My vacuum cleaner, the one that I received as a house warming gift, wanted to join the war effort. I usually left the television on, receiving relays from a med bot that I had sponsored with a couple other friends. My vacuum cleaner watched the streams intently. I wondered if aspiration was coded into them, to make them appear a little more human. My vacuum cleaner was a mere 2 feet from toe to shoulder. Everyday, it spent 5 hours cleaning. At exactly six pm, the stream would start. It never demanded that is switch to the channel. However, it watched intently when I did.
It was a shame when I had to let the streaming go. Expenses had made it difficult to keep sponsoring the bot. I knew there was no real emotion behind the machine, but I felt sad reporting it to him. That night, he asked me if he could enlist.
What makes you think they need cleaners in the front?
they need every bolt we can spare, sir.
What makes you think you are spare?
There were no more questions that night. The following day, a prime time special was streamed for the general public. The Commander detailed the nature of the offensive, and how deep sea expeditions were being held to find and root out Octopod bases. Of course, we were reassured that no civilians, man or octopus was harmed in the operations.
My vacuum cleaner asked me a different question that night
why do you not enlist sir?
but does not define you? That you have no one fixed purpose?
I also have the right to exercise choice.
why would not chose to join the effort?
Humans have an expression. “Too many cooks spoil the soup.”
only humans could apply the same logic to soup and war.
Several days later, we learned about the assault on the harbor. At once, anti octopus sentiments skyrocketed. Restaurants held Octopod night, selling tentacles and sushi by the kilo. My vacuum cleaner found it odd.
why ingest the enemy if they disgust you so?
I think I told you to clean the washroom yesterday.
you asked me to do it if I could
i am not designed to determine whether I can.
There was bomb alert in the city. I was hitching a ride with a friend.
Clean the house. Try not to get bombed.
i might finally get a chance to fight, sir.
The threat was real. But there was little we did to worry about it. Out bunker hosted a party, with calamari sushi and chicken. The telecast showed the heptas bombing the city. I saw my house on the feed. Of course, my vacuum cleaner was on the terrace, voice blinker lit. The camera never caught what he said.
I came back to the house to find it partially rocked. Everything inside the house was alright. It was the terrace that had been messed up. My vacuum cleaner was there too, quite broken. The voice blinker was still lit.
ERROR: command request: “kill heptas” not found.
