𝑺𝒖𝒓𝒂𝒎𝒚𝒂

The gul mohar tree danced against the wind adorning only the east wing of the building, the red and orange of its flowers scattered across the pavement and grass much like the colour of the old bricks the building was made of.“Assalamu Alaikum” she said nervously,the feeling in her stomach befuddling not from him but the fact that her teacher had considered her eligible enough to show him around ,that someone thinks she is sensible enough - feeling smart for the first time in her life. 

“ Mhm beta kaunse year mei ho?” he asked politely,his eyes never looking at her more than necessary “ Ji second year” she nodded trying to match his courteous behavior, the way he walked so naturally and gracefully. Zarnaaz had trouble standing straight year of taunts about her body has shrunken her down,the slouch to keep her away from people eyes

 “Accha college hai, khud ke college ke din yaad aagye” “ Aap kaha se padhe the” “ D.J Sindh college” 

“ Vah fir toh aap padhai mei bahut acche hoge? ” Her tone was softer now, curious about the man in front of her,going into the same frenzy she did when he first spoke at the podium, slightly ashamed of why she even asked the question at all. She had not dared to look at him properly once, eyes embedded into the stone pavement worrying herself with the idea that if she glanced at him he would discern the unexplainable pull she had to him. “ “aapko koi shak?”

 “ Nahi jaanab” her voice was almost teasing now, the way he spoke with his hands had the tension easing before hankering back to the fact that this was the major she was talking to. What if he didn't enjoy her poor sense of humour, found it disrespectful? Gathering her courage she looked up at him. He had that snub furrow of the eyebrow, the lip curling downward just an inch - frown which gave nothing away. Zarnaaz wanted nothing more than the floor to swallow her whole, the breeze of wind was unexpected adding to her humiliation sending the borrowed dupatta flying, the frown on his face seemingly increasing, the crease on his forehead visible. She was convinced he had seen the defective embroidery must be a source of disgust for the man whose each and every cloth has been tailored with precision or maybe it was her body either way her modesty had quite literally flown and she had forgotten to retrieve it. 

Iqbal bent down to pick it up, holding it crumpled up in his hand. This fabric has sat over her skin once, grazed against the softness of her skin, its egress from the curve of her neck had presented her with the  view of her hallow body.  The first thought wasn't of lechery but of worship for the God to have created such a beauty and a complaint that it was not yet his. Feeling the warmth of her skin tingle against his fingertips

‘Ya allah' he mumbled low enough only for him to hear,  the sound dissolving among the soft flow of the air before it could reach Zarnaaz ears. Zarnaaz waited awkwardly long seeing the dupatta in his hands, hesitant to know if she was to take it from him or he was going to hand it to her. Iqbal did not want to smother the view but he also abhorred that any one else could look at Zarnaaz like that, he handed it back to her avoiding the soft touch of her hand no, watching her move quickly covering back the exposed skin of her collarbones and shoulder. 

 “Kis cheez ke liye  padhai kar rahi ho tum?” “ Kis cheez ke liye..?” she asked confused “ College ke baad kya  karegi” the inevitable question to which she had the answer most girls in Pakistan would have in 1991 “ Kuch nahi .. humare yaha ladkiyaan job nahi karte” “ Tum kya karna pasand karogi?” “ Kisi chote mote school mei agar teacher ka kaam mil jaaye toh” he nodded, humming, the tinted glass making it hard to read his eyes. “Acchi baat hai, apne se kuch karna rootba rakhna chaiye beta” his tone was unpretentious again, letting her take a breath of relief.

The silence settled once more, quiet and fiddly, she didn't know how to carry the conversation forward, swishing through the silence his phone let out a mechanical beep. He had a phone?He must have been filthy rich. Zarnaaz saw the initial S flashing on the full green screen, watched him pick it up turning away from her silently asking for space to continue his talk privately.  She stepped back by a few steps crushing one large gul-mohar flower under her jutti by accident, her eyes fixed on the bright red of the flowers that shone happily under the bright sunlight unlike the people suffering from the heat. The shade was blended, layered with the sweet aromatic smell of the summer, under the dark his eyes were even more hard to make out, in between the conversation he had shifted facing her from a two feet difference. 

Zarnaaz was in the middle of admiring when she felt the burn, she could have swore he was staring at her but at the glance she took of him, he was standing straight no stiffness, no nothing that would give it away, mouth moving mechanically, saying things she couldn't hear from over there. 

“ Aapki biwi ka call tha?” embarrassing, just when she was recovering from the first rush of embarrassment, it was wearing off. She went ahead with something even stupider, and it wasn't a reticent suitable question to ask of a man, at least not in her world. The first slip of her tongue had him frowning ,what would he do now

" Biwi? Nahi humari shaadi nahi hui” it was a simple answer,but the he said it so calmly the other question that sat restless on her tongue slipped out “ Kyu nahi hui?” Zarnaaz knew she was red as a tomato now, she never got much interaction from boys her age but the last time she did she doesn't remember being this naive, and timid. 

“ Kyu? honi chaiye biwi? tum hume buddha bol rahi hoo?” he asked in ape seriousness to watch her fumble more “ Nahi nahi! Aap toh abhi jawaan hoo!!” Zarnaaz closed her eyes,doubling down wasn't the best thing to do here but she did,briskly letting out that he was young, that was a new low for her social skills. 

He laughed, a rare overwhelming sound staining her cheek red again,for the first time this morning not out of agitation but the coyness of the prepossessing man in front of her. "Behad maasoom aur pyaare hain aap, Allah aapko har buri nazar se mehfooz rakhe."

“ Yahi pe canteen hai.. Aapko coke pasand hai?” He raised his eyebrows holding in another chuckle, she wouldn't understand that the first thing that came into his mind was not the fizzy carbonated drink but the magic powder he had snorted last night. “ Ji mujhe coke pasand hai” He lied in a calm profess hiding his  distaste for the sugary drink to watch the small glimmer in her eyes, finally finding an excuse to parch her thirst and sore throat. She tried not hopping to the canteen taking small forced steps, “ Aap baith jao” She pointed at the metal tackily painted seat under the whirring long fan “ Mai leke aayi” “ Why would a gentle men ever want that? You sit down Zarnaaz” 

Iqbal walked to the counter with a small scoff, it was unbearable the urge to ruffle her hair, pull at her cheeks, pressing at her plump lips watch those eyes tear up- finding it hard to control himself especially now with her enthusiasm for a simple drink. The glass was cold in his hand, water dripping down from it onto the wooden table from the condensation, Zarnaaz waited impatiently for him to begin first her feet had started tapping at the floor before she even knew, the soft pat of her feet making him go slower enjoying the slow descend of her expression into a frustrated pout.

She snatched the bottle from his hand, popping off the sealed opening with her bare hand then going back to making that sweet docile face. “ V..Voh mujhe laga aapse khul nahi raha tha’ She muttered ashamed of her display of immaturity to a man whose whole world revolved around discipline, shoving back the bottle in his hand her hands touched his.

Iqbal froze, forgetting to flash that formal non threatening smile at the sensation of her hands against his even if it was for a fraction of time. She had started sipping away already,her lips wrinkled around the straw with loud sucking noises a habit- a bad habit she had developed with Ulfat over time, leaving some of her manners back at home. She was so adorable he felt like he would die right there. “ bahut pyaara chehra hai aapka” She paused, withdrawing from the poor straw completely. "Maine kaha tum behad haseen ho." "Aap aise kyu bol rahe hai Major sahab?” The question was hesitant, her hand fiddling with the end of her kurta.

"Meri gustakhi maaf kare, par aapka chehra behad dilkash hai." A compliment, a compliment from a man and a compliment from a man of such a high order Zarnaaz forgot how to speak and how to breathe. 

"Mujhe kehne ke liye afsos hai, aap kaafi der se mujhse baat kar rahi hain aur mujhe college ghumakar dikha rahi hain, lekin mera saara dhyan sirf aapke chehre par tha."

“Zarnaaz!! Zarnaaz! Tumhare Abbu aaye hai tumhe college se lene!”  Ulfat ran to her holding Zarnaaz heavy, wide dupatta in her hands. “ Abbu kyu aaye hai??” She wanted to scream out, but held herself together her voice came in shaky squeaks. “ Gusse mei nahi hai.. Zarnaaz.. Bas bol rahe hai aaj jaldi ghar chale jaa” She whispered her hand already going to rub the small of her back, though Zarnaaz never got the courage to tell the whole story to Ulfat, she could sense something was deeply wrong within her family. 

“ Baaki ka college Ulfat aapko dikha degi, mai chalti hoon” she turned back at him with a polite smile, head bowed to hide the paleness. “ Nahi beta koi jararuat nahi hai  mai bhi  chalta hoon,tum apna khyaal rakhna”

“Allah Hafiz” She said softly watching him turn away before she could even complete the sentence walking off casually like he wasn’t whispering sweet nothing to her  just a few seconds ago.

Zarnaaz covered her head, going off to the college gates where her father stood with a bright white scooter, she hurried her feet despite the fear churning in her stomach, why pick her up today? Did something go wrong today? “ Kyu hua abbu aap kyu aaye, mai bus se aa jaati? Ghar pe kuch hua hai?”

She breathed out in a small meek tone calculating how each word would sound to her fathers ears. “Kyu? Koi vajah chaiye apne bacchi ka khayal rakhne ke liye? Itni garmi ho rahi hai kyu bus ke dakhe kha ke ghar jaogi?” he pulled her into his chest, kissing her head, caressing the back of her head gently. “Acche se padhai ki?” “ Ji Abbu” He pulled her closer caressing the curve of her cheek. She kissed his cheek, a gesture that felt vague and hollow now, climbing back into the narrow space of the seat. Unreluctantly wrapping her arms tightly around him out of only survival. 

Iqbal steps were hurried he knew he should have said something more to Zarnaaz but he hated that he was deterred whilst he was in the middle of speaking, middle of inching closer to his Zarnaaz holding her hand ,ego bruised at the fact she bolted away at the mention of her father. When the idiotic-ness wore off of his prideful chest,he stalked back inside the canteen finding the straw still discarded in the bottle of the half drank cola, gulping down the liquid in one go  with the desperation as if it was the elixir of life; Aab-e-Hayat 

Her father even stopped in the way to buy her her favourite kulfi which she found hard to swallow over the fact who this man was to her now,

all she saw when looking at him was the blood on his hands.

“ Aur kuch?” She shook her head, eyes downcast hiding half in his chest half away from him. “ Kitni badi ho gayi hai , phle toh kamar tak bhi nahi pahuchti thi mere, aapko pata hai aap chale jaoge toh aapke abbu kitne akele pad jayege?” The indirect mention of her wedding wasn't unexpected; she was practically expiring in her family’s eyes ,twenty yet no husband and kids.“  Aapko meri yaad ayengi?” She asked halfheartedly, nibbling on the cold sweet. “ Haa Gul” He nodded like it was obvious. “ Baba fir mat karana na meri shaadi” He chuckled, kissing her head again, making her wonder where all this sweetness was coming from.  “ Chalo ghar chalien ab? Aur kuch chaiye meri gudiyan ko?” she again just shook her head waiting for the sweetness to feed away before she started hoping,craving  for something inane and idiotic as her father's love soaking in the treatment for the time being. 

She thought the treatment was limited for the public eyes but surprisingly even at home he had pulled her on his lap, half dozing off while listening to the radio. Zarnaaz felt awkwardly huge in his arms; she doesn't remember the last time he had ever held so fondly it was throwing her off, her gut in a treacherous knot. “ College mei dost hai aapke?” “ Ji baba,bas ek ladki se baat hoti hai” He hummed in approval“ Koi pareshan toh nahi karta na?” SAIF, she wanted to scream out loud but her father was not going to be the protective dad helping,walking her through the danger rather than putting the blame on her. She did not take the risk ,lying in a sweet tone. “Nahi baba bilkul nahi” 

The telephone rang in the same small corner of the house, her father let out a long sigh patting her back “ Jao dekh ke aao kiska call hai” She climbed out, rushing out to it. She wasn't allowed to use the telephone much or else she will catch the city air is what her parents said and use it to waste time and money by talking to her parents. Feeling giddy as a child, she padded barefoot to it. Pressing the cold plastic to her ear, her stomach already feeling lighter and heart fluffier. 

“Zarnaaz aapne bataya nahi ki aap kuwaari hoo”

It was a thick and deep voice, one second her smile halted the other the colour drained out of her face completely when she recognised where she heard that last from, numbly she smashed the handset back in place scaring herself with the small thud herself. 

How did he find her number? Just how in the world? It was three weeks ago, the ludicrous feeling that remained a joke between her and Ulfat did not seem like a joke anymore. She climbed back into her fathers lap, the fear eating her away as she snuggled into the man she feared the most, hiding the yellowness of her face. “Kaun tha?” “Ulfat, puch rahi thi ki kal mai kal college aungi ki nahi” 

Zarnaaz panicked, pacing back and forth in the closed off classroom“ Ulfat mujhe yeh ladka pareshan kar raha hai, pata nahi kha se isse mera number mil gaya hai, ghar pe call kar raha Ulfat mere Abbu meri jaan le lenge please kuch karo” her voice getting louder with each sentence “ shh shaant ho jaa, police mei complain karni hai mujhe bata?”If the police were to get involved the word would indefinitely reach her father as well as the whole of Lyari’s year “ Police nahi police nahi! Voh ghar pe bata denge!” she let out a terrified shriek fidgeting, picking at the dupatta at the intensity that she would tear it.

“ Mai kuch bandobast karti hoon..abbu ki thodi jaan pehchaan hai..bahar toh voh dekh sakte hai.. Khyaal rakh ke chalna padega Zarnaaz agar yaha tak pahuch gaya hai toh baat badh sakti hai” she was envious for a movement, how easy life was Ulfat a protective dad who would not waste a breathe before helping her but the feeling warped bitter in her chest, the guilt of feeling that way for the only person who actually helped her always. Zarnaaz at times realised how similar she was to her parents, the same poison running in her blood.

 “ Mujhe bahut ghabrahat ho rahi hai” 

By afternoon the fear had not subsided, Zarnaaz walking in Uflat’s shelter feeling any man close enough was him. The fear was already keeping her one second from crying so when a man barged into the college holding a gun in his hands the sobs that came out were instant. Ulfat herself was shaken, dragging Zarnaaz, her brain feeling fogging unsure of where to hide. In between the chaos of her own she peeked up, the man was shorter, almost Ulfat’s height, immediately confirming for her that this not the same man she saw but not any less dangerous looking. 

His face chiseled and handsome, eyes holding a cold calmness and authority thin lips pressed into a line “ Yeh voh nahi hai Ulfat” She prompted gently.

 “ Kisne maara tha Saif ko?”he asked with the cigarette still in his mouth. 

 OH OH, this was not for her but for Ulfat. She shoved Ulfat behind her trying to stand proud on her shaky legs hiding Ulfat behind her- taller than her and obviously visible but it was the thought that counted wasn't it?, the students had already given away yours and her name was too scared to lie to a man holding a gun. “ Zarnaaz dimaag kharaab ho gaya hai tera?piche hat” “ Mere vajah se tumhe kuch ho gaya toh” “Zarn-” He was standing right in front her, she bit her lips trying hard not to cry, trying hard to imitate the confidence with which Ulfat had faced Saif for her. “ Iski koi galti nahi hai, voh mujhe ched raha tha-” “ Accha Ulfat tum ho?”

 He ignored her, looking directly at Ulfat. “ Haan, aap se kya matlab? Badla lene ke liye bheja hai Saif ne, yeh hai tumhaari mardaangi? ek akeli ladki ke liye bandook laani padi?” he laughed obnoxiously, tucking the gun back into the holster making both the girls' posture falter. “Bolti bahut theeka hai tum” He muttered giving Zarnaaz a ‘move’ look. She didn't, standing right in place ready to protect her friend.

Ulfat seized the cigarette hanging loosely from his lips, throwing it away making him smirk harder. “Mujhe laga kisi ladke ke kaam hai dekhne aaye tha kisme itni himmat thi ki Ibrahim sahab ke bete ko chaanta maare, par khair…” “Khair kya? Uski tareef karne aaye ho?” “ Nahi socha tha agar koi himmat waala hota toh apne saath kaam pe rakhta”

The tension was thick enough to be cut through a blade, Ulfat wasn't in her usual way -scared but pretending to be brave- stance, taking oddly heavy breaths having a stare off with him. Zarnaaz understood this wasn't her place and slid away from in between them watching like every other college onlooker this time. “ Rehman, Rehman Dakait naam hai mera, Kal hum chai par chalenge."

“ OH HELLO??” She snarled but he just walked away, throwing her a last roughish look, Ulfat cheeks burning bright red. “ Yeh kya tha?” She asked following the currently too flustered to face anyone Ulfat, who was hurrying out to avoid all the stares falling at her now when she bumped into him.

His body so rigid that for a brief moment she believed she had collided with a wall .Iqbal, He looked down at her stiffly,her face eliminated a small smile that went vain since he had not even waited for a second before walking away.

Why was he being so cold after all that he had told her yesterday, that evening she went home late probing through the market with Ulfat who very suddenly had an idea of a shopping spree for a whole new suit set, and jhumkes claiming it was completely unrelated to what had happened that afternoon. In between the chaos and shuffling Zarnaaz heart was stuck on a dull pain from the sudden change of behaviour from Iqbal and the debauched thrill of the call that awaited her way at home, eyes constantly flickering to the wrist watch. 

She had taken another bath in the evening to drown out the sweltering summer heat, the couthy pleasant scent of rose water lingering from her freshly washed dripping wet hair that soaked the back of her kurta. She stood by the telephone, thanking god it wasn't placed in the middle of the house but in a secluded corner that her parents almost never visited. When the bell rang she didn't pick it waiting a few seconds not to appear that she in fact was waiting on it

She heard of what she thought was a chuckle before he started speaking, the voice muffled under the mechanical whirr of the telephone and dampened under what seemed like a cloth

"Aaj college se ghar aane mei bahut der kardi Zarnaaz, kya pata aaj aapke liye kiya gaya call aape abbu utha lete”

“ Saif ho tum?”She asked in one go to clear away the doubt, despite the anxiety that she was being watched probably the whole day . The silence was loud stretching on for a long hefty minute

“ Saif..? Kaun Saif? Saif kaun hai Zarnaaz”

The shift was immediate his voice going esoteric and darker with a possessiveness that stole the air out of Zarnaaz’s lungs making her put the phone down immediately to avoid the uneasy feeling rising in her stomach again, some weird sense of satisfaction from the fact that he wasn't Saif and really was the guy from that day. But the menace was also there not hidden, put in front of her with a clarity and no intention to hide the magnitude of his feelings.

“ Zarnaaz!” “ Ji Ammi aayi!” 

She hid back the exhilaration beneath a subdued lowering of head  “ Muh kya sadha rahi hai, kuch toh kaam karle”  She nodded, setting up the plates.

"Kal hum ek shaadi mein ja rahe hain, tumhare bar-aks tumhare cousin ki shaadi ho rahi hai."

"Rehn de Rufat." her khala voice came from the kitchen always at her rescue

(Rehne do Rufat.)

"Kya rehne do? Mujhe padhai ki zaroorat samajh nahi aati."

"Ajj kal de mard padhiyaan likhiyaan votiyan chahnde ne Rufat." her khala tried to reason with them the only way she knew.

(Aaj kal ke mard taleem yafta biwiyan chahte hain Rufat.)

Her mother scorned putting the cooker down with more force than needed. “ Ammi mai nahi jaungi” Zarnaaz whispered nervously "Kyu" her mother eyes shot up at her immediately "College mei important padhai chal rahi hai" Khala was out of the kitchen ready to defend her just then her father spoke up

"Khaana khao Zarnaaz ek shabd aur nahi" his voice was calm for now “Par Abbu sach mei important classes hai-” “ Zarnaaz chup” he said harshly“ Abbu-” “ ZARNAAZ! Ek shabd aur nahi” He shouted, some little defiant part of Zarnaaz snapped back speaking louder than usual sending the whole house quiet “ Abbu mai nahi jaungi, mera kaam reh jayega”

Ulfat did not get a whiff of what happened to Zarnaaz last night because she never let it show, snuggling away into her side with the same sweet innocent demeanor hearing Ulfat rant about that she was definitely not decked like a christmas tree in anticipation of the threat of a date that was offered to her yesterday and accidentally had a family function the same evening. Her parents and Khala had already left in the morning without a word to her, and it was a relief to be honest to finally have the house to herself.

 Inaya  had held her back, needing help in  arranging the assignment files. Zarnaaz agreed happily, not like getting home late would have any reaction today,enjoying the small freedom of staying out past 5 for the two days it meant to last.

But the small win had washed away, the bus station was called off with the next one being a kilometre away taking a auto would have been too expensive for her monthly budget and Zarnaaz was already tired enough from the whole day so she slumped her way carrying her body with much effort.

A hand hauled her into the shady alleyway, muffling any sound that could have escaped her with a firm hand slapped over her mouth. Saif held her close, hastily kissing every inch of her exposed neck he could access “ Mhmm aaj nahi aayi teri dost?”

Zarnaaz's heart was a mix of fear of fury, she had had enough being scared of her shadow, in the rage of the movement her hand moved quickly, the blow landing on his chest, then another at his face. Her chest heaving with broken breaths she was standing up to him for the first time ever boorish of the outcome that was to come

Saif was stunned but only for a second before his grip became bruising,his hand raised to strike her face. The slap to her cheek shunned her temporarily- it didn't hurt it couldn't hurt over all that she has gotten to her body, couldn't compare the wounds her parents leave on her nonetheless the fear was greater of what he was about to do if she couldn't stop him fast enough and what fate would fall upon her if her parents were to catch of whiff of this. 

All the small freedom she has earned and begged for would be gone in a second, it would be her fault to be assaulted, her value plummeting in the  marriage market ,her right of her  body becoming a public verdict out of nous -less judgement , thus her parents would wed her off to anyone who is willing to take her after she had been stripped off of her hurmat. 

She struggled with her whole heart, her limbs quaking like a fish out of  water , her head too frozen for her thoughts to make sense and be calculated just trying to use the agitated movement and the weight of her body to get away from him. 

The hardness pressed against her stomach , bile rose at her throat at the sensation of it leaking the precum onto her kurta. It did not take her long to realise that her struggle was futile against him, every push from her side helped her rub himself on her better.The sob of her defeat was loud, the pain and disgust churning into the viscous feeling her life was done for. 

Saif flew over landing on the ground with a loud thud, the punch wasn't to hurt, it wasn't to protect it was to avenge the man who believed he could touch something that belonged to him- Iqbal. His glasses were nowhere to be seen, jaw shut tight in wrath,the ferocity dripped from his eyes, the cold precision replaced with a deadly callous and havoc he was about to create. 

He lunged forward , the connection of his fist with Saif’s face breaking his nose in one thunderous bash of his clenched shaky hands,  he wasn't acting under the guise of the wealthy obedient son, or the disciplined major but the man he actually was under the layer of sophistication. 

Zarnaaz jumped with the revolting sound of the wound being cut open and squelch Iqbal finger digging right into the gaping flesh where it would burn more, bones breaking under his forceful blows that didn't stop until even muddled incoherent wincing of pain had left Saif's body leaving him with passed out on the floor with a mercy of the faint pulse still running in his heart. 

Iqbal stood up brushing back the sweat slick hair out his face with his bloodied shaking hands, the wildness had his pupil blown up, he appeared more of a predator than a human growls still leaving his chest in slow, deep, rumbles he had barely held himself back from killing that man with his bare hands, to take him apart limb by limb for scaring someone only he had right to frighten, to dare to mar the soft skin of her face. 

Zarnaaz was standing right there, eyes wide and fluttering  the wetness of her tears weighing down her eyelashes, the glisten making her look even more gullible. She saw it, she saw it all, she saw how animalistic he was being - ‘shit shit' he let out an exasperated sigh, she wasn't supposed to see this now, she was to slowly get used to the meticulously planned version of him before she saw any of this. His whole ruse was destroyed, she would never look at him-

“ Iqbal sahab!” her voice was dampened under the stress but still so honey dew, Iqbal froze unsure of what she was thinking if the exclamation was out of fear? Her wobbly legs moved to him, the whimper in her throat, the quiver of her lips and the fear not for herself not for Saif but for his pain. “ Iqbal sahab.. Aapko lag gayi.. Apne kyu kiya aisa”  The sweet tremor of her voice, the worry she carried for him almost made him burst right there in his pants “ Zarnaaz” He let out her name in a hoarse breath, seeing her hold both of his now bruised hands in her soft small palm, the warm tender air leaving her trembling lips to soothe the cuts and nicks on his knuckles that he didn’t even knew were there until now. 

He didn’t just watched her, he was trying her existence into his mind - gazing at the fresh tears that trickled down her cheek with each breeze of her breath that brushed his hand, her thumbs rubbing against his chafed skin of the back of his hand, the melon pink nail polish chipping off and a dainty silver ring resting on her middle finger. The warmth of her hand was already undoing at his facade, the obsession shining through in his eyes and as if on cue to add fuel to the fire, her plump salmon pink tinted lips pressed against the bleeding knicks “ Zarnaaz” The moan died at the tip of his tongue. 

Oh sweet stupid Zarnaaz, nobody has ever protected her with this ferocity,he did not blame her once or asked her what she was doing, questioning her dignity just jumped at her rescue that too the infamous Major? It validated her soul, each kiss was out of gratitude, indebted that he had saved her vaqar, her face. 

“ Iqbal ji aap theek hai?” she sniffled, he forced himself to stay calm, the darkness of his word bleaking through the stiffness of his shoulder."Zarnaaz, yeh istifsaar toh mujhe karna chahiye... kya usne tumhari nazakat ko thes pahunchayi?" She shook her head, her eyes still not prepared to meet his eyes in a steady gaze but the glances were recurrent now- shy, nervous  but frequent. She reached into her purse, taking out the cotton cheap handkerchief that they sold at roadside shop with the same industrial print plastered over one after another the prints changing at times, sometimes more deformed than the other half the print faded, crooked, overlapping - hers were the same a faded teal print on a thin flimsy piece of fabric. She tied it over the right hand where the gash was deeper, the blood instantly trickling to the surface staining.

“Beta iski kya jarrurat thi, meri hifazat se phle khud ko dekho, tumhare haath,shareer kaanp rahe”  “ Ghar tak chor doon?”

 It was a hoax to call that place a ghar, the rich were pampered throughout their lives. He would scoff if he knew her life, how her parents were that she doesn't even have a penny to her name, living under the shelter of her khala. Her credence over the fact that any man will ever find her pretty had crumbled under the weight of her parents and relatives taunt - that her Aapi was the better half and somewhere in the back of the head she knew it.

Her aapi got the gentle, respectful love from Mihir, and had men lined up to marry her while Zarnaaz became the invisible sister just average at everything her sister excelled in and if any attraction ever came her way it was from men like Saif who couldn't see past her body,for the first time in her life a man who seemed to actually care for had arrived she didn't want to lose him so she did the only thing she knew. She lied

 .. N.. Nahi.. Ghar.. Toh yahi paas mei hai bas.. 5 minute yaha se” the falseness tasted bitter on her tongue, her house wasn't five minute away in this posh area it was way back Lyari in between those kabootar khaana's, this is not who she wanted to be but the affirmation gave her a high that was hard to lose now. 

He knew she was lying, he had the way to her house memorised and it definitely didn't come less than 1 hour from here, the look on her face was still so unwary and virtuous that no man would believe she is lying , there was a sick satisfaction in it that they were similar in some semblance , “ Ghar pe kaun kaun hai?” “ Bas..Ammi Abbu, aapi padhai ke liye..islamabad gayi hai” The corner of his mouth twitched to smile but he held it in watching her with a careful gaze, the flush on her cheek that spread till her ears,her ‘ such a pretty little liar'  

His calloused han wiped the pearls she shed out of those heavenly brown eyes, resisting the urge to kiss them away. “ Shh  Zarnaaz rote nahi beta” “ Saif ka kya hoga?” She glanced back at the half dead man on the floor. “ Uski chinta aap mat karo, isse phle aur shaam ho aap ghar chalien jao” 

Iqbal's house was quiet, it almost always was other than the ghazals he played, the only thing he actually enjoyed for once humming along to the song, watching the world out from his balcony. He rather preferred the quiet, he had worked hard for it; to be away from his father's house and ghost of the childhood he never had haunt him. 

It was outside Lyari, creating distance from the place he grew up where he learned his violence from, loneliness wasn't new to him - he had ‘ friends' always did but even with them he remained the picture perfect man his father wanted to see ;guarded and heartless. 

Zarnaaz wasn't a temporary distraction , she was a heavy gust that swept the curtain off of his heart. 

He could sense the hurt in her eyes that she hid under that sweet naiveness, smell the depraved desires she shared much like him and was determined to break that shell and watch her unfurl from the shell  she had lived her whole life. 

Any sane man or  women wouldn't have cried out his name and kissed his hand after what he had done, without a reasoning for why he was there anyway but he had her handkerchief now, and the lingering sensation of her lips pasted against his skin and he was going to put that to work. 

He rested back into the sturdy couch, hand digging into the arm rest, the other reaching into his vest pocket for the handkerchief he had tucked away safely. He draped it over his face letting the fabric rest there as he took in deep unsteady breath. 

He overlooked the smell of his own dried up blood, the smell of the crass detergent that flooded your nose anytime you entered ‘that' part of the grocery store and the talcum powder who advertisement ran on the television every 20 minutes underneath it all was the her scent, her sweat the sweet peril odour rattling his nerves.

The drawstring of his salwar came undone in one pull, hand pulling out his throbbing manhood taking a longer whiff of her feeling himself harden painfully in his hand. He didn't give himself the pleasure of stroking himself immediately ,punishing himself for his own dirty deed. 

The worry in her eyes for this monster,  her voice scared him he didn't knew he could get any more obsessed with her- turns out a Zarnaaz who gave a fuck was way worse for his already deteriorating mental health . 

He rubbed the oozing thick bead of pre cum around with his thumb,  the weight on his face feeling significantly heavier. The torture he inflicted on himself continued for a few minues the rough pad of his thumb rubbing against the sensitive slit before the thought of her soft lips, watery eyes crossed his head again. He clasped his palm around his dick , stroking, twisting it firmly, eyes rolling back at even the idea of it being her soft delicate hands instead of his. 

Zarnaaz wouldn't be hard to carry and throw around to hold down beneath him; he wanted to watch the desire spark in her seemingly innocent eyes to see if she would shed her guard down for him. The moan to leave those sacred lips, wrap his arm around the soft of her waist, have her trembling, begging with need. Head spinning at the thought of her curves remained veiled under her kurti, the cloth pulling at her chest forming dips, the arch of her cheeks. 

 Zarnaaz had passed by the telephone one too many times, unknowingly anticipating the call for the loud ring to reverberate in the small space. She leaned against the cold rigid wall ,one leg resting against the other to numb the soreness of her feet. Holding a small book of her urdu poetry pretending to read so if just by any miracle her Abbu gets home two days early he wouldn't doubt her. Persistent fear thrumming against her chest  of  what  she had seen not even an hour ago.

‘Ring Ring’

The classic electromechanic bell rang had had her heart stop despite the fact that she knew it would be coming ,clearing her throat she picked up the call bracing herself for the deep voice on the other side 

“Zarnaaz”  Iqbal almost smirked - it was always three rings each time before she picked up. The feeling pooled in her stomach again, unwanted and dreadful, immediately wetting the chaste fabric in between her legs like it did when Iqbal beat Saif to a pulp.

"Ghar pe akeli hai aap?"

it was overwhelming she could feel his breath over the skin, through the clothes he used to muffle his voice.“ Please maine aap ka kya bigada hai?!” She sobbed like she wasn't waiting for his call

"Shh ro kyu rahi hoon? Maine kuch kiya? maamuli sa sawaal hai.. Vaise mujhe pata hai aap ghar par akeli ho"

 She froze, dragging the phone along with her walking till the locked sleek window the wire stretching to its fullest, parting the curtains to  checking out the window “ ghusne ki koshis bhi mat karna!” She let out an actual terrified shriek not for him more for the fact that if he was there but out of fear of being caught, some hidden part of her hoped for him he will take her defiance as a challenge eye wandering to find his six foot frame anywhere near her house. 

He chuckled shaking his head

"Shh Zarnaaz kyu khud ko dara rahi ho? , rote nahi hai mhm"

He cooed roughly

"varna mujhe lagega tum bahut kamzor ho - mai toh bas baat karna chahta hoon"

he added, still stumped in the same couch. 

“ Nahi karni mujhe baat! Dafa ho jao! Ainda mujhe call mat karna!! Major Iqbal se baat hai humaari agar unhe bata diya tab aap dekhna” She squealed hastily putting it back down in place. Her eyes still going back at the window searching for any sign of him to appear right by the old closed off store shutter but he wasn't anywhere here, not lurking in the shadows, not in plain sight. 

‘ Sweet  Stupid Zarnaaz’ He was in his own glory, her threatening him with him himself? Beautiful

His breath was against her neck, fingers digging into the thighs where her hips and leg met , ,spreading further to reveal her glistening clunge. His finger parting the frail lips running his finger over the slit to the engorged sensitive bundle of nerves padded into the small plumb that lay hidden above her slick folds. The scariest part was that she wasn't thrashing under him, instead melting into his touch moaning frantically, savouring the marks he sucked into her skin, teeth grazing at the tender skin that pronounced the start of her rising, falling chest. 

His finger plunged in with a torturous slowness spreading her inside, the slowness born much out of the purpose of teasing than care, the other large hand cupping the whole of her heavy breast. Zarnaaz core clenched hands clutching at the bedsheets of the house she did not recognize,  the ceiling fans like the one she had seen in the movies, she could make out the faint glimmer of the chandelier with her blurry eyes and half the ceiling, the other half covered with his broad shoulders. “ Zarnaaz mere taraf dekho”She whimpered fluttering her lashes trying to catch the glimpse of the men.Deep brown eyes- it was those same eyes of the men she was in baloch, the same man who had tormented her with his calls but that gravelly voice of Iqbal wasn't it? 

She sat up,slick with sweat,an ache and warmth between her legs. The phantom touch was still heavy upon her chest so that was what Ulfat refused to tell her. She was disgusting, she sobbed out loud holding herself together praying for whatever demon that had possessed her to leave her alone, the filth that had cluttered her mind needed to be gone before it swallowed her whole. 

a/n - i deliberately cut off the family converstation because i wanted to go over it more in detail in the next part, interact if you liked it!!! gives me some motivation to writee :,)

“Accha fir kya hua?” Mehru asked, her hand still moving to massage the sole of Ulfat's foot, “ Fir kya mere abbu ne mana kar diya” “ Rehman bhaiya ko?!” She gasped out loud, from childhood she knew that name was not be spoken in vague, a man not to be tampered with -to be blatantly rejected by a wealthy businessman for his daughter hand in marriage was astonishing, “ Haan toh tab unka utna naam nahi tha” “ Fir fir?” “ Ab abbu ne mana kar diya tha aur mujhe  Faisalabad bhejne ka faisla kiya, yeh gunde logon ki duniya se bahut door”Mehru nodded listening intently. “ fir fir?”

“ Fir kya meri flight se ek raat phle ghar se uthwa liya” “ Aapko dar nahi laga?? ” “ Thoda thoda, par ab dekh kaun darta hai mai ya voh?” Mehru giggled a sweet sound that carried throughout the haveli and indefinitely reaching Uzair's ear. 

“ Mehru chai bana la, please” Ulfat asked politely, her cheeks had a different glow due to her ongoing pregnancy hand resting on the slight bump of her stomach “ Ji didi”  She got up moving to the the kitchen the slight limp visible in her walk, “Oho!” Ulfat teased realising the cause instantly making Mehru blush and giggle some more. 

She heard the muffled sounds from the kitchen, concealed in the shadows he stood. The grey of his glistening with warmth, his long waves tied up in a bun, the softness of his face in the movement contradicted the way he was built, the phone glued to his ear. He sensed Mehru enter, didn't panic, simply  put down the phone with a forged calmness 

“ Oh Hamza tum kya bhoot banke kadhe ho?” She asked her hand to move automatically to gather ingredients for the tea, taking the saucepan out from the dish tray, the metal clanking loudly against each other due to the movement.

“ Aise hi bhabhi” He answered gruffly  “ Aise hi? Ya fir kitchen mei net accha aata hai? Chalo bolo jaldi kya chupa rahe ho? ” She poked, letting the water boil  “ "Rehne do na bhabhi”  His voice was unsteady now, shyness creeping in “ Batao na kaunsi mashuka ghuma rahe ho!” She exclaimed  looking back at him with a wide smile “ Shh please” “BATAO BATAO!” Another giggle left her soft lips making Hamza stop and shake his head  “ Yalina Jamali” he muttered out in one breath, shushing her down. “???????” 

“ Are vaah! Tumhari toh lottery lag gayi, itni pyaari ladki tumhare haath kaise aayi?” “ Majaak uda rahi hoon mera?” “ Mhm samajhlo” “ Vaise sach mei hai toh mere aukat ke bahar” Hamza said after a minute making both of them chuckle. 

The gloominess was immediately radiating off of Uzair, “ Hamza voh samaan ki list le jaana usse dekh ke sab samaan le aana” She tried to cover up the conversation and the secret he just told her all while diffusing the situation with Uzair. Uzair was an overly expressive men, from his lovemaking to his aftercare and to his jealousy feeling all with the same zeal. Hamza left the kitchen holding in a laugh seeing his friend’s mopey look. 

He surely loved holding her from behind, hand falling naturally on her hips or around her waist face resting on her shoulder breathing her scent in with a low grumble that usually meant he was going to spew some nonsense out of envy

“ Jab tumhara shauhar jinda hai toh kyu is Hamzey se yeh sab karwaati hoon, agli baar se mujhe bolna” She giggled, four times in a day he counted his heart feeling lighter.“ Uzair miyaan, aap fir shuru hogye? Yeh bachkaan harkate kab chorenge?” Jeleousy had drowned away at the mellow sound of her giggle his focus now on kissing her neck “mhm” “ Choro, pure din cigarette  ki badbu aati hai tumse” she complained scrunching up her nose he just squeezed her cheeks kissing her puckered lips once again.

Downstairs was flooded with  burly rough men much expected from a  gangster's house, expletives flowing out in sequence followed by weasels and laughter. Though Mehru was less afraid of men now when Uzair was by her side she still didn't like the  disarrangement inside her beloved home 

Walking over to him she tapped his shoulder that she barely reached ‘ khamba khika' he had recognized her from the scent and the warmth of her hand he felt even through the fabric of his suit. 

“Uzair kuch paise chaiye”  she asked him when he turned back to face her, her dear face surrounded by the soft descend of her the dupatta at her head. 

The men had just gotten back from what looked like a drug deal, duffle bags filled with money sprawled over the floor,  “ Yeh lo” he said casually picking up a thick stack of notes and placing it in her palm making his men whistle and snicker “Aree!” “ Mahina ka karch hai ,tumhi sambhaalo, haq hai tumhara” “ Uzair-” She wanted to protest but he closed off her palm with his hand giving her a stern look.

She reached up on her tip toes pressing her soft lips against his cheek “ Shukriya” Uzair was too stunned to speak, eyes moving to the floor like a nervous kid who just got caught

By the time he looked up, she was making her way to the main gate, momentarily hypnotized by the sway of her hips, Uzair forgot to ask before finally getting back into his senses. 

“ Kaha jaa rahi hoo?” “ Picture dekhne” “ Akele?” “ Kaha Tak?” “ Atrium mall ” “ Itne dur?” He said dissming his men away with a flick of the wrist, “ Akele jaana mehfooz nahi" He said softly, but firmly " Angrezi movie hai, english aati hai tumhe?” She asked titling her head up, crossing her arms,how dare he tell her no even though he was being completely reasonable “ Nahi, par tumhe dekh loonga” 

“ Badmaash” the smile broke out instantly

“ Chalo ab fir aur kya”

She saw Hamza at the door and gave him a hug before leaving, Uzair didn't say anything at the time but he noticed it, wondering if it really was an innocent thing or if she does it to tick him off. 

In his car she sat like the ill mannered brat she was, barefeet resting on the dashboard sandals discarded on the floor, to think this was the girl crying in his back seat a few month back was unbelievable, “ Mehru aise mat baitho” "KYU“ Mujhe nahi accha lagta koi aur tumhare pair dekhe” “ Ajeeb aadmi ho har cheez mei haq zattate hoon” he let go off the steering to switch the position of her legs from the dashboard to his lap. Now she was sitting like his sweet queen, “ Pagal” She muttered relaxing back when he started massaging the sole of her feet. 

It was a long drive Mehru had taken a nap, her face plopped against the seat squishing her soft cheek the vision was too precious and made Uzair crash his car almost two times with how distracted he was getting, counting her lashes and watching the drool slip down her slightly parted lips. 

“ Mehru meri jaan uth jao” He nudged gently and she sat straight like a soldier at attention, he wanted to laugh out loud but held it in aware of how grumpy she when just woken up. “ Kya hai” She whined kicking her feet, it brushing lightly against his crotch making his pants tighten. “ Araam se Mehru, mall aagya ab utro” she stuck her tongue out facing the other side. 

Uzair had been walking her like a security dog frowning at anyone who decided to look more than three seconds at her, shielding her body from even an accidental bump from the strangers here. 

“ Bolo kya dekhogi?” he wrapped his arm around her shoulder standing in front of the ticket counter, reading the listed out movie show. Uzair also tried reading it squinting his eyes at the English words. “ Two tickets for titanic please” She said confidently reaching into her wallet, my wife is so smart he thought, feeling proud and full of love. 

The hall was filled with teenagers in modern clothing already sending of Uzair alarms, couples making out in the corner seat taking advantage of the dark ‘ Koi sharam hi nahi hai' thought the man who killed people for living settling next to his wife, seated on the other corner end seat. ‘Did she choose this seat so I could kiss her too?’ His eyes kept flickering to her lips, he leaned in “ Pagal ho kya kar rahe ho movie start hogyi hai ” 

He could barely understand what they were saying apart from making out a few basic dialogues so he relied on understanding the movie purely through emotions on the screen and Mehru's face, everything was fine he knew that the actors kissed in this foreign films,  he even gathered all his courage to watch the painting scene with a straight face until the carriage scene came he couldn't believe it, his sweet wife was watching it with a straight face, he looked around the theater- everyone was watching it with a straight face except from him who was extremely flustered his ears turning red with shame he didn't knew people could do that in movies and that his wife didn't seem to mind it. 

Mehru was okay with it, she was watching the movie for the third time and assumed so was Uzair it such a popular hit after all but no, it didn't take her long enough to realise that he was staring at her, her own cheeks flushing pink under his intense gaze. “ Uzair picture chal rahi hai” “ Mhm” He hummed peppering kisses on her jaw. 

That night was a long one

Mehru was sleepy that afternoon just like she was every afternoon, it was almost magical how her feet carried herself to bed the second the clock started going past 1, she was going to plop down and take a ‘nap’ of at least 3 hours, but then she saw it, Uzair had come back from work.  Taking a further glance out the window she realised no he was working at home. Sat down on the rock slab of the backyard, in a thick black pathani suit, eyes adorned with surma, man spreading, barking orders, the sleeves pulled up to his forearm showing off the hard muscle and nerves there. The same forearms she clung to last night when he was pounding into her, watching the bruise on them. 

She felt her breath hitch, the tingly feeling taking over her stomach again, she watched for at least 10 minutes waiting for the time he would finally excuse himself  but that time wasn't coming anytime soon unfortunately for Mehru, he looked too busy today all the work seemingly falling on his shoulder . He wasn't going to barge into the room anytime soon, bury his face in the crook of her neck and carry her off to bed. 

But the throb was restless, her clit pulsing with need. She licked her lips, fanned herself, tried to distract herself counting the holes in the jarokhas but nothing worked, the wetness seeping through the fabric of her underwear. Just once not like he would know he is occupied already, she glanced back at the window finding him sighing, face palming , his large hand resting against his forehead -  that look meant he is going to be busy for a while. 

She rested herself against the head board, her hand shaky and slowly descending down into her shalwaar, other hand undoing the knot to it. She rested her palm flat against her stomach for a few moments like Uzair would letting the warmth of it unfurl through her whole body. Her hand travelled down further,  touching her swollen clit the only thought in her mind was Uzair. Heavy lidded eyes she started rubbing firm rough circles on it like Uzair would, moans flowing from her lips incoherent but all about him. 

A few minutes had passed, she didn't find the strength to keep her eyes open and that way it was easier to imagine Uzair in the darkness, her hands moving automatically to part her slick folds, inserting two fingers at once. Her hip jerked, hand clutching at the bedsheet before it moved to torture her own chest pinching the hard nipples over the fabric. Her fluids gushed down her finger, lubricating her entrance, subsiding the faint pain of the stretch of her fingers, moving rapidly in and out in an attempt to take the place of Uzair's hand. It was a helpless case she would whine curling her finger up into the spongy part, the pleasure was delicious but it didn't gave her the fullness she needed. “ Uzair ngh” Her head fell back, pushing her kurta up to free her chest, squeezing the soft flesh hard trying to imitate his hands. 

The sounds were lewd and loud, the squelching of her cunt, sucking her fingers in desperately, “Uzair Uzair please Uzair”  she clutched the bedsheet withering , wrinkling the sheets under her lousy haze. “ Uzair! Uzair”  She tried squeezing her finger in the deepest she could, bending her fingers in a frenzy the release coming in cue with her loud moans. 

Slow claps rumbled the whole room , Mehru was still in the middle of trying to catch her breath and come back to her senses, her eyes flew wide open, “  Bohat hi shaandaar nazaara pesh kiya tumne,manzar be-had khoobsurat tha." He flicked his cigarette off , Uzair had been watching quietly the shame was instant and hot flushing her cheeks into a deep blush “Par sirf deedar se mere dil ki hasrat poori nahi hogi” Mehru trembled, her eyes scanning the whole of him  like he was doing to her; watching her crumbled form, the shake of her breath and hands, the fluid still glistening -a shameful silent confession. 

“Mujhe qurbat chahiye, mujhe ehsaas chahiye”

He stalked over to her, the gaze so possessive she felt like she had committed a crime. “ Aap kab aaye?” She scrambled back “ Jab se tumne ankhein band ki hai tabse dekh raha hoon”

Her mind went blank, she could see the bulge on his clothes, the desire dripping down his face, he was closer now their breaths coming together,messy,heavy and intertwined “ Voh..mai bas” “ Bas? Bas meri amaanat ko mere ijzat ke bina haath laga rahi thi?”  He held up her wrist examining her dirty endeavor with a critical eye.” Par is baat ki kushi hai ke yeh bazm sirf mere liye sajayi gayi thi” letting out a low growl, he brought them to his lips smelling the arousal she had shed on her delicate fingers, humming and sucking it off her finger, “ Galat samajh rahe hoon.. Mai kuch nahi kar rahi thi” “ Ab toh jooth mat bolo, meri chaand” “ Mai bas-”

She was pinned on the bedsheet, his hand catching a hold of both her wrist holding them above her head before she could even complete her sentence. Her salwar and underwear had already fallen loose till her knees, all Uzair needed to was to free himself ,  and he did. In a swift moment taking down his underwear his hot large length bobbing out, Mehru tried to speak again  once again her words cut off this time with the speed at which he lined himself up to her gaping hole, thrusting and burying himself to the hilt in one go, even the gasp that left her lips wasn't given the permission to be complete, his mouth colliding against her, sucking her lips swollen with zeal. 

She had already come once, making her velvety walls tighter, gripping on his rod with an intensity that made Uzair unable to contain himself, unable to give her time to adjust and immediately started pounding into his Mehru, his thrust timing in with his tongue torturing her mouth. “ Mujhe saans nahi aa rahi Uzair hatho” “ Tumhein ghair ke saath dekh kar mujhe bhi saans nahi aati Mehru” “ Aap abhi bhi voh baat leke baithe hue hai?” She clawed at his chest, her finger nails digging into the firm muscle the complaint had gotten her a particularly hard thrust that crushed her cervix, the word going dark for a moment. 

The pleasure was so delirious it cramped her stomach, and the shyness of doing all this in broad daylight was getting to her. In the depth of night she was guarded by the shadows but he can see her face clearly now and he did, his eyes fixed on the expression she made. She could watch his muscles flex when he thrusted too hard, the nerve popping running down his arm, the clench of his jaw making her more needy than usual. He knew exactly how to move, the fast snap of his hips weren't just fast they were precise with how strong they were hitting her spot a little too perfectly each time, sending her toes curling. Mehru had been blabbering nonsense, tried and wrap her legs around his waist to let him in deeper but he didn't let her continuing his punishment with only him in charge 

“ I am going to come!” She wailed her hands struggling under his,

“ No”

She paused meeting  his eyes and the horrifying realisation that he was pulling out slowly, “Uzair! No please!!” Crying out she tried her best to hold him close but the grip he had on her wrists was unyielding.

“ No”

she snarled against his skin, her teeth biting on his neck, “ That doesn't change anything”  He started pulling his dick until only the head rested inside, “ Uzair please!” “ Tell me what you were doing” His other hand squeezed her jaw,  “ N.. Nothing”

“ Meri chand, tell me or I will stop and go back to work” her hips bucked in a desperate prayer trying to plunge him inside,  he watched unimpressed by her struggle ,with an obnoxious tilt of head

“ Fine! I was touching myself because of you!” Mehru closed her eyes off, embarrassed of her own confession , “ Good girl” She heard the smirk in his tone, his hand finally letting go of her now bruised wrist, his length slowly descending back into her pulsating pussy. She moaned out a relieved sigh, hands grasping at his broad shoulder pulling him closer- the relief as soon as it came. He did lean in closer like she wanted but his hand grabbed the dome of her ankles settled them over his coarse shoulder swiftly, her knees bent up almost to her chest. It was mortifying this position was mortifying, her greedy cunt was on display, the heat radiating off of her in the form of her obvious arousal soaking,flooding down her thighs to the sheets,. she had never felt this exposed, both of them looking down to where they were connected watching how Mehru was gripping and throbbing around his length, his heavy ball resting on her taint. “ Uzair-”

The thrust was so forceful it rattled the whole bed, tears streaking down her cheeks  “ Mehru? You okay?” He asked between the powerful smack of their bodies hitting against each other, she nodded crying barely feeling her lungs, hands anything but the sensation between her legs. 

Her legs were quivering, body falling apart in his hands his hips stuttered , slowly down a fraction pulling back a little heavy breaths rumbling in his chest making Mehru believe he was finally letting go but he only fixed his position, head falling back sweat glistening and trickling down his face then he let out a slow dangerous chuckle, she knew now he had no plans of stopping  not when his Mehru was thinking such obsensence thoughts about him, he wasn't going to stop until he has fucked her guts out.

He had flipped her onto the side, any position was good with him as long as he could see his sweet Mehru face, she was hissing openly at him at this point nails scratching at his bicep making him laugh out loud crush her more with his body weight the thrust never stopping., “ Bas thodi der aur meri chaand, mhm?” “ Baadh mei jao-AH! ” He pinched her clit, wringing the sensitive bundle of her nerves in between his fingerips, she scurried back hands finding purchase on the bedsheet trying to escape the unexpected orgasm coming her way but it crashed through her whole being wedging him tight, he moved rapidly in messy thrusts inside her already overwhelmed convulsing with release -body. 

He pulled out reluctantly, while Mehru was still trying to come down from her high he grabbed her hand, tightly wrapping it around his pulsing dick stroking himself off aggressively with her hand . Impelling her hand to move over his dick under his firm grip , discharging the thick fluid over her fine hands and plump cheeks with an animalistic grunt.

She pouted turning her head away, he left sloppy kisses on her cheek a shameless smile on his face “ Jao mujhe nahi karni baat bahut pareshan karte ho tum” His hand went to squeeze her cheeks together to kiss those pouty lips but she slapped his hand away “ Haath gande hai, no touching” 

She rested against his chest in the bathtub cramped  up with his frame, he had insisted on washing her.Her husband really wasn’t a bhondu in bed  “ Aap pagal ho kya thode se” “ mhm ab kya kiya maina” “ Pata bhi hai Hamz-” “ Naam mat lo uska mere saath jab aise ho” He wrapped his hand tightly around her waist crushing her against his chest. “ SUN TOH LO!” she squeaked her face muffled in his pecs, his smell making her fiddly and dizzy again. “ Accha bolo” “ Usko mai nahi pasand” “ Toh?” “ Uski girlfriend hai” “HUH?” “Haan kaise dost ho, aapse phle mujhe pata chala gaya” “ Kaun hai” “ Yalina” “ Yalina Jamali?” “ Haan” “Bhencho-” she glared up, “ .. Matlab shocking tha” She nodded snuggling back into him like a kitten. 

Uzair was massaging her hips, in small sensual circles releasing the strain off of her body, “ Ek baat puchoon?” She whispered wriggling free from his hand, settling on his thighs, Uzair looked at her with a soft smile, hands supporting her body, “ Bolo meri chaand” “Ulfat didi se puchna ajeeb lag raha tha isliye aapse puch rahi hoon, aapne Arshad pappu ko kyu maara?” “ Dar lag raha hai?” She shook her head, “ … mhm.. Usne meri bhen ka aabru kiya tha” “ Tumhari bhen-” “ Muhboli thi par bachpan se jaanta tha mai usse…” “ Thi?” “ Usko marwa diya usko logo na kyunki voh police mei complain karne gayi thi” He sniffled, hiding his face in her shoulder. “ Uzair?” She called gently, but he settled deeper, hiding his small cries. Mehru kissed the top of his head brushing his hair back gently. 

“Yeh fir jasmine ke fool kaun rakh ke gaya vase mei”She complained watching the flowers that were stuffed in the vase, scattered across the desk in the process, “ Pata nahi kaun befkoof hai” Uzair chimed in his hand going to the cigarette packet again, “ Khabardaar, varna mere paas mat aana” “ Accha theek hai” he pouted putting it back into his pocket, tucking it in. “ Mai bol raha tha, vase mei accha nahi lag raha toh yah baalon mei saja lo” he said with a smile that made Mehru rethink about the secret servant putting up peculiar flowers in the vase. “ Mhm aap hi laga do” 

Uzair paraded in the market with the same demeanor of a caveman yet again frowning at the sight of anyone looking at her, it was bustling as usual and Mehru was frolicking around like it was a field half careless half on purpose to irritate him - because he just looked so cute with that furrowed eyebrows,lips pressed into a thin line.  Uzair on the other hand was not getting any upset with her at all, not when her Mehru was finally adorning the flowers in her head, fulfilling his year long vision in the most beautiful way.

She stopped by a stall, tapping her jutti impatiently on the sandy floor asking for kulfi silently, “ Itni thand mei kufli?” He scolded, Mehru was obviously shivering ,wrapping the shawl tighter and tighter each time around herself . “ Dilao na” “ Nahi Mehru,sard lag jayegi”  she let out a long whine stomping her feet. “ Bilkul nahi, nakhre mat karo” He said crossing his arms trying to maintain his semblance but his heart was warming up, his resolve crumbling under her doe eyes that too flooded with kohl- brutal. “ Please Uzzi” He turned right away, handing a fresh note to the counter. “ Ek kulfi .. do kulfi kar diyo”  She felt the safest with him, the way he was chary about anything small that bothered her, the way he would pull her closer when her lingered a little too linger on Ulfat’s bump thinking about her own, the pain pounding in her heart that went unacknowledged was now eased with the quiet kiss on her forehead.

He handed both to her watching the wide-wide mischievous smile on her face, oh that was his Mehru the one he yearned to see. 

“Ammi” a little boy clung to her feet , none of them had noticed him until now too busy watching each other . His words stuttered and mumbled barely more than 1 year old , brown hair ringlets  shining golden under the afternoon sun and those grey eyes, the curve of them. Mehru's heart stopped, hands shaking how long could it have taken her to realise that it was Noor’s face plastered all over this kid.

a/n - yayaya, do din mei do chap, almost died writting this but here you go :P , also Mehru cant catch a break, going back to the plot once again,check out my other story- Aaseb if you want to read some Iqbal fic :D

1983 Balochistan,Panjgur 

The chaos of the city died down in this secluded part of Panjgur, the desert wind frigid against her blanket clad skin. Zarnaaz watched the firefly flicker outside, enchanted by their glimmer  but too scared to touch because her Ammi once told her they bite little kids.

She glanced back at her sister, scratching the pen against the piece of paper resting on her lap. “ Kya kar rahi ho aapi? Chitti likh rahi hoon?!” “shh ZARNAAZ!” she exclaimed out in a whisper, whacking her head lightly. Zarnaaz pouted for a moment, then looked up to see the sweet smile of aapi’s face. She was beautiful, skin pale as snow, nose beaked like a royalty, eyes big and hazel - her parents called her aapi the fortunate child, the better child, the constant attempts from the relative to pit the sisters against each other never worked, Zarnaaz was never envious of her, in fact she admired her, looked up to her.

“ Mihir ke liye likh rahi hoon?” She giggled snuggling into her side, not out of love solely but also to catch peeks at the letter. “ Sona nahi hai tujhe? Bas badmashi karalo, jaa so ja varna ammi ko bata dungi” “ Accha aur mai bhi bata dungi ki aap aur Mihir kya karte ho” Zarnaaz teased softly, flashing her milk tooth at her sister but saw her expression fall. 

“ Zarnaaz, kasam kha meri kabhi Ammi Abbu ke saamne kuch nahi bolegi” “Kya ho jayega Aapi? Aap toh pyaar karta hoon na unse? Toh aapki nikaah hogi” “ Oh pagal” She muttered lovingly not wanting to break her sister's innocent little bubble of what she perceived of their family. “ Nahi bolegi kha meri kasam” “ Chalo nahi bolegi pakka” 

She brushed back the hair out of Zarnaaz's face, watching her curl on the cramped up old wooden bed over the faded flower print bedsheets. Writing away under the oil fueled lamp, careful about any movement at the door, her eyes wandering back to back from the page and the gate. 

Main aakhirkaar college se ghar wapas aa gayi hoon, aur meri qismat achhi thi ke Khala mere saath zyada buri nahi theen - balke sach kahun toh woh ek bohat pyari khawateen hain. Maan-baap ka ghar toh yaad aata tha, lekin wahan ka mahool bohat azaad karne wala tha. Ab yeh jagah aur bhi ghutan bhari lagti hai, Mihir... aur sach kahun toh mera dil chahata hai ke main Zarnaaz ko bhi apne saath uss shahar wapas le jaun. Main janti hoon ke woh shahar khatarnak hai, lekin yahan ke muqable mein koi bhi jagah behtar hogi.

In sab baaton ko chhoro, main kab tak apne dukhro ka rona roti rahungi. Maine tumhare liye Economics ki kitaab mein ek khat chhupa kar chora hai - course two waali book mei. Aur haan, main kabhi-kabhi romantic ho sakti hoon, lekin iska matlab yeh nahi ke tum mujhe chherne lago aur mere honton ko choom kar unhe sooja do.

Aur agar yeh khat tumhein waqt par mil gaya, toh main Thursday ko park mein tumse milne ki koshish karungi. Lekin tum toh jantay ho ke woh jagah yahan se thori door hai, ho sakta hai Abbu ijazat na dein, toh agar main na aa sakoon toh naraz mat hona. Aur agar main aa gayi, toh behtar hoga ke tum woh chaand baalis mere liye tayyar rakhna! Mujhe khat likhte rehna, Mihir.

Tumhari Jaan,

Zoya.

I am finally back from college, to my luck khala wasn't too mean to me - matter of fact she was a lovely lady. Though I missed home, the experience there was very freeing. Now this place feels even more suffocating, Mihir and honestly I wish I could take Zarnaaz back to town with me too. I know that place is dangerous but anything would be better from here. Leave that I how long will I go on about my blues, I left a note for you in the economics course -two book and yes I can be romantic at times that doesn't give you the right to tease me or kiss my lips swollen and if this reaches you on time,  I will try meeting you in the park on thursday but you know its just a little far from here maybe Abbu won't give permission so dont get upset if I dont show up. And if I do show up you better have those chaand baalis ready for me now, keep writing to me Mihir

Your jaan Zoya 

1991 Balochistan,Panjgur 

The air was ringing with celebration despite the sun now drowning in clouds , its apricot seeping through painting the sky a pleasant orange that covered the mountain ranges in its hue. The dawn has made the air rather pleasant in contrast to the sweltering heat that usually fell open to the people in this season.

The vast land of the desert cluttered with people still celebrating the nowruz, dust storming at their feets people dancing in circles, loud laughter echoing around the place. Iqbal did not want to be here as a guest, in between the people he despised so deeply- the scowl of his face hidden beneath the keffiyeh, the cotton wrapped down tightly, only his intense brown eyes visible. 

Nowruz festivity was all over Pakistan, but Iqbal’s friend had insisted on him that this is where the festival is celebrated to its fullest

He was iritated getting served would rather be anywhere else than here.

The cup clinked against each other splashing some of the scorching hot liquid over Iqbal’s sleeves, he didn't yell didn't flinch just raised his gaze to see who had the audacity to do it, A young girl staring back at him with nervous eyes, her body panic stricken stiff, hands clutching the thin vibrant pink dupatta. Her face was ravishing to his eyes, everything soft, the arch of her nose, the arch of her lips, curve of her cheeks and her eyes doe and callow. 

“Zarnaaz bilkul akal na hai na tere mei! Itni badhi hogyi hai fir bhi saleeqa nahi sikha ek kaam ka” Her mom scolded her, Iqbal’s eyes fixed on her wandering eyes. “ Sahab maaf karna” She whispered, getting dragged out and scolded. Iqbal on the other hand wanted to see more of her expressions, he got up from woven charpai shocking his friend, “ Yeh kapde mil sakte hai badlne ko?” her mother looked back instantly stopping her taunts, facing him with a polite wide smile, “ Ji sahab bilkul” Her mother walked him down to the small mud house, Zarnaaz still by her side squirming under his gaze or maybe from the scolding she is going to receive later for her careless- ness

“ Rufat! Rufat! Tujhe bola rahe hai” Her mother halted her hand  stilled that was searching the diwaan, but her grip was already on a soft cotton suit. 

She grabbed Zarnaaz into a side, her voice low and only meant for her ears“ Mai jaa rahi bahar dekhne, aur khabardaar tune isse jarurat se jyada baat ki” it was a plain threat, and she complied immediately her head dropping in fear of her mother. 

“ Yeh lijiye” She handed it to him quietly making sure to keep a colossal distance from the frame of a man if not then see her mother’s wrath. Apart from her mothers blatant threat he himself was intimidating, his broad shoulder, tall stature seemed to flood the already small space, and his half covered face igniting more mystery- his voice and accent polished clear enough for her to understand this wasn't a local, but a city man from a presumably rich family judging by the watch on his wrist. 

Zarnaaz got a feeling in her stomach from how he was looking at her and immediately dismissed it as fear because that's all she knew, 

"Agar aapki aali-janab par koi giraan na guzre, toh kya aap az-rah-e-tashaffi is daag ko saaf farmane ki zahmat karenge?"

"If it is not a burden upon your noble self, would you kindly take the trouble to cleanse this stain as a gesture of kindness?”

It had to be a joke for him to speak in such elaborate ways but he didn't laugh so it surely wasn't, and not like it was proper of her to laugh in front of him - “ Ji nahi meri hi galti thi meri zimmedaari hai iske saaf karna”

The silence was uncomfortable but only for a second before it turned into Zarnaaz panic when she saw his hand going to the edge of his kurta ready to take it off in front of her. She squeaked loudly “ yaha nahi!! Mera matlab yaha nahi please aap udhar us kamre mei badal li jiye”

City boys are shameless, she concluded yet again,no modesty, no respect for the maiden standing right there. She could hear the rustle of the fabric, getting pulled over his skin and her heart fluttered with a strange sensation once again, his hand squeezed out giving her the chai stained clothes. She watched his hand; it was rough from what she could only perceive as some sort of physical labour, a lavish looking ring shining on his middle finger and she couldn't ignore how evidently large his hand was compared to her.

“ Mohatarama kya hogya?”  He spoke, his voice still somewhat muffled beneath the keffiyeh but unmistakably manly and deep, “ Vo.. Voh kuch nahi” She hastily snatched it off his hand realising how hard she was staring, glad that there was a door between them. 

"Agar main ne sahi suna hai, toh aapka naam 'Zarnaaz' hoga, ji?” Not to talk more than necessary, her Ammi word ringed in her head making her retreating to answer with a simple hum “ Hmm”

“ Umar kya hai aapki?” Not polite, not polite at all, “ Bees” She replied back for a reason she didn't know herself. “ Kunwari hoon?” This time the voice was a rumble from his side, making Zarnaaz get alert instantly.

“ Dekhiye aap se kya matlab hum kunwari hai ki nahi, mai bas narmi se baat kar rahi hoon kyunki mere vajah se aapke kapde kharab hue iska matlab yeh nahi hai ki aap mujhse aise nizi sawaal puchonge”

“ Lagta hai aapke yeh ke logo ko aam baatchit bhi ghaliz lagti hai, khair kya kar sakte hai” The door opened, he stood tall, though Zarnaaz couldn't see his face but still discern he was being obnoxious very obnoxious, lazily leaning against the wall looking down at her making her feel shorter. 

“ Yeh Ammi saaf kar degi, aur aap hume ainda se pareshan mat karna varna”

“ Varna? Varna kya kar legi aap Zarnaaz? Jis.. Jagah se aap hai vahan ke logo ko yeh shayasta andaaz shoba vaise bhi nahi deta” It was a direct insult to her community to her birth land, but Zarnaaz nerves were too rattled to say anything. “ Aur jis tarah se aap dar rahi hai usko dekh ko toh nahi lag raha aap kuch kar sakti hai”

He walked over to her, making Zarnaaz pause her feet glued to the undone floor. Inching so close she could smell his expensive cologne, feel his hot breath against her skin making her scared and aroused both at once. 

“ Mera maqsad aapko daraane ka nahi tha, balki bas ek tehzeeb yafta baat rakhne ka tha, par dekh ke lagta aap gair mard ke saiy se bhi darti hai toh mai chalta hoon” His hand reached holding the long loose lock of her hair, twirling the waves around his finger leisurely savouring the fresh rose water smell of it before walking past her without a word, his movements slow and unhurried.

Iqbal held the thick cigar in between his fingers, the ashy smell flooding the air as he walked to his car , unable to endure the loud chaos of the people, “ Yeh ladki kaha ki thi?” he said his voice a farse of calm, the eagerness peeking though

 “Kya?” he asked confused about the sudden unusual desperation in his tone

  “ Voh ladki jisne mujhe pe chai giraayi thi”

 “ Pata nahi bas is ilaake ki nahi hai itna pata hai” Iqbal took out the steel engraved lighter, the vines and line put on the body with strikes and punches of hammer carving out each delicate pattern. He never served to others, not to his friends, not to his father not to anyone so he did not raise his lighter to the awaiting cigar on his friend’s lip and just tossed it to him.

“ Naam se dundh sakte hai?” Iqbal mummered jaw clenching around the cigar, taking in a long puff

“ Kya?” His friend stopped halfway 

“ Naam. Se. Dhundh. Sakte. Hai?” He repeated clearer this time taking the cigar out of his math

“ Pagal hogya hai?”  The friend let out an awkward nervous laugh not understanding the strange ‘joke’ he was playing with him but fell silent as soon as he saw the dead set look on his face.

“ Oh dimaag kharab hogya hai? Haathi rakhega ghar par aur yeh paise leke nahi karte voh sab”

Iqbal's head stayed fixed forward,eyes glancing to the man he calls his ‘friend ’"Ab zubaan se ek lafz bhi na nikalna, varna tum apni maut ka khud dawat de rahe ho." 

1991 Lyari

Life was hard for Zarnaaz who moved here only two years back, taking the bus every day in the torrid heat to reach her college with the sad decision of having to leave her cooler room every other day and mostly it was all too hard to navigate with no elder sister on her side, her aapi always described this place as some sort of heaven but Zarnaaz couldn't see it the, the town too bright, the streets too crowded the air too stuffy in comparison to the vast space she had back  home or maybe it was heaven because Ammi Abbu wasn't there with her aapi when she was here for college.

Their home was a modest middle class one here, standing in between the usual narrow homes ,a three story house and a cramped old styled balcony from Zarnaaz’s room. The teal blue paint peeling off after 10 years of staying strong against the unpredictable weather of this town where her morning started with masjid’s loud speaker and ended with street dogs howling and singing- the dogs a headache for Zarnaaz. 

It was yet another morning of her getting used to life here that didn't come with ease and bravely abandoning her cooler to get ready for college- a long ‘tight’ - considering the family she was in- pink kurta that fell below her knees, a kurta she picked off the street market and got after much whining to her Ammi after an ultimatum to take the widest dupatta she had with it.  

The ivory white embroidery  creating asymmetrical diamonds across the fabric was a fault of the making of it but not crooked enough for people to notice unless close enough and the only two people close enough was her group of two friends in which one person was her herself.

Zarnaaz ran down the steep stairs, careless until the reality of her home hit, she softened her stops walking with precision bare feet padding on the grey and white tile floor, 

The small dining table was jumbled up with four plates, hot piping tea and fresh aloo paratha that had her drooling and wanting to start eating right away which she knew wasn't meek and docile girl manners that her mother demanded her of. So she stood quietly by the chair waiting for her Abbu to finally put down the newspaper and start eating, those three minutes were excruciatingly long  for hungry Zarnaaz who wanted nothing more to dive in. 

“Aajo, thalle baitho” 

“Chalo, baith jao. ” 

 Her khala said peeking half out of the kitchen with a long warm smile that touched her eyes, wiping the sweat bidding off her forehead with her dupatta. Zarnaaz sat herself down watching the butter sizzle and melt over the stuffed paratha reluctantly to take a small bite instead of the large one like she wanted, even in small bites and extra time taken to chew it down it disappeared off her plate in mere 10 minutes. 

“Hai ni meri Gul, tu kinni suk gayi ae, kujh hor khaa meri raani dhi.”

“Hai Allah meri Gul, tum kitni dubli ho gayi ho, kuch aur khao meri pyaare bacchi”

Khala chimed instantly after discerning the disappointed look on Zarnaaz face, placing another fresh off the tava paratha on her plate sharing smiles. 

“ Aur khila do usse aise hi pata nahi iske shareer ko kya hogya, aap isse sar pe aur chada leti”

 Her mother clicked her tongue in disappointment hurrying out the kitchen finding some relief under the whirring fan slouching on the chair. 

“ Hat!  Ohnu chhad, tu das tu kujh hor khaana ae” 

“Hat! Usay chhoro, tum batao tumhein aur khaana hai?” she said sweetly, her wrinkled gentling caressing the curve of Zarnaaz's chin. “ Aisa hi chalta raha toh is se kaun nikaah karega” Zarnaaz loathed how every conversation in this house carried itself to be about her body, she was bonely thin as a child - made fun of and when puberty hit suddenly her body was not hers anymore, it was to be hidden not a shape to be in sight and the worst of it all she had gained weight significantly around where it wasn’t considered modest and proper earning taunts from her mother all her days about this. 

She stayed quiet, the delicacy now feeling ashen in her mouth, a hard thing to swallow down her throat. “ Pata nahi kaun nikaah karega is se” Her eyes welled up despite her efforts.

“Hale viyah di ki lor hai? Pehlan ohnu parhan deo, apni degree poori karan deo, te meri Zarnaaz jinni sohni ae, koi vi munda ohde te mar javega!”

 “Abhi shadi ki kya zaroorat hai? Pehle usay parhne do, apni degree poori karne do, aur meri Zarnaaz itni khoobsurat hai ke koi vi mard uss par mar mitega!” Zarnaaz shook her head, reaching for her backpack hanging behind the door. “ Rehne dijiye na khaala, Allah Hafiz” 

The bus was crowded and with her luck she rarely won the bingo of sitting down, that was not all she hated but the fact this whole town was safehouse for gangsters in plain sight, riots and curfews in morning did not help the case of living with parents who believed she would get kidnapped the moment she stepped out. 

The strands of hair escaped her braid, sweat making the baby hair sticking to  the forehead it was SWELTRING and over that the yard sized dupatta was a hefty to manage, she was outside, none of her relatives live here no one would know if she just put it away into her bag. 

 Juggling between guilt and comfort Zarnaaz chose the latter for today trying to avoid the obvious stares at her bosom. Like Lyari, college was also not what she preferred over her house in Baloch, but  fate does its thing. When Zarnaaz's parents ran out of money they had no choice but to move to the very place they hated, because only khala let them in, and it was only and only her Khala's generosity that she wasn't wed off at 16 and actually studying she knew she had to be grateful but it only felt worse. 

Before this Zarnaaz didn't know freedom, it hurted more when it dangled right in front of her, the normal life and she couldn't have it . Watching boys and girls her age live their lives to the fullest staying out past 5 in the evening, watching sunset from the streets and not having to sneak to use the balcony to catch a glimpse. Not worrying about how loud your footsteps are and calculating how wide your smile should be around non mehram men, or if your kurta covered your already covered knees - all of this would have remained conventional if the city did not flash chimera,dreams of freedom.Zarnaaz would have gone all her life with it but now submitting to these norms of her life set an ache in her heart.

From the time Zarnaaz entered college she didn't know how to act, too scared and unaware of what to do with the overwhelming flood of people who spoke,dressed, and behaved so differently from her. She would stare and them trying to understand their ways which people misunderstood it for Zarnaaz judging them, and most women who led a life like her often considered themselves superior to the woman who dont but Zarnaaz wasnt like that she only the had pure curiosity of a child- the irony was that they had deduced her character like they were expecting her to do. 

Only one person saw Zarnaaz wasn't hostile or proud, just very scared, Ulfat. She very quickly became her guide to this world, telling her the noxious truth that shrinking down here doesn't get you sympathy but only a pass for people to step all over you. 

Zarnaaz was late yet again, rushing her way to the classroom -for the first time after ages her luck worked the professor only entered the classroom second after her she quietly moved her way to the end of the room sitting alongside Ulfat on the old wobbly wooden bench. “ Vaah aaj toh bahut hot lag rahi hai” Ulfat whispered, nudging her with her elbow. “ Hot kya hota hai?” She whispered back, setting her backpack down on the floor “ Tum soni maan le” “ Toh fir tum bhi hot lag rahi hoo” She said with a sweet smile plastered on her face,Ulfat coughed to cover up her laughter.  

“Classes skip  nahi karna chaiye Ulfat” Zarnaaz said nervously,keeping up with her friends pace “ Are bunk nahi kar rahe hai, bata aaj tak tumhe us sir ki baat samajh aayi hai? Nahi na? Mai toh bas humaara waqt zaya hone se baccha rahi hoon”  She found her feet walking her to the usual spot the one behind the college building ground, under the tree’s shade on the dry soft grass which she found solace in -quiet and serene much like her village in baloch, tempting to find a break to sit out here even in the summers. 

“ Ab bata kya kya kiya vaha jaake” Ulfat asked about the short trip she made last week to Baloch 

“ Apne qarya jaane ke toh mauka hi nahi mila,Abbu hi gaye bas kisi tarah se ghar vaapis lene koshis kar rahe hai”  “Kuch baat badhi?”

  She asked idling pulling and tearing the grass “ Pata nahi mujhe kuch nahi batate, bas tehwar mei maza aaya, apni nowruz sabse acchi baloch mei hi lagti hai, kabhi tum bhi chalna mere saath”  Ulfat nodded resisting the urge to pull on Zarnaaz plump cheek, “ OH sochna bhi mat, mujhe daane ho jaate hai” “ Accha theek hai theek hai! Itni din rahi vaha aur kuch nahi hua” “ Hua toh ..ek ajeeb sa aadmi tha”  

Zarnaaz told her experience about the masked men, how rude and insolent he was. She deemed he was a city boy from his mannerisms and tone and asked what was the feeling that she felt in her stomach. “ ZARNAAZ?” “ Batao na” “ Tumhe vaham hua hoga , dar ke vajah se ho raha hoga” Ulfat said refusing to believe that her sweet friend would feel ‘that’ way  “ Par voh alag tha..” 

Zarnaaz knew fear. She felt it everyday looking at her parents constricting in her throat, heavy on her chest making her mind numb, the way he watched her did scare her partially but the pooling feeling in her stomach did not make sense to her. “ Tujhe aaj tak koi ladka pasand aaya hai?” “ Voh ek baar cinema mei nahi dekha tha..kya naam tha uska Aamir khan voh accha laga tha, par yeh alag tha ! batao na kya tha Ulfat!” She whined clinging to her, she was her google and she was supposed to tell her everything “ Haye Gul tu mere saath reh ke bigad gayi hai bilkul” “ Maine kuch galat kiya?” “ Galat nahi par-” “Par?” “ Jab waqt ayega tab bataungi” Ulfat said, looking down at her with a loving smile. 

The guy whistled passing by making both of them pause and look up “ kitna chipkengi isse kabhi humse bhi baat kar liya kar” Zarnaaz teared up instantly, Saif had been eve teasing her since he saw her in the library last year. No matter how hard she tried she found it hard to speak up in front of men, because she knew their hits hurt hard and the constant memory that ringed in her head was her father's blows. She couldn't even look her father in the eyes let alone fight with this guy.

“ Zarnaaz kitne nakhre karegi, sabko pata hai jitni tu shareef banti hai bilkul nahi hai” He reached closer, Zarnaaz hid behind Ulfat feeling ridiculous hiding behind a girl who looked more frail than her, tall and slender compared to her physique .

“ Nikal jao yaha se mai phle hi bol rahi hoon” She grabbed Zarnaaz hand, dragging her to a more crowded place for their safety, the college corridor alive with people and laughter sunlight creating shadow after each thick pillar. Zarnaaz glanced back to find the guy still following,her hands getting shaky around Ulfat.

“ Are ab pat bhi jaa” “ Please mujhe nahi karni aapse baat” she spoke up for the first time in a broken whimper making both Ulfat and Saif shocked,before Ulfat remembered she had to stop in. “ Sun liya nahi karni isko baat ,nikal yaha se lafandar khika! ” she taunted ,putting in effort to hide her own fear. The offend in his eyes was evident, he was close now standing right in front of Ulfat glaring down at her “ Tameez se bol le” “ Tum aur tameez? Ek saath sahi nahi lagte yeh do sabhd” “ Kiski taraf daari kar rahi hai? Is balochi ki? Iski jaise ladkiya bas sher mei dhanda-” Ulfat hand moved faster than her brain, the slap echoed of the hallway, loud and clear in the cluttered environment making people gasp and stop their conversations halfway. 

Ulfat had been trembling herself, masking her fear with a pride full tilt of head ;she had now slapped a son from a gangster family in front of everyone. For a moment he looked like he was going to lunge at her right there, but he saw and calculated the situation first - way too many people around here for him to unleash that part here. “ Haraamzaadi” He snarled in disgust, turning on his heel to leave

“Chal chal jaa na!!!tu haraamzaada! tera baap hharaamzada!!” Ulfat shouted back, running in an empty classroom with Zarnaaz, her cheeks red with fear and shame, while Zarnaaz was looking at her like she was her aapi, like she had put the stars and moon at her feet. “ Ulfat.. Tum toh bahut strong hoon, mujhe bhi sikhao na” The pureness of her voice diverted her mind, making her laugh out loud, Zarnaaz followed letting out a rare full laugh, her  shoulder shaking with thrill. 

“ Auditorium mei baith te hai, vah bahut log hai vaha nahi aayega voh pareshaan karne” “ Aaj kuch hai college mei?” She asked catching her breath  “ Haan voh joh naya major bana hai voh speech dene aaya hai, Pakayega thoda bahut par is chutiye ke muh lagne se toh accha hai”

Zarnaaz had forced Ulfat to sit with her on the third row, Ulfat who wanted to lounge on the end of the hall did her normal shenanigans but from here she had to sit quietly and listen or get scolded. She watched her friend pout and cross her arms, “ Please na Inaya maam ne dekh liya tha hume , fir peeche baithi toh mam ko kya lagta” “ Tum abhi school mei thodi hoon?  Kisko fark padta hai professor kya soch rahe hai” “ Par Inaya mam bahut acchi hai” Ulat gave her a fake scoff, resting back in the chair completely. 

The auditorium had been washed and overly cleaned in anticipation of the prestige guest now giving it a sterile hospital like smell, the old man speaking at the podium things no one was interested in, the bulbs in the room working overtime.

Followed by a loud rumble of claps entered the guest of the day - Major Iqbal, a young man who got to the post so early that he was a celebrity in the terms of his popularity. He was tall, noticeable even from Zarnaaz's seat, faded brown shades resting on his nose concealing his eyes from the room to an extent, it wasn’t for the sunlight but the power this man felt from the fact that no one could look him in the eyes. She had expected him to be older, and less of how dashing he looked and to be dressed in normal formal shirt pants, but instead he was in a navy blue  pathani suit paired with an English vest and night black oxford shoes. Clean shaven and thick waves of hair that were to be above his shoulder ,long enough to touch the nape of his neck, sleeked back neatly he was all polite smiles, his mannerism screaming the dignity and elegance he was made of.

He made his way to the podium, raising the mic so it matched with his height “Assalamu Alaikum”. Zarnaaz did not hear any word of the speech after it, the sound his voice reverberated with the mic feedback sent her into a stupor with how deep and captivating it was. By the time his speech has ended Ulfat had poked Zarnaaz at least three times to get her attention but of course it didn't work. She saw him walking off to the backstage his steps stopping for a second, even under the glasses she felt that gaze,that burning gaze before he departed now with a slight tension in his back. ‘I am probably making up things’ she told herself, “ ZARNAAZ!” “!!” “Kaha kho gayi hai?” “Voh-” 

“Zarnaaz” Inaya called out, “ Tumhe bola rahe hai backstage jaldi jao” 

They looked at each other confused, why call her backstage? Did they get to know what Ulfat did to Saif, but they were only calling Zarnaaz, what for?

She moved slowly, eyes darting around in nervousness and she was not even carrying her dupatta left it off in her bag so had draped Ulfat thin white dupatta over her head and shoulder loosely, the backstage was dimly lit under the light of the yellow warming up bulb, and there stood Iqbal so close, surrounded by three more of her professors. 

“Yeh meri student hai, Zarnaaz” Inaya said her hand patting Zarnaaz shoulder, “ Yeh aapko college dikhaayegi” 

Iqbal smiled andZarnaaz saw it, the smile too predatory to be polite before he eased it to formality, perplexing her if she was in a fictitious haze.

a/n - let me know if anyone wanted to added to the TAG LIST !!!um yes ulfat is also adopting people here as well, already letting you know Iqbal going to be an toxic ass :) , ya all please dont hate on Zarnaaz she is just a little slow , and can you guess what happened to her sister?

Uzair didn't know he would hear his Mehru talk to him like that ever, he had seen her dishevelled,crestfallen on the ground the cut on her forehead, blood seeping down her face the devastation on her so disparate of the girl he saw that night running down the street it scared him that it was his fault he didn't find her soon , or abducted her the very night he saw her. 

The days were simpler now, the awkward silence replaced with soft kisses and conversation that flowed with ease but the atmosphere did not shift into comfort but a substantial suffocation of not being close enough, waiting for the other person to try and perish the distance but this wasn't a normal marriage and Uzair wasn't sure if approaching her would scare her off or bring them closer and he did not wanted to take that risk and lose all that he has achieved with her oblivious to her plain attraction to him. Because deep down both them knew Mehru was still scared, bracing herself for the hit that was never going to come again. 

The pregnancy was being too harsh on Ulfat this time, her sickness and weakness was way beyond what a woman experiences in the second month, Mehru herself saw her vomiting for hours in the morning, Rehman going pale with tension. “ Bas didi bas” Mehru held her the lock falling over her face back with one rubbing her back with the other, Faisal had been crying that was not helping Ulfat already rattled nerves. “ Apne kamre mei ja”Uzair tried dissolving the situation, pushing Faisal out of the room gently but firmly   “ Par chachu ammi ko kya hogya?”  “ Theek ho jaana hai sab tu tension mat le” 

Rehman kneeled down taking Mehru’s place holding his wife to his chest, “Ab theek lag raha hai?” She shook her head,fresh tears falling down her face.

Uzair and Rehman returned late that night from the doctor with a now sleeping Ulfat in Rehman's arms. Mehru rushed down the stairs when she heard the door open “ Kya hua hai? Kuch sangeen toh nahi hai?” She whispered making sure Ulfat doesn't stir due to her panic. “ Mehru kuch serious nahi tum kamre mei jao, kuch baat karni hai tumse” 

His uncertain tone had Mehru spiralling, did something bad happen? Did she do something wrong? He didn't even look at her with that look he always does, was he upset with her? She didn't notice him until she felt the mattress sink under his weight, his head settle on her shoulder. “ Itna kya soch rahi ho?”  “ Jyada badi baat hogyi hai?” Mehru whispered nervously , her body automatically shifting to let him closer,  “ Nahi Mehru, bas.. Voh kuch kamzori ho rahi hai unhe..araam ki jarurat hai” His hands wrapped around her waist pulling her into his lap, resting her on his rock solid thigh . 

“ Darne ke koi baat nahi hai voh bas ek masla hai ,mai nahi chata Rehman bhai ko abhi bhabhi ko akele chor ke kaam pe jaana pade, toh unka kaam mai karunga toh shayad der se ghar aunga aaj kal” Mehru listened patiently , her lips pouting without her knowledge, “ Firse naraaz hogyi?”  Uzair chuckled, tightening his grip, pressing his lip against her cheek. “ Baat samjho na Mehru” he coaxed gently “ Mujhe koi aitaraaz nahi hai par aap pure din alag rahoge mere se?” She got a hold of his large hands fiddling with his ring, glimmering under the moonlight, “ Kyu yaad ayengi meri?” “ Pagal, mujhe kyu yaad ayegi?”

“ Accha?” He squished her cheeks together leaning in to kiss her lip, a habit he has developed over time Mehru nodded half heartedly fighting to hold back a smile, “ Agar galti se yaad aa jaye toh tumhare shauhar ne joh phone dilaya hai uska istemaal kar lena, dikhaana jara apna phone” he reached onto the bedside picking up the cellphone Mehru got in her mahr. 

He scrolled through the contacts frowning deeply, “Yeh kya hai?” “ Kya hua?” she peeked into her own phone, her hands shaking slightly from fear, she had not done anything wrong but then she hadn't done anything wrong on her wedding night as well. “ Mera number hi save nahi hai, aise kaise chalega” his teeth sunk into the sensitive nape of her neck making her moan momentarily before composing herself, both of them pausing to calm their abnormally beating heart. 

“ Mai call karu toh utha lena” 

Later Mehru got to know Ulfat had hyperemesis gravidarum- a word too hard for Uzair to pronounce so he wasn't even going to try and save himself from the embarrassment.

The small piece of plastic in her head made her heart flutter now carrying it everywhere to the kitchen,in the courtyard, on the concrete terrace where she would sit on the cold floor in the evening gazing at the corner where he first kissed her. Still feeling the roughness of the brick wall against her back and the vehemence of his kiss,lingering on her lips he hadn't kissed her liked that again assuming it was also partially the kiss that made her upset as well and how was she to express that she did not dislike it in fact she revelled in it. 

Each buzz would make her stop and watch her phone only to realise it was Naeim's phone ringing, that boy is always on his phone she thought to herself making chai in the kitchen stirring mindlessly her head preoccupied ; today was going to be a special day Mehru had made the difficult decision to go out alone into the streets with no one but herself. 

She had spent her time surplusly getting ready, picking out the new set she bought, feeling it over her body uncomfortable suffocating despite the breathable cotton, her heart was clenching making her want to retreat back into the room but she promised herself she will do it today, ‘what's there to be scared of? You are the same girl who blew up a bike’ she patted her own cheek, looking at herself in the mirror. 

The time she was out, she had pulled the dupatta over her head not out of the necessity or the house had any such rules but to feel some pretence of armor from the world outside, regardless of the frigid winter air the afternoon sun could be daunting rather than soothing at times and it was one of those days making Mehru face scrunch up instantly when she stepped outside. Not the best start of her venture but she kept her faith, holding her hand to her heart walking down the street away from the royalty of the haveli just as any ordinary girl of Lyari a feeling she didn't have the exemption to - caged with Arshad then with her own mind. 

The crowd was not hard to navigate out of muscle memory, she had spent most of her teens walking down this street trying to catch another glimpse of Uzair, and now she was married to him? Unreal but she pushed the thought away focusing on herself. She wasn't sure what she was doing just walking down the block, it wasn't exactly thrilling just making her more awkward and shrink more into herself. She had believed in her head that everyone passing by was wondering ‘ what is she doing here?’ like she had been an alien, the thought itself staggered her walking now actually drawing attention to the people making them wonder what she really was doing.  

It was overwhelming the sun, the stares, the claustrophobic space not enough for one person to breathe, Mehru eyes were getting wet already feeling like she would break any second sitting right down on the roughly paved road corner pulling her knees up to her chest really trying to vanish away from the chaos of her mind, and this cluttered place.

Fur scratched against her feet, her eyes shot up instantly - a light brown indie, ears flopped down watching her with big pity eyes sniffing at her constantly  “ Golu?!” She remembered spending her pocket money to get this sweet thing -soopers biscuit from the kirane ki dukaan when she passed by and that sweet thing has recognised her once again. 

It barked happily, his tail wagging sending some of the dust from the road into the air before trying to jump on her making Mehru giggle out loud, “bas bas” her hand reached back into his favourite spot behind his ear scratching watching the dog melt into a puddle on the floor. “ Mota hogya hai tu, kaun khila raha hai itna”  She got up brushing her clothes out now indifferent to the gawking at her by the people. “ Chal biscuit khayenga?” it barked loudly jumping up as if understanding what she was saying, Mehru reached down patting his head lovingly. 

She walked to the familiar store, holding out the coin nervously to the man behind the small counter, when she tore the pocket , golu reached up making the whole packet fall onto the floor, the crumbs spreading everywhere and he had already dug his face chewing loudly. “ Motu khika”

The memories came flooding in, making her stumble- Noor, she missed her dear Noor, aching with the fact that she had the phone and freedom now but not the number anymore. The golgappa cart they ate from still in the same corner frozen in time, before she knew she was standing there ordering her usual “ Bhaiya teekha banana” 

Mehru had freshened up going to lounge in the courtyard on her charpai but found Naiem there already, it offended her that somebody else was taking ‘her place’.  “ Chachi aap kab aayi?” He flushed , sitting up straight making space for her. “ Tumse bas 5-6 saal hi badhi hoon, chachi bolte hue ajeeb nahi lagta tumhe” She huffed sitting down on her spot proudly. “ Ab voh toh chachu ki galti” 

“ Kis se baat karta hai pure din, girlfriend hai tumhaari?? Girlfriend hai ya crush??” her eyes scanned the cell phone he was hiding behind his back still ringing with messages. 

“ Are chachi!” “ Batao na” She teased laughing harder watching him get redder by the second. “ Accha tumhare abbu ammi chacha kisi ko nahi bataungi, pakka!” “ Faisal ko bhi nahi?” he asked knowing how much she liked to pamper and play with Faisal. “ Chalo theek hai faisal ko bhi nahi! Ab batao janaab kis se baatein hote rehti hai pure din " " Inara naam hai unka.. School mei hai mere” “ Pasand hai?” “ Pasand hai tabhi toh girlfriend hai, yeh kaisa sawaala hua?” “ Yaani girlfriend hai!” “ Yeh chacha ke saath reh ke aapka bhi dimaag kharab hogya hai!” He stormed off. 

Mehru stood still smiling ear to ear when her phone rang, finally - Uzair flashed on the dull bluish grey screen different from the regular green screen phones,this was a luxury Nokia 8850 ,her heart pound harder she fumbled with the button before picking it up holding up to her ear, “ Ji?” “Kya kar rahi thi” “ Kuch nahi, aap kab ghar aa rahe hoo?” She asked not realising how domestic the question sounded until it left her lips in that sweet unusual tone. 

A larger hand hauled her behind the thick pillar wall stealing the air out of her lungs, Uzair cut the call pinning her properly this time. His hand held her wrists against the wall, a small smile on his face, but Mehru was already scared any sudden movement of her getting pulled and dragged just made her mind go the darkest part of her life, she guise her fear under shyness lowering her gaze, “ Pagal hai kya aap? Aur itni jaldi kaise aagye” she whispered reminding herself it was safe he was safe, “Tumhari yaad aayi to aagya” he said huskily feeling more handsy than usual, his finger brushing against the rib just below her breast. “ Pagal ho? Koi dekh lega” 

He shut her protest off with his lips, moving against her gently once twice before his tongue traced her lower lip asking for in;  and Mehru crumbled almost instantly making space for him to kiss her better. Heavy pants escaped her lips as she struggled to get her hands free, “ Haath choro mera” She mumbled barely in between the kiss, Uzair chuckled before finally giving into her wishes. She held on tight to the fabric of his kurta at his chest pulling him closer than ever, he too participated pressing her completely against the wall, one arm wrapped tightly around her waist, one tangled in the soft, frizzy waves. His tongue tangled with hers, the air filled with humming moans from both of them. 

His thigh found place between her legs to hold her up better, Mehru yelped instantly at the delirious pressure to her clit, her hips shivering in surrender letting her head fall back and have him explore her mouth without fighting back or try and claim dominance sinking into the feeling of being owned. 

“Mehru” He whispered, pulling back letting her breath, taking in shaky long breaths flooded with arousal, her legs trembling from the effort of holding back to grind against his thigh like an animal in heat. He latched onto her neck sucking deep bloom into the crooks, biting at the thin skin and soothing it with slow laps of his tongue making her muddled with need. “ Uzair..ungh ..” Her finger tried to find purchase at his biceps, attempting not to fall. “ pagal hogye ho kya bas bhi karo” She hissed out when he bit particularly hard breaking the skin. 

“ CHACHU CHACHI KO MAAR RAHE HAI!” Faisal announced loudly, Mehru immediately pushed him off running to cover his mouth but it was too late, Rehman’s bedroom was already being unlocked. 

She ran fast upstairs before any more people could gather which they did apparently at any instance. She didn't even have the heart to imagine what Uzair would have to explain to his elder brother but she guessed he would understand that did not make her any less embarrassed though. 

Their phone calls were brief, a simple exchange of well being that always felt too phony compared to the growing desperation between them -what would be a formal “ Kya kar rahi hoon?” do to suffice. It didn't take her long to realise she wanted this man, not only in the way he lit her body up in fire by his touch but also the calmness he could dwell upon her life if she ever lets him in fully. 

He would return by 10 and 11 or sometime in between - late like he told her he would be but can still see the disheartenment on her face every time he walked through the door.

He would walk over to the balcony first, always closing off the door, shutting the world outside before kissing her forehead, “ Kya kiya aaj?”  “ Kuch nahi bas bhabhi ka khyal rakha aur Faisal se baate ki” “ Khaana kha liya?” He asked the same question and to which Mehru shook her head, his eyes squinting into a scolding gaze. “ Kitni baar bola hai mera intezaar mat kiya karo, khaana kha liye kha raho” She ignored his lecture completely, setting up the plates on the bed serving the freshly reheated rice and curry . “ Aap mera bina khaa lete khaana?” He paused the anger melting from his gaze, “ Nahi na? Toh mujhe bhi mat bola karo” 

Uzair hadn't called once since he left the next morning , Mehru had checked her phone a thousand times anxiously even going as far as calling first, but still no reply from his side the phone would keep ringing before the automated message appeared. Her hands picked at the table cloth at lunch, eyes still moving from the food on her table to the phone by the plate, “ Kya hua beta?” Rehman quietly intercepted, his focus still on tending to his wife but nothing ever missed his eyes, and Mehru plain wrecked nerves weren't hard to spot. “ Aaj factory mei jyada kaam hai kya?” She tried making it casual and not about Uzair but who else would she be asking for anyways “ Mhm ho sakta hai, Uzair ko shayad bahar bhi jaana padha hoon. Uska interzar mat karna samay se so jaana beta” 

The night had been awkwardly quiet, a whirlwind of her thoughts ringing in her ears, was he safe? Did he get hurt? She carried herself to the balcony wrapping his khaki shawl tightly around herself waiting for his car to appear knowing he entered from the backyard when it was too late at night. 

Her eyes were wide open, hand fixed on the phone dialing, redialing his number over and over a constant buzz against the hollow of the dark night. The tires screech was loud enough to make her jump. He was not driving his safari but the white cruiser Cygnus in which he drove her to this haveli freeing her from her suffering. 

He stopped the car abruptly not bothering to park it, his eyes had discerned her in the dead of the night making out her blurry figure standing the balcony hand stuck to the rail, staring at her for a little too long making her squirm under his gaze running back into the room. She sat herself down on the bed,flashing her sweetest smile waiting for him to make his way upstairs.

The mood was off, his broad shoulders tense the gloominess from him surfing through the whole room. His jaw shut tight, breaths heavy with exparstion making him look even more dangerous, she was unsure if to keep smiling at him or not when he was looking clearly frustrated with something sighing deeply with each step. “ Uzair-” He scowled loudly, tears flooding her deep brown eyes at his reaction. She was trying to be sweet, to be open, to be vulnerable she really was. 

She hastily climbed off the bed, her legs moving quickly to the door in  indignation of how he goaded to look at her. Her hand moved to turn the door handle open but his rugged hand fell open hers holding them still. She noticed the red marks marring his knuckles,cuts and knicks around the edges he was hurt ,

“ Sorry...kaam ke vajah se thoda jyada bezaadi ho rakhi hai.. dimaag mei hi nahi aaya mai kya kar raha tha, khuda kasam agli baar se nahi hoga”

she didn't let him squish and kiss her lips that meant she was really upset, “ Sorry Mehru” He whispered coherently once before it became a mumble against her shoulder his fingertip dancing against her skin tickling her mercilessly 

“ Yeh na insaafi hai!” She yelped out, her loud giggles filling the room. “ Pehle bolo maaf kar diya” he bit at her earlobe “ Nahi kiya!” “ Accha?” He picked her up, chuckling to himself a strangely boyish sound for his face, throwing her onto the bed and climbing over her frame pressing soft kisses to neck while the tickle attack continued.

Mehru's mind had stopped working, Arshad came in fragments on top of her again trying to force into her dryness, slapping her mouth shut when she didn't comply, the sting, the pain, the disgust and the fear of being in the same position flooded her gut. 

The ammonic scent stench swamped the room, the wetness seeped through the fabric of her salwar bleeding into the bedsheets. Uzair's face contracted, the playful tickle stopped. Shame was hot and heavy covering her whole body in a deep red, she couldn't control her bladder in fear the realisation through Uzair's expression  had her strained clutching at the bedsheet. He pulled back sitting down on his heels eerily quiet, Mehru hand went to cover her face in instinct, loud sobs tearing from her throat. 

“ Maine jaan bujh kar nahi kiya!” When no answer came from his side it only made her more scared, her voice in a desperate hysteria “ Please I am sorry Uzair mai saaf kardungi!” she sobbed harder, her body convulsing, hands to her face to take cover from the blows that were about to come. 

His hand wrapped around her picking her up, her screams died in her throat, her eyes shut tight, was he going to beat her? He had seen his hands and looked tougher than Arshad. His hits would hurt more, bruise more. 

The cold cabinet kissed her skin sending her eyes open, he was looking directly with her not cringing not even saying anything

His hand reached into her back trying to find some space between her and the wall to help her up, “ Shh, kya hua?” Mehru shook her head, crying harder than before not knowing what to do with the comfort he was trying to provide when she was burning with shame. “ Sorry sorry” “ Galti meri thi Mehru” He declared quietly moving closer to caress her cheek, “ Dur raho..please a..abhi maine maine-” “ Toh kya hogya?” He said softly pulling down her damp salwar along with her panties, “ Tum yeh phen lo, fresh ho jao, mai chadar badal deta hoon” 

Mehru sat quietly watched as he took his kurta handing it to her before going out quietly, his expression unreadable but the way his fist was clenched and trembling told Mehru a different story. She couldn't think at all like this, her hand moving mechanically to clean herself up over the running cold water prickling  her skin. The water drenching her hair sending more chills down her spine, she twisted the shower tap with her unsteady hands before pulling over his large kurta on herself reaching way below her knees, warming her up from the inside even if the chills remained. 

It smelled of him, his sweat,the dirty life he had outside of this haveli, the factory, the cigarettes he smoked one after another and the expensive cologne he used to drown out the smell of it - all of it so uniquely him. 

She sat on the floor scrubbing her clothes aggressively, Uzair strode in, “ Kya kar rahi hoon? Kal Ruksaar dho degi Mehru” “ Nahi!” She snarled mortified at the thought of anyone knowing that she just wet herself out of fear, he said nothing, taking the clothes and scrubber from her hand and started washing it himself running the clothes under the warm geyser water. “ Thande paani se nahaya tumnea?” She nodded absently, her eyes fixed on his hands, “ Kyu? Kyu khudko takleef de rahi hoon” he said the pain evident in his voice.

She kept crying, not a sound escaping her lips, just tears slipping down her face, her fury stewing from something she couldn't point out to herself,

 “ Kyu natak kar rahe hoon?” 

She whispered her voice scathing, he didn't respond but she knew he heard it, “ Kyu? Kyu aihsaan jata rahe ho mujh pe” she continued her voice rising from the whisper

“ Mujhe gheen aati hai khud se par tumhe nahi aati?”wrapping her arms around herself, he finally looked her way his hands stopping

“ Kyu apni jindagi barbad kari mujhe chun ke? Kyu mujhse shaadi ki? Kisi bhi pak ladki se shaadi kar sakte the tum”He wiped his hand over his kurta slowly moving toward her making her shrink further into the wall. Uzair face was stoic in her perception, her teary eyes unable to make out the intensity in his eyes over her dread. He settled right infront of her on the ground, shaking her by the shoulders gingerly.

 “ Pak? Kya matlab hota hai pak ka? Kya mai khud pak hoon? Nahi  aur yeh vayaad khayaal apne man mei bhi mat rakhna, maine kisi meharbaani ya farz adda karne ke liye nahi ki thi yeh shaadi Mehru” It was a rumble but coherent and possessive infuriating her more

“ Pata bhi kya hai aapko mere baare mei??! Kya kya kiya hai usne mere saath! Baccha mar diya usne mera!! Abhi bhi chate hoon mujhe?!” She yelled her voice cracking from spilling the secret she has buried so deep inside himself, he would give up now no one would want a wife like that and she didn't want to be the last memory of her with him to be him watching her with disdain, she only wanted to keep in her head the way he looked at her like she was his Mehru so she closed her eyes shut bawling and breaking down the way she wished to when he first put her in that car.

“ Ya allah..” he said out in between his muttered curses making her pause,  his strong wrapped hard enough around her to crush her ribs but it was so comforting to disappear in him, Mehru buried her face in his bare chest her tears leaking, her weeping continued but this time with a sense of safety while he whispered apologies and prayers to her hair.

"Ab bhi chaate hoon mujhe? Mehru, us ghatya aur nakaara insaan ne jo kuch bhi kiya, uska tum se koi lena dena nahi hai. Mujhe is baat se koi parwah nahi hai ke kis cheez ko paak mana jata hai, mujhe sirf tumhari parwah hai. Aur Mehru, kabhi dobara apne baare mein aisi baat kehne ki himmat bhi mat karna."

“ If I still want you? Mehru whatever that pathetic excuse of a man did had nothing to do with you, I don't care what's considered ‘pure’  I only care about you and don't you ever dare to speak about yourself like that Mehru” He pulled back to fondle the curve of her cheek. “ Shh” 

The embrace of his tough arms continued for what felt like Mehru, the thing that that sat so cumbersome on her chest was so easy for him to digest, no questions no doubt just quiet belief in her pain. She had not wished to keep Arshad child herself but the pain of the life she was growing being snatched away from her out of a mere alcohol induced violence was beyond breaching, "Jab aapne usko maara tha, us waqt mujhe bilkul bura mehsoos nahi hua tha. Balke andar hi andar khushi mili thi. Uzair, kya mera dimag kharaab ho gaya hai?” He shook her head, pressing a firm kiss to her forehead. “ Hargiz nahi agar tum pagal ho bhi, to ab bilkul mere jaise ho” 

“ Aur baat rahi chune ki tum kaho toh jindagi bhar tumhe haath nahi laguanga” Rubbing her back he muttered out sincerely “ Aisa toh nahi bola maine” 

He saw the small displeased look on her face, tears drying up and staining the softness of her cheek, he broke a smile realising stubborness never left her soul. She had fallen on him, completely bare under the kurta, a trust she hadn't shown to anyone ever. 

When the morning came, the other side of the bed was cold, the sun already on its peak, Uzair must have left long ago the hour clock almost touching one.

She watched the curtains twirled around in the wind, the leaves rustling her back had been feeling cramped from the weight - heavy weight of him. “ ???” “ Kya hua itna ganda lag raha hoon kya?” Turns out the bed was cold because he didn't go to sleep on his side that night. “ Kaam pe nahi gaye?” “ Nahi, Rehman bhai ko bol diya tumhari tabyet theek nahi hai”  

“Utho mere upar se bahut bhaari ho aap” she pushed him off sitting up straight, then soon enough realised the loose kurta had slid up to unclad bottom, the look on his face was a tell tale he had already seen it and was trying his best to stop his eyes from wandering. Mehru squeaked quickly, fixing the fabric to cover herself decently. 

“ Bas thoda sa bahaar kaam hai.. Hamza ko kuch file deni thi, uske baad ghar pe araam karege” He sat up straight, handing her the glass of warm milk from the bedside ruffling her head as if she was a kid. “ Mai bhi chalungi”  She followed him around the room.

“ Bilkul nahi, bahar bahut beedh hogi tumhe hi headache hoga, aajaunga na aadhe ghante mei” “ Nahi mujhe bhi jaana hai toh jaana hai” “ Kyu Hamza se milna hai isliye” “Pagal ho kya baat baat pe vahi bakwaas karte ho” 

She pinched his arm hard. 

“ Leke chalo varna” She crossed her arm, tilting her head all the way up to meet his eyes “ Varna?” He cooed mockingly  “ Varna mai bahut gussa ho jaungi” 

Mehru rolled the window all the way down, watching each street with a precision ready to memorise the way to her dear friend's home. “ Gardan bahar rah jayegi, saleeqe se baith jao” She huffed, letting her head out more . “ Baat mat sun lena meri”He rumbled, she mimicked back sneering at him poking fun at the ridiculously low his voice gets when he is jealous. It was indeed crowded due to the fact here was a famous ghazal singer in the town’s park, the car moving at a speed of  1km/hr.

Hamza house was on the side of the usually in traffic-ed road not even in  a gali, a third floor to one of those small rental apartments- kabootar khaana is what her phuppi would call this. Uzair knocked on the wooden door, Mehru heard him from inside opening the jaali door first the sound of metal clinking before he finally opened the door only halfway, his top half bare squeezing out just enough to make his face  visible, hands outstretched. “ Abhi tak so raha tha?” “ Haa bhai tu bol” Hamza tried to stay his usual calm but Mehru noticed the restlessness and the smell of the expensive vanilla perfume she also used to have and use back home. She squinted her eyes ‘was he keeping a girl in?’ and Hamza had realised by now that she had caught a whiff of the girl behind him. “ Chal theek hai tu jaa” Uzair was to talk more but Hamza shut the door on his face. “ Badtameez, aur tum kyu itna ghoor rahi thi usse?” “Firse vahi bakwaas”she muttered lovingly this time running down the stairs. 

The crowd swamped her, making her push up against the wall with no space to squeeze past, it was nauseating so many stranger hands and elbows brushed against her, pressing herself tighter against the old wall, the paint peeling off and falling at her shoulder in small crumbs. Uzair stood right in front of her blocking the world from her eyes, his broad shoulders filling the vision becoming her harbour in between this crowded place. Their breaths entwined from the proximity making Mehru knees go weak, she was ready to forgo herself any time for this man. He was so close to her, his core pressed against her stomach sending all her blood netherside her breath fastening. “ Ghar chalien?”  She whispered barely, one glare from the Uzair Baloch and the crowd moved, making space for him to reach his car.

Mehru had not grasped till now that this temporary shelter from hell had now become her ghar, her home.

Uzair locked the door deliberately slower, the air thick with shared anticipation. Mehru sat on the bed, her feet barely touching the floor, the sunlight grazing her face, the depth of the black of her eyes twinkling with a honey brown before he eliminated the light, secluding the room from the outside, the dim light seeping through the edges of the door. 

The soft blue sharara shadowed but the flush of her cheek glowing. Her bangles chimed together, reluctant to leave her wrist when she started taking them off one by one out of the silent understanding between them of what was about to happen. He held her wrist in both hands kissing the pulse leisurely . “ Rehne do na aise hi accha lagta hai” She nodded, sitting completely on the bed.

He kissed her more gently and earnestly than he ever had, giving her all the time in the world to pull back. Mehru was eager, her hands undoing his pathani suit button quickly before clutching the soft fabric in between her palms, taking a shuddering breath of resignation. 

The kiss continued for what felt like hours,his hands slipping the fabric off her shoulder, glancing up to meet her dark eyes seeking permission not moving until her lips parted to let out a soft whispered “haan” He peeled the clothes off her skin, his face buried in the delicate curve of her neck taking in deep heavy breathes that shook his whole frame.

Treading softly he laid her down, taking off his own kurta baring  his upper half. His hand cupped the whole of her breast through thin joke of a fabric that remained between him her now hard poking nipples, he gathered all the patience he had to remove it off instead of tearing it into shreds. Her chest heaved with deep breath her cinnamon brown peaks jutting and aching, the moan slipped out her mouth the second he ran his finger over them a needy whiny sound. “Mehru Koi tumhe is tarah chhoone ki jurrat nahi kar sakta, sirf aur sirf mera haq hai is pe”

He settled between her legs, her thighs spreading to accommodate him better, his groin pressed against her- the bulge hard and insistent against her ardent and ablaze soaking cunt. He dragged his tongue over her now pebble hard peaks stunning her into silence till his mouth latched onto her nipple, flicking the other with his fingers her hips moved nervously seeking the pressure to soothe her clit.  Arousal pooled in her stomach, her wetness dampening the cotton enough to outline the contour of her lips, in between the switching and sucking his hand snaked down pressing on her mound pubis. She jolted the bangles clinked loudly on her wrist in harmony with her stuttering breaths, his hands tugged the soaked cloth off of her skin. 

“Uzair” she wailed, his finger sliding in easily into her wetness, fucking her with it  his mouth engaged in still hungrily sucking on her swollen nipples, his eyes glanced up again at her.

Her hands fisted at the sheets, nervousness flooding her guts, making her face pale out slightly. The exploration of his hand halted making Mehru whine restlessly, he offered her his other free hand to hold gently prying open her palm. She stared at him, wide eyes flushed cheek, her hair tangled into a thousand knots, his hand wasn't enough she needed to feel him closer. She brushed off his hand wrapping her arm around him  hiding in his chest. “ Shh” he whispered, cupping the back of her head with utmost gentleness. This was his prayer, his worship. 

He inserted back the finger into her tightness, when Mehru didn't flinch or clench her muscles he inserted his ring finger alongside his middle finger thrusting in and out of her with a gentle preciseness. The cold metal of the wedding ring along with the roughness of his finger made her arch slightly, moans escaping her mouth that she muffled under his chest. What a shame, Uzair thought curling his finger upwards making her gasp loudly instantly “Uzair! ” It was treacly and brief but it has certainly shifted something. 

 She couldn't see his face but she definitely felt his jaw tighten,body going stiff for a moment before he started pumping his thick digits in and out of her with purpose. The rough pad of his thumb found her swollen clit and started rubbing instant and firm circles. She couldn't hold in anymore letting the sounds flow out naturally her legs falling open, hips bucking to meet the movement of his fingers, her own finger could never compare to this.Just by watching the pure bliss on her face he himself found it difficult to hold himself back. “ You like it mhm?” He hummed in ear, “ Yes!Yes!” she mewled her walls tightening around him. “ Don't stop!” she got bold in the heat of the movement holding his hand tightly to keep it from removing. 

Her release gushed down his fingers, when the high died down she was suddenly very conscious of the position she was in. He noticed the giddiness and the small proud retreat she tried to make, he smirked down at her slowly pulling out his drenched finger and bringing them to his mouth, sucking it clean languidly, unhurried enjoying every drop to the fullest. Mehru was bright red, her eyes fixed on his face, the hand that was just inside her then down at the bulge on his salwar, the pre cum already oozing through the fabric.

He rested his hand on either side of her head, his broad shoulder obstructing her view yet again, this time of the ceiling. “ You see what you do to me” he whispered, undoing the tie at his salwar. “ You want this? Do you want me to stop” Mehru laid quietly, “Tell me or I will stop” She shook her head frantically. “ Good girl” he pulled both clothes down his body, completely naked in front of her now. 

There was a faint chitter downstairs of the household moving in its usual chaos, the car honking outside at the streets but Mehru mind was only focused on the sound of the fabric rustling, watching his muscles flex under the dim light she peeked down but before she could catch a glance his hand cupped her jaw stopping her movement. “ Don’t look” her eyes shot up offended, he has watched and stripped every articulate of clothing off her body and she cant look? “ Haq hai mera” She pushed his hand away.

Her breath  caught, it was bizarrely large and thick, bigger than what she has seen before the cut head swollen and leaking .She had felt it pressed against her several times but never once imagined it to be this  daunting. Mehru closed her eyes, hand going to cling at his shoulders “ Are you scared Mehru?” she nodded faintly, “ Don't close your eyes, it will only make you more scared” He murmured against her forehead, sinking his hips between her spread legs, his cock throbbing at her entrance. 

She opened her eyes , her muscles soothing at the sight of him watching her fondly despite the evident hunger in his eyes. He rubbed a stripe down her whole womanhood with his head, brushing against her clit then to her pulsating hole, quivering to let him in. 

He had already mapped out her insides with his finger, confident about how to please his Mehru pushed himself inside inch by inch. She have never felt this stretched and filled out a full ache forming in her stomach that was nothing compared to the satisfying feeling of being owned by him, “ Fuck you are so tight, I can barely move” He groaned shamelessly, when her velvety walls sucked him in greedily.

 The strain in his voice made her wetter, easing his movements with each thrust he would find himself burying deeper into her, and Mehru gasping when he would graze against her sensitive spot hitting places she didn't know existed till now. She clawed at his back to crush their lips together, trying to take his pounding with some grace but he was too skilled, his hips rubbing against her clit with each thrust when his hands were too occupied squeezing the soft flesh of her breast or holding her bottom to let himself inside even deeper. 

“ Mehru, fuck yes squeeze me” He growled, his hands settling on her hips fucking her with powerful controlled thrusts that made her eyes roll back in pleasure, the bangles on her hand resounded in the room along with her moans and wails, the sound of her wetness sucking him in. 

“ Uzair Uzair Uzair” the strings of whimpers from her lips broke his patience burying his face into her neck to muffle his loud groans, he was very vocal apparently. She reached her high once again, “ Fuck yes come on my cock, meri chand” He urged her rubbing her clit again, her chest pressed against his her back arching with her release that sent shudders through her whole body. 

The tightness was unbearable, the gushing of her wetness her face flushed with arousal because of him? too much too fucking much for him. He had to pull out reluctantly, his hand pumping himself roughly before letting out a guttural groan painting her stomach white with his release. 

He put his forehead against hers, slowly learning back to breathe normally through a shared feeling of thrumming hearts. She watched Uzair, her thoughts threatening to bleak into that disgusting man, and Uzair caught it immediately, “ Uske baare mei mat sochna.. Mehru, sirf hum hai yaha pe..sirf mai hoon” 

a/n - I dont know if this chap feels to messy, spent my whole day writting this pls show some love :.), baaki idk kyu mai raat mei post kar rahi hehe

Mehru couldn't bring herself to breathe under his glare or behave anymore when he was accusing her so openly. “Aapse kya matlab?”she said, carrying the same tone she did 11 years ago when he asked her to stop plucking the plant’s leaves. A crease formed on his temple, eyebrows furrowed together in confusion at the sudden boldness.“ Mere se kya matlab? Biwi ho tum meri” His hand left the railing going to hold her by the waist adamantly, crushing his rigid body with hers in an instant, their chest pressed together heaving softly Mehru legs giving out immediately 

“ Tum sirf meri hoon Mehru, sirf meri aur mujhe qabil-e-bardasht nahi ki tum kisi aur se itne qareeb ho” He rumble his lips brushing against her ear, Mehru core tightened on cue, her wetness damping the cotton of her panties.  “ Kya haq hai aapka aisa bolne ka? Ek baar ankhein mei ankhein daal ke baat nahi kar sakte toh mujhe bhi mat batao ki mujhe kya aur kya nahi karna chaiye” She finally met his eyes speaking out in blurted whisper shocking herself with the braveness. She was enjoying his reaction to watch this usually so put together man -crumble for her was exhilarating and making her needy all together. “Kayar”

Another low growl that rumbled in his chest before he clashed his lips against her,cupping her jaw possessively with the other hand. Mehru didn't get the time to squeal or get mouthy. The way he grasped at her lips made her melt straightaway so much that he had to tighten his grip on her waist to keep her from falling back. 

Mehru snapped back into reality, arching trying to create some distance only helping him to kiss her better, “Open” he whispered against her mouth, entranced  she immediately complied, parting her lips for him. His tongue plunged into her mouth, briskly he started devouring her again with his kiss, stealing all the air out of her lungs flooding her sense with his peerless scent and cigarette he smoked away a few movements ago. 

She kissed back desperately moving her lips against his frantically, her hands going to the lock of his dark hair to hold onto, to pull him close to ease the burn in her core.

He fondled her side  pinching the soft love handles before seizing the whole of her waist in his palm again, she moaned out loud making Uzair pause.

She shoved him away, her palm hitting at his chest  “ Baadh mei jao!” She shouted  over her shoulder running down the stairs, her head down, hair falling over her flushed cheeks impeding Uzair's vision of her beauteous face, he crossed a line he knew it but the provocation from her side looked far from unmeant.

The bed creaks faintly under the movement, Rehman is older now but still clearly hasn't lost any of his vigour. How could he? When his wife was so beautiful. 

Ulfat legs rested and twitched on his shoulders as he shoved his hardness into her from above with long deep thrusts that made her whimper and clutch at the bedsheets,  “ Shh” He whispered letting go her ankles that he was grasping to keep her spread and in place , “ Wrap your legs around me, meri jaan”  Ulfat slowly dislodged her trembling legs from his shoulder wrapping them around his waist, eagerly enough to pull him in deeper into her throbbing cunt  making him groan loudly before biting his lips. 

“ Faster” She whined, clawing at his chest, frustrated at the teasing he had been doing for an hour now, he almost made her cum on her finger, then at his tongue before torturing her with his manhood. She was slick with sweat, her baby hair sticking to her forehead as she panted desperately. 

They have already made the conscious decision of keeping Naiem and Faisal room upstairs , on the second floor away from them because they knew neither of them were good at keeping their hands to themselves. Even with the kids on the second floor it was still risky to be doing this in the bright young afternoon. 

“ Faster” She whined once again when he didn't respond immediately with fast thrust, moving her hips up to meet his to try and grind her swollen clit against him. Rehman hand dug into her hips, firmly holding her down into the mattress chuckling roughly. “ Let me at least set up jaan, dhyaan rkhna padhta hai tum firse haml ho ab” “ Koi jarurat nahi hai, theek hoon mai bas ab aur sabr nahi hota” she snapped softly.

“ Jidd nahi karte meri jaan, hold on here” He settled her hands on his shoulder while sinking himself deeper into her throbbing wetness, she gripped hard trying to move her hips but he shushed her again even in his gentleness lied a command, 

He wasn't a man who liked to lose, he started again with slow and careful thrusts that grazed her cervix before pulling back almost all the way out before going back in with the same slowness making her squirm and buck her hips uselessly, “Rehman faster now!” She tried sounding like him but it only came out as a pathetic begging leaving her lips. But miraculously for her it worked. His grip on her hips became bruising and he really started pounding, fast and hard snaps of his hips sending jolts of pleasure down her spine, her wetness gushing out even more. Her face scrunched up in pleasure pain finally getting the relief she was aching for. 

“ Ah! Just like that .. Unh! Rehman ah!”  She moaned loudly, forgetting all about the world outside their room that existed beyond the lewd sounds of their lovemaking. “ Not so loud Ulfat” He reminded halfheartedly, pressing his forehead against hers, his voice catching the same desperation as her. “ Ugh so tight” 

The grunts were getting impossibly to hold in with how good his wife felt, Ulfat wrapped her legs tightly around him, her peak building up faster due to the way he has tortured her enough today so they clashed their lips against each drowning out their moans with feverish kisses 

“ Rehnan please! I am going to come!” she moaned in his mouth her back arching off the creaking bed, he didn't say anything but his hips faltered as she started tightening before coming biting his lower lip in between her teeth, her wetness drenched the sheets in one go making Rehman go faster again on her already puffed up sensitive cunt, breathing heavily before sinking his teeth deep into the edge of her shoulder that always stayed hidden under her delicate anarkalis, “ Ulfat” He let out a broken repetition of her name while spilling inside her , his hips still jerking holding himself inside her. 

“ Lagi toh nahi..?”  “Nahi..mai theek hu” She brushed back the hair falling on his forehead. “ Thak gayi?” he asked, nuzzling his nose with her laughing ,she nodded, sighing softly letting her body fall limp, her heart still beating faster than usual. “ Again?” he asked, sucking leisurely on her neck. “Are you serious?” He thrusted forward again, making Ulfat jump. “ Abhi mai haml thi? abhi aap fir shuru hogaye?” She pinched his arm hissing up at him, he smirked down at her continuing to move. 

“Rehman bhai!!” the knock on the door was loud“ Ab kya hogaya madarchod” He groaned in frustration, pulling out of her gently with an embarrassingly loud pop.

“Kya hai jaldi bol?” He open the door enough to watch Uzair faking a half sleepy face to mask his obvious arousal, “ Bhai voh Zafar saala  aaj hi factory mei aa tapka, Hamza bol raha tha aapko bhi laane ke liye” He opened the door further to find more men lined up, he had to go “Kya gaandu aadmi hai yeh , usne kal ka bola tha na?” Uzair nodded just as uninterested and reluctant as Rehman. “ Haa bhai par ab bol raha hai kal uski ladakh ki flight hai kal ki toh deal aaj hi hoon payengi” 

 His wife was upset with him, he didn't want to be in the dull, greasy factory working up guns right now he wanted to be with his wife.,

Rehman had to leave the warmth of his jaan for this Zafar guy and a bag of money this is not what he wanted, not when he was just going to get it his turn -both men were sulking and it was obvious with how short tempered they were being.

There was a dull constant thudding and grinding of the machines, the heavy stench of smoke had become indifferent to them by now, it was a more secluded part of Lyari that only breathed under Rehman’s supervision. The opulent and lavish life of this family and its legacy started from this small shady factory now their business.

Uzair was quiet watching the deal happen on his third cigarette of the day. Rehman looked different today even to him, his anger was brutally cold but this was frustration etched into his face. He was upset. Was she upset as well? Of course she was upset why did he attack her like an animal? It was his first kiss with her  and it should have never been like that. 

Will she never talk to me again?

“Oh bhai ab kya hogya tujhe” Hamza appeared out of nowhere from behind Uzair in classic Hamza fashion and whacked his head, “ Abbe tu maarta kyu hai” “Aise hi” Uzair frowned, rubbing the back of his head.

 “ Subah toh bahut hero ban raha tha ab kya hogya?” he asked directly plopping himself down on the stack of empty sacks 

“ Naraaz hai voh mujhse” “ Kaun?” “Mehru..aur kaun” “ Accha isliye muh sadha raha, kya hua jyada josh mei tha kya subah, vaise toh gussa tha bhi kyu?”

“Mujhe nahi malum” Uzair muttered too embarrassed and proud to admit he was jealous of his own friend“ Mat bata mai bhi nahi karta madad” “ Tujhe badha pata hai aurat ko kya chaiye”  Uzair snarled already upset enough, again noticed the redness blooming up Hamza’s ear. 

“OYE?!” He sat up straight, taking his cigarette out of his mouth, not mumbling, speaking anymore, “Tu chupa raha hai mere se kuch??” “ Rehman bhai bula rahe hai!” he rushed out before Uzair could even stand steady on his feet. The doubt crept over him yet again, what other woman he had seen him interact with if not his wife? None. 

Did he mean he had been learning chivalry from his wife?

 Uzair found himself drowning in one drink after another with his brother, a thing he hadn't done in ages, both of them slurring out curses for Zafar describing in excruciating details of how they would cut him into pieces. 

“ Saala madarchod, agli baar dikh gaya toh goli maar dunga”   “ Aise logo ko jinda nahi chorna chaiye”

Slowly but inevitably the conversation died down from its aggressiveness shifting to the slower heartfelt conversation both the men found incredibly hard to do when sober, their voice muffled with the intoxication and the steel glass half empty and forgotten on the floor. The night was creeping closer, Rehman knew Ulfat wouldn't really welcome him home in this state making it harder for him to decide whether to suffer here alone or go home and get scolded.

“Bhai” Uzair prompted feeling completely unguarded like the same boy Rehman had taken into his refuge 18 years ago. “ M..Mehru voh vahi hai” “ Kya?” “ Voh.. Vahi ladki j.. Joh bataya tha maine”

Still tipsy Rehman leaned forward with a small surprised smile on his face  “isliye itni zid kar raha tha?” Uzair tried protesting saying the same thing he said to Hamza but it came off as short to a scoff. “ Acchi ladki hai, Ulfat ko bhi bahut pyaari hai aur tu bhi kush hai aur kya hi chaiye”

“ Aur agar ladai ho jaaye toh?” “Tu ladke aaye hai isliye muh phula ke baitha hai?” “ Haa aur aap?” “Mai..? Mai kaha gussa ho raha hoon” Uzair saw the flush on his cheeks,but could not bring himself to believe it was from shyness for his own sanity he liked to believe it was from the alcohol, nodding at his brother.

"Ladai ho jaaye toh pyaar se manana chaiye apni biwi ke saamne kaisa ghurror kya fakhr"

Mehru had been grovelling since afternoon, the way he held her, what he did ,the kiss was titillating keeping her on the edge waiting for him but it was past noon now and yet no sign of him. The audacity of that man to do that and leave without an explain was burning Mehru with rage, but was she allowed to he upset? 

Her marriage wasn't romantic but it was quiet until now still Mehru didn't want this arrangement going sour with her vexation and realness instead of acting like a submissive doll.  She didn't want to cross that line break his patience ‘turning him violent’

This peace was precious she wouldn't trade it for this but it felt empty, the quietness of the night now felt hollow instead of soothing somedays, some part of Mehru has started hoping for love again. She felt ashamed to be thinking of  love, affection, pleasure when she had seen her fate crumble and realise how marriage was for her,  guilty to think of anything remotely sexual with him , her body authority wasn't hers it was a cage still in Arshad control, holding her captive even in his grave, slithering into her mind from 5 feet under the ground.

The urgent-ness she had for his lips scared her, what would have happened if he didn't pull back? It was too much to feel it at all once, her eyes weren't anywhere near heavy but her mind too occupied; she wanted to drown it down with sleep. 

Mehru pulled the kurta over her head to change into a simpler one for the night, the cold wind kissed her skin , the chill of the air still seeping through the closed off balcony and jharoka. She yearned for the warmness of his heavy breath against her shoulder , the way he did on their wedding night. 

The door creaked open, there stood Uzair his posture wasn't usual, regular like always - his head not touching the headboard for once, his shoulder slouched, body loose . Mehru froze her hand clutching the kurta to her bra covered chest, then in an instant she turned back heaving heavily waiting for the polite look away from him and the worst part it never came his gaze burning at her back. 

“ Kya kar rahe hoon Uzair, kamre se bahar jao” The last words were whispered an argument against her own concise,

"Is hafte ke har din jab main kapde badal rahi tha tum andar aa gayi, aur har dusre din tumne pure 10 second tak apni nazar nahi hatai. Har din ko jod kar ab mere paas bhi tumhe isi tarah dekhne ke liye 60 second hain, tabhi hamara hisab barabar hoga."

 “ Every day of this week you have walked into me changing and every other day you didn't look away until 10 seconds had passed, each.. Day that makes up 60 second for me to watch you like this then we will be even”

She knew it was true, every other day she walked into her room- this lazy beast was always changing. Kurta half pulled up , rough muscles and abs on display the stretch mark around his hips, the line of hair dusting down from his belly button and Mehru gaze would always linger a little too long before turning away quickly with an embarrassment that felt forced considering how hard she was ogling. 

Two strides of his long legs and he was behind her now, holding her tightly against him. The smell of alcohol instantly flooded her sense making her scrunch up her face, her mind working naturally the more the alcohol the more the beating came. He shifted switching until both his arms were wrapped around her waist his face filling up the empty curvy of her shoulder blessing it with the heavy breaths she much desired

His grip was harsh but it wasn't from violence or the sick satisfaction of making her scared it was purely from the need of feeling her closer and closer, that made fear shrunk down a little

“ kitni pee rakhi hai aapne"

she tried softly testing the waters of what was acceptable to speak, no answer came from his head, only a low hum and gentle barely there feather light kiss. 

“ Dimaag kharab hogya hai aapka” her breath hitched

“ haa Mehru tumhaareen vajah se” he answered back in a breath clinging to her like a petulant child 

“ jao mujhe nahi karni aapse baat” the words slipped out her mouth before she couldn't evaluate the reaction, the pout on her face remained from when she started saying the sentence but her head lowered trying to look still upset and less scared than she was knowing what getting upset or showing attitude usually got her in her last marriage. 

His hand held her face, squishing her cheeks together making her lips  pucker up. He leaned in trying to kiss those lips , Mehru turned her head away, “ Naraaz ho?”  he lips changing into a childish pout, it was safe for her to be angry with him.

Quietly Mehru nodded her lips twitching to smile, he leaned in further trying to catch her lips after a few attempts he held her face still in the firm grip of his hand, stealing a peck before burying back into his face into her shoulder kissing and mumbling over it. 

“ Dekha hai maine, Ulfat bhabhi se baat karti, Naiem se bhi… Faisal se bhi, Us Hamzey se bhi aur aaj kal toh Rehman bhai se, bas mujhe se baat nahi karti, itna bura lagta hoon mai?” 

“ Haan” she snapped back instantly, instead of hurt or offend a wide slobbering smile painted his lip against her shoulder, he chuckled shaking his head. 

The room was quieter now other than occasional whir of the wind, the vanity mirror faced her in which she could barely make out Uzair hidden face, his beard scratching at her when he would rub his face snuggling deeper into her body but her face was visible and so was the arousal in them, it was way past 60 second and she was afraid he could tell she wasn't exactly scared or angry right now.

“ Mehru… bura lage toh batana” his hand travelled further up touching the fabric of the bra “ please aapne pee rakhi hai” that fell mute to his ears anything that wasn't a no was not going to make him restrain himself, she had thought he would yank down the fabric hold her softness in his rough hands but he instead cupped her breast with a tormenting gentlessness hands swallowing the whole of her , the nipple poked at at the fabric and soon as he felt it he tugged it between his finger making her jolt, she didn't get the time to reply he buried his face in her shoulder leaving open mouthed sloppy kisses breathing heavily, the hammering of his hearth throught his chest against her back. His closeness was overwhelming Mehru didn't know what else to do other than let him have his way.

Her mind had fallen into a stupor yet again, the warmth of his hands were incomparable, his finger brushing against clothed areola ,nails slightly digging in her skin the possessive kisses trailing from her neck to shoulder, then suddenly he twisted the nipples in between his finger, settling more of his heavy weight on her. 

Mehru heart stopped when she felt it, his manhood erupt and hard poking against her backside, it was still under layers of cloth but the warmth and ardor evident ,undoubtedly heavy and large much like him 

“ Uzair!” She let out a broken whimper, her finger going to hold onto the vanity, “ Mehru” He groaned back pushing more of his weight onto her, Mehru was obviously wet, the dampness catching up to her salwaar. Her legs twitching under him, each time his length would press further onto her her clit ached painfully from the lack of pressure, that she tried and made up for by rubbing her tights together a feeble attempt but it was all she could think of. 

His voice rumbling in ear, as he kissed just below them “ Mehru” A constant whispered moan leaving his lips, his thumb pressing onto the sensitive buds, twisting, pinching, flicking over the fabric and hips stuttering the massive outline of his hardness making her shudder repeatedly, her core tightening with blinding need she had never felt this way with Zaid, not with herself. It wasn't the liquor stench, the cigarette smell, it was him who was making her dizzy. 

His body felt heavier now his breath steady- he had fallen asleep. 

Mehru wanted to scream only to realise how desperate she was being, this man was a disease with no ailment at this point. Despite the shaking of her legs and hands she managed to drag him to bed, but fate never worked on Mehru's side, the moment she plopped him down she slipped herself falling over his chest, his eyes fluttering open briefly.  

Mehru had been spellbound by the tired, defenceless look on his face, his unsteady hands reaching to the brush the zulf out of her face,

“ Khuda kasam jab gussa karti ho toh aur bhi pyaari lagti ho Mehru”

he mumbled his thumb trying to rub comforting circles on her cheek but soon enough it fell limp indicating his return back to sleep. 

How dare he? How dare he do that and fall asleep right after, did he even know what he was doing? She turned him over, his body so loose moving around easily. He was totally wasted very likely won't even remember it tomorrow. 

The next morning came harder on Mehru, who hadn't slept the whole night ,anger and frustration simmering just below the surface . She didn't want his drunk antics, or sloppy kisses, or rigid possessiveness; she needed an explanation for his behavior. 

He had left her without a word and didn't return home until late at night that too completely wasted and what does he mean he can't tolerate me being to close to anyone or that I don't talk to him when he is the one whose unexplainable silence and coldness had been keeping them away.

She knew she was allowed to be angry now and putting it to full use, slamming the almirah door loudly stirring him awake then humphing her face away from him walking with head high and attitude which only made Uzair happy, it was a privilege to have made her upset and waiting to be pampered. 

She would put down her accessories harder than needed, the loud sound of her bangle box thudding against the wood reverberating the room. 

Uzair watched leisurely,the away of her hips noticeable under the pink shameez, the scent of jasmine from her freshly washed hair making his hand itch to pull her into bed and kiss her senseless but she had been glaring at him,her movements turning more hasty harshly putting on the bangles onto her wrist making herself wince with the force

“ Araam se Mehru” he got up quickly moving to her, kneeling alongside the vanity stool gently taking her hand in his, slipping each bangle up her wrist with the concentration of a man at war. How was she supposed to be angry with him when he looked like that? His lashes casting shadow on his face, the sharpness of his features catching sunlight from the jharoka, his lips shut tight, Mehru could only remember how he kissed her then and what he did last night. The redness did not only phase her cheek threatening to reach her fingertips, covering herself whole in her coyness. 

Uzair noticed almost instantly looking up slowly not to startle her with his intense admiration, her eyes were wide and unblinking hand rested on his palm like it belonged there, his gaze traced each and every feature of her drowning in her shyness, the beauty of this woman feeling anything for him at all. Ploddingly his eyes followed down her face to your collar bone seeing the mole he so urgently wanted to touch and kiss, and then back the delicate curve of her neck, blemished with the faintest of purple. 

“ Yeh kisne kiya?” He asked his gentleness moulding into jealousy, again a distrust that broke Mehru's patience in an instant. “Baadh mei jao aap” she got up, uncaring of the man at her feet, running down stairs to find consolation in Ulfat again.  Uzair was going to burst with anger that came from the confusion, slowly his sleepy mind worked. He remembered that he was the one kissing and sucking at her neck like a leech last night. 

Mehru hated being inside for too long; her days with Noor and childhood were always filled with memories of her sneaking out and far into a place where the sadness and emptiness of her life couldn't touch her over the loudness she possessed.

 Her marriage had her locked into a house, forced to think of her shortcomings which was too much for her to bear and started Mehru numerous failed escapes each time fueled with a new fire despite being beaten and broken down to shrivel. 

She still found it difficult now to sit by herself at the balcony let alone leaving the house without anyone. She knew she would be able to discern every watchful that will dig into her skin 

‘ Yeh is se shaadi karke laaye hai Uzair miyaan?’

‘ Yeh toh Arshad ki biwi thi na'

‘ kisko pata nikaah karke aayi hai ya dhanda karti hai yaha pe’

Rehman was correct the first few days of her wedding when the word got out, the whole of Lyari had made it their life purpose to decode their relationship, which was soon quietened down with Rehman threats but the thought carried along each gaze came will come with a heavy ascertain to create an image out of her and Mehru was afraid she wouldn't be able to handle it. But her hankering for capers and wandering around still hadn't left her soul, 

To quench her wish, Ulfat had offered her a shopping trip, it was simple but freeing to experience the world again. 

Mehru needed money and for that she would have to ask Uzair, that wasn't what she wanted for her life to have to asking for everything from the man of the house but the situation wasn't changing anytime soon.

Slowly she made her way from the one end of the vast haveli to the other, finding the study room, the door slightly open and mumbled conversation going on with the brothers. Nervously she treaded in catching the attention of both the men, leaving their hookah pipes in their hands unused. Uzair stared hard the instant he caught a whiff of her scent- but Mehru wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of her bashfulness she didn't look at him once quietly moving to Rehman’s chair where he sat like the king; relaxed and unbothered. 

“ Bhaiya”she whispered fidgeting with her dupatta “ haan bol bacchi” he sat up straight, “Ulfat didi shopping leke jaa rahi hai.. Kuch paise chaiye the” She rested her hand on his shoulder asking politely “ Haan beta bilkul” Rehman took out his wallet to place it into Mehru's hand, but Uzair interrupted, “Mehru kamre mei mera wallet hai us se le lena”” he said quietly his eyes fixed on her, Rehman was going to dissent then recalled what Uzair had told me him last night understanding his need to establish some closeness. “ Haa beta tera hi shauhar hai isko jitna lutna hai luto”

Mehru gave Rehman a polite chuckle while leaving the room, Rehman’s words were the law unless of course interrupted by Ulfat. She stomped her way upstairs to their bedroom, the vase still stuffed with jasmine. She wondered which maid did this, definitely not Ruksaar; she was sensible enough to know which flowers were to be garnished in vases and which one to be put up in hair. 

Unwillingly she searched the almirah, finding his wallet sitting on of the shelves, brown old leather wearing off with time, the finger imprint showing Uzair’s loyalty to this piece of fabric stitched together. She opened her wallet to find a thick stack of dark green resting and took them all out in anger, ‘ looting my husband’.

When she was opening the wallet all her focus was on getting the money but when she was folding it back to close it the plastic slot on one half caught her eye.

It was her photo, the one he took at the Mehendi the one where she smiled at him for the first time watching the softness of her gaze with his eyes she looked prettier than she ever had felt in a photo - all of them too crooked too different from what her face was, sometimes the cheeks looked swollen, or one eyes drastically smaller than the other but this was different. It captured her very essence.

In between her admiration she harked back to the fact that this was Uzair’s wallet, her picture had been tucked in here for almost two months now, two months where he would only suffice himself with stolen glances all while he was keeping her so close to himself, kept in the wallet he carried everywhere. She had noticed a few times before the way he would stop at times to open his wallet but never paid mind to it until now.

The shopping trip was indeed freeing, Mehru found solace in the familiar crowd and hankering but still in the harbouring of her dear Ulfat. It's been too long since she had the chance to pick out an outfit of her own choice, bargain with the shopkeeper with absurd rates or feel even the irritation of standing in a busy road,gali getting pushed around. She had done her biggest bargaining since date with Ulfat buying a whole suit set for only 40 rupees.

As soon as they reached the haveli, Ulfat retired to her room feeling tired from her new pregnancy and the hectic shopping trip. The television was on, the voices rough but clear, Uzair was seated on the sofa trying to get his newly 'now in his teen nephew' to talk to him, Naiem wouldn't pay any attention to him typing away into his cellphone, that ringed with one sms after another, when he saw Mehru enter he sighed finally finding his cue to leave, “ Aap dekh lo chachi yeh mera dimaag kha rahe hai” 

The wallet had burned a hole in her heart, her anger had melted long away into the quiet realisation of the silent affection he had for her that wouldn't compare to the loud gestures, and the thing was that she knew he knew now that she has seen the picture too, creating an intimacy so magnetic and unexplainable and so was the silence .

She could sense his tension and the sorry in his eyes for the accusation he made in the morning, trying to steady himself for the inevitable argument that was about to come. Mehru put down the bags on the coffee table climbing onto the sofa beside and then unexpectedly snuggling into his side, her closeness making him stop in place,not daring to take a breath in.

When the initial shock wore off,he wrapped his hand around her shoulder pulling her close tucking her small form into his, brushing back the hair from her forehead massaging the side of her head transcending the stuffy silent of months into serenity “ Sorry” he whispered inhaling deeply, pressing a ghost kiss to her forehead. 

“Aaj pata hai kya hua?” Mehru said her voice sweet with a mischievous undertone undoing his already softened heart for her, hiding the tears welling in his eyes and the soreness of his throat by answering with a low hum waiting for her to continue. The evening passed with the sound of buzzing of the television playing an old classic and only Mehru’s candid talk.

a/n- Hoping the chap wasnt too small, baaki lmk if you liked it, update thoda frequent ho now maybe cause now I am free :D, aur kuch glt likha hai toh please just ignore it ( koi editor nahi hai merepe sorry :.))

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