#executive function tips

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Notice. Pause. Identify. Work Toward.

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Notice: Scrolling and cycling between apps, getting my brain all anxious about all the bad things happening in the world, while struggling to get myself to start my day? Unproductive. But it happens. A lot. And there are other unproductive and actively harmful loops I can get stuck in.

So, when I notice that I'm getting locked in an unproductive loop, I try to pause.

(Rest is productful, though. I'm not against mindless scrolling when it's actually useful for me, such as for decompression.)

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Pause: I used to try to get myself to 'go do the thing' while I was still stuck in a loop, and that rarely worked. Asking myself to pause—usually entailing a looking up, a deep breath, a small stretch, and/or focusing my eyes on something at a different distance from me than the thing I'm stuck on—creates almost no demand and requires no preparation.

There's no commitment. It's just a breaking of concentration when I'm not happy with concentrating on the thing I'm stuck on.

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Identify: Once I've paused, I can think a little more clearly about the loops I'm stuck in and what things I may want/need to work toward to that require not being stuck in those loops. That's when I identify something to work toward (or a less stressful way to occupy idle time).

The currently identified thing is 'get out of the bedroom'. No specific plans after that, just generally start my day.

Sometimes it's a bigger thing, a project that I want to work on, but even then I try to identify the thing to work toward as the getting myself in the general proximity of the tools required. It allows me to regularly check in with myself and see what my capabilities at the moment are.

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Work Toward: Once I've identified something to work toward, I can start taking steps in that direction. Currently, I'm working toward leaving the bedroom by tidying up the bed that I've been sitting on. Which included putting away the laptop, with a minor tangent of writing this post.

Sometimes it means gathering supplies. Sometimes it means putting everything away. Sometimes it means going somewhere and pacing around and looking at things and thinking.

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I've been working on it with my therapist, but one thing that has helped me is to make my own checklist to identify barriers to activities. I'm putting it here in case it helps anyone else, too!

It's based loosely on the HALT list -- Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired -- which is a common self-care tool.

The idea behind my list is to do a quick check whenever I feel resistance to the idea of doing something fun, like a trip to a bookstore or a nature walk. That way, I can identify what's really bothering me about the idea, rather than forcing myself to power through (and exhausting myself in the process).

My personal list is:

Physical Comfort

Do my clothes fit? Are my shoes comfortable and appropriate to the environment?

Is it likely to be very hot or very cold?

Is the activity likely to cause a flare up of a chronic condition (in my case, back pain)?

Visibility

Am I going to be self-conscious about my appearance (too fat, too dorky, too poor, too rich, too queer)?

Am I going to be self-conscious about my behavior (i.e., looking confused, not knowing how to do something)?

Social issues

Am I worried about making small talk?

Am I worried about meeting new people?

Overwhelm

Will I have to make a lot of small decisions?

Will the environment be very noisy, crowded, hot, cold, buggy, sunny?

Am I likely to need food or water before I get home? Bathrooms?

Logistics

Will I need to make multiple stops (i.e., get cash from an ATM, get gas)?

Will this trip/event screw up my normal routine?

Will I need time to recover?

What if I’m running late?

Obviously, your own list will vary. And not every one of these questions applies for every activity. But the idea is that it can help you get to the root of what's stopping you from doing whatever it is you want to do, rather than marinating in frustration and self-loathing (or is that just me lol.)

Of course, sometimes there may not be an easy solution; some barriers cannot be eliminated. But this might help identify and mitigate other factors which could be compounding the issue.

For each thing on the list, I have a short term solution, a long term solution, or possibly both. In a lot of cases, the solutions may be as simple as positive self-talk. Or it might be something that seems totally unrelated.

For example, I recently started to plan a trip to a bookstore the next town over. This should have been easy, as I have been there several times, so I know what's involved and where I'm going (normally my biggest hangups). But I still felt very frustrated and resistant once I started to plan it. Eventually I realized I was anticipating feeling uncomfortable walking around town; I recently gained a little weight and my clothes are now too tight. Luckily, I had already ordered new clothes, which arrived today. Now that I know what was really the issue and have addressed it, I'm looking forward to the trip again. It will still require a lot of effort, but I feel more confident, rather than dreading it.

If you struggle to make plans because you can't make plans without talking to someone about your schedule and priorities and whatnot, make it a priority to find someone who will listen to you talk about plans and schedules and priorities and whatnot.