#devinetheory-2

I owe the demons in my head

A debt in blood

Hold me because I'm the only one

I've ever needed protection from

Hold me until our souls meet

So our connection never severs us

I could never get enough

Born with the heart of an angel

But I got the devils luck

Hold me until I level up

I might be down for now

But Im headed up

Forever could never measure up

In my head unless its us

Hold me just because

I been running since God

Blew breath in us

So I don't sleep

But I keep both weapons up

Hold me before the darkness

That threatens us catches up

And catches us

Hold me close

because in those moments

that is the best of us

Regardless of how hard life gets

Or how badly we mess it up

Or how much it stresses us

Till were old and collecting dust

And I never fell without getting up

So I got you... Like you got me

Blessed since we fell in love

Forever until the reaper of death

Finally settles up,

here's to hoping he never does

Forever love

Yours truly

You truly make us

....a better us.

"She…"

…has been my best friend and really the only true constant in my life (besides my immediate family) the past 7 years, which included a marriage and subsequent divorce to someone else. And I feel stupid for saying this, but I didn't think we could be more than what we are now until very recently, only because I don't believe I was truly happy until this past year.

People say not to put all your eggs in one basket, but when I think of what’s beautiful in this world, I can’t help but to think of her. Presently, I don't see myself being with anybody else besides her. I am content with being alone, but it would be a grand journey if we did end up being a couple. And this poetry would only be seen by her if she reciprocated feelings in some way. So at this point, not a love lost, but love gaining every day until I tell her how I feel about her, until around 4 months from now, when I have written what I've wanted to be written. If she’s completely against the idea of us, then I would have to somehow let the feelings fade, and hope that our friendship can survive it. We’ve been through a lot and I think we know each other more than we know ourselves sometimes. We understand boundaries very well as best friends of the opposite sex. We’re mature and emotionally intelligent adults who communicate better than most, especially with each other, so I don't believe friendzoning really applies to us.

I have lost multiple loves in the past and I used to be able to write about it, but I found out it's not healthy for me. I cannot say the same for you and others, so I hope you do find courage, because some stories need to find their way to the light, even the sad ones. It can be cathartic and remedial, and maybe, you'll find others who have lost as well and you can connect as I have.

I tell myself the distance helps,

but it’s a knife straight through the center of my heart.

We both stand back,

Look on from afar, like strangers tend to do sometimes.

Baby steps in this lesson of losing and letting go.

Idon’t always know and as much as I try to do it with grace,

I am aware it’s anything but pretty.

Is it supposed to be?

I don’t think so.

Because it mattered,

So the graceful walk away…

Well, that’s for the mild hearted I guess.

I am too passionate to tread lightly away from the view of that sky,

even when it covered me as it fell like a storm that took my heart and smashed it to pieces with your name still inside.

What can I say?

I never did see a storm that made me run the other way.

I’m the one who’s always running towards it,

Like a storm chaser risking it all just for one glimpse of the beauty,

Even when the edges are rough.

Even when there’s a little dirt around the picture perfect sky.

I will go stand under the same sky that fell,

hold my hands out with a welcome,

knowing it will fall again with the same ending.

I will never weaken myself by toning down my heart enough to pretend the thunder was too scary to ever call the storm by name again,

Ilike it never happened at all.

I guess I care too much sometimes.

Mark myself with every piece,

Not only the good parts, but all of it.

It’s a slow process to hold on to everything,

Feel it as much as I can until I don’t need to anymore and finally let it go.

It kills me to watch it fly away.

Maybe it always will.

Maybe it already flew away a long time ago,

But I’ve been holding it this whole time,

So close to my heart,

until I was ready to watch it fly into that same sky.

Im not ready for that just yet.

Not this time, but one day…

one day, I might be okay with looking into your eyes,

like the storm itself, without wanting to run or hide or die…

or cry.

Maybe that’s when the lessons will hit me and I’ll know what the pain was meant to teach me…

and I hope it leads to me saving myself.

Whatever happens,

I know this is always going to hurt.

So be it.

I will still hold the hand of that pain with good memories.

I remember the colors in the sky before it fell and the shades it became after.

In some strange way,

there’s comfort in the memory of both.

And even though it still covers me with the pain of how it fell when I wasn’t looking,

I still see you flying.

Piecing the sky back together just right,

so you can watch those sunsets you love.

I have seen the only sunset I ever need to see,

still hold it like it’s the one thing saving me,

and maybe I’ll hold it until I’m me again.

Then let it go and save myself by shining like that moment before the sky fell on me to set you free,

so you could fly away to where you need to be.

I hope you fly straight into the eye of your dreams,

touch each one with all of your heart,

And never let go........

As of yet I don’t think I’ve ever made any money from my writing, though I suppose others have done so by including some in their anthologies (though I’m fully aware they’d doubtless make the money regardless of my works’ inclusion). I’d love to publish my own collections, and have been vaguely putting a few together for a while now, but never quite give them the necessary attention and also am fully convinced they’d never be purchased anyway. But if people are suggesting you sell your writing, you should absolutely go for it. It’d be fucking awesome.

On that note, I will shamelessly plug my Ko-Fi page, for anyone with a bit of money to spare for a fella who does most of his novel writing in a coffee shop.

Like a unexpected afternoon test

5 days, your light on me like the sun's rays

I thought this breath was restless

Or just a entangled stress test

But when put under pressure

I realize it's just your gentle gestures

Breathing the wind right back into my lungs

Like breathing the life into me is something as simple

As the beauty in the mirror  resembles

Come to find out

The twisted insanity inside my mind is nothing more than a drought

See you, you're different than them

You pick up my pieces and never need to pretend

This pressure, gesture

Nothing more than youbshining your rays here in my darkest nights days

You take those bright neon colors, the lessons from your grandmother and croshay your way into the ripped pieces of my worst days.

But not today

Not today

Today like any other day

You never lead me astray

For today,

My soul is at Bay

And I am Okay

Crazy? No Fucking Way