#dhuran

The sun was relentless upon everyone who decided to step foot outside in Lyari today, and that everyone included Uzair ,Uzair - whose whole day had been getting out of Lyari and then getting back in, get scolded by Rehman on the phone and have Hamza laugh on him and his last straw was not finding the thick wad of cash he left on the table, that one table that was the first thing to you clashed with when you entered Rashid's crowded house. He had put it there not even half an hour ago went back to retrieve his gun and it was gone. 

He had enough breaking out in a loud snap, slamming his ring adored hand on the scraped, old surface  “ BHENCHOD DIMAAG KHARAB HAI KYA TERA! PAISE KHA GAYE”  he heard a squeak maybe a mice maybe a cat, then saw the shadow move quick hiding behind a wall. Rashid was fourty how he couldn't imagine that old man sounding like this but he was frustrated and came another exparated string of curses from his side. “ CHUTIYAN HAI KYA?? Mai kya yaha aankh micholi khelna aaya hoon?” 

You were once a shivering six year old sit on the dirty sit, with a desolated look stuck to your eyes, that seemed to stare at nothing among the swarm of people crossed by some looked at you with pity some with disgust at your matted hair and half torn clothes, a child who belonged nowhere in this world before Rashid picked you off that dirty street for once and for all settling you forever into his small house and heart. 

You were twenty now, a girl who wouldn't go to sleep if your cushion wasn't fluffed properly, if your abbu didn't kiss you good night and held you in his arms once the whole day, Rashid has spoiled you to an impeccable amount that your eyes would well up the second somebody even looked at you wrong. 

You peeked your head out from behind the wall, eyes teary from the way he shouted at you. Uzair stopped frozen in place, he was not expecting a girl not at all never in his 26 years of life he had been so star struck. You stared up at him with those big almond eyes, tears sitting heavy on your eyelashes , the silhouette of your body visible from the light that illuminated from behind, showing the slope of your waist underneath that plain white cotton kurti. The delicate line of your shoulder bones on display along the plunging neckline that showed the area untouched by the sun.

 “ C-C-Chilla.. K-kyu rah-rahe hoon?” 

You sniffled in the most adorably heartbreaking voice, wiping your nose with the back of your hand. He noticed the stammer believed it to be from fear of him, oh but you were offended more than you were scared of this khamba that invaded your house, that he dared speak to you in a decibel so high and used words so filthy. 

“ S… sorry tum roo mat” he muttered out harshly, hand going to rub the back of his neck in a nervous manner.

“G-G-Galti aapki thi-p-paise aa-aapke hai ya abbu ke mujhe k-k-kaise pata hoga” Abbu? Since when did Rashid got married and had a kid, well and Rashid was not exactly the ‘handsome’ kind  but the girl in front of him..breathtaking and arguing with him with her mouth fumbling over after almost every word. “Rashid ki beti hoo tum?” You nodded stepping out from behind the wall in his full view, he eyed you up and down you did not look any younger than 20, and which you were. 

“ Hum mei se toh kisi ko bhi nahi pata tha, shaadi kab hui uski” 

“ Shaadi nahi hui baba ki, a-ad-adopted hu” 

“Accha tabhi  varna Rashid ki shakal-” “ Mere baba ke baare mei kuch mat bolo! Ek to-toh m-m-mere pe ch-chilla r-rahe ho, id-id-idiot kahike” You sniffled again, the complaint on your face growing showing in the pout of your lips the way your cheeks puff up. Its not the first time he had been called idiot before, with Rehman on the phone he had heard more colorful words than this so he let it pass, but what was he supposed to do? He did not mean to shout at a girl, and what was he to do really when you were looking at him like you need to be pampered or would die any second from the hurt of him rising his voice.

 “ Ab toh rona band kar do” 

“K-Kyu meri m-ma-marzi” 

“ Tum aise hi baat karti hoon ya mujhe dekh ke bol rahi ho?” 

Uzair noticed the pause of your breath, those shoulders shrinking a little, the childish tantrum replaced with what looked like genuine sting, he had something wrong again, for the third time to you now. He watched the way your gaze would drift from one corner to another deliberately ignoring his large frame in the middle avoiding him quietly.

“ Sorry” he muttered for something he did not understand yet, “ A-aa-aap-aap ke” You shook your head biting your tongue in resentment, the words jumbling in your mouth and no matter how hard you tried you would stumble upon them and it made you feel miserable sometimes like you weren't as witful as the ‘normal' people 

“ Aa-aa-a” Tears of frustration glistened in your eyes, embarrassment at the fact that you couldn't even get the simple words out and what he would think. Uzair walked closed stopping a inches away from, patient not interrupting till you had gathered enough breath to try again, “A-A-aap ke p-paise-” Your voice cut off itself dying in your throat, Uzair didn't move not a word, just watching down at you impassively, calmly waiting for you to finish the statement without any judgement or question for your condition. His gaze steadied you, finally the sentence leaving your mouth 

“Aape ke p-paise main rakhe h-h-hai, ab-abhi laayi” 

he did not nod, his hand going to wipe the new teardrop forming at the end of your eyes with a gentle-ness that felt illegal considering the man he was, only when he was up so close you realised how stunning he was, how much he looked like a man in comparison to the boys you have met, how his palm swallowed whole of your face. How his rough hand cupped your cheek

“ Paise baad mei le lunga, tumhe kya pasand hai kulfi ya golgappe?”  You blinked hearing the seriousness of his tone, “ Dono pas-pasand hai” whispering you met his eyes, those coffee brown eyes the colour as benign as the warmth he radiated. 

“Awaaz bahut pyaari hai tumhaari, dono pasand hai toh fir dono hi lene padege” You smiled nodding 

From the first interaction it was clear, that you two had grown more closer than the time allowed you to be, 

Making out whenever his meetings was close to you or in your Abbu’s house but soon enough Uzair realised he wanted more from the rare visits he gave to your town, more than the talks on the call so he rented out a small flat or what they called a kabootar khaana kilometres away from your home, so he could have you all to himself, naked and bare for him to devour and when done he would hold you close tucked into his chest, one hand caressing your sore back other nursing a cigarette. 

His distance would have not bothered you if it wasn't for the fact that he still had not declared his love for you, and it was true you both started out without the normal confessions that couples had and that truth was settling into your heart in a heavy ache. You two were fooling and that was all there was to it, for you to have given in so easily was not exactly men expect to happen in a sincere relationship. 

You shuddered clinging clumsily at his sweat slick back, “Bas Bas” You whined, digging your nails into the muscles.He chuckled pressing his forehead against yours, finally pulling out of your overstimulated womanhood. You quickly found yourself in your usual spot nuzzling into his broad chest till your breath became even and the high of your orgasm wore off, 

“Kabhi doctor ko dikhaya hai tune?”

 “ Kya bol rahe ho? Koi bi-bim-bimaari thodi hai joh d-da-dawai se thee-theek ho jayengi” You stammered tracing circles on his scarred skin. 

 “ Are vaise nahi … in sab cheezo ke bhi doctor hote hai” He paused, taking one last blow from his cigarette before crushing out the cherry on the bedsheets. “ Sach mei?” “ Haan, maine bhabhi se pucha tha”  “Kaunse doctor ke paas jaana hoga” “ Voh mai dekh lunga , phle mere saath practice kar” “ P-P-Practise?” He nodded, pulling away just enough so he could reach into the drawer to obtain a small colorful book that looked like the one they handed out to children. 

“Yeh k-k-kya hai?”

 He huffed, pulling you close again, placing the book in your close palm till you finally held it.

 “ Is se hum practice karenge”

 You did not understand what he meant and you  were even more confused after opening  it , it was a simple kids book with short stories and tongue twisters

. “ I-Is-Iska kya use” 

“ Kal se tumhare doctor ke saath session hoge, yahi paas mei clinic hai

” “ W-wait kya?”

 “ Kyu tumhe doctor ko nahi dikhana?” 

“ N-N-nahi par mai samjhi nahi”

 You chuckled awkwardly watching the bright colors of the book. He didn't laugh, just pressed you closer gently guiding you to start reading and as much as you were embarrassed you were also curious to what he was trying to do, “ Araam se read karna hai theek hai” He mumbled over your hair, and you started stuttering over every few words, and whenever you would he ask you to slow down your pace even more take a three second break to recollect your thoughts and start over again, praising you without words when you completed without stumbling over the words you were rewarded with a kiss to your cheek or head, 

Being coddled was not new for you, your father has been doing that ever since he found you on that street, countless days spent in curled up in his lap and for a time that was your world you and your dad, you could not well and school or form a connection with anyone too scared with the scrutiny that came with your condition ending up with almost no one to call friend at this age, and when Uzair stepped in completely unbothered by everything that you thought made you feel less than others you wretchedly swayed, finding yourself craving to be in the arms of a man who still had not voiced out his feeling and that was if he had any. 

The small forum continued for the times he would visit you, thrice in a month other than that he would be on the phone at late night, the only free time he would find and scold you into practising what the doctor taught  for another 15 minutes no matter how hard you whined.

Uzair had gone out of the way, planning meticulously so your father landed in Lyari occupied and busy while he made his way to you. You had never had a night out reasonably so you had no friends and your Abbu was too tired from work when he came back to entertain your idea of going out late. He insisted to take you to meet his friends to which you and as patent as the clear sky you refused the idea to go out and do the big word ‘socialise’ 

But his charms and “Please na meri jaan” had you melting and in a loud club with flashing lights, which you complained was giving you a headache so now you and his two friends were outside, sitting on the stairs with heavy liquor bottles in their hands. You shuffled awkwardly in pulling at the hem of your kurti, Uzair one hand draped over your shoulders. 

There sat a tanker of a man in front of you, his tanned skin dewy and shimmering under the light that escaped from the closed door of the club behind you, long locks tied half into a perfect bun that put your hair to shame, Hamza your boyfriend’s(?) bestfriend, and a girl that was lounging in his lap, her short dress riding up her thighs giggling, taking directs sip from the bottle and Hamza was entranced with a quiet calm intensity watching her throw her head back in a loud laugh, “Bas ab Mai” he tried to take the bottle from her hand but she just shook her head side to side, pouting. 

You felt massively underdressed, watching her sequined mid thigh dress appropriate for the occasion and then back at your kurti and salwar. You continued watching nervously till she started persuading him with small pecks to the face, you lowered your gaze and as if the situation wasn't dizzying enough Uzair found the crook of your neck to kiss and suck at. “ U-Uzair!” you exclaimed, he smirked trying to pull you into his lap despite the  squirming. Your cheeks flush red unable to meet anyone eyes in this position “ Mujhe bhi aisi dress chaiye” You whispered against his shirt, “ Kal mall se dilwa dunga” The thunder rumbled outside making you hide further into him. 

“ Mau-Mausam theek nahi l-l-lag raha hai, ghar chalte hai” You murmured he was about to reply before Hamza called him out, “ Tu kyu nahi pee raha bhai?” “Drive karke in mohtarma ko ghar chorna hai” he chuckled, pulling at your cheeks. 

Mai passed you an unused flask with a slobbery smile, “ Tum bhi try karo” Your eyes shot up switching between her and Uzair “ Pee le kuch nahi hoga” Uzair took the flask in your stead, you eyed the unfamiliar liquid from the small opening the smell strong and pungent, he gave you an encouraging nod and you sipped it just a little immediately pulling back with your face scrunched up at the strong strong unpleasant smell. “ Eee yeh toh bahut ganda hai” “ Try kar na, dhang se” you instantly tried to get off his lap seeing that convincing look on his face. “ Ek aur sip leke toh dekh” he held the cold flask to your lips, for a second you hesitated before gulping down more than a spoonful this time, the aftereffects showed swiftly, eyes going hazy the warmth flooding your stomach. “ Mujhe ghar le chalo” Your voice got lower and you tried and found an anchor in Uzair at the alien feeling that was making your head spin. “ Aree itne mei se chadh gayi?” he patted your cheek, smiling at you fondly. 

Uzair continued small talk for a few more minutes with Hamza about their next shipments, while you grew more restless in his arms. “ Koi nahi ghar chale jao, isko bhi neend aa rahi” Hamza pointed at Mai who was half asleep half drooling at his shoulder. Uzair pocketed the almost full liquor bottle, helping you walk back into the car with now the few rain droplets grazing your skin. 

Your legs felt heavy and airy at the same time, the giggles you  expected did not come only a nervy queasiness in your gut, “ Gh-Ghar” “Tabyet toh theek hai na” he asked softly brushing back the damp strand of air from your face and you wanted nothing more than to kiss him. He got into a car, working the steering with one hand smoothly making you press your legs together tight to soothe some of the uninvited arousal. He looked so handsome today, beard trimmed, the fresh hair cut at the perfect length you liked and the first few buttons of his shirt open and inviting to his broad hairy chest. You reached out from the passenger seat running your hand over the span of his peck, he halted abruptly the car skidded on the muddy road crashing with the tree in front. 

The impact was minimal because Uzair had stopped in time but the car was not starting anymore, he sighed shifting in his seat, “ Yeh kya kiya?” “Pata n-nahi” You withdrew your hand at the small hiss in his tone. “ Kya yaar!” he exclaimed loudly slamming his hand on the dashboard. Your eyes welled up instantly, yes it was your fault yes it could have been fatal but he just shouted at you “Jaan bujh ki thodi kara” You sniffled, and his shoulders relaxed slumping back into his seat. 

“ Ek toh shakal aur awaaz itni pyaari hai gussa bhi nahi kiya jaata tujhe pe, agli baar se mat kariyo theek hai”  he sighed again going for the flask that he tucked away earlier, “ Yeh kya ka-kar raho h-ho? Drive kaun k-karega?” “Ab drive karne ke liye gaadi bhi toh chalni chaiye” “ Mechanic bola do” “ Itni baarish aur raat  mei kaun aayega meri jaan, kya bol rahi hoon” his throat bobbed draining out all the liquid from the flask in one go

You watched him hungrily before crawling into the backseat, he didn't notice for a moment, eyes shut feeling the alcohol kick into his system just heard you rustle around finally snapping his eyes open when he didn't feel your warmth beside him on the passenger.

Uzair looked back to find you looking small against the sturdy backseat, staggering to pull of your kurta. He moved so fast, slamming open and closing the front door loudly crowding the backseat with you, “Kya kar rahi hai” he rasped, helping you pull it off,  and instantly going to grope your chest, squishing the flesh under his rough palm. You gasped latching onto his neck trailing kisses along the line of his beard covered jaw before crashing your lips with his. He instantly pressed your back into the seat, moaning into your mouth tongue and teeth clashing together in intoxication, the smell of cinnamon and alcohol flooding your senses, “ Uzair” you moaned just as feverish as him, legs spreading wide to accommodate his hips.

He humped a few times, releasing your mouth to take staggered breath before diving right back again devouring you with his tongue, you shuddered with each roll of his hips his clothed crotch rubbing against yours in fast impatient movements, the fabric of your salwar damp thats why you wanted short dress like that too, so he could just lift it up and slide right in but now you had this flimsy cloth in between you and him. 

The rain drummed and clashed loudly against the the car body, the water and the your shared bated breath fogging up the already tinted window, he quickly unfastened the knot and pulled down your salwar watching into your eyes for approval, you on the other hand had started palming his dick over the fabric, whining for him to to just thrust inside, as much as Uzair wanted to do it, he knew he had to prepare you beforehand. He pressed his finger into your pliant mouth, groaning at the sensation of your tongue sucking at it, pursing your lips closed around the thick long digits when he felt it was sticky enough he flicked your clit once before jamming two fingers into your insides. 

You scratched at the leather, your wetness squelching loudly around his fingers as he started scissoring and fucking your cunt with his hand, pushing deep till his knuckles brushed at your lips. You bucked your hips , your fluids spurting and trickling down his forearms. His eyebrows burrowed in restraint before his resolve finally broke, undoing the buttons of his trouser with a shaky hand. His hard length springed out slapped at your stomach, you braced yourself for his invasion but it still always knocked the air out of lungs. He was gifted in both length and girth and that made sense for as why you always need a few seconds to adjust before he really started pounding into you, but he wasn't in mood for patience today and started moving his hips in quick snaps refusing to pull out more than an inch, mushing up your insides. 

His nipped at your earlobe in a desperate attempt to stop himself from breaking you but his body and mind worked differently, while he at least tried to control himself his hands had already wrapped around the whole span of your waist and stomach to thrust in and out without the interruption of you flailing even a little. Your nails dug half crescent moon into his back alcohol numbing the faint paint in your abdomen and all you wanted was for him to be closer and closer till all you could feel was his breath , the throb of his cock inside you till the harsh rain was nothing but a blur in your ears. 

You tried to meet his jabs in a clumsy but eager movement, tugging at his hair till he understood you needed to be kissed again.Your folded one leg one wrapping around his waist to make space for both of you on the seat, for him to have all the access he needed to ruin you. He thrusted in deep grinding his hair covered crotch at your clit.  He was sloppy so were you,uncaring of the mixed spit that dripped down your chin to the hollow of your neck , if anything Uzair left the warmth of your mouth to trace the evidence with his tongue his movements stilling as his focus diverged from the enrapturing scent of your body.  

You tsked in frustration, “Uzair utho” You slapped his cheek lightly, breaking into a moan when he buried himself to the hilt, resting all his weight into you. “ Uzair yaar p-please” He grunted sucking hickies into your neck, he didn't move and eventually his head also lolled down into the shoulder,inhaling your scents in deep breaths and the worst part he didn't let you move either using you as a cock sleeve. Keeping you still with his suffocatingly huge length pulsing inside your cunt, raw and overwhelming.

You couldn't handle this cockwarming not at all, but he wouldn't budge his grip iron solid at your waist, hard enough to leave behind a lingering bruise so you shoved at his chest till his back hit the window. You straddled his sturdy thighs, positioning your slickness over his tip and sinking down at a pace you couldn't handle yourself, eyes rolling back at the fullness and sensation of him plummeting into your stomach, hands finding leverage at his shoulder . “ Uzair” your voice was so honey dew he almost came right there, before he could thrust up you started bouncing up and down naively on his cock moving like a mindless bunny, your plump ass cheeks slapping against his thigh when you slid down his thickness. 

Uzair whimpered himself, hands tangling in your hair to stop your hasty movements “ Meri jaan araam se” you glared at him offended, clutching harder into his shoulder till it hurt and doubled your efforts till you hit your g spot yourself and mewled unable to handle the game you started yourself, he saw the opportunity grasping , locking you in between his arm ramming into you from below with sheer force. Your gummy walls clamped down on him hard, hard enough he knew he needed to finish inside you. “ Yes yes please fuck yes” With each  thrust grazing at your sweet spot it didn't take you long to shed all over him, whimpering nonsense into his ear to keep going. He obliged to your crying requests, still rutting into you with harsh quick movements breaking you and him completely till you and him are too absorbed to notice or stop him from releasing inside your unprotected womb. 

When you woke up, you were slumped against his shoulder and smiled at how innocent he looked when asleep. Rubbing your hand over the thick seat of  his eyebrows, watching that beautiful scrunch up a little before easing under your touch. Your heart felt lighter than it has in years even if your head hurt and thighs cramped, it took for the sleepiness to wear off for you to realise he is still inside, half hard and that he never pulled out. 

You quickly scrambled back calculating the date to remember the time of your periods, holding back tears while wiping the evidence of his load still inside you and dripping down your thighs. He stirred awake watching your shivering back as you worked to clean yourself down there,

“ Jaanu kya hua? Mai kar deta hoon na saaf”

He watched with that still patient voice that made your heart ache,

“ K-koi jarurat nahi U-Uzair, ho-hogya sa-saaf” he hummed sleepily, burying his face in your neck, his stubble scraping against your skin. “Kaam thoda zyada, shayad baat na ho paaye matlab mai thode waqt busy rahunga” “ Call toh karoge na?” “Baloch mei signal aagya toh haan, nahi karunga toh naraaz mat ho jaana” He kissed the ridge of your spine that prodded at your back, “ Kab tak aaoge milne” “ 10 din? 20? Shayad mahina lag jayega ek” “oh” you breathed, hiding the disappointment and fear in your face. “ Doctor ke paas jaana mat bhulna, mai vaapis aake test lunga tumhara” he joked to which you only smiled bitterly. 

One month had passed in silence from his side except from the one call you received on the tenth day, the duration being not any more than two minutes and you still couldn't bring yourself to say it, the things you had been hiding him from him throughout the course of your relationship, the mishap you knew and the other part of you that hid from and did not understand yourself. You dropped your visits from the hospital drowning in the fear that forestalled to swallow you whole. 

Not only did your stutter get worse, you lost all the progress you made over time and old problem- the one you didn't even dare to mention to Uzair showed through once again at dinner in front of your father when he asked you how you had been feeling these days, your body shut down mouth refusing to work. Your abbu understood in a heart beat, rubbing his wrinkled hand down your break till you finally allowed yourself to take a breath.  

It was fairly easy to hide it from Uzair because he wasn't with you physically most of the time and for the time he was, you had been at ease but this old adversary was taking root in your body once again after years.

A stammer might have been still passable in the eyes of society and Uzair but how would he react to this? A condition you couldn't decipher yourself refused to share with your speech therapist that sometimes your voice would cut off itself, that you could not speak at all times. He came from a privileged family, he had no need for a disabled lover and he could just leave you at any time; it's not like anyone would question him.

You stood trembling in your bathroom, your period had been two weeks late, the white strip rested on your quivery hands not finding enough courage to look down to see what was to come next. The two red line stared back at you and your world went blank, you moved mechanically grabbing your purse putting on your sandals. “ Itni duphar mei kaha jaa rahi hai aap?” Your father called out gently at the sound of the shoe rack opening. Turning off the stove to find you on the floor forcing your foot into the leather. “ Kya hogya y/n?” You didn't reply, checking your purse again for enough change and your cell phone, “ Beta kya hua hai?” “ MU-MUJHE AAPSE BA-BAAT NAHI K-K-KARNI ABBU! Please mu-mujhe akel-akela chor do” You snapped and instantly regretted seeing the tears forming in his eyes. “Ab-abbu” you bit back your words, leaving the house with a heavy heart.

Sitting on the auto you ringed his number a thousand times, tapping your feet anxiously. You knew how much your father admired the men he worked for, how much he admired the Baloch brothers and would have been more than happy to give his daughter to you if he asked for marriage and there was no point in hiding this relationship unless he never wanted to continue it. You couldn't breath, the green screen of the cell phone turning blurry in your vision. “Uzair Uzair Uzair” 

The hospital air was sterile and the test didn't take long, before the reality crashed down on you were really pregnant with his child, your brain has stopped working, you looked at the doctor and back to your cell phone to see he still had not called back.You have changed a place far enough that the word doesn't reach your neighbourhood

 “ Yeh abo-ab-abortion ke liye f-f-form bha-bharna tha, abhi mere sh-sh-sh-shauhar nahi hai saath mei….nahi aye ..ne-ne-next t-ti-tim-time”

You clutched the paper in your hand till it crumbled into a ball, you couldn't face your father like this, not the man who raised you with so much love afraid at how you have defamed his name like this, ashamed of what you had done. You stopped the auto at the kabootar khaana- your and Uzair’s safe haven,  you threw the paper, watched it loud on the shelf and started taking heavy breaths.

The shower door opened with a click, you were already struggling to breathe and at the sound of it your breath catched, Uzair was here already “ Are jaanu tujhe kaise pata chala mai aagya” You gave him a sheepish smile , body going stiff. “Ph-Phone kyu nahi -u-uthaya Uzair?” “ Naha raha tha sunai nahi diya hoga” He raised his eyebrows in amusement walking out completely naked and without an ounce of shame “ Kya hua dar toh aise hi rahi hai jaise kisi aur se milne aayi thi” he inhaled deeply licking the side of your neck without a word.

“ Yaad aa rahi thi teri” He squeezed your face and you still haven't moved, not even reacted other than a nervous nod, it wasn't hard to tell that something was off and the way your eyes kept flickering to the wall , where the self was. 

He was also starving to touch you, feel you after he had not not for more than a whole month now so he did what he was yearning to do, shoving you against the wall capturing your tender lips with his, the water from the shower still trickling down his skin catching on your lips in between. “Kya hua?” he whined impatiently when you didn't kiss back, you came to your sense parting your lips for his tongue to sweep in, you knees bucked at the familiar and the sensation that you craved desperately even in the despairs of your heart you needed to be held in his arm

“ Tu mere liye khud hi aagyi isse accha kya ho sakta hai”

he groaned in your mouth already hardening, hands snaking down to grope your supple thighs and drape them over the crook of his elbow so he could grind himself on you. The rhythm of his lips against your turning frenzied, more passionate from the ache of the curves he had to stay away from.  He pulled back abruptly but not before he bit your lower lip, pressing it in between his teeth. 

“ Dress bhi le aaya tere liye ab toh kush ho ja” He patted your cheek seeing the still somewhat blank expression there. You forced a smile taking the packet from his hands. 

“ Jaa mujhe phen ke dekha” he urged you that you should change in the bathroom so he could get the proper first look, you were already uncomfortable and the cloth sticked to you like a second skin adding to the dreadful pit in your gut and the uneasiness of what you were keeping in your bleeding heart.

The second you stepped out, Uzair whistled, throwing away his cigarette telling you to twirl with the tip of his head, and you did no matter how crushed yourself from inside you did not know how to show it to him right now. “ B-Bas ab u-u-u-u-uta-aaar loon Uz-Uzair? accha nahi lag raha hai” “ Tumhe hi toh phena tha” He remarked, stalking over to you, looming over you with an eerily calm expression. “ Aur vaise bhi utaarunga toh mai hi” he slid his finger between the thin strap that rested atop of your shoulders, “ Uza-Uzair” “ Classes nahi le rahi tum? Mujhe doctor ne call kiya tha raaste mein, Kyu y/n?” “Gh-Gh-Ghar pe k-k-kaam tha” “ Aisa kaunsa kaam tha y/n joh ek mahine se nahi ho pa raha hai, jooth bhol rahi hai tu?”  “ Nahi mai j-oo-jooth nahi bol r-rahi” He threw his head back laughing, finally taking out the crumbled up paper out of his pocket, straightening the paper right in front of your eyes.

 “ J-j-joo-jooth nahi bol rahi?” he mocked, he mocked it, he mocked the one thing he never commented on the one thing he handled with the most patience, your throat constricted in a painful knot. “ Itna badha decision tumne mujhe bataana jaaruri nahi samajha?” you did not even want to defend yourself, the only thing that replayed in your head was what he just did. “ BOL TOH KUCH!” He slapped his hand beside your head at the wall, your body jolted backing more against the cold concrete. “Kyu y/n kyu?” he ran his own shaky hands through his dripping hair, “ Hua kab yeh?” You did not reply, “ Pyaar nahi karti toh bol deti mere peeth peeche jaake aisi..aisi harkat karna” You did not love him? You? You wanted to shout, you finally wanted to scream in his face that he was wrong, how much this had hurted you but nothing came out. 

Your lips refused to part, heart thrumming loudly against your ribs to break free, hands clenching into a fist at side while he kept throwing accusations after accusations,

“ Har cheez mei yeh masoom se shakal banane se kaam nahi chalega, say something damn it!”

He shouted bitterly, his expression crumbling completely. Your eyes locked to the floor in a lifeless gaze, the action to your brain blocked making you look more and more guilty, dishonest in his eyes. Your lips didn't twitch, not a pinch, and to the outside world and Uzair of course it looked all the same, like defiance, like you willingly chose not to speak. You couldn't speak YOU COULDN'T SPEAK.

Uzair himself was getting teary eyed watching back to back at the paper at the decision you made yourself, to kill something you both created together, his anger simmering into a viscous venom of words. “ Problem yeh hai tumarhi ki tumhe har cheez mei victim banana hai, theek hai bol diya sorry bahut faltu cheez kari maine majak uda ke, par mai joh bol raha hoon abhi uska teri problem se kya lena dena hai y/n, BOL! KUCH TOH BOL!” Your jaw was shut tight hands clenched “ Nahi rahna mere saath abhi bol de” You forced yourself, tried to open your mouth with all the strength that you had only to find yourself failing and standing paralysed in front of him. 

“ Bhenchod dimaag kharab ho jayega mera” He snarled under his breath going to open the door and leave, your finger moving just an inch before falling back in place, “ Jaanu?” the worry creeped back into his voice, striding back to you in quick three steps finally seeing over his hurt and betrayal, how your limbs was locked in place and how hard your teeth were grinding .

He caressed your face with the same care of he did the day he met you, you shivered under his hand your mouth refusing to work, he understood something was wrong, very wrong. “ Jaan kya hua?” he patted your cheeks hoping you would come back to your senses, for you to even look up from the ground. He saw the vacant look in your eyes and pulled you close, crushing your chest against his so tight you couldn't breathe but it was the most comforting feeling ever, and you broke down hard breaking into a string of broken sobs and breaths that you gasped to take. He whispered comforting things over your clammy skin till you finally found your voice back, your knees bucking and he let you slide down to the floor with his body acting as a cushion for you. “Mu-Mu-Mujhe lag-laga tum-tum muj-mujhse p-pya-pyaar na-nahi k-karte mai bahut dar gayi t-t-thi” You wailed into his chest, and he just felt like the worst man alive on earth for him to doubt someone as precious as you. “ Mai-Mai bahut d-dar gayi thi” You snivelled one last time to face him, watching the tear that had found its way down his cheeks. 

"Mujhe terese mohabbat hai yaar. Haan main befkoof hoon, lekin pyaar karta hoon terese. Aur sun, main kabhi nahi chhorne wala tujhe, kabhi mat sochna aisa, jaanu. Shaadi kar le mujhse, theek hai? Mere ghar aa ja. Tumhein darne ki zaroorat nahi hai, na ab aur na kabhi. Aur agar yeh zindagi tumhare bina guzray, toh mujhe yeh zindagi nahi chahiye" he paused before going off again this time lower more sincere “ "Shaadi, Yeh sab kuch fizool hai tere bina, agar tu sath nahi na toh kuch bhi nahi meri liye sirf shabd ke siwa"

You were almost three months pregnant in a bed decked with strings of jasmine and roses all put together perfectly to cover the dome of the bed, and petals sprawled across the bed. You were married to Uzair, and feeling more nervous than you expected for the marital night, it was not for the act itself but the idea that you finally belonged in his room, your stomach swelling slightly with his child and that you were to spend the rest of your life with him. You weren't unfamiliar with the idea of living with a gangster that you had all your life neither did you doubt a man whose whole life was spent in violence to nurture you,to take care of you because again you had been loved enough by your Abbu the only thing you worried if your condition got any worse and what if you lost the ability to speak to him all together.

Uzair closed the door behind him with a soft click, adorned in an affluent sherwaani, lowering your gaze into the stain of the henna making sure it wasn't as visible to him as it was to you- his name hidden in between the patterns. He laughed softly at the act, the mattress sinking beneath his weight holding both your palm in his hand, he spotted it the second your soft hand rested on his but did not wanted to see that sweet face fall with disappointed, so he furrowed his eyebrows acting out confused for whole three minutes before leaning to press a kiss to the spot where it was concealed from him.

He hadn't said anything neither have you, just sharing long glances and one beating heart. He shifted closer, gently touching your stomach, his touch featherlight against the fabric of your kurta.Uzair lifts his free right hand to chest height, facing their palm outward toward you. He folds his middle and ring fingers flat against his marred palm, keeping them held down by the thumb while his index finger and pinky point straight up, in a silent ‘I love you’ followed by the next action. He points his index finger toward his own chest  then shifts his hand to point toward you he rolls both of his hands forward in smooth, circular motions Next, he brings both hands together in front of him, interlocking his fingers tightly ,keeping his hands joined, he moves them forward in a steady, continuous line, ‘ Will you spend the rest of your life with me?” 

You teared up, nodding in between your cries before breaking out into a smile that he would remember for the rest of his life 

a/n - not happy with how this turned out but I tried , hope you can enjoy it! also have a small series brewing up in mind for toxic,dark Uzair :.) at this point I am torturing myself haha