It's the little things that hurts.
The way people don't get you can't do the things they do, at least without costing you so much.
The way the doors of shops or buildings used to fly open at the slightest touch and now they seems to weight a hundred tons.
The way my mother in law asked me if I wanted orange juice and when I said yes she put two oranges and a old manual juicer. I was too ashamed to admit how much it would cost me to do it this way. So I did it, fighting the tears and then couldn't use my arm for a week.
The way I can't get out of my apartment sometimes because even if there is a lift, there's also stairs between my apartment door and the lift and between the lift and the building door. Why make a lift at all if it's not even accessible because of the stairs? (I can't move out. I have neither the money nor the spoons.)
The way the new building the local bookshop moved into makes things so much harder for me than the old one. There was so much unused stairs that I could sit and rest for as long as I needed. Now in the new building the stairs are so narrow you can't think of sitting on them, you'll just block the way. And there's no chair or bench anywhere in this 4 stories building. You just can't sit and rest there.
The way the city is getting rid of public benches and putting in their stead blocks of concrete with metal spikes on them to dissuade homeless people to sleep on them, which is wrong on its own, but also impacts disabled people. There's less and less places where to sit and rest during a walk through the city.
It's people laughing when I can't open a bottle of soda.
It's people gossiping behind my back, saying "oh they are a junky" because I takes so many meds, including the ones for the pain, but not only for that.
It's me being too ashamed to be disabled at a relatively young age and having an invisible disability. It's me being too ashamed to ask for accommodations. It's me being too ashamed to ask for a seat in the bus when all of them are already taken. It's the society making me ashamed of myself.
It's life itself, mocking me, and the world joining in the good laugh at my expense.
