So I don't know why but during my whole fertile window this month I have been on an emotional roller coaster of some sort. On the first day I started crying when I got home from helping my friend pick out her kitten. I was feeling like things weren't going for me and that I was being denied all these things I wanted for my life. I felt like I was denied my baby, I was denied being able to adopt a kitten with my friend, and soon I will be denied the higher position I applied for at work. And I just let it all out in tears and my poor husband had no clue what to do. He was like we will be blessed soon with our little rainbow, and you will get the position, and I mean if you really want a kitten we can get one so long as you can hide it from the landlady. Lol bless his heart. I felt better by the end of the night but than after that the next morning I still had some sad emotions going because I just kept thinking about having a baby and how I feel it was ripped away from me. I had pushed those feelings down so much when it had happened because I wanted to show I could be strong and that I was going to be ok. I didn't want my co-workers to think I was a burden because I couldn't keep up with my side of the production and orders. I didn't want people to constantly be asking me are you ok do you need to talk because those who I did could only look at me sadly and say your time will come. But now those feelings were coming out that day. I had a few moments at work where I had some tears spill but was able to stay on track. Even one of the girls gave me a pat on the back and said it's completely understandable don't think for one second it makes you weak. That got me going boy lol. She cheered me up for the rest of the day and I fell back into a good and happy mood for the rest of the weekend. But than Sunday I could barely stay awake after work and I even had a short day. I passed out on the couch for 2 hours and than had difficulty staying awake till bed time to the point I opted out of cooking dinner for a bowl of cereal. And now today I'm having a roller coaster ridee of being happy and than being mad. Like right before this I was mad because my house looks like a mess and I'm so tired of the only one able to apparently clean it. The hubby will pick up some things and straighten up but won't wipe anything down, properly sweep or vacuum, or do laundry without being asked. Like come on now! Just a little bit of help will make my heart sing! So now I'm waiting for his shift to end here in an hour so he can help me clean the whole house, none of this a little here and there and same thing the next day bullshit. Lol ::takes deep breath:: ok I will admit I feel a little bit better now after typing all this. Hahaha. Ah the remedy of spilling your guts out for others to read.