Another gross, dark, soggy day

Walked Mags. Took calls this morning, lines were thankfully v quiet. Back out into the woods at lunch time, it stopped raining briefly 🙌 worked some more. Got a message from my doctor saying she's checked over my scan, my coil is fine, she doesn't think that's what causing the pain. I asked for a face to face appt to discuss my options bc now I just feel a bit lost. I also told her I've been spotting since my last period end of Jan so she is going to do another exam. So was feeling a bit shitty after work thinking about wtf I am going to do bc switching to a hormonal coil will be traumatic in itself - removal and re-insertion will be so painful. And if that fucks up my anxiety and I want it taken out again that's another painful procedure and another day written off. So that would be 2 days I'd have to take off work. And I would be paranoid af in between. Equally she might just say lets try stronger painkillers. Idk I need her opinion

Forced myself to do a little workout bc Matt was so happy to see me when he got home and I was so grumpy and it wasn't fair. And a brief workout done in my pyjamas is better than nothing

Tried on the dresses I ordered last week - 2 casual for work when the weather warms up. I have quite a few dresses but they all have low V-necks so needed some more modest ones and I like these.

And a few I wanted to try for a couple of weddings we have coming up. I'm returning the peach & paisley bc they just don't fit right. V sad bc I thought the paisley would be more fitted, it didn't look that flared on the photos. And the peach just fits terribly, it looks like I'm wearing a curtain 🤦🏼‍♀️The green I think I will wear for Matt's friend's wedding in May bc realistically we'll be lucky if it's 15°C

Almost didn't work out today but I didn't work out yesterday either as I was exhausted after work so I started out doing bicep curls in my pyjamas and dressing gown, soon enough felt good and got my sports bra on for the rest 😊 ended up with a decent quick arms & core session before dinner and felt so much better for it 💪

Arms & chest today. I didn't want to do it but Matt told me I would feel better if I put my shorts on and just started stretching and annoyingly he was right as always and I ended up doing a decent workout and feeling really good 🙄

Also look at this cute plant pot I bought this morning!! I'm going to repot one of Matt's grandma's baby succulents into it for his mam for Mother's Day

(I swear I cleaned my car at the weekend but then little sis and her boyfriend got in after being in the fields with the horses 😒)

Also sleepy Maggie that Matt sent me this afternoon 🥹

Ending 2023 on a high after a long, stressful Christmas week. We ended up staying at Matt's parents' from Christmas Eve through to yesterday bc they only live 5 mins from the nursing home where his grandma was dying. So we went to sit with her every day to look through old pictures, talk about her favourite memories, and towards the end just to keep her company and hold her hand because she was too exhausted to do anything or even speak. It was so sad and the one thing she said was that she just wanted to drift away peacefully so it was awful to see her distressed and uncomfortable for almost a week as she deteriorated. But I think it meant a lot to her that we were all there at some point every day just so she wasn't alone. She died the 28th so we spent the 29th with his family and tbh everyone was just so relieved she wasn't in pain any more. And because they knew it was coming they had already come to terms with it. So it kind of felt like a peaceful day rather than grieving. We all just relaxed, I just sat around reading my book all day bc I had been doing as much housework at our house as I could to avoid us coming home to an actual bomb site, and also at his parents' so they didn't have to do it after spending 8 hours at a time at the home. We came home last night to have one night together in our own home with our shiny new TV that all Matt's brothers chipped in for us for Christmas bc our old one was really on its last legs. Matt was working a late shift at the hospital so I spent all night unpacking, doing laundry and cleaning to get the house straightened up a bit.

Today though, we had a lie in together (got up at 8.30!!) and woke up to a gorgeous sunny day so we both took Mags out for a lovely long walk. Had lunch and a cuddle on the couch, then Matt went up to do some uni work before we go to his brother's for NYE tonight with the rest of the family. I did more housework and then finally got to work out - I've been craving exercise all week but had an awful period and walking Mags for 20 minutes at a time was painful enough, and obvs we were spending as much time with family as we could. Despite everything, we did actually have a lovely Christmas Day. Just my dad was a dick both times I saw him over the holidays which is exactly what I expected therefore not worth getting upset about.

Anyway, it felt great to have a more normal day today and to get a proper workout. I did legs - strength followed by 25 mins on the bike which I'm just finishing up as I'm typing bc I need to go get ready for tonight.

Outfit for tonight after about 10 changes

I did it! I had a day without letting myself spiral even though I kind of really wanted to and it would have been the easy option. Don't want to take full credit bc also maybe I was just in an ever so slightly better mental state than the past few days. But anyway, I got up this morning and had a lovely stretch followed by a good leg workout. I found it harder than I want to admit but I'm glad I did it! Definitely gave me the confidence boost I needed, and made me feel better about my poor bum after I spent all weekend sitting on it lol. Abs are trying to make a little bit of a comeback too 🤏

Met my friend for lunch, got a bit sad about having to go back to work tomorrow and didn't feel up to visiting my nannas and having to talk wedding stuff with them as it's getting v overwhelming. So instead I just came home and INTENTIONALLY, AS A POSITIVE THING, chilled out on the couch in my blanket and played on my switch. Not feeling wracked with guilt, not scrolling my phone getting overwhelmed by all the messages needing replies, not spiralling into a depression. Actually just relaxing and enjoying it! Started to feel all lethargic and wanted some movement so I got up and biked while watching the Murdaugh Murders documentary. Felt great to get some cardio on top of the weights this morning.

Then made a cup of tea and drank that while waiting for the bath to run. I feel so much more prepared and confident to go back to work now. Exercise truly is therapy 🙌

I know I've barely posted any fitness stuff - was having trouble with my back and really trying to go easy with that, and also just had so much going on, work has been pretty terrible and family drama is really getting on my nerves. So this weekend I'm trying to do a bit of self care and get myself back up and at it!

We had my nephew over last night and we had a lovely time - watched Harry Potter, ate lasagne, played board games. He played with Maggie lots too which made me so happy bc she was always v wary of him. She's growing up to be such a good, loving girl. She just takes a while to trust people.

Met up with my sister and her partner to drop him off this afternoon and had lunch with them, then went grocery shopping and came home to decompress. I went too far and started getting sad so got myself up for a workout. I've been feeling my bum just slowly turning to mush so went for legs and core to try to keep some strength in my back after having issues with it. This workout felt awesome and gave me the endorphins I needed. Feeling great now, in the bath about to have some supper and an early night 😌

Didn't have time for hip thrusts but also didn't want to go too crazy anyway so didn't mind missing them

Went out for a lovely walk in the snow with Matt and Maggie this morning. Didn't do a great deal this afternoon, just napped and chilled and researched wedding photographers instead of doing any work like I was supposed to 😬 When my favourite DJ came on the radio at 6pm I finally got myself up to do a workout and really enjoyed it. I needed to feel good about myself after such a lazy day so did some core & upper body strength and it felt great! Coach Maggie was a fab help too as always, lay on top of me for my double leg lifts to add resistance, lay underneath me to lick my face for pushups, barked at me for bursting into mountain climbers with no notice 😂 then gave up and had a nap while I did my weights.