#fandomhumor

Leon: Why me?

You’re Albert Wesker's assistant. Unfortunately for him, you refuse to take his villain speeches seriously. Even worse? You keep calling them cringe. He tries to fire you. Repeatedly. But somehow, you're still on payroll. Honestly, he might need therapy more than world domination.

AKA “The Wraith Knight Isn’t Dead. Nova Thinks He Is. Chaos Ensues.”

So, Nova Hart has heard the local legends.

The Wraith Knight of Gloam City. Shadow-walking. Bullet-proof. Explosion-proof. Appearing and disappearing like a pissed-off cryptid with a moral code.

To Nova—former actual protector spirit turned broke college student—it all adds up:

The Wraith Knight is totally a ghost. A powerful one. A territorial one. A “hey-you’re-on-my-haunting-grounds” type.

Which is a problem, because Nova is currently… trespassing.

Naturally, he panics.

His Midwest upbringing (“be polite or die trying”) fuses with Ancient Ghost Politeness Rules to create:

A Please-Don’t-Beat-Me-Up Gift Basket™

It includes:

a $4 knockoff Wraith Knight plush

a pixelated image he printed from a conspiracy forum

random trinkets from his dorm drawer

a neon sticky note that says: “4 THE WRAITH KNIGHT. IM SORRY.”

He leaves it on the roof. He prays. He sweats.

Enter the Wraith Knight (who is, in fact, extremely alive)

He finds the basket. He gets Concerned™.

The next night, he corners 19-year-old Nova Hart, freshman in Gloam U’s engineering program.

Super ominous. Zero lighting. Peak cryptid energy.

Wraith Knight: Why.

Nova: “I’MSORRYMISTERWRAITHSIRIDIDN'TMEANTOPLEASEDON'THAUNTME.”

Wraith Knight: Why did you leave the items.

Nova tries to say “I’m like you,” meaning a protector spirit, but:

He panics. His brain blanks. And he blurts—

Nova: “I… like you?”

He doesn’t even notice the mistake.

The Wraith Knight does.

He goes still.

“…Oh,” he thinks. “He’s a fan.”

And then he leaves. Nova nearly passes out in relief.

But now he’s convinced that the Wraith Knight spared him only because the offering was acceptable. So he keeps making more “sacrificial” baskets like it’s a part-time job.

Misunderstanding Level: Catastrophic

The Wraith Knight thinks he’s dealing with the most dedicated fanboy he’s ever met.

Nova thinks he’s negotiating territory with a dead mega-ghost who is mercifully ignoring the fact that he exists.

And then the Shadows (the younger vigilantes) show up.

Nova, trying to be subtle, makes statements like:

“Yeah, I used to be like you guys.” (former vigilante = TRUE)

“Death is… complicated.” (also TRUE)

“My family situation is rough.” (painfully TRUE)

“I have a daughter.” (true-ish, because Dani exists, so… complicated.)

Each Shadow interprets these in increasingly unhinged ways:

Nightstar: He’s a retired vigilante who knows our identities.

Gravel: He literally died. He’s a vampire.

Byte: Traumatized child prodigy. I see it.

Starfish: He has a SECRET CHILD????

No one is correct. Everyone is confident.

Now Nova is basically the chaotic “uncle” of the team—dropping eldritch-level lore at random:

Example:

Cyrene (as Nightstar): “He’s my dad. I love him. But it sucks that his job is hunting people like me.”

Nova: “Kid, same.”

Cyrene: “…But your parents are scientists.”

Nova: dead, haunted, 1000-yard stare “…Yeah.”

switching from beta to omega for april fools is exactly the kind of unhinged, niche, deeply fandom-brained decision we’ve come to expect and cherish. flawless execution. 10/10, the entire class learned something today.

April 6th is officially the Day of the Penis.

So naturally, we—the Batfam enthusiasts, the Grayson Nation, the Nightwing scholars—gather in reverence to honor our Dick.

Yes. That Dick. Richard John Grayson. The first Robin. The original Boy Wonder. The man with the most iconic ass in comics and a name that writes its own jokes. 🦸‍♂️💦

Look, we could use today to talk about biology, reproductive health, awareness and all that important stuff (please do!), but in this little corner of fandom? It’s about celebrating the man who turned being called Dick into a symbol of agility, compassion, leadership, and thiccness.

Let’s talk facts:

🥇 He’s Batman’s first success story. 🍑 He’s canonically hot. Like, universally acknowledged hot. 🛏️ In most timelines, everyone wants to sleep with him. Including but not limited to: Kori, Babs, Helena, Wally, even a couple of villains — Slade 👀 — and aliens. 🩳 He’s been objectified in-universe more times than we can count. (Looking at you, Blüdhaven.) 👀 He jumps, flips, kicks, and quips while maintaining peak fanservice.

But it’s not just about the visuals. Dick Grayson is the heart of the Batfamily, the bridge between light and shadow. The one who saw Bruce's darkness and chose to still laugh, still love, still lead. The Dick that healed Gotham not with fear, but with empathy. The Dick we all deserve.

So yes, today is the Day of the Penis. But more importantly… it’s another day for Dick appreciation.

✨ Long live the king of flips, thighs, and emotional maturity. ✨ Happy Dick Day, everyone. Go read a Nightwing comic. Or five.

🧠 And a friendly PSA: Use a condom to keep it safe. Now we know that many cancers come from viruses—many of them transmitted via STIs. Safe Dick is happy Dick.

immediately trips over something

walks forward anyway