#disoriented

she was laying there on the table, half exposed and half draped in blue sheets and blankets and access lines and wires. her wrists were pinned down. she felt cold and hot under the heat of the lights above her. "i don't like this," she said and she wasn't sure if anything came out at all, if she yelled it. someone appeared above her, their face the other direction. she could see their eyes only but couldnt read their expression. "stop," she tried again, and then their gloved fingers were grasping under her chin and jawline and there was something cushioned pressing against her mouth and nose. it smelt like fruit and polish, sweet, intense, and she was holding her breath and trying to shake them off but it didnt work. the top of her hand hurt, it was pulsing she couldn't look down to see that, couldnt bring her wrist up, couldnt move her face even. her own eyes, she was tired, and she hated this and she was a bit disoriented. it felt like the room was breathing around them. heavy and weighted. a whooshing noise in her ears like air hissing in a tube. she looked up and she saw two faces this time, she couldnt tell if it was the same person twice or two different faces, two different eyes, masked and gowned and sleepy, that was her, she was sleepy, and was there three, two, one, she could hear them counting aloud for her, that helped, and her eyes closed.