Petrichor Chapter 31: Confessions
Note: Oh boy⦠this chapter⦠buckle up. Also, sorry for any strange editing mistakes. My brain wasnāt working last night.
About four months laterā¦
The weeks flew by until they turned into months, and before long April was upon them.
Vergil ventured out into the wider world on a steady basis, still doggedly refusing to halt or otherwise suspend his fruitless search, the Darkslayer somewhat convinced that if he kept down the path that he currently followed that eventually something had to give and he would find what he was after.
But as the early days of April approached, so too did the rains, and Vergil resolved to stay out of them as frequently as he could, not keen to become waterlogged. He found himself staying closer to Vivienneās residence as of late, venturing further out and then recuperating for longer periods of time. It was a much more favorable plan than his previous method of simply living on the road and having no better place to go.
Over the past few months, they had become undeniably closer. She spent less time at the bakery and more time on her personal projects while he idled many happy hours away reading books, the both of them simply pleased with lingering in the presence of one another, sitting near one another, and quietly absorbing one anotherās ambiance. Heād gradually learned to let his guard down somewhat around her and about the house, and while he was always vigilant, heād seen no traces of anything that should cause him concern. It had more or less been a pleasant blur, occasionally overshadowed by the looming guilt that came with not knowing how to approach numerous topics that he knew they needed to discuss.
And as if to provide the necessary fuel to spark a fire, on this specific occasion, something had happened while he was gone. He had frequent encounters with demons at the best of times, but heād noticed that they were becoming less so, the danger level of the individual demons growing but the quantity and frequency diminishing. It was a trade-off that he could only assume came from the areas that he frequently spent time in.
But on this occasion, as he stumbled across the threshold of her home, he knew that this would be the night. If nothing else, his wounds would give it away. The blood he was covered in would certainly give her a shock. Perhaps if he was able to simply slip upstairs and get in the shower before she came down to greet him he could-
āOh dear god! What in the nine circles of hell happened to you?!ā
Vergil flinched as she heard her hurried footsteps coming down the stairs in front of him, the terror in her eyes evident. She clearly thought that the majority of the blood he was soaked in was his own. Understandable, but thankfully incorrect. He turned to look at her slowly, sore and clutching the wound at his side. It looked like he wasnāt going to be able to just slip away after all. He should have known as much.
āFret not. Most of this is not my blood. I will be fine.ā Vergil said as she stood in front of him, watching as he shrugged out of his hood and coat and hung them on the coat hanger by the door. It seemed he was going to need a new coat soon. What a shame.
āBut youāre still hurt, right? Youāre bleeding badlyā¦ā She said, clearly seeing the blood that was soaking his hand. She wasnāt wrong, he was indeed injured. But it was going to be a bit sudden and tricky for him to explain how this had happened should she ask. And it would be even worse to explain how he was miraculously healing at such an accelerated rate. āI know! Iāll get the first aid kit! Wait here!ā
Vergil watched Vivienne as she glance from side to side for a second, so panicked by this surprise emergency that sheād seemingly forgotten where she needed to go in order to find it. He chuckled deep in his chest despite the pain it caused him, undeniably amused by her current state. This poor woman.
"There is no need to fetch a first aid kit. I-" before he could speak any further she had dashed off down the hall, sprinting at a speed that was probably hazardous considering the fact that she was wearing socks on hardwood floors. He sighed as he shook his head, a slight smirk on his face as he regarded her return fondly. Despite everything he couldnāt deny that he liked her, even if he had the feeling that it was going to cause him pain tonight.
Resigned to the reality that he was simply going to have to humor her feeble attempts to aid him for a least a moment, the Darkslayer mentally prepared himself for what he knew he was going to have to do. Heād been doing so the entire way over, but that hadnāt made things any easier. A part of him had known that this day would come at some point, but perhaps heād simply hoped in vain that he was wrong. But no longer. It was time to tell her the truth. All of it. He would not hold back.
āWhat happened to you? How did you manage to get back here?ā
She obviously knew a little bit about Yamato based purely on what sheād seen him do that night in the alley, and she knew that he was frequently accosted by demons and devils alike, but that was the extent of her knowledge. Heād taken the liberty of leaving out that part about what his father was and that his sword was capable of bending time and space. Fairly important little details, those.
Opting to just spit it out and get it over with, Vergil closed his eyes and sighed deeply. This conversation was going to be⦠unpleasant. āA powerful demon managed to get the upper hand for a moment. I vanquished him, and this is the result. But you need not worry. I heal⦠quickly.ā
āIām sure you probably do, but we wouldnāt want you to get some sort of infection, would we?ā She said as he allowed her to gently lift the side of his shirt in order to attempt to wipe a bit of gauze on it. Her concerns that he would develop an infection were perfectly understandable and logical, but if the look of utter bewilderment and horror as she released the garment at the sight of his body quite literally putting itself back together was anything to go by then this was going to be an interesting conversation.
āVergil⦠Whatās going on.ā She asked curtly, watching as the wound healed itself. Vergil stared back at her in silence for what felt like a lifetime before finally speaking, resigned to his fate.
āDo you remember that I mentioned having a secret?ā He started carefully, her growing alarm evident. He didnāt want to work her up. Something heād come to realize during their shared time together is that she was actually quite a bit frailer than she might let on. Her fierce determination and fiery personality hid this quite well, but she had a fragile constitution, and he didnāt plan to give her a heart attack tonight. āThis is part of that. I⦠I am not⦠Iām only half human.ā
She stared at him blankly, her eyes seeing nothing as her breath halted and he could physically see the gears in her brain turning. Surely sheād heard him incorrectly or this was some sort of morbid prank. But whatever the case, she was as unamused as she was genuinely confused. She closed her eyes and sat there for a moment, holding the bloody gauze that sheād wiped her hands on. That just wasnāt possible. Was it?
āYou just expect me to take your word for it?ā She said, obviously frustrated and convinced that this was all some sort of sick joke meant to upset her. And if it had been then he would have been one hell of a jokester because faking something like this took an awful lot of planning.
Knowing that there was nothing he could say that would convince her he stepped forward, no longer leaning against the wall for support. He then sighed deeply and drew Yamato from its sheath, making a criss-cross in the air that then opened up into a portal. Vergil then took in the genuinely baffled and frightened look on her face as he stepped through it and disappeared, her horrified cries the last thing that he heard before emerging on the other side of the front door, the portal still intact. He then opened the front door and crossed the threshold again, the portal closing right behind him meer milliseconds later. And as it did, he just stood there and looked at her, not even the faintest glimmer of comprehension present upon her face. But there was no doubt in his mind that she now believed him. How could she not after that? And as if to reinforce this, he allowed a little bit of his demonic nature to slip through the cracks, his eyes flashing a bright, luminescent red before returning to their normal icy blue, a silent signifier of his true self.
He sheathed Yamato, its signature ringing sound filling the room as the blade disappeared, hidden away for the time being. He flinched as the weapon vanished, looking at him with an expression that filled the pit of his stomach with anxiety. There was only fear and confusion in her eyes, her mind utterly incapable of fully comprehending what sheād just seen. He imagined that her brain was stuck in a loop of looking for plausible explanations aside from the one given to her, to reasoning that that could be the only answer, to admitting that he was, in fact, not lying. And eventually, she just let out a shaky breath and rested the lower half of her face upon her face.
She now understood that whatever feelings she felt for him were felt towards something inhuman. Someone⦠unlike anything that sheād expected. He imagined that discovering that he was a murderer or something like that would probably be easier to stomach. At least it was fundamentally understandable if not totally perverse and disgusting.
"I can no longer play at normality. You know what I truly am now. This is the secret I was reluctant to share with you.ā There was a certain sorrow to his voice as he avoided her gaze. This had to be an impossible amount of information to process. She probably felt as though she had just been introduced to some vast cosmic entity, her entire reality crumbling around her as she was gifted the horrible truth that sheād inadvertently sought out. He wondered for a moment if she would be alright. āI can understand if you hate me.ā
She blinked slowly and shook her head, clearly still in something of a state of shock. What on Earth could she say to something like that? āI⦠donāt hate you.ā
Now he was just confused. āAre you not frightened? Revolted? Sickened by my inhumanity?"
"Why would I be?" She said simply, seemingly unbothered, a small crazed laugh escaping her body through her open mouth as she shook her head, her dilated pupils and racing heart seeing nothing and serving only to induce a state of exhausted anguish despite her lack of movement.
"Why wouldnāt you be? You should be. I am not entirely human. Is the weight of that lost on you?" He hoped at that moment that he wasnāt being overly harsh, but there was no better way that he could think to phrase that. Was she well and truly daft?
"No. Believe me, it isn't. I'm still reeling from that realization, but I can't say that it has changed anything for me." She said softly, reaching up to wrap her arms around herself. Never in a thousand lifetimes had she expected to hear him say something like this. āYouāre still⦠you. I⦠Iām not sure that I care what you are.ā
"And why is that?" Now he was frustrated and only vaguely knew why as he thought about it. Was he frustrated that she was still adamant in regard to her feeling about him? Heād expected more yelling and screaming. Heād expected her to run from him. Something more than⦠this. Perhaps deep down he didnāt feel like he deserve to be accepted by anyone other than those heād already lost. "What emotion could you hold for me that would override basic self-preservation?"
"I care about you.ā She said in a hushed tone, her eyes welling up with unshed tears as the reality of everything that had happened settled in in earnest. This was actually happening, wasnāt it? āBecause I need you in my life."
Vergil was silently blown away by the statement, rendered breathless by his utter amazement. He knew that she cared about him. Heād even go as far as to say that he cared about her⦠but this⦠no. He could not do this. It would not be fair to her. She deserves someone better. Someone more stable. Someone who wasnāt him. Someone she could grow old with and hold lightly beside her. All he could bring her was ruin and devastation, just like he always did. He was no good for her.
"No. No, you donāt.ā He said firmly, his eyes never leaving hers. He needed her to understand how genuinely serious he was. This was not a joke, not that he thought that she thought it was one. āYou do not need the ruin I will bring you."
He could feel her desperation, her futile attempts to find the proper words for the panicked fright that she felt at that moment. He didnāt even need to ask. He just knew that she was looking for a counterargument. And he would hear her out, but he was starting to wonder if heād overstayed his welcome. Perhaps it was best that he leave? That heād stayed gone in the first placeā¦Ā
"Look, please stay I⦠I need you to be alright!" It was the first time he could say that he'd ever heard her raise her voice, and even then, it was from anguish rather than anger. There was a tiny bit of frustration present to be sure, but she was more heartbroken than anything else, and every syllable oozed anguish. "I don't care what you are! I've seen who you are, and you're more than enough for me! That's all that I've ever cared to know."
All Vergil could do was stare. Wordlessly. What had she just said?
"I know that we've only known each other a few months, and you might not believe me, but I love you. I really do. And I want you in my life." She gave him a fierce look, a fire in her eyes fueled by pain and understanding burning into him like the sun's searing heat. He could feel her conviction and her sorrow; her anguish and her compassion. It was stifling in a way that was not dissimilar to standing in front of a preheated oven with the door open on a hot summer's day while wearing a heavy winter coat. "But if you can genuinely look me in the face and tell me you don't feel that, then I won't ask again. Itās okay. I can let you go if I have to. Not that I can stop you from leaving either way. How could I ever hope to?"
Vergil stood there at the bottom of the steps, his back halfway to the door as he pondered whether or not he should shut the door on this chapter of his life altogether. He peered over at her with a barely perceptible tilt of his head, their eyes anchored upon one another as they locked gazes, their wills measured against one another, each of their individual resolves unbreakable. And as he attempted to muster the strength of will to lie to her for what he was convinced was her own sake, he felt something inside of himself break. Something faltered. Something in his heart ached more than the worst wound he had ever received. And he knew at that moment that he had damned them both. Whatever hell followed him would follow them both, and he wasn't sure he could live with that or properly articulate that kind of danger to her, but he could not lie to her. Not about this.Ā
He could not look Vivienne in the eye and tell her he didn't love her.
"I⦠I cannot." His gaze fell towards the floor as he slumped over onto the foot of the stairs, realizing for the first time that he could not control everything around him. He had always tried so hard to account for every variable and secure every exit, to have as much control over his fate as he possibly could. But this woman⦠He could not deny her. He could not desire anyone more than her. "I cannot make the hell I live yours. I cannot allow those that would seek to hurt me to hurt you, too. They would hunt you as they hunt me. You would never be safe again. Not truly."
She seemed to linger on this statement for a minute or two, contemplating the grave repercussions of what she was going to say, or perhaps pondering how she was going to say it. This was no laughing matter, and one glance at her told anyone who laid eyes upon her that she was taking his statement very seriously. But as she stepped towards him something in the air around them shifted. He didn't know what she was going to say word for word, but he had a feeling he understood it regardless. Her intentions were clear as day.
"Vergil⦠I'm not going to pretend that I understand what's truly going on because this is so much to take in, but I do understand that I don't have to know everything tonight. And that I would rather be in danger and be happy with you than miss you and be safe." She sat down next to him on the stairs, taking his hand into hers and gently clasping it before leaning over to look at him. He blinked slowly before looking over at her, an uncertainty present that she'd never seen before. And more than anything he could tell that she just wanted him to be okay. And that she didn't want him to go. "I mean, I'm not thrilled about the concept of my life being in constant unending danger, but we can't let our fear of what could happen keep us from having a life worth living, right? And I think that life would be better spent together than apart, even if it means that both are alive might be shorter. But I can't speak for you. I wouldn't even try to."
"Vivienneā¦" It was hard to even fathom a comeback to something like that. Perhaps there was something he could do to keep her safe? He couldn't say that he disagreed with what she'd just said. They would be better together. They'd certainly be happier⦠But wouldn't it be less selfish for him to let her go? He highly doubted that she would simply die without him, but perhaps it was worth taking the chance. Maybe it was better that they simply took the risk and focused on the present for now and not the future.Ā
"Why don't we just sleep on it for now? I'm sure you're tired, tooā¦" She said softly, seemingly needing that rest herself if her hushed tone was anything to go by. There was a part of her that truly didnāt believe that this situation had come to pass, and it showed all over her face. And a part of him ached from the fact that heād been the one to cause this, even if he hadnāt meant to.
"I⦠am." He admitted reluctantly. But it was less of a physical state of exhaustion than a mental one. He honestly expected her to run screaming from the room to get away from him the second he'd revealed the truth, and the fact that she had been obviously confused and horrified but had not backed down was honestly hard for him to fully comprehend. "... But I don't believe I need to sleep on it. I've made my decision."
He could practically see her blood run cold as he spoke those words. He could see the hope in her eyes that he would say yes, and the fear that she would hear what she feared hearing most instead. Vergil stood up and went to the front door, Vivienne staring at him from behind as she sat on the stairs, breathing deeply and shaking slightly from heartbreak but not speaking. It seemed that she was certain he would leave, and that she was willing to keep her promise to let him go, making no attempt to stop him. She didnāt want to stay with someone who didnāt want her. But when he simply turned the lock to the front door and turned back to her, stepping forward before placing his hand on her shoulder, a silent sob escaped her chest as tears rolled down her face.Ā
He couldn't leave her here like this. He couldn't simply toss aside everything that she'd done for him like it meant nothing at all. Especially not when it meant the world to him. It would be worse than killing her. He couldn't let her think she was undeserving. That she wasn't enough. She was.
She clutched her chest lightly as she closed her eyes and let out a shaky exhale, gathering herself. And at that moment he truly understood how badly she wanted him to stay, for only someone with no fear of death could accept the possibility of it in the way that she had and still long for that person to stay more than anything. They could live without one another, but both of them knew that their lives would be richer together. They could face whatever came side by side. And he would protect her from whatever evil might come to claim her. Or at least he would die trying. That was a promise.
And if the worst should come to pass, well, she did have one hell of a throwing arm.
Well, this was an emotional roller coaster! Let me know what you think in the comments and Iāll see you on Friday. Iām so sleepy lol! But either way, I hope you liked this chapter. Iāve never written a chapter like this before, but I think I had a good personal point of reference for this one. A different type of relationship since I donāt date, but still. Rough childhood, you know? Ahem. Probably getting too personal there. So yea, see you all soon!