#dontbefake

#DontBeFake #Blunt #Goals #Balance #Live #Love #Laugh #spiritualgrowth #spiritualawakening #raiseyourvibration #makelifebetter #justtakeiteasy #patience #judgment #liferules #passion #improvement #betteryourself #lifetooshort #worryfree #confidence #strength #peace #growth #knowledgeispower #knowyourworth #knowledge #knowledgeofself #livelife #beyou https://www.instagram.com/p/CoTaNV-AAX-/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Never underestimate, the power of old school training. Train to be REAL, being FAKE is a disgrace. #conditioning #fitness #workouts #strengthforothers #strengthforyourself #real #dontbefake #bereal #fitnessmotivation #exercisemotivation #exercise #swingsb#hammer #kettlebell #fingertip #pushups #hindusquats #squats https://www.instagram.com/p/CZNqdp9vCMl/?utm_medium=tumblr

Men also seem to expect that we look that way - it's NOT real!!

How you carry yourself matters more than the clothes you wear.

But don’t act like we‘re best friends when we run into eachother

I’m mad as fuck. Furious, really, That I am letting my life slip away. Day by day, Hour by hour, Weeks. FUCKING WEEKS Rush by. No more than a drop of saliva in The River of Time Carelessly thrown off the edge of a bridge Tongue and mouth unconsciously working in unison To expel a meaningless fluid. A passing thought at most. That's not my life. Right? Nah. Right now, It is. And I'm heated about it. My. Life. The only thing I actually own in this world. The life I worked so hard not to die for, My life someone else’s 16 year old self chose to keep. My being into which others have poured soul Mixed with hope, care, support. Endless hours of love and guidance Given to me Forced onto me Long before this vessel of mine even started to dream Or conceptualize a way to ask for it My life has been Full of challenges, fears, pain. They make me who I am. I am so grateful for my experiences. Everything that has happened to me Every hurt, fall, scratch and fight. Slowly molded me to form... what. This? No. This is NOT me This is not what I know to be true. This is not the authentic self That I know is right there, Bulging under my skin Waiting to tear through The thin costume peeling away as if a creature emerging from metamorphosis What does he look like, I wonder. What is my face really doing under that mask Is it smiling? Can it smile, even? This, true self.. My true self. The self I am so damn proud of every day. Who is he? Where is he? Is he the same man that stares dully back in the mirror with dead eyes. Is he the same human who tells those he loves that he loves them, Knowing those words to be unquestionably true. As do they. I have spent Countless days Staring at the ceiling. Feeling nothing. So now, when I have the biggest opportunity in my life so far to feel. I choose to not What the fuck is wrong with me. How the fuck can I keep doing this Keep letting things go Letting opportunities fly by I know what I want. But why is it so dang hard just to get up and walk towards it. It's not But I act as if a passing cloud is a hail of bullets aimed at my head. What am I afraid of. How is my life not made. I’m not discounting my hurt. Not saying ‘well people out there have it worse than me, so why should I be sad’ I’ve taken my time to be sad I’m gonna need more time in the future That's okay. It’s a never ending process. But that is no excuse for my actions. Now let me point out something that is painfully obvious to a lot of folks, Yet is so willfully ignored by many others. I am a white, Middle class, Straight passing man in America. People do have it worse I have to take the time to appreciate how much I have. Sure, I grew up poor, but it was a you eat breakfast and lunch at school for free kinda poor. Not a you eat dinner and whatever else you can find kinda poor. I live in a world where if black oppression gets me down, I can put on headphones, sit back, and play video games. It is so easy for me to escape. Which is exactly why it’s such an awful thing for me to do. I have nothing to run from yet am constantly out of breath. I lay awake in bed at night with the light on, wondering why I can't sleep. I’m not afraid of the dark, I'm scared of being alone. I’m scared of failing so hard that it’ll just be me in the pit And even at that point I'll probably live an average life. Dull, boring, but safe. The potential for my rock bottom to be comfortable is so high. As I look at myself I wonder. Where did Andrew go? Where is the child who looked up every superfluous new word he encountered, Making sure he memorized the spelling. Is he still here. Cause I don't see him. All I see are empty promises littered with countless fallings-thru. This poem had 36 spelling mistakes in the first draft, which was half the size of the finished product. Tell that to sixth grade me who could more consistently spell consistent than my twenty year old self. Am I selling all of this. Whoring my life away. Pawning all the time others put into me because they cared. every piece of art my soul has expelled into the world, rendered useless by my current state. It’s messed up but, I keep wishing there could be a balance. Let me not care about everything and show everyone how much I love them. I can’t. It’s impossible to connect if I’m not home Who knows how to talk to a mask. No human. Only other masks. I can give up, to be taken care of by this world. And I do. That's why I’m mad. I sit. I escape. Day in. Day out. Weeks fly by. I trade a vague sense of disconnect and apathy For my entire life. I look in the mirror And look away. Disgusted. As I go to sit on the couch. And I do nothing. Nothing for my true self Everything for my paper mache suit. Topped with a hideous mask. It’s time. Right now. It’s time to take it off.

You could never 😘