I feel like the entire fandom has just assigned Jake a bunch of sisters, and I so agree. I think that his mom definitely gave the "migraine genes" (FHM) to him and his sisters. The only person who doesn't have it is his dad.

Though, they don't exactly accept their debilitating headaches as migraines. It's the sort of situation where your entire family is convinced that it's just normal to puke your guts out over a headache because "well your grandparents did that too, and I did, and your siblings do too... So here are some painkillers, but I really need to do a 100 things today, so let's get going"

Jake mostly escaped that fate all his teens and early twenties, but he randomly developed them in his thirties, and the migraine attacks hit him like a truck. Just like his sisters, he gritted his teeth and fought through it.

At some point one of them was convinced that it must be some sort of family curse and paid an etsy witch to lift it.

He once had an attack so bad that he just slept in the empty bathtub because he had given up on running all the way to the bathroom every time the nausea hit. Also, pressing his aching head against the cold tiles gave him a microsecond of relief from the pounding behind his eyes.

The realisation or rather diagnosis came after his first niece randomly woke up paralysed from a migraine in her early teens and scared everyone to death because they thought she had a stroke. (she luckily, was fine after a migraine shot and a few hours of sleep)

Ice is not a dagger, and he canonically has enough health issues in his later years- So I have graciously decided to kick him from the potential migraine list even if he would be a prime candidate in my opinion<3

So I am putting the silly brunette guy in a situation, yet again :) Mav, you have been crowned a migraine king.

I think he'd be the type of guy who knew he had migraines but would just try to ignore them. It's not like with Jake, he'd only get them rarely, and they were never particularly strong. But they were still there, annoying and painful.

Mav would have painkillers lying around and could take them, but for some reason he convinces himself that the migraines would go away on their own. (they don't) (also sounds familiar, elle? jk ily and ik you don't do that anymore <3)

I also think Bob could be a prime candidate for migraines. Idk why maybe its because lewis pullman can pull off the sad, wet, pathetic puppy dog eyes so well??

Sources have told me (my mom) that when my migraines hit I tend to look like a vampire (slay) who is just really sad (not slay) like the guy from twilight (she never told me which one ?????)

Anyone can feel free to add to this or disagree, I would be rly interested in what other people think about the migraine thing!!!

divider by @cafekitsune

Jake Seresin is the orphaned son of one of the biggest weapon manufacturers worldwide. He’s hot, rich, cocky, super talented and just an absolute douchebag because he‘s insufferably aware of it. There are more headlines released about him in a singular day than children born in America when he’s out partying. And when he parties? He parties hard. Not just ’get wasted on expensive liquor and make bad choices’ hard. No, ‘going out to party in Austin and waking up in a different country, having become the owner of a small private island’ hard.

Obviously that changes after his plane gets hijacked, he is kidnapped and seriously wounded. Building the Iron man suit is probably the thing that ultimately saved his life (not just physically but also mentally). He finally wakes up from his rich-boy delulus and seriously considers how much damage his company has caused. That’s when he becomes Ironman.

Bradley would obviously have to be Captain America, because doing that whole bit with his mustache would be killer. Of course we‘d adjust the timeline a bit so that instead of being gone for 60 or 70 years it would be 40. With him disappearing on a mission during the cold war in the eighties and waking up in the 2020s.

He expects to wake up confused and with his mom by his side, only to be told that both his parents have been gone for years. It felt like he had called her just a few days ago, but she had been gone for more than a decade, having died of cancer in the 2000s. Then there is also Maverick and Ice, his uncles. Suddenly old, with white hair and wrinkles all over their face…also one’s the leader and the other one an agent of a secret government agency named S.H.I.E.L.D.? Bradley, still trying to accept the loss of his previous life woke up in a new world and is expected to be some kind of a symbol again. Meanwhile he’s surrounded by a bunch if billionaires with god complexes and evil old white guys and apparently lizard people??

But also!! consider this: What if the roles were reversed? Bradley the cocky-but-careful billionaire playboy philanthropist and Jake “Hangman”Seresin as Captain America.

Bradley Bradshaw wasn’t half the airhead he pretended to be for the media. He has dated half the children of all current senators and for some reason had excellent relationships with them still? While the paparazzi see him joyriding and skating along the barrier of what could be public indecency, in business settings he was known to crash congressional hearings and come out with a new defense contract within 15 minutes. Something he didn’t know though was that he inherited a defense and weapons empire, build on the bones of secrets he was never supposed to find out.

Jake’s run as Captain America wasn’t ideal. Especially the end. Instead of a world-saving sacrifice or dramatic move he simply goes missing in action. No heroic final moments just the order to get on a government fighter jet and to ‘finish the damn mission’. One thing he couldn’t have expected was for the thing to basically dissolves underneath him mid flight and to crash straight into the ocean. With no wreckage and no body ever recovered he was declared KIA. And People joked, and his cocky callsign “Hangman”stuck around even if for the wrong reasons.

“Captain America? More like Hangman, the way the guy just fucking disappeared.”

Nobody wanted to correct the whispers and jokes because if they did they’d have to admit to the truth: One of the biggest losses to the American Government. They had put the most expensive, most trained and enhanced soldier in a shit-box and let him drown.