#ftangstweek

“If I’m healthy then I can’t see you,” he grumbled, sinking into the bed as his stupid brain reminded them of where they were. Life wasn’t fair.

“Natsu...” Lucy called, voice trailing off. Neither of them wanted to hear what she would have to say, even though Natsu already knew it. Lucy was dying. He tightened his grip on their interlaced fingers, staring at her pale skin peeking through his own. Her porcelain like qualities were only highlighted by the light scars that trailed along his knuckles, prizes collected from his fights and outbursts over the years.

“So were you able to find any new books like you wanted to?” Natsu asked suddenly. The silence had been becoming too stifling, making Natsu feel like he was suffocating under all the weight it held. He let Lucy shift so she could look at him, dry smile pulling at her lips and a light colour rising on her sunken cheeks. “What was it again, something about stars? Or was it galaxies?”

“It was on the mathematical calculations of pulsars and blackholes, and yes. Father brought it for me a few days ago now.” Lucy laughed, giggling at how her words went over his head.

“You’re so fucking smart, Luce.” Natsu groaned, “It’s like you’re speaking a different language. You sure you’re only seventeen?”

“Well I’ve already counted the ceiling tiles a dozen times. Something had to take up the hours between your visits.” Lucy snorted, eyes dancing as Natsu made a face at her statement. He watched as a faraway expression crossed over her eyes, chocolate glazing as she looked at the wall beside him. “I wanted to be a teacher.”

“And you will Luce. You’ll get better and then I’m gonna take you on a proper date and-.”

“Natsu.” Lucy interrupted his rant, soft voice cutting through his desperation tinged one. “That sounds more like one of my fairy tales than reality.” She tried to smile brightly, but Natsu saw through it. He frowned as he lifted a hand and cupped the side of her face, thumb tenderly wiping away the beginnings of her tears.

“Then why can't we live in a fairy tale?” He asked her in a low voice. In a fairy tale the princess was always saved and any enemy could be defeated if you punched it hard enough. Natsu could sweep her off her feet and run from this prison, going off into the sunset to live happily ever after. A tear slipped from Lucy's closed eyes, her hand cupping the one that Natsu held her face with.

“You know, before I had met you I had accep-”

“No.” Natsu said forcefully. He held her sad gaze when she looked at him, anger building inside him. “Never stop fighting.” The thought repulsed him, of her just fading away like she had never existed. Someone as wonderful and loving and amazing as Lucy shouldn’t be taken from them so soon. Not ever. It wasn’t fair. He felt his blood start to boil inside him, all other senses and thoughts fading behind his rage at the universe or God or whoever had decided to give Lucy this bullshit hand. He blinked rapidly as he heard Lucy’s voice, her brows knit and lips turned down in worry as his vision refocused.

“Natsu? Natsu, tell me where you are.” Lucy told him, Natsu taking in deep breaths as he felt the his anger rise and fall like waves crashing inside him.

“Magnolia Hospital.”

“Good. What are you feeling?”

“Anger. Sadness. Mostly anger though.”

“Okay. How does your body feel?”

Natsu snorted, ducking his head under Lucy’s stern glare. “Hot and itchy, like I’m supposed to be doing something. Anything.” Natsu answered, breathing easier as he felt the anger fall to a dull thrum in the back of his mind. He could punch something after he had to leave Lucy. “Y’know, I don’t just come over here for you to look after me, promise.” Natsu joked, “I don’t even know how you put up with all my bullshit. I should be the one comforting you.” Natsu dropped his hand from her face, watching as his fingers curled into a fist on his lap. What kind of asshole visited his sick best friend and then dumped his own issues on her? God he was so selfish. Lucy deserved better than him.

“Stop it.” Lucy flicked his nose, his eyes wide as they shot up to look at her. “I know what you’re thinking and stop it. I love when you visit Natsu, where else could I ever see pink that vibrant?” Lucy tugged on a piece of his spiky bangs, smile easy.

“It’s salmon and you know it.” Natsu pouted, face eventually cracking into a smile back at her, her soft look infectious. The first time he had stumbled upon her room, they had had the debate about his hair colour. Natsu insisted it was natural -and not pink-, Lucy scoffing at his earnesty. It had since become a running joke between the two.

“Pink.” Lucy sang, giggling as Natsu released a frustrated sound. He tugged on her loose hair, hold becoming gentle as he twined it through his fingers.

“How would you like it if I called your hair yellow?” he asked, eyebrow cocking at her rolled eyes.

“Please, my hair is way too pretty to be called ‘yellow’. Blonde just sounds better, doesn’t it?” Lucy hummed, head tilting into his knuckles as they traced her cheek.

“The only thing that matters to me is that it’s yours.” Natsu whispered, Lucy stilling against his hand. Heartbreak flooded her eyes as she looked at Natsu, looking away from him as she settled back into his side. They had also had this conversation before. “I love you Lucy.” Natsu sighed, head falling back onto the feathered pillows Lucy’s father insisted she used. Maps of the stars covered the ceiling above Lucy’s bed, Natsu having been the one to tack them there for her. She had been so ecstatic she had actually danced with him for a while before becoming too exhausted and forced to return to bed. That was one of his favourite memories with her.

“You can’t,” Lucy said softly, her grip tightening on his hand. “It’s not fair to yourself Natsu. You deserve someone who can give you a future.” He heard her tears in the quiver in her light voice, anger curling inside him again. He made her cry. His Lucy was crying and it was his fault. Fuck, he didn’t even deserve to be in the same room as her, let alone mean enough to make her cry like this. He pushed those feelings down though, voice falsely cheery as he tried to lighten the mood.

“Hey, why can’t I add one more self destructive habit? Besides, you smell better than smoke.” Natsu nuzzled into her hair. He may not deserve it, but Natsu was a bad person so he took every opportunity he could to hold her like this and surround himself with her.  

“I don’t want to hurt you.” Lucy whimpered, Natsu pressing his lips in a kiss to her temple.

“Then tell me you love me,” Natsu replied softly, resting his forehead on her head.

“I love you.”

Natsu grinned at her quiet words, giddiness making all other emotions evaporate and his body feel like he was floating. She loved him. And he loved her.

And life more than sucked. It was cruel

“Oh Natsu, no,” Lucy gasped, her dainty fingers having tugged up his one of his hoodie’s sleeves. Both of his arms were bound in white gauze, only one of them being revealed by her curious hand. She pulled his sleeve further up to the elbow, red colouring and tan skin making the white wrappings stand out all the more. He was passive as he watched, eyes staring at his limp hand rather than look at her disappointed expression. Why did he have to ruin everything? She was going to push him away, yell at him like he deserved. Instead, he started when she lifted his arm up, lips gentle as they pressed butterfly kisses over his bandage.

“It wasn’t on purpose.” Natsu rushed out, pleading with her when she let her lashes flutter open to look at him. “I just... It was too much and I couldn't take it anymore and I found the lighter under my bed... I thought I’d thrown them all out- but, but I just needed to feel something a-and... you’d be sad if I broke my hand again and... I tried.” Natsu felt his voice catch in his throat as he tore his gaze away from hers, body pulling away from her soothing touch. He wasn’t worth her comfort. He’d let her down. “I’m sorry Lucy.”

“I wish you would try another medication,” Lucy sighed, fingers tilting his face towards hers. “All I want is for you to live a long and happy life Natsu. Go out on adventures. Explore the world.” She was wistful as she spoke, and Natsu pressed his hand over hers cupping his face.

“They won't be fun without you there.” Natsu countered. She sighed dramatically at his argument, small smile curling her lips as she let her body nestle back into the bed. Both teens laid on their sides to face one another, knees interlocked and careful of the tubes and injuries each held. “Besides, you haven’t seen me on meds.” he continued in a hush, voice barely above a whisper.

Her hand tightened around his in question, Lucy squirming closer to his side so her fragile body was pressed flush to his. Natsu took a deep breath, steadying himself, eyes unfocused as they traced Leo -his birth constellation. “I’m... different. Numb. It’s like all the emotions I feel just get... sucked out of me. And I’m a shitty walking shell. I can’t live like that, Luce. It’s like I’m watching someone else live in my body, a guy who says the what people want and does what people want and is what people want, but it’s not me.

“I even named him.” Natsu joked dryly, waiting for the concerned look that all of his therapists gave him. The hurried scribble on their pads still haunted his dreams. END had gotten Natsu switched over to specialized counselling a few times before he learned to keep his mouth shut. They just didn’t understand what he meant, and he was sick of constantly being examined like a fucking nut case or having more pills shoved down his throat. His eyes flicked to Lucy when he saw her rise in his peripheral. Her eyes were watering again, and her hand shook as she reached to gently brush her fingers along his cheek and then rest in his scarf.

“You are what I want Natsu. Never think I want anyone else or even a different version of you, alright? I just wish... I wish...” Lucy said firmly, lower lip trembling as she struggled for the right words. Natsu brought her hand to his mouth, rough lips ghosting over her knuckles before pressing to the middle one solidly and his eyes falling shut.

“I know.” he murmured against her soft skin. “I wish I was normal too.”

“That is not what I was going to say!” Lucy cried out, rage burning in her eyes when Natsu looked at her in shock. “I love you, you stupid boy! Why would I ever want you to be ‘normal’? ‘Normal’ doesn’t exist, and even if it did it’s boring! You’re funny, and loud, and so optimistic and spread life like it’s coming out of your ass! Who cares if you like fire and get into fights a little too often? How, how could I ever try and change you?” her plea had fallen to a coarse whisper, Natsu’s eyes burning as Lucy let her tears fall freely. “I just want you to be happy and safe Natsu. It’s not fair.” She broke into a sob, chin tucking into the tops of her breasts and her fingers curling around his hand in a tight grip.

“Hey, hey, shhh. I’m sorry, please don’t cry. ‘Sides, isn’t that supposed to be my line, Weirdo?” Natsu soothed, his free hand cupping the back of her head and leading her back to his chest. She punched at his shoulder weakly, small laughs breaking up her tears at his nickname for her.

“I’m not a weirdo.” Lucy mumbled, Natsu’s smile widening at the expected reply.

“You’re my type of weirdo.” Natsu hummed, the side of his head resting heavily on the crown of Lucy’s.

“I’m yours, period.”

Natsu’s breath caught at Lucy’s quiet words, her voice certain and sure. “I hate this.” he growled, pulling her closer but also cautious of how fragile she was. Natsu felt like if he squeezed her too hard she would break, and there was no way he was about to risk losing any time he had with her.

“Me too.” Lucy said quietly, leg falling between his and their feet tangling together once more. She raised her head when Natsu let out a barked laugh, eyebrows knit and eyes still red.

“You have a fucked up body and a perfect mind, and my body’s basically indestructable but my brain hates me. Together we almost make a functional human.” Natsu laughed again at the cruel irony. If he could, he would give Lucy his body in a heartbeat if it meant she could leave this hospital. Lucy gave an unstable giggle, joining in with Natsu as fresh tears formed in the corner of her eyes.

“We complete each other. In the best and worst ways.” Lucy hummed, a strange look crossing her face, lips sill upturned in a gentle smile. Natsu meet her gaze with one of confusion, his eyes growing large when Lucy leaned in and pressed her lips to his unexpectedly. His first kiss. Their first kiss. Natsu started into life once more when he felt Lucy start to pull back, his eyes pinching shut and his hand knotting in her hair as he moved his lips against hers. After a few more seconds he let her pull back, both looking at one another through cracked eyes and with flushed cheeks. “Let’s go see the stars.”

“Huh?”

Lucy smiled brightly, rubbing her nose against Natsu’s and drawing a dopey -if confused- smile from the 18 year old.

“I want to see the stars.” Lucy repeated, shuffling out of Natsu’s arms and standing shaikly. Natsu was kneeling on her side of the bed in a flash and steadying her with a hand on the small of her back, Lucy grinning at him over her shoulder at the contact. He could see her clothes now as she turned to him, a pair of tiny sleep shorts to go with her three quater sleeved cotton top. The pink colouring of the sleeves matched her shorts, and Natsu smiled thoughtlessly at the little dancing flame on the white background of her shirt, words ‘too smokin’’ printed under it.

He also pointedly ignored how noticeably large her chest was.

Natsu let his hands rest on her waist, looking at Lucy with a concerned smile. “Okay, but you won’t see much from the window.” he said softly, tugging her closer so her knees bumped the bed and Natsu could wind his arms around her back in a loose hug.

“No silly. I mean on the roof.” Lucy sighed.

Natsu looked at her blankly, impish grin lighting his features before it fell as reality hit him. “Luce, it’s cold outsid-” He started softly, Lucy interrupting him with another kiss. She smiled at him as she pulled back, Natsu following her off the bed when she tugged his wrists and stepped back.

“You’re always bugging me about going on adventures. We’ll be like thirty seconds away from the staff,” Lucy pushed, throwing her arms over Natsu's shoulders and hanging her weight on him slightly. “Come onnnn” she whined, biting her lip and looking up at him with large eyes.

It took Natsu’s self control all of 0.3 seconds to disintegrate under her look.

“Fine,” he grinned, laughing  as Lucy smiled up at him before burying her face in his shoulder and wiggling happily. “But we’re bringing all the pillows and blankets and your fairy lights.” Natsu put on a mock serious expression when Lucy pulled back, Lucy returning his look with a nod. He pretended not to notice the delicate skill she had as she removed her IV’s.

“Aye sir.”

“Gotta be sneaky.”

“Aye sir.”

“Nin nin.”

“You dork,” Lucy teased, laughing loudly when Natsu lifted his scarf to cover half of his lower face and make a ‘ninja’ motion with his hands. Natsu smiled as he listened to Lucy laugh, the sound melodic and soft as it filled the room and his heart. Lucy’s laughter faded and Natsu refocused on her warm smile, his own revealed when Lucy tugged his scarf back down.

The two broke into giggles and kissed once more, softer and more drawn out than others had been, sinking into one another and twining hands gently in the others hair. Natsu broke away first, gathering Lucy’s blanket in one big crumpled mess and struggling to smile at Lucy over the top, pouting at her exasperated sigh and allowing her to take the blankets from him and fold them neatly. Natsu was now able to carry two thin blankets and Lucy’s thick one, as well as two pillows while Lucy stood beside him with another two tucked under her arm and a book of fairy tales in her hand. Her mother’s book. Her fairy lights rested over her shoulders.

Natsu interlaced his hand with her free one, balancing his load of bedding in one hand and giving hers a warm squeeze. The two couldn’t stop sharing excited and conspiratorial looks as they snuck through the harsh white corridors, the hospital understaffed as usual and making their urgent secrecy more for their own imaginations.  

They were at the stairs in only a few minutes, Natsu's joy dulling as he looked back at Lucy in concern. They had four more flights to go before they were at the roof.

“Well hop on,” Natsu sighed dramatically, bending his knees and releasing Lucy’s hand. Lucy made to argue but bit her tongue at Natsu’s sharp look, climbing onto his back diligently and wrapping one arm around his shoulder. Natsu groaned dramatically as he stood, grinning when Lucy swatted his shoulder and muttered threats under her breath. He loved getting her all riled up. She was cute when yelling at him.

Natsu was breathing a tiny bit heavier when he reached the last step, but no matter how much he joked lifting Lucy was almost effortless. He set her down just before the door to the roof, smile unconscious as he watched Lucy bounce with nervous excitement.  They both rested a hand on the push bar, Natsu and Lucy sharing a knowing look out of the corner of their eyes and pushed together, silent words the only ones needed between the two.

Natsu draped an arm over her shoulder as they walked into the dark, stars faintly twinkling above them and undisturbed due to the hospital being the tallest building around them.

“Isn’t is beautiful?” Lucy asked in awe, her arm slipping around Natsu’s waist and leading him further out onto the concrete pad. Natsu made a low noise in agreement, eyes flickering to look at Lucy’s glowing expression before looking up at the night sky. Maybe it was because he had her pressed against him, or where they were, but the starry patterns in the sky really did look amazing tonight. The sky was inky with hints of blue, white and yellow dots sprinkled against it like powdered sugar and a full moon large and bright as it slowly crept across the sky.

They walked until they reached one of the generators, Natsu pumping his fist in victory when an outlet could been seen on the base. Tucking into the corner of it and a wall Natsu and Lucy made a nest out of several of the blankets and pillows, the fairy lights draped across the joint above them but far back enough that they could still see the sky. Natsu put his back against one pillow and spread his legs, Lucy settling between them and pulling the final plush blanket over them both as she nestled into his chest.

He smiled to himself as Lucy launched into random facts about the stars and planets that existed in the universe. His attention was caught at the one where it rained glass horizontally due to how strong the winds were. And he thought that giant hurricane or whatever on Jupiter was hardcore.

“You really love this stuff, don’tcha Luce?” Natsu asked softly, fingers playing with the tips of her hair. Lucy hummed in agreement and tucked her head into his scarf, curling tighter into his lap. “Then I’m gonna take you out camping and we can see the sky without all the city politicans or whatever.” Natsu said in a matter-of-fact tone, nodding to himself. Lucy laughed weakly, hands fisting in his shirt.

“It’s light pollution Natsu, and as much as I would love that, you know I can’t leave the hospital that long.” her voice was faint and Natsu’s lips thinned at the sadness in her words.

“Then we’ll go after. When you’re better.” Natsu refused to think of any other future. He couldn’t imagine not growing old with her. Not living with her. Lucy was quiet against him, Natsu tightening his arms around her and crushing her to him. Maybe if he held her tight enough he could squeeze the sickness out of her. Or at least stop her from slipping from his grasp...

“Natsu...”

“No. Science and medicine have gotten a lot of progress since your mother passed away. There’s, there’s gotta be something. I w-was reading up on it, your disease. There’s this doctor in like Alveraz that’s developing a treatment. O-or something about nana bots. It’s... You- you can’t... You’ll beat this Lucy. You’re strong and you have to beat this.” Natsu’s voice was raspy and pleading as he finished, unable to swallow around a large lump in his throat. Damn it, he would fight for her.

“Natsu!” Lucy’s voice was clear as she cut him off, her head bowed and unable to meet his gaze. “Stop.”

Natsu paled at her tiny voice, any strength that she had said his name with washed away like Natsu’s hope.

“I got the results back. I, I was on one of those wild treatments, a last ditch effort.” Lucy took a deep breath, exhale shaky and wet and sending another crack through Natsu’s heart. It shattered when Lucy looked up at him with tears falling freely down her cheeks. “It didn’t work.”

Natsu swallowed sharply, shaking his head in denial. Lucy gave him a watery smile, gently running her hand through his hair and tucking a strand behind one ear. He grabbed her hand and brought it to his chest with both hands, holding on to her desperately. He opened his mouth to say something -anything- but Lucy beat him to it.

“I have six months at best Natsu. My body is shutting down and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop it.”

A soft ‘no’ fell from his lips, Natsu’s eyes staying open and glazed even as Lucy kissed him. It couldn’t be true... There had to be something... He couldn’t lose her. He kissed her back deeply as it finally sunk into his bones, the truth of it. Natsu let Lucy turn around in his arms so her back was pressed flush to his chest and his arms wound tightly around her middle.

Heavy silence fell on them like an unwanted blanket sealing their cocoon, and Natsu bit harshly on his lip to stop it from trembling. He needed to be strong for her. He couldn’t break, not yet.

“Hey Luce, what was that story about the dragon made of stars.” Natsu just needed to think about something else, just... Needed to spend time with Lucy. His Lucy.

“Draco,” Lucy hummed thoughtfully, shoulder’s relaxing and hand squeezing Natsu’s forearm grateful -but still cautious of his burns. “He was guardian of a tree of golden apples in Hera’s garden...” she prattled off the myth, her voice soothing and melodic as she spoke. But it didn’t distract Natsu, instead only reminding him that he would only hear that voice for 6 more months. Her laugh, her shouts, the gentle way she would explain anything to him. Just gone. She would be like one of the stars in the sky, disappearing without a trace to those far enough away, but creating an explosive supernova to those in her orbit. And God knew Natsu was well within the blast zone.

Tears fell from his eyes, Natsu not bothering to wipe his face clean as he vaguely paid attention to the sound of Lucy’s voice. A flash of light caught his eye, and his tears fell harder as he realized a shooting star had just passed over them. He couldn’t help but think that maybe if they were in a fairy tale that all it would take was a wish upon a star to make everything better.

But this was no fairy tale, and Natsu cried silently as he held the dying love of his life in his arms and listened to her talk about the stars she loved so much.

“What if I’m not who you think I am?” He asked.

She wasn’t sure where this was coming from. She wanted to ask him why such a question and why now but instead she answered. “You’d still be Natsu.”

“What if I’m not what you think I am?” This time it was strained. He was avoiding her gaze, as if he was afraid of the answer he might find. He was hiding something. He seemed to be doing a lot of that lately.

She stepped in front of him, holding tight on his shoulders, her eyes burning into his. She could see his trepidation, his fear. “That still won’t change the fact that you’re Natsu.” She retracted a hand to trace an invisible X on her chest, mimicking his gesture of reassurance. It had only been a day since he made that promise to her but the weight of his questions made it feel like a distant memory. “I promise.”

What had him so scared? What was able to crack that foundation of unwavering confidence? She hoped he would tell her. But she wouldn’t insist. Natsu wasn’t one to open up easily, if at all. The fact that he had even came to her with these vague questions alone was so astonishing that for a moment she thought she had been daydreaming the entire thing, desperate to find the reason of his sudden aloofness.

“And if it does?”

She didn’t have an answer for him then. She was certain that it would have been enough, that knowing nothing would change him in her eyes was all he needed to hear. Now that she knew what he had been hiding, what he had been so frightened of, she wasn’t sure if there would have been anything she could say to console him. But maybe she would have tried harder to reassure him, to say something, anything else, even if she wasn’t prepared for something as overwhelming as this.

His eyes that had burned with the same passion and intensity as his fire, his smile that was enough to brighten the world without any aide of the sun or the stars, and his laughter that breathed new life into her every time she heard it – that had all disappeared. All those things within him that she had admired so much was now a promise of annihilation, a cradle of destruction and an omen of death.

He flooded the terrain in a sea of flames, the glowing tendrils drowning anything and anyone that dare stand in their path. The coils stretched into the sky as they overtook the earth, growing in power with every inch they claimed beneath them. The flames cast a haunting glow in the darkness of night, illuminating the surrounding carnage of the war that still waged around them.

This is what hell looks like, she thought to herself.

E.N.D stood tall amongst the flames, looking the devil himself as his harvested souls writhed in agony before him. He looked pleased at the suffering before him.

Lucy hugged herself, unable to comprehend how flames that burned so fiercely all around her could make her feel so cold. Because they’re Natsu’s…because that monster is using Natsu’s flames to create this devastation. To kill people.

Friend and foe had charged him in an attempt to subdue the new player on their battlefield after seeing him destroy ally after ally. But with nothing but a look of annoyance and snap of his fingers, they would be caught in a frightful eruption of flames. They were nothing but a minor inconvenience, like flies that continuously buzzed around him – numerous and expendable.

She took a hesitant step forward. “Natsu, stop this.” Her voice barely left her mouth, unable to project amidst her continuously swelling shock. He was still in there somewhere. He said he stay with her, by her side always. Before she could register what she was doing, she was moving closer to him. “Natsu, please!”

“Lucy, you’ll take care of Happy, won’t you?”

Another distressing question. “You know I will. But what about you?”

He shrugged, an attempt to be nonchalant but the movement was stiff. How unconvincing. “I’m just asking if it came down to it, Happy would be able to call your home his.”

“Why would you ask something like that? Now, of all times?” She was worried but she held her tongue. She refused to force him to speak. She knew that if she tried to insist on answers, he would shut himself off more in a desperate attempt to keep his burdens as his own. All she had to do in this moment was reassure him that she was there, that she always would be. He would come to her when he was ready.

In a teasing gesture to lighten the solemn mood, she poked his chest right where he had engraved the promise he made to her. “Don’t forget your promise,” she smiled. “It applies to Happy too, y’know!”

“Lucy, don’t!” Gray held tight to her wrist, pulling her into his chest. “You can’t go over there. You’ll be killed.”

She struggled against him but he held fast. She yelled, “Natsu wouldn’t hurt me!”

“That isn’t Natsu!” Lucy’s eyes widened at Gray’s outburst, recognizing the truth in his words but adamant to accept them. Gray’s calm exterior had long since eroded, weathered and brittle from their recent discovery. He couldn’t keep the façade up anymore. He was also in turmoil. They were all feeling it. He calmed, casting his gaze downward before speaking low. “Don’t go over there. Natsu would never forgive himself if anything were to happen to you.”

She relented and looked at her comrades around her, expressions a muddle of disbelief, anger and fear on all their faces. Her friends, her family, her team, they were all suffering knowing that Natsu was the fearsome E.N.D. That he had become their enemy.

Wendy and Charle held tight onto a writhing Happy, hysterical tears streaming down his face as he begged them to not kill Natsu. It was heartbreaking seeing such a distressed look on Happy’s usually cheerful face, as if his own life was about to be lost. She felt the same thing though, knowing that if they had to destroy Natsu then they may as well be taking their lives with him.

The sky dragon slayer and her Exceed were not fairing much better than Happy, tears streaming down faces as they attempted to soothe the distraught cat despite not being in a confident state of mind. But for Happy’s sake, who was feeling this worse than any of them, they stayed strong in an attempt to console him before themselves.

Erza stood frozen adjacent the trio, shock still plain on her face. She was stunned, unable to digest this new information. She could not comprehend this experience again – another friend absorbed in evil, lost in a darkness they should never exist in. She wasn’t ready to fight. Lucy wasn’t sure if she would be able to fight Natsu, who had been like a younger brother to her.

And Gray, the obvious confliction and turmoil was easily discernable, palpable from the short distance between them. He was at an impasse. Fulfill his father’s final wish or protect one of his closest friends. The tight set of his jaw, the rigidity in his shoulders. He hadn’t come to terms with the thought that he may have to kill Natsu. And seeing the weight such a burden carried, he wasn’t sure if he could realize the will that he inherited from his dad. Knowing now that Natsu is the demon, he past resolve was incinerated in the flames surrounding them.

Friends of their guild and others, no one was prepared for this and they looked on at the devastating scene of Natsu, consumed with the power of his Etherious side as E.N.D. How were they to fight an enemy when the cost of victory was the life of one their closest comrades?

She walked up to Happy, putting a reassuring hand on his head and temporarily pacifying him. “It’ll be alright, Happy.” He looked up at her, large eyes glassy with tears, confusion written across his face.

“Lucy?” His voice was quivering, raw from his distress.

She smiled softly. “I’ll bring him back.”

“Some things may happen during this war, Luce.”

She snorted, slightly impatient with this game of emotional distance he had been playing at. “Lots of things happen during wars, Natsu. You’ll have to be more specific.”

“You’ll have to stay away from me.”

That hadn’t been a response she was anticipating and it was one she wasn’t prepared to respond to. She said the only thing she could, a simple word that demanded more answers than questions asked. “Why?”

He closed his eyes, tilting his nose towards the sky and taking a long, deep breath. “I’ve really enjoyed all the time we’ve spent together.” He skirted the heavy question but his response had her forgetting she had asked it at all.

She thought it was all in her head. She was being anxious because he didn’t provide an exact answer for her. But now the thought was solidified in her mind. He was talking like he was going to die. Brandish had minimized his tumor for the time being, his sickness relegated until this war was through and he could get proper treatment. He knew this. So why did he still seem certain he would die? What other information was he retaining? Natsu, to her knowledge, had never charged into a fight believing “this will be the last one.”

“You’re not going to die.” The words were quick out of her mouth. She didn’t think about it. She just needed to say it.

He laughed, short and forced. She could feel the crack in her heart. “Yeah.”

She wasn’t sure what he had meant by that. She didn’t ask.

And in an act of defiance against her team, against her friends, her guild, her enemies, Zeref and whatever cruel deity was in command of such a twisted fate, she started running. They were calling for her, running after her, insisting she stop but she refused. They would be the ones watching her this time.

She called Virgo forward, she burrowed a trench in the ground. Any of them could easily get around but they dare not pass. It was for show. A silent demand that told them not to intervene for whatever reason. She knew Virgo was remorseful about what she was doing and she felt the twinge of guilt in her chest but Lucy insisted. She refused their interference. It was for their protection, no matter how much they may not want it.

She sprinted forward, prepared to be engulfed by scorching flames but the heat never came. The demon looked on at her, motionless and unfazed. He didn’t attack. Natsu had to be in there, holding it back.

Not knowing what else she could possibly do, she charged him and flung her arms around his middle, conforming to the contours of his chest. It was hot. “Natsu.” The heat was unbearable but regardless she held him tight. “Remember what you promised me?” She looked up into his eyes, ones that she hoped she would still be able to recognize but found she couldn’t. His dark eyes that always shined so brightly were dull and flat, a demonic shade of red that only glowed in the light of flames. They were empty, devoid of all life. There was no recognition, no memory of her in his eyes. She would make him remember.

“You said you wouldn’t leave me again.” She blinked at the tears that swelled in her eyes. How had Natsu, who was so warm and full life, been transformed into a being that, despite its power of flame, was so frigid and lifeless, its only acknowledgement of life being if it could take it away. Natsu wasn’t a monster but he was ensnared by one and she couldn’t even begin to imagine the turmoil he must be feeling seeing the carnage that had been wreaked by his own hand, despite not being in control.

E.N.D lifted a clawed hand, the striking red scales that adorned his skin in random patches gleaming in the ocean of flames. She refused to let go, pressing her cheek against his chest. “I won’t let you go, Natsu. I’m not going to leave you alone. I promised you too.” The heat was stifling, making it near impossible to breathe. She could feel burns blistering across her exposed skin but she refused to let him go. “I told you that no matter what you’re still Natsu. That hasn’t changed. So please, come back to me.”

Her eyes shut tight, she prayed that her words would reach him. She wouldn’t leave him, refused to let him suffer alone. They were a team, they were best friends. And she would gladly shoulder any weight he struggled to carry. No matter how little her help may be, she would be there. Natsu was never alone and she would be the one to remind him of that.

The heat began to dissipate, only slightly but noticeably. She felt his arms encircle her waist. “Lucy, you need to get out of here.” It was that same voice, the one that was so familiar and so calming to her.

She held him tighter. “No.”

“I can’t hold it back much longer.” She could distinguish the strain in his words, how hard he was fighting.

Lucy looked up at him, indignant. His eyes had reverted to its usual dark shade, only a small glimmer of his usual self in them. She could see how hopeless he felt, how frightened of himself he had become. It didn’t look right on him. “I don’t care. I’m not leaving you.”

“Please, Lucy. Don’t let me hurt you anymore.” She hated to hear him beg. She had never witnessed it before, certain that he was incapable of begging as he was far more adept at taking what he wanted. But how she loathed to him so defeated and essentially begging her to leave him alone, to send him to his death.

She shook her head, internally chuckling at the thought. How familiar. “I told you before, didn’t I?” She smiled wide at him, the fresh burns on her cheek protesting angrily but she refused to let him see her in pain. “It’s always more fun when we’re together.”

Tears were in his eyes and the look of recognition crossed his face. How long ago that moment had been. “Lucy…”

But before she could get another word out, he reeled back, a hand covering his face as he recoiled in agony. He collapsed to his knees, a pained yell ripping from his throat and across the battlefield. He panted, each breath causing his body to shudder in pain. Flames erupted from the earth, encircling them as the beast inside him grew in power. Lucy kneeled before him, a hand on his back and the other stroking through his messy hair. “Natsu, you have to fight it.” She said to him through his struggle.

“Lucy, it’s too strong. I can’t stop it. You need to run.” The words were heavy as he struggled to speak through his internal fight. The demon that was within him was taking over again. If Lucy didn’t get away from him then she could be –

“No! I’m not leaving you!” He looked up at her, one of his eyes back to that shade of red but he still retained some of his liveliness in them, no matter how diminished it was, she could still see a piece of him in them. The Natsu she knew. The one she needed. “I refuse to leave you.” She brought him to her chest, hugging him tight.

He returned the hug, relishing what he was sure would be the last moment he had with her. “I need to tell you while I still can.” He didn’t let her pull away to look into his eyes. She knew they wouldn’t be his again. She closed her own, a feeble attempt to refuse her tears. “I love you, Lucy.”

But at his words, ones that she hadn’t realized how much she longed to hear broke her as her body rattled with thick sobs, tears falling heavy gobs. “I love you too, Natsu.” The words were barely distinguishable between her cries but she knew he could understand them. She felt him smile over her shoulder.

“Tell Wendy, Gray and Erza I’m sorry for not telling them and for not being a better teammate.”

She clutched him tighter, desperately trying to make him stay. “Tell them yourself.”

A dry laugh escaped his lips. “I really wanted to kick Gildarts’ and Laxus’ asses. Guess I won’t be able to do that now.” She mirrored his laugh, one that was mirthless and hollow. “Say thanks to Gramps for taking care of me when I was just a snot nosed brat. Lucy, tell everyone I’m sorry and thanks for everything.” He sighed, shuddering heavily into her with the exertion she guessed was from keeping his own mind at the forefront for just a little longer. “Please take good care of Happy for me. He really does love you.”

She nodded against his shoulder, her tears thick and painful as they fell from her eyes. She hadn’t experienced such excruciating pain before. “You know I will.”

He pulled away, his familiar smile taking over his face. “I’m sorry, Lucy.”

Suddenly with the last of his energy, he pushed her away from him through the dwindling fire that surrounded them. She looked back at him as he stood, the demonic eyes haunting as the flames reflected in them. She reached towards him, ready to call out his name but the word never came, stuck in her throat as her fear hitched her breath. She watched as he raised a hand slowly, small gobbets of flames sprouting from his fingertips and a malicious grin breaking the calm of his face before it burst with raucous laughter. None of it belonged on Natsu’s face.

She closed her eyes, bracing herself for the onslaught she had witnessed too many times before. She wanted to save him but here she was, readying herself for the reaper that had become Natsu. The words he asked her to pass on as his final wish, would they really never reach all the people he wanted them to?

And Happy. She couldn’t bear to look back him, worried of what she might see. She had promised she would bring Natsu back to him. But now she wasn’t sure if she would even make it herself. She only hoped that Wendy and Charle would be okay taking care of him for them.

She ground her teeth in frustration of herself and the twisted fate that had become their lives. It was almost comical the turn that it had taken. And had she the will do so, she would have laughed for no reason besides to spite the ones who weaved the golden thread of their lives just to snip it at the darkest point.

In the end, she thought, at least she was able to speak to him for just a moment longer. To hear those words from him. “I love you, Lucy.” She smiled at thought. How much he has changed. That idiot couldn’t have said something any sooner though, could he? That still sounded like him.

She felt strangely content as the blistering heat closed in on her and she waited for its impact.

“Yo, Lucy.”

“How are you feeling?” She eyed him skeptically, circling him as she assessed his current state. He had nearly died of a tumor. Of all things for the reckless numbskull to knock on death’s door for, a disease. She still couldn’t decide if he was incredibly lucky or ridiculously unlucky.

Deeming him okay of her own accord, despite his consistent mutterings of being “fine” and “okay” during her inspection, she stopped in front of him, a delightful smile on her face. “I’m glad you’re alright.” Her hand shot out and gave him a light whack on his head. “But don’t go fighting right after something like that ever again.”

“You needed me.” There wasn’t any hesitation in his statement.

She blushed and looked away, clearly bashful. “Still, you should also take care of yourself.” Her eyes flickered to him for a moment. “Besides, if you don’t care of yourself then you can’t take care of me like you apparently so desperately want to.” She didn’t have as much confidence in her playful tone as she would have liked but she hoped he wouldn’t pick up on it.

He got close to her, his chest centimeters from hers as his gaze was sharp in his eyes. She was entranced by the ferocity in his eyes. Though she wanted to reel from his sudden proximity, she needed to stare into those passionate eyes for just a little while longer. Was he really directing those at her? “If I didn’t have you, Lucy, then what reason would I have to take care of myself?”

Her mouth went dry and her mind blank. Without thinking, she moistened her lips.

He shifted back on his heels, walking away as his nose worked, taking in the scent of the infirmary. “Lucy, were you waiting here for me the whole time?”

Coming back to reality, she turned to him and nodded. “Well, yeah.” Her cheeks burned.

“You didn’t need to. Watching me sleep the whole time like that, you’re such a weirdo sometimes.”

A solo mission honestly seems like the best way to handle the problem. It's awkward for both of them, but Erik knows Jellal well enough to be fully aware that this conversation is one that should stay private. Jellal is the one to break the silence, surprisingly enough.

"You want to talk," he says softly. It's not a question, but Erik treats it like one anyway. He shrugs.

"Yeah," he says. "You need help." Jellal looks away, but Erik can tell that the other man isn't planning on denying anything. There's another awkward silence, and Erik quickly realizes that Jellal has no idea what else to say. "I mean… you got some issues."

"I know," Jellal agrees. "But I cannot really do anything about that. Unless you are suggesting I walk into a therapist's office and get myself arrested?" Erik snorts.

"Nothing like that," he lies back on the grass. "I was just wondering if you wanted to, uh, talk or something." He doesn't have to look to know that Jellal has raised an eyebrow. "Look, I know I ain't exactly comfort guy, but you gotta talk to someone before you do something stupid and get yourself killed." Jellal looks away.

"I appreciate the thought," he says quietly. "But Ultear already tried to–"

"Ultear?" Erik cuts him off in disbelief, sitting up. "You mean the one who caused those problems in the first place? Yeah, I wonder why talking to her didn't help!"

"She's not a bad person," Jellal says defensively. Erik rolls his eyes.

"Whatever," he grumbles. "Look, Ultear didn't have to listen to you mentally beating the shit out of yourself." Jellal shifts, looking guilty.

"Sorry," he mumbles, eyes downcast. "I hadn't realized… sorry."

"Stop apologizing," Erik snaps. "You're not the one who taught me this magic, and it ain't something I wanna get rid of. Yeah, it can be a pain, but it's helpful more often than it's a nuisance." He hesitates. "Listen, I'm just sayin'… you keepin' all this stuff bottled up ain't exactly doin' wonders for our teamwork." Jellal flinches.

"Sorry," he says again. Sorry, his mind agrees. Sorry.

"Is that the only word you know?" Erik asks irritably. "All I want is for you to go a bit easier on yourself – if not for my ears then for the increased likelihood of all of us dying on our next mission."

"Right," Jellal agrees. "Sor… Got it." Erik sighs. It's a start.

Jellal seems a bit less miserable after that, and Merudy later thanks Erik, stating that she's not sure what he did but it worked. Erik knows better. He still hears the whispers in his leader's head, still sees the dark pit of despair Jellal constantly teeters over. It's worse when Titania's around, he soon realizes. She comes by every now and then about the whole Avatar thing, with updates and the like, and Jellal's smiles become even more forced than usual. Erza Scarlet, more than any underlying mental issue, is chaining Jellal down.

"What's your deal with Titania?" he asks one day.

"She's the one who pulled me away from the darkness," he says simply.

No, Erik thinks to himself. She's the one that won't let you leave.