#fake statement

[Tape clicks on ]

[ a person knocks on the Magnus Institute ] Martin

Coming ! [Martin opens the door , seeing a short person with glasses ] The statement giver

You’re not the guy with the gray hair ! Martin

[looks confused for a sec ]Jon ! You’re talking about Jon ? The guy who looks very scrawny and has gray hair that makes him look older than he actually is ? The statement giver

Yes , yes that’s him ! [they look thrilled about it , but also have deep bags under their eyes and are very jittery ]

Martin

[sighs ] are you here to report him too , cause we already did get one from someone [ chuckles nervously ] The statement giver

[the shook their head and moved their hands shakily ], no no . I just want to make a statement about him , but I don’t want him to be in trouble . Martin

[looks very puzzled , thinking how weird this person is ] The statement giver

[sighs ] just take my statement , please ? [Martin nods ] Martin

Statement of …

Mave Chandler

Mave Chandler…

Martin

regarding an encounter with Jonathan Sims . Mave

The thing about me is that I’ve always been curious for my own good , always asking questions , which [they chuckle nervously ] annoy people to no end . That’s the thing with people , they don’t like to know why things happen , they just happen and they’re just content with it and I don’t understand it . We have this big world that is bigger than us and no one wants to ask questions around things that happen around us ? It’s why I never got close to people , even with my parents I’m very distant, only hanging around when we have to eat together and go outside to see places and the only reason I even go with them anywhere in the first place is because staying at one place for 20 years gets to you if you’re not content with doing the same thing over and over and believe me I hate it . It wasn’t always like this though, I used to be very outgoing , always suprises me when I remember it cause every time I look at myself I see someone who just is content with being by themselves . It’s not that I hate people , it’s just that being around people is too much for me . Why do stuff with people when you can just relax with doing them yourself ? Spending time reading , watching movies in peace always calms after a long day from dealing with people from work , I learned stuff from them , got into them so much I could barely sleep because I needed to know what would happen next from a book or a series and I did it even if it affected me badly . I had to know . That was a weakness of mine . It was a sunny day after work where I saw him . I tried to brush it off , thinking I was just being anxious for no reason again . I always had this problem that when I went outside by myself that someone was watching me . I continued walking , but he was still there . I sat down at a cafe and tried to read, hoping he would go away if I ignored him, but he was staring at me with his big eyes . I wanted to tell someone to get rid of him , but I got curious . There was something off about him , he didn’t entirely look human and that made me want to know about him more . He looked very confused by that , like he read my mind and maybe he did . I should’ve been off put by that , but I wasn’t a person like that , so I tried to talk to him .

What are you ?

The archivist

I’m Jonathan Sims , the archivist I work at the Magnus institute

Mave

The Magnus Institute…. I did hear about that , is it true that it’s paranormal? , I asked

[the archivist nods ] And you’re one of the paranormal people ? [the archivist looks down in shame, but nods ]

I’m sorry , I didn’t mean to hurt you !

[the archivist smiles sadly ] He talked about fear entities and the Magnus institute and even though I was terrified with the things he said , I had to know about them . It made me really happy and it disgusted me that it did , but I couldn’t help it . It was going well till I had to give him a statement , but even than I didn’t hate him . It made me feel like I made a friend , something I never had . Martin

What was the statement about ?

Mave

Peter Lukas followed me around all the time . He never left me , until I met Jon , but I keep seeing Peter over and over again in my mind , tormenting me . [Mave sniffles ,takes a tissue and runs away ] thank you .

You go into the hospital cause you had a weird episode of mystery sickness after getting some basic cosmetic procedure done by Questionable Dr. Taub. You have no clue why you're suddenly wildly ill, then Evil Dr. House Flesh Entity ends up on your case. According to him, surgery is the only option and you quickly agree cause you don't want to get sicker.

The anesthesia they give you just doesn't work properly (it's not supposed to) and then you lay there paralyzed from the neuromuscular blockade while Evil Dr. House and Evil Dr. Chase do surgery on you for one billion years. Evil Dr. Wilson tells you they're going to have to give you a brain transplant cause that's the only way to fix you, since obviously you must be made wrong on a fundamental level.

Dr. House starts slicing and dicing you open and you're like "☹️" while he takes out all your organs and puts them alphabetically ordered into big jars of pickle brine cause "the patient needs to be pickled to live."

Every so often, Evil Dr. Cuddy appears to yell at House for pickling you. She doesn't care about you at all and is coming by just to give you a false sense of hope. The paperwork on her desk has nothing to do with you, and certainly nothing to be filed and sent to the ethics committee. Your pleas and groans of pain are nodded along to with synthetic sympathy that is dropped the second she turns around to leave.

Evil Dr. House sells pickled you for money that he uses to buy Vicodin, and the episode ends when they've replaced all your organs with empty orange prescription bottles and you get wheeled out of the OR and are left in the hallway outside.

statement given by a young woman. shes an aspiring model and is going to a photography studio to get headshots and various work for a portfolio. her usual studio moved to a different city because the rent was too much and this 'new' studio was nearby and seemed 'pretty'.

she goes in and speaks with the only woman working there; an eager lady with short blonde hair and eyes that were a little wide set- but the statement giver wants you to know she doesnt judge on looks and said the studio owner was nice and overly eager to help her. she figured the woman was so nice because the place was new and they needed clientele. the employee was very tall and scheduled the statement giver for a week from the consultation

she comes back and its still the wide eyed woman there. she seems to be running around with her camera, apologizing because shes working with several other "beauties". the model says thats fine and is directed to her own room. the model says she finds that strange as studios usually have one large open space but, again, chocks it up to the space and it being "new". shes surprised that the owner, whos name is given as "Ana", has so many clients already and is seemingly the only person working. the model hears Ana speaking excitedly to at least 3 or 4 other people before finally coming to her room.

This goes on for maybe a month, the statement giver/model comes in/ana apologizes for having sooooo many appointments, model hears lots of chatting and pictures being taken, ana takes her pictures, and shes on her way. The model mentions that sure people can walk to the studio, but shes never seen another person come in or when she walks by the studio its ALWAYS dead when shes not there. She thinks its really odd but, whatever. Shes finally booked a gig and going to her last appointment with Ana.

That appointment, she was waiting as usual but needed to use the bathroom. She figured Ana wouldn't mind, and got up. She walked past the other studios and saw shadows but no movement in them, heard no signs of people but she /saw/ people. She anxiously walks past the rooms and opens the door to what she thinks is the bathroom. It isn't. She opens the door to see a whole photo rig of a weird splay of mutilated lookint mannequins posed under ring lights and fabric. The fabric is torn and horrific. Backing away she walks into a door that was slightly ajar and saw what looked like mannequins fusing with actual body parts. She's horrified and borderline about to vomit when she hears laughter, it sounds like canned laughter all around her.

She suddenly throws open all the doors to similar scenes of horrible not people and paint and smears everywhere. Finally Ana is waiting for her in one of the rooms and its apparent Ana is a mannequin as well, though simply one of those beauty busts on a larger body. She smiles widely, but shes not actually smiling. She's pointedly starring at the model and asks if she's ready for her shot. Ana says "Don't worry, I hope you aren't feeling too self conscious. I know meeting the other beauties can really bruise ones self esteem but you're so beautiful too! Think of the potential your body holds!" The statement giver felts her blood run icy after that and just ran from the studio. She left all her things there and didn't go back. She didn't care.

STATEMENT BEGINS:

It was this last December that it happened. I’ve been hesitant to tell anyone, I’ve been trying to convince myself it was just a dream. It wasn’t though, I know that. Dreams don’t feel like that. 

“Statement of Jamie, no surname given, regarding a series of strange events throughout their childhood. Statement begins”

I was eight when it happened. It was late at night, my mother was away on a work trip and my father was in the living room watching tv. My younger brother was asleep. I should probably give you a layout of my room at the time. I had a loft bed but I slept on a bed on the floor because it was too hot up on the loft. The end of my loft bed faced the door which was usually open at night due to my fear of the dark. At the end of my loft bed there was a small compartment where you could hang clothes but I used it to put my three dolls, they were Our Generation dolls. One was called Autumn and the other was called Raphial, I don't remember the third one's name. I also had a stuffed dog toy with hard plastic eyes, they were big and sparkly and I always put him next to my dolls. It was late at night, my mother was away on a work trip and my father was in the living room watching tv. My younger brother was asleep. I was lying in bed unable to sleep when I heard the dog be picked up and thrown at the wall to the right. It couldn't have fallen and I know it was thrown because I heard its eyes make contact with the wall. I didn't sleep in my bedroom for at least two months after that.

That wasn't the first time something weird happened in that room. My mum once said she had found me talking to someone in the corner of my bedroom. I'll ask her more about it and make another statement if you want. It's an old house so I wouldn't be surprised if it was haunted. It has to be, right? Anyway, the house has been renovated but the bedroom is still there. Thankfully I don't have to sleep there anymore because my brother and I swapped rooms. Ever since the swap i've been sleeping more peacefully and i only get the creeps when i'm in my old room. You don't have to follow any of this up or whatever you do at the institute, I just want someone to believe me.

You know this post? The one where someone wrote a TMA statement for someone hearing Gangnam Style from the upstairs apartment? Uhhhhh, yeah, I recorded the statement. It's nearly 10 minutes long, so it honestly is about half as long as some shorter TMA episodes and I couldn't do as many long pauses as I would have liked in order to get the recording under 10mb or else Tumblr wouldn't take it.