mind your change

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Escalate.

When they come for birth control rights, demand free birth control.

When they come for abortion rights, demand more clinics.

When they come to feed your black neighbors to the prison industrial complex, demand reparations.

When they come to collect refugees, offer a room in your house and demand they fill it.

When they come for Muslims, help build a mosque.

When they come for the ACA, demand single-payer.

When they come for Welfare and food stamps, demand universal basic income.

When they come with anti-trans bathroom bills, demand gender-transition healthcare coverage for trans people.

When they come with "reparative therapy," demand anti-hate crime legislation that includes LGBT people.

When they come with "Right to Work" legislation, build more unions and demand legislation making it easier for unions to form.

Do not compromise. Do not capitulate. A battle that is only fought with defense is a battle lost. Take the offensive.

—Author unknown

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Anyway... Hi.

One of the names I go by is Xerserise. I was born in the late 1970s, grew up in the 80s and 90s, had my early adult life at the turning of the century, and around ten years later had a breakdown as a result of decades of trauma as an undiagnosed autistic ADHDer living under capitalism's systems of alienation, had another ten years of trying to get stabilized while dealing with housing insecurity and an abusive relationship, and, as of 2026, have had about five years of finally having my basic needs met and a healthy home environment that I've been able to grow into and customize for my own needs.

This blog is my main blog. I also have one blog for my hobby and one for the pets I live with. They're for a general audience, and are neither officially nor unofficially linked to this blog. I also have a blog for my podcast, @blackboxrecordings, which is unofficially linked to this one, and is where I post links to the newest episodes of me, talking, unscripted, into a bluetooth earpiece, while recording on a voice recorder app, thinking and planning, doing the dishes, going through my to-do list and trying to get things done, and doing whatever else I can manage to trick myself into doing by pretending to have an audience.

On this blog, I post things I write myself (see '#my words', although I only recently started doing that and haven't finished scrolling back through and updating all my old posts), reblogs with and without commentary, and possibly the occasional aesthetic or meme post. Sometimes I muse on the dystopia I find myself living in. Other times, I think of something funny or strange, and want to share it. I also post boops, with prompts or reminders that may be helpful to people who are struggling with executive function issues.

For posts about my Do Deck, a DIY, pocket-sized, portable, modular, customizable, fully-manual, externalized working-memory system for folks with executive function issues, check the tag, '#do deck' or go to this long post about it: https://www.tumblr.com/xerserise/822655742479892480/the-do-deck

I'm also dealing with chronic progressive pain, mobility limitations, living in a world built for people nearly a foot shorter than me, living in a world built to further empower the exploitative ableist racist sexist power-hungry foundations it was built upon, living in a neuronormative world as a late-diagnosed multiply-neurodivergent person, living in a world where there are multiple ongoing genocides that aren't being stopped, and suchlike.

I struggle to find the energy to care for myself. But I'm working on it.

I struggle to maintain connections with others. But I'm working on it.

―Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man

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Two completely different movies.

Both using the same set, filmed at the same time, sharing bits of script when characters are in the same room, but filmed with different cinematography.

In one movie, the main characters are upper class, while the background characters are servants. Scenes will always include at least one servant as an element, even if it's just an arm in the foreground or a blurry figure through an open door. Can be a romcom or something frivolous, but with a subtle anti-capitalist message.

In the other movie, the same servants are the main characters, while the same upper class people are the background characters. Each scene should have at least one of the upper-class people as an element. The story takes place at the same time as the other film's, but has no significant connection to the other film's characters, aside from time and location. Is an anti-capitalist drama.

The background characters of each film should be seen as very flat, 2-dimensional, not at all important to the plot as individuals, only in their general existence. The plot of the working-class-focused film should not be how to get revenge on their employers, and the plot of the upper-class-focused film should not be a rom-com between a maid and a wealthy bachelor.

Maybe a Wes Anderson type film about a corporate executive taking their family on a cruise that is, unbeknownst to the family, an excuse for the executive to get a certain deal signed before a certain time, but the ship gets hit with a virus and is quarantined, potentially delaying the signing of the document. And a film that's not a Wes Anderson type film, about the cruise ship employees' personal lives, the reasons they're working on the ship, their goals and dreams, the sacrifices they make, the customer-service face they have to put on and the emotional cost it has, workplace hierarchies, and all that sort of stuff, and how the addition of the medical crisis and quarantine bring those things into sharper focus. (Just as an example.)

Doesn't have to be that. Setting could be a casino, a hotel, a party, an airport, a post-apocalyptic underground bunker, a Victorian manor, a fancy restaurant, or even a rich family on world tour and their servants who accompany them... Anywhere that a group of workers and a group of wealthy people would both have reason to occasionally, often, or always occupy the same general area at the same time.

If you ran the two films at the same time, side-by-side, the stories would have no significant character-related plot overlap, while perfectly overlapping in the in-film time. If one film's scene were to show rich people partying in their ballroom, the other film would show the people doing the catering for the party. You would see the partiers in the caterer-focused movie's scenes, when kitchen doors open as servers go in and out, when the camera follows a caterer out into the ballroom, etc. If the partier-focused movie's scenes spill out into hallways or people go off to find the bathroom, caterers could also have scenes in or neighboring those spots during those points in time. What's happening in one film will always be shown, at least a little, in the other film, and vice versa.

Themes of the synced scenes could also be chosen for contrast or other artistic purpose. Someone talking about their new baby in one film, and someone mourning their parent in the other. Someone talking about romantic love and someone talking about the love of deep friendship. Someone talking about buying a burger chain and someone talking about not even being able to afford fast food.

Audio design would also be included in the dual-watching experience. Things like footsteps in one film fade out as a character goes to the next room, and fade in on the other film as they step into that room. Hushed silences in one film, and loud celebration in another. Arguments between different people, over different things, happening at the same time. A line that is only heard in one film, but is the only thing heard during that moment while dual-watching, which adds irony or a laugh line or whatever, to the other film. Music designers should likewise compose the two soundtracks to also work as a third soundtrack when played together. Faintly overheard party music adding poignancy in one film while being a banging dance scene in the other. Strings in one, piano in the other, both part of the same composition, but lovely to listen to on their own as well.

Costume department and lighting department will have an interesting time of it. The films should have a different visual feel from each other, but the costumes and sets will be the same between each. Both films could be shot at the same time, with one overdirector and two directors.

Each film should stand on its own, yet should be enhanced and changed by the other, despite the characters from each not having plot-relevant interactions with the characters from the other. Even watching each separately should create further thought about the underlying meaning and messages of the other.

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Other setting concepts:

Films are in an airport, and take place over several years, whenever one of the first-class traveler characters is where one of the working-class characters is, such as at the airport or on a plane or in a taxi.

Films are on the estate of a wealthy family, and take place over the course of a single evening's dinner party, from the moment the first guest arrives and is greeted by the butler, to the moment the last guest is seen out.

"How will we stop crime?" just means "How do we keep people from breaking laws?" But people act like they're asking "How do we keep people from acting in harmful ways?"

"They crossed the border illegally!" implies complete acceptance of the realness of what is essentially a line on a map, as well as the authority to control who is on which side of it, while also ignoring the reality of people fleeing from other lines on a map because of real instabilities ultimately caused by the most powerful line-controlling authorities.

Laws can be unjust. Committing a crime to break an unjust law still makes you a criminal. Laws can change. You can be turned into a criminal at any time.

Some executive function prompts for those who need them:

Do you have the capacity to Think About The Thing?

Do you have the capacity to Identify A Next Step?

Do you have the capacity to Work On The Next Step right now?

Can you predict an upcoming period of time when you are more likely to Have Capacity For Things?

What can you do to increase the likelihood of Working On The Thing?

If I get up, it will be time to start doing things. If I stay in bed, things will not get done. Staying in bed hurts. Getting up hurts. Doing things hurts. Doing nothing hurts. I'm tired of spending hours, tossing and turning, trying to get another hour of sleep. I'm tired of scrolling mindlessly while I try to fill time.

I am tired. And I hurt. And I'm tired of being tired and hurting. And being in constant pain is tiring and hurts.

And I need to get up. And I don't want to. And I don't want to just lay here.

Person 2: [rightfully points out that the horrible take is complete bullshit, and follows up with another horrible take]

As Jiddu Krishnamurti put it, "Of course, the unhealthy must be made healthy, that goes without saying; but why should the individual adjust himself to an unhealthy society? If he is healthy, he will not be a part of it. Without first questioning the health of society, what is the good of helping misfits to conform to society?"

The quote that is often attributed to him, but for which there is no solid evidence of him saying in these exact words, is: "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."

Here's an executive function prompt for those who put things into piles and boxes to get them out of the way, and struggle to 'deal with' them until calamity approaches (or has already passed).

It can be hard to stop viewing them as boxes of indecision and anxiety or piles of demands and decisions, but it's good to go through your doom boxes and paper piles from time to time.

Sometimes, there's time sensitive stuff hiding in there, because you thought you were going to handle that particular pile soon, and then you forgot about it. Sometimes there are things you are more easily able to find a proper home for than you were when you put them into the heap. Sometimes decision-making is just easier for some reason. Sometimes you can separate one big mess of a box into several smaller boxes with themes for what's inside them. Sometimes you can take many small scattered piles and consolidate them into a few organized piles.

It's okay if you still have piles and boxes afterward. The important part is looking through them every now and then, refamiliarizing yourself with what's in them, and deciding what, if anything, you will take some sort of action on at this point in time.

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I realize that 'instead of dreading your doom piles, try looking through them' sounds horrifically wrong. But the larger the doom piles and doom boxes get, the more scattered they get, the larger and more scattered the dread gets. There's still dread in actively going through the stuff, of course. But (for some people) it can get less dreadful if you do it more often. And, if you are able to make a habit of going through it all semi-regularly, there's fewer bad consequences.

Also, since one particular thing common to folks with executive function issues is the 'out of sight, out of mind' phenomenon, reviewing whatever is buried in those boxes and piles will refresh your awareness of it. It's hard to make decisions about things you don't think about. And making decisions is the only way to deal with the pile. One of those decisions can be deciding not to deal with it today. And that's fine. Until that's the daily decision for years in a row... which I admit to having been guilty of. And now I'm doing everything I can to ensure I don't go back to that.

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Having said all that, if it were as easy as 'just start looking through them and making decisions', you would already be doing that.

What sort of supports would help? I encourage you to think about the type of help that you could use, that you can access, and how you can get yourself started on that.

My start came when I realized that I needed someone to be an extra brain for me and give me recurring predictable times for me to talk to them, while I focused on my needs, my routines, my priorities, my plans, etc. I asked for volunteers, offering a small honorarium, in a facebook group for a particular demographic that I belong to and in which I felt I would be more likely to find the type of person I would want to work with. And I found someone. They listen, take notes when I ask, and remind me of things I asked to be reminded about. It's been five years now, and I can no longer pay the honorarium, but we're still having our calls. And it's really been helpful for me to have that dedicated time to focus on myself, with a body double who is also an executive function assistant, and a friend.

When greater evil is in power, what do you do to fight it (aside from promoting lesser evil)?

When lesser evil is in power, do you do anything at all to fight it?

If you feel that you have no choice but to vote for one evil in order to prevent a greater evil from taking or maintaining power, you've got a long battle against evil ahead of you, no matter the results of the vote.

I was taking my electric wheelchair through our smallish town. There's a bridge that goes over the railroad tracks. The bridge has a bike lane, separated from traffic by a painted line, with a concrete barrier to the other side, and a sidewalk on the other side of that barrier, with no guardrails or barriers between the sidewalk and a very steep slope downhill for the first and last third of the bridge. I, of course, took the bike lane.

A man on the sidewalk was walking the opposite direction, and started asking me if he needed to call the cops, if I was all right, because why was I in the bike lane and not on the sidewalk? I kinda stared at him, then told him to fuck off as I passed him.

What did he expect me to do? Stop, in the place he felt was unsafe for me to be, get out of my wheelchair and climb the barrier and have him help me haul my wheelchair over it? I was traveling, on wheels, in a place where wheeled things going roughly my speed are meant to travel.

If it's a necessity, it should be guaranteed, no matter your life circumstances.

If they are essential workers, they should be cared for as though they were essential.