#elixir blot

I am not just

the chirpy, fun loving girl who is optimistic and love her life to the fullest. That perfect half can never describe the complete me.

I am also

The sad, immature girl who would cry when the circumstances get crazy. I seem calm when I am chaotic. I follow the rules but want to be limitless. I can't erase the lines yet I cross them every other day. I am as imperfect as an illusion of perfection can be.

"No," I take a deep breath, my voice sounds starnge to my own ears as if it is impossible for me to say it somewhat louder, "I don't know if I like him. Or even that I know him enough to like him," my eyes are filled with tears upto this point and all I want is a trigger to let them flow.

"Then why? Why do you keep calling him to hear his voice? Why?" Her eyes are looking right at mine and I don't know how to break this intense eye-contact which can tell her that every word I speak is probably a lie.

You once asked me, "why do people change so much? They are so kind at one moment and at next moment they are just opposite. Why do show their fake face to the world? There are only black and white colours in a personality. People aren't grey."

I couldn't answer you at that time. I was so consumed by the depth of these blacks and whites that I couldn't tell you that the line between black and white is a blur. You my friend, are a pure soul. A pure white soul. That's why you see the world as combination of people whose hearts are either black or white.

You couldn't see beyond the well defined boundry of these blacks and whites where they submerge and make real human beings. The boundry is blurred for the most of us. There are some deep dark thoughts hidden in some corner of heart of the kindest person and there is some goodness left in the stone-hearted ones. And it's okay.