#disasterdemi

“If greysexual/romantic people feel attraction then where is the line between allosexual/romantic and greysexual/romantic?”

There isn't one.

There. Isn't. One.

That's how a spectrum works. It's a gradient. There isn't a line.

When is this colour no longer blue?

Is it still blue until it's completely red? Or do you see that there is red in it as soon as it starts becoming purple? Or somewhere in the middle? There is no line. Everyone will have a different answer.

(And I would argue that, considering all that comes into play with attraction like frequency, intensity, favourability/repulsion, gender, and so on, it is much more complicated than a 2D gradient like this.)

Yes, this means two people with very similar experiences might label themselves differently. Yes, this means someone who needs a bond to unlock attraction might feel allo-, but someone who experiences frequent, fleeting attraction feels grey-.

So if you're not sure whether your experience is more allo- or grey-, just go with what feels right.

5. How did you figure out you are aro?

When I was 14 I watched a video about aspec identities and demiro (as well as demiace) resonated with me. Fast forward a few years, I joined queer spaces in Reddit and realised I was ace and joined the aro subreddit to do research and then started questioning whether I actually felt romantic attraction when I learnt about tertiary attraction. The final nail in the coffin was when I joked to my friend about how I'd rather go on a date with the Schrödinger Equation that any person. That was just under 2 and half years ago :))

13. What do you wish you could tell your younger self related to being aro-spec?

I'd probably explain amatonormativity to them and that you don't have to be in a relationship if you don't want to be :)

I look up when I feel you standing beside me. You catch my gaze and hold it with hopeful intent.

‘Sorry,’ you say. ‘But is that a demiromantic flag?’

I look down at my pin, as if I need to check. As if its presence hasn't been a source of palpable warmth all week. It's a compass on my collar, pointing to the part of me I'm too proud to hide but too shy to shout about.

I nod and you smile at me, just as shy, just as proud.

‘I'm aromantic too,’ you say.

I smile back.