#evidemment

Oh hi lovely people of tumblr. Sorry the updates haven't been as consistent here as they have been on things like my instagram and TikTok. There's been a LOT of work and effort being done and there's some very exciting/promising developments to share!

First off, I wrote an open letter called the "Artists' Statement to the EBU" which is available for any and all Eurovosion/National Final artists to read and sign if they so choose. It asks the EBU to take action and remove Israel from the 2024 contest. AND! It already has a signature!

France's 2023 representative La Zarra has already gotten in touch with me and signed the letter. You can read the letter for yourself and La Zarra's comments HERE. There are already a handful of other artists who I've connected with that would want to sign the letter, so things are incredibly hopeful!

20. AZERBAIJAN TuranTuralX - "Tell me more" 34th place

Decade Ranking: 58/116 [Above Achille, below Anxela]

lmfao, the twins made my top 20?! I mean, yeah 2023. Of course they made my top 20. [AlexaVoice] PLEASE LEAVE A VOICE MESSAGE WITH YOUR COMPLAINT FOR VERTICAL CLASSIFICATION IN THE COMMENTS BELOW. [/AlexaVoice]

Now here's an entry that serves as a physical embodiment of the "Presence That Was Liked". Yeah it was mid, but a pleasant mid. The twins were never leaving the semifinal alive. They were always going to be the sacrificial lambs of the newly invented "No Jurors During Semi's rule" which specifically targeted Azerbaijan (and... props to Azer for accepting their fate? lol) Turan and Tural were never being more than passengers along for a ride, which they took to heart.

"Tell me more" was all it needed to be. An inconspicuous NQ that was still cute and endearing in its own sort of way. The dreamy and drawly vibe

The imitation 70s aesthetic that convincingly sells the 90s softrock.

Add in a rap verse during minute one, a couple of fashionable scarfs, good camera cuts,...

Yeah "Tell me more" had zero televote appeal (this 100% dies even with juries being in), but as an entry it's refreshingly unpretentious and especially from Azerbaijan, wtf? Usually Azer pick some shitty Swedish pop track and force it on a conventionally attractive jazz muppet who then can't be bothered to do preparties or interviews. This year, their rep was a pair of homely deer-in-headlight twinkbeasts operating under a myspace name who were actually happy to be there and actively mingled with the fans. There some delicious irony and melodramatic twang to be found in the knowledge that by effectively throwing their 2023 qualification, Azer have shown more respect to the contest than they'd ever done before.

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19. FRANCE La Zarra - "Évidemment" 16th place

Decade ranking: 56/116 [Above Anxela, below El Diablo]

Yes I know what you're here for;

But you'll have to wait because I am here to rate the performance first. Yep, slightly ahead of the MySpace Twinks on my list seems just about right for a La Zarra. "Évidemment" represent the other side of "mid", the one where the promise is large and the delivery not quite as large. As a song "Évidemment" was kind of a blueballer: Sure, it had a lot of poise, flair, drama, a wee bit of camp and yet...barely any substance. It was The French Entry, like that was its entire identity, almost to a point of parody. And well, France competes every year and is usually better than "LES POISSONS LES POISSONS HI HI HI HÔN HÔN HÔN". donc, pleurez-moi une rivière de pute. I'm having a laugh but seriously, not picking a lane between serious attempt and self-deprecating satire that was the difference between a sixth place and a sixteenth place.

Still, I at first thought France were headed towards a disastrous bottom five result, especially after that rehearsal clip implied LaZarra was on the same Vocal Rest Tonics as Mae Muller. I WAS GONNA BE PROVEN RIGHT AND VINDICATED!!! and well, I was but not about her. (ty Blanca Paloma, we'll rank you soon enough)

When it mattered most, La Zarra got it together, and NAILED that epic big note.

No complaints from me about that live. It was a good live and did what it needed to do. I like it when the headliners deliver what they're supposed to (see also: Azer delivering a pleasant NQ) because it makes the show better overall. Obviously that doesn't erase the fact that (1) the song was mid as fuck (2) the staging was daft at best. ("MON DIEUX I WEAR HAUTE COUTURE, ACT LIKE A DIVA, AM THE EIFFEL TOWER, SOUND LIKE PIAF, LOOK THERE'S A TRICOLORE I AM SOOOO FRENCH!!" um no ur not, ur from Montréal stfu).

Okay so now we address this:

Sure, an uproarious voting moment and it was sooooo stank, but was it fun stank? 🤔 idk.

On one hand, LMFAO WHAT AN ENTITLED FUCKING SOW. 😍😍😍😍😍. The Xwitter trolls immediately began spinning their fanfictions all "WELL ACTUALLY what she did was a secret gesture of respect in Maghrebian cultures" like bitch, she's (1) a QUEBECOIS (2) who cosplayed as the Eiffel Tower and a disco ball unironically, how hinged do you think she is? Her gesture definitely was the sort of melodramatic Egomaniac reaction I'd expect from someone who deliberately caused a pre-show stir by posting an Insta Story all "It's getting to me!!! I'm QUITTING 😭😭 // Cigarettes: "Eurovision?! 😨" // La Zarra: ".... non i meant the gluten, mdrrrr!!!!! 😆". So yes, the moment itself was pretty funnay 2 me, esp since she got twice points I thought's she'd get.

On the other hand, um take a seat you entitled fucking sow. There is serving cunt and then there is straight up being a cunt. The difference is that you have to earn your glamourcunt label and you, madame, were always in "Good but not Great" territory. Be grateful there were any scraps left for you after Käärijä and Loreen gobbled.

In conclusion, lmfao i kinda dislike her as a person (but better she show the world how rude and misguided she is after losing than after getting a top ten) and I genuinely enjoy thinking about her messiness more than listening to her music. 🙂 (so I guess that makes her Taylor Swift.)

Besides, around 16th is where France usually ends up at anyway, so I think they got precisely what they were aiming for, GJ France. 🙂 Now let's not think about this country until the end of March, when it becomes semi-important for me to remember what their entrant's (who?) song (what?) sounds like again.

THE RANKING