âNĂĄro,â he says again, his voice heavy. âI will be wed tomorrow.â
Despite himself, FĂ«anĂĄroâs jaw clenches, his fingers flexing. âI am well aware. The preparations are hard to miss. So was the invitation, and my fatherâs endless lectures about a united family, andââ
âNĂĄro.â A third time, and now NolofinwĂ« sounds truly irritated, the furrow between his brows that ever FĂ«anĂĄro has been most skilled at drawing forth; that ever, to his delight, prefaces a thunderstorm. âThis will be our lastâwe have to stop. We have to stop doing this. Can you notââ
Fëanåro knows what Nolofinwë is asking. Knows that what they have both long since pretended to ignore is split wide open between them, and that it is only wilful pretence that lets them continue to act like this means nought. That this is a game, a pushing of boundaries, a mixing of fighting and pleasure, at whose end they still cannot stand each other much better.
But how to admit that he considers a brother whom he fucks behind closed doors? How to admit that he fucks his brother, and it is not mere need to prove something of which he has long since lost sight? How to admitâ
âCan I not what?â he asks, at last. âWhat do you want me to say, Nolvoâoh no, brother, please do not wed, so that we may continue our ill-advised degeneracy behind closed doors? Do you want me to fuck you slow and gentle, tell you that it has always been you, truly, that I will ruin your wedding and leave my wife, so we may run away to live lifeââ
NolofinwĂ« reverses their positions with such force that FĂ«anĂĄro slams into the wood panelling, all air punched out of his lungs. This is more like it; this is how they began, what they know, what is, in the end, all they ever ought to be to each otherâNolofinwĂ«âs features contorted in fury and hurt, FĂ«anĂĄro flashing his teeth like he is just waiting to cause more of the same.