#fan statement?

Right, so it started off a normal day, everything does doesn’t it? I had a doctor’s appointment regarding my asthma, it was routine. It went fine, I got good news actually. It wasn’t until after that things got strange. I opened the door to the reception area and found myself... somewhere else. I don’t know. Are there words to describe it? Maybe one: Alone. That’s where I found myself. I don’t know how else to describe it. 

I found myself alone. I was still right there where I expected to be, in the lobby, and everything was I remembered it being. I suppose you would say I hadn’t changed location at all, I hadn’t gone anywhere, but believe me, I was somewhere different. I can’t describe why I’m so sure of that, I could just feel it. I knew I was somewhere else, and it wasn’t right. Everything felt off and too... sanitary? perfect? It was a dollhouse of a lobby.

I didn’t know what was causing this feeling and I looked around trying to figure out what it was. What about the room was making it so different? I felt like if only I could identify the problem, then I could eliminate it. That sounds about right doesn’t it? So I wavered in the doorway, approaching my feelings with a logical plan of attack. Find out what’s wrong, don’t feel weird any more. Except, as I looked around the room, I couldn’t actually remember what everything was supposed to be. I mean, obviously it was supposed to be a reception area, but were the chairs beige or green? Was there supposed to be magazines on the table, or was there a rack? How could I find out what was out of place if I didn’t know what place they were supposed to be in to begin with? 

This caused my brain to spiral into a flurry of thoughts, trying to make sense of everything, trying to find some hint of logic to apply to the scenario, and that was when I remembered the receptionist. At first, remembering her embarrassed  me. I could only imagine how I must’ve looked right then, and I really hoped she hadn’t noticed. She was always a sweet lady and I didn’t want her to think bad of me. I missed her this morning, and I feel like the first impression of the day is very important, so I needed to keep some composure. 

I decided to walk over to the front desk, make some small talk, and casually ask her what in the office had been changed, before making my next appointment and my way out. Then I could right this weird pit in my stomach, and go on with my day. As I got there, though, I realized she wasn’t there. There were papers strewn across her keyboard as if she had been working, but absolutely no sign of her being there. I called out to see if maybe she’d just gone to the back, but I got no response.

It wasn’t until that moment that I really noticed the lack of people around me, I was the only one in this part of the building, and it really felt like I shouldn’t be. Deciding my goal was now just to keep my composure, I moved on. If there was no one currently available to schedule my next appointment, I’d just have to call in later and get it set up. I had things to do. I convinced myself that everything was normal, and fine.

And it was, as I forced myself to ignore the aching in my stomach. As soon as I walked outside, and the crisp morning air hit my face, I was able to forget it. I focused on myself and that feeling of the fresh breeze on my face as I walked on towards home. It was still early morning, so I didn’t expect to see many people out on the streets yet, but it did strike me just how empty it was.

When I finally did see cars on the road, they were stopped at a traffic light. We were headed the same way, and ended up waiting together for the light to change. I crossed the street without paying them much attention, until I realized as I kept walking that I didn’t see them pass me. I turned around, curious why they were driving so slow, to find they hadn’t been driving at all. They were still stopped at the stop light. I looked closer to check if everything was alright, when I realized that neither of the cars had anyone in them. They both sat there empty, and I realized they had been sitting there when I walked up. 

I looked around for someone to ask, and I realized just how empty everything was. It was more than just quiet, it seemed abandoned. Peeking into the cafe window, I couldn’t see anyone inside, but there were freshly made drinks and pastries out and on tables. A bicycle lay across the sidewalk ahead of me as if it’s rider had fallen off and just left it there. Looking into all of the cars and building windows I could find, it was the same thing: the lights were on but no one was home.

I found myself alone.

My memory gets a bit fuzzy here, but I wound up running home. I stormed past my building’s empty doorman post and hardly noticed one of my neighbors had even left their front door open, I was just focused on getting to my own home. I think some part of my brain decided that if I just made it home, everything would be normal again.

I went straight to my bed and just hid under the blankets, trying to make sense of everything. Who had I seen that morning? It had been quiet but everything seemed normal... As I really thought about it though, I realized the only person I had actually seen was my doctor. Even the receptionist wasn’t there, my doctor let me in himself explaining that she’d had business to do in the back. At the time I didn’t question it. I didn’t question any of it.

I just let myself lay there, hopelessly trying to figure out what one does when they find out they’re the only person left, until my phone rang. It was my doctor’s phone number. Logically, he was just calling to set up a follow up appointment since I hadn’t done so, but my heart leaped at the prospect of human contact. When I answered the phone, the voice wasn’t my doctor’s. I mean it-it sounded like him enough, but it was warped and shrill. I still can’t forget the words it said.

“I enjoyed our time alone together. Can we do it again next week?”

I didn’t have a response, but it seemed satisfied with that nonetheless, and hung up before I could even react. I didn’t get out of my bed that day, and ended up crying myself to sleep. When I woke up I had several messages from my sister asking why I’d stood up our coffee plans, which was when I realized that it had been a full two days since my appointment. 

Now, I really really tried to dismiss it. And for awhile I had. I convinced myself it was just a weird dream I had one night that I slept way too long. I never would’ve brought this to you, I just wanted it to be a dream. But... The other day, I got another call, from the doctor’s office. I hadn’t been, you know, since all that, I still wasn’t too keen on contacting them again, but I got another call. It was the same voice, and the same message, but this time more urgent... It seemed upset that I hadn’t gone back for another appointment. I ignored it again, but I haven’t been able to get rid of that feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I don’t quite think it’s over.