#emotional dysfunction

This is easily the weirdest one I’ve written. I sound like I’ve completely lost it, and maybe I have? Who knows?

Trigger Warning: I don’t even know? Emotional dysfunction? Roller-coaster like emotions?

Hey (Tag as Bexi please) I’ve been in kinda a weird place? Like for a really long time and I can’t find anything similar to what I’m going through. Basically, I rarely feel and it’s been that way for years (like from 11 on wards and I’m 18 now) when I do feel it’s like a traumatic response? Like if someone drops something and it makes a loud noise I jump. And from my knowledge, I wouldn’t fit into the “sociopath” category since I don’t want to use people but it’s automatic? I’ve suppressed for most of my life and it has never escaped. Like I can’t feel sympathy or guilt or whatever but I understand that emotions will do certain things and kinda understand that? So through my logic I can kinda sympathize? And from my trauma, I know how those who go through it feel so I feel sympathetic through trauma?

On another note, I have beliefs that others see weirdly and if something big happens, I see it differently to others?

I.E “Someone: Bob died.

      “Someone else: Oh no! *emotions or whatever*

      “Me: That’s a shame, there was so much time, effort and money     put into Bob. They never even reached their full potential.”

And finally, I’m not really emotional with other people? Like there’s supposed to like be family love and it’s like not there even though they say they do? As some back story, I was isolated and neglected growing up because of my mother’s mental illness until I was taken away. Everything’s sorted itself out now but people are like “you and your mum love each other/strong bond” and I’m like “??????? We’re just like house mates.” And even my foster family says that she loves me and I’m like “????How????” and when they say they love me in a family way I’m like “I feel like a very strong friendship bond” and once I establish myself I’m planning on never contacting my mother again, but I know I’ll be pressured by my foster family/other people to contact her.

What’s your take on all this? 

Hey Bexi,

There are several reasons why you could not be feeling the way that a lot of other people around you feel. I'm not a mental health professional, so I can't tell you why this is happening. However, I can tell you some instances where people with different disorders experience the world similar to what you've described. By no means should this be taken as a diagnosis. These are just instances in which people don't experience what we consider neuro-typical feelings. If you would like to know what is going on with you, the only way for you to do that is for you to go to a mental health professional who is able to diagnose you. I know that might be difficult in your situation, but there are several ways you can get help and we'd be happy to help you figure out how best to do that.

Part of what you're describing sounds like a lack of empathy. Empathy is basically the ability to understand the feelings of others and relate to what they're going through. You don't understand the importance of relating to people on an emotional level, even when everyone around you seems to think it's important for you to do so.

The complete lack of emotion, or seeming like you don't feel emotion, is a bit more tricky to identify. It could be that you have emotions, but are unable to identify them. Or it could be that you don't relate to them in the same way that other people do, so they don't seem like emotions the same way that other people describe them. In order to identify that properly, you'd have to see a professional.

Some disorders that have lack of empathy include Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD), Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), and one of several Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD).

One of our other admins actually answered an ask similar to yours, and I would highly recommend checking it out! Pauline put a lot of work into it, and I think it could give you a lot of useful information! She went into detail as to the specifics of several of the disorders mentioned above.

As far as not being emotional with other people, that's not necessarily something related to a disorder or lack of empathy. There are several people I know who are capable of understanding and relating to the emotions of others, they just aren't very emotional themselves. Emotional closeness or relating to others in an emotional way can, and often does, require you to be vulnerable, and that's something that can be difficult for a lot of people. I have a hard time being vulnerable with people, because I have a hard time trusting that I can be safe around other people. Because of that, I'm only emotionally close with a select few people. There's nothing wrong with that, and sometimes it can actually help protect you from people who don't have your best interests in mind.

I hope this can be helpful to you, and can help you not worry so much about not feeling emotions the same that others do.

“What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.”