#demon noah

tags: @spicywhenspeaking @bngurngheart @cncohshit @valiantroeagleangel @blackveilomens @dominuslunae @tearfallpixie @nyxthedestroyerofworlds @wild-child-7747 @notingridslurkaccount @lyschko666 @lacktoesandtoddlerants @jilliemiw86 @emmmm127 @laurpartyprogram

“Noah.”

Looking up at him, her breath caught in her throat, Ellie felt frozen in place.

“Ellie.”

Not BabyGirl. She remembered she’d shut him down for that. He hadn’t called her that since, not even in the messages. She’d noticed. Her heart and her head screamed two very different things, and do not ask her which one was saying which right now because for the life of her, she couldn’t tell you. One wanted to throw herself at him, right into his arms, wrap her own around him and never let go. The other wanted her to slam the door right in his face, his tired, drawn face. And he did look it, so tired, he looked a mess. Noah’s dark eyes looked dull, weary, whether of her, and of whether she’d bother to give him the time of day, or something else he’d been dealing with, she didn’t know. His hair hung limp around his face, and there were shadows forming under his eyes. This was not the Noah she knew. In a blink he could change his appearance, she knew that, but this was a Noah that didn’t seem to care. That didn’t seem to be fussed over anything, and it hurt some to see him like this. To see him beaten.

Why did it hurt? There was a part of her that was still so angry at him. How dare he make her feel like this. How dare he look at her with those eyes and make her want to crumble in her arms and beg his forgiveness for ignoring him, for sending him away, and she’d done nothing wrong!

Steeling herself, Ellie took in a deep breath as she looked up at him, with the state of him, she was almost surprised he was standing right now. He looked dead on his feet. Was he sleeping? None of the others had said anything about him doing this badly, but then again, she had refused to hear anything about him, refused to talk about him at all if she could help it. So how would they have been able to tell her anything? How would they have been able to tell her they were concerned about him or not?

“May I come in?”

He asked, his voice rough, and not in the roughness that told her she was going to be in for a wild night, wicked that would have her voice hoarse from delicious screams by morning. Still, Ellie blinked slowly and nodded slightly, accepting, he asked, he asked instead of demanding, for that she could give him time.

“I’ll make you a cup of tea.”

Offering without thinking, because, honestly, it sounded like he needed one. He sounded wrecked, and, if he was there to talk and not to knock her off. Hey, she was already dead, what more could he do to her, right? Aside from dragging her to a punishment realm, and Nicholas had already assured her she wasn’t assigned to one, then, the least she could do was make him a cup of damn tea while they talked. Find out what he had to say for himself.

Stepping aside, she let him pass her by and come into her apartment. The whole place was so very different from that first night he’d brought her home, that first night she’d drunkenly tried, and failed, to seduce him at the time. It had gone from just being a place where she just slept her nights away, considering she'd barely arrived back then, and now, this was her home. Noah had spent many a night with her here if she was honest, and yet right then, as he walked in, the way he looked, he just seemed, adrift, and it hurt her heart even more than she missed him. Less than two weeks ago, it had felt like he belonged here, about as much as the stupid fake plant Jolly had given her when all the boys had realised how easily she kept killing the ones they’d kept replacing for her housewarming present. Sure, she might keep a cactus alive, but this was one prettier! It had bright flowers, she loved the flowers.

Standing in her kitchen, she watched as he moved to sit on one of the stools at her breakfast bar, swallowing as she set the kettle to boil and prepared Noah some tea. It was Mama Ruffilo’s special blend, she made it herself. He was silent as he waited, just watching her while she moved around the kitchen until she set the cup in front of him lightly and moved to sit across from him with her own cup of tea. As he took a sip, sighing as she looked at him. Swallowing as her hands curved around her mug, trying not to think about how formal this felt now that they were sitting across from each other. Those dark eyes looked right into her like they always did though, a shiver running down her spine.

“Do you have any idea how much I have tried to beg to get this tea out of Mama Ruffilo?”

Ellie smiled slightly at the question, his voice a touch smoother, but still so rough, and tired. Noah was trying to find a way to be light-hearted, she could tell, but what was between them was weighing them both down.

“Please, she’ll practically give you anything you want, Noah Sebastian. She loves you like a son, Nicholas always spouts that she’d disown him and adopt you if her husband would let her, and you know it.”

Shaking his head a little, taking another sip of his tea slowly, easing it down his throat before speaking again. His eyes held a little mirth at her words, she wasn’t wrong, it was a running joke between him and Nicholas about his mother, however when it came to this tea, that was a different story altogether.

“Not this tea, this is her magic tea, this is her feel-good tea. She only ever gives it up when she wants to make someone feel better, or, she particularly likes someone. She hasn’t given that tea to any of us to take home, ever. Furthermore, she gives it to Nicholas for his office to calm anxious people, she makes us a cup when we visit, but lets any of us take some of it home. Never. Until you. Everyone says I’m her favourite, but I think it’s you, BabyGirl.”

Noah’s voice grew smoother, and softer as he spoke, the tea soothing his throat as it did. She tried not to react, but a tiny smile formed on her lips as he spoke of Mama Ruffilo and how protective she was of her tea, and his claim that she was her favourite. Never had she ever been anyone’s favourite before. She did know about the tea at the office, she’d been one of those that needed a little soothing, just as Nick had told her, she remembered telling his mom about her magic tea, and how it healed her cough.. She realised now that she’d known she was dead, it was a horrible reality, figuring out all the people who had hidden so much from her. Did it make her a horrible person that forgiving Mama Ruffilo was easier, though? Was it cruel to hold it against Noah? He’d been in her home, her life, her bed.. He lied to her every day.

Then her breath hitched, that tiny smile on her lips froze, and her heart clenched when she heard it, BabyGirl. She remembered him telling her how nothing could make him not want her as his BabyGirl. Taking in a sharp breath as her expression dropped, setting her mug down, she wasn’t sure calming tea was going to help her now.

“Noah, I-”

Swallowing, she didn’t know what to say to him.

“Listen, Ellie, I would have told you if I-”

“Don’t.”

Her eyes closed quickly as she stood back from the bar and shook her head, no.

“I don’t want to hear you tell me excuses, about how you would have told me if you could have. Noah, you could have. You chose not to. You lied to me, Noah, you started a relationship with me knowing you were lying to me, the entire time.”

Ellie couldn’t help the way the words were flowing when she started talking now, almost ranting at him. Noah’s dark eyes pained as he regarded her, he hated that she thought that they got involved as they did, and how he felt about her, and all she could think about was that he lied to her. He knew why, he knew... And it was killing him.

“I’m not-”

She just kept going, cutting him off as he tried to talk.

“And don’t you dare try to say we weren’t properly dating, because I was stupid enough to keep telling myself that again and again, that we were just hooking up, and just hanging out every time you came over to spend time with me. That we were only enjoying ourselves, nothing more. Even if we never said the words specifically, even if we never actually called them what they were, we’ve been dating for months. You’ve been lying to me for months.”

Standing from the breakfast bar, Noah’s voice was forceful as it cut through her little tirade, but he had no choice as it was the only way to get her to hear him as her words just kept steamrolling forward. “Goddammit, Ellie, I’m not Jeremy!”

He couldn’t stand it anymore, he couldn’t stand her accusing him like that, she wasn’t saying it, but she was comparing him to that bastard, he could feel it, every time she talked about their relationship, talked about him lying.

“Yes, I lied, I should have told you, but I didn’t, because, I love you BabyGirl. After our talk, I was trying to convince Nick to tell you, I was going to enlist his Mama if I had to, to get him on board, but I was not going to back down. I didn’t care if I was going to get busted down to the lowest of ranks, I would have done it.”

Ellie glared a little at how aggressively he spoke about Jeremy, she knew he wasn’t, didn’t she? She went to yell at him, how dare he assume to know what she was thinking when he kept going, and suddenly she was completely floored with what he was saying to her.

Watching him, completely silent, a bit dumbfounded actually as he paced back and forth, ranting about how he was going to push Nicholas to finally agree to tell her if it was the last thing he did. Hearing that he couldn’t stand holding back from her anymore, that the night before she found out had almost broken him, but his best friend, his brother, it was his job that was on the line, and betraying him was…

Hearing Noah’s voice crack at the word betrayal had Ellie finding her voice, finally, not just because it was finally dawning on her just how much turmoil Noah must have been dealing with, going in circles dealing with his loyalty to Nicholas, and how much guilt he had with how he’d treated her.. But also her feelings about what he’d said..

“You love me?”

Her voice was so quiet, that the words were barely breathed out. She felt so small. He’d never said it, and she knew she hadn’t either, not until, not until she’d admittedly thrown it in his face that she’d fallen in love with another liar.

Despite how soft her voice was, even with his ranting, Noah heard them, how could he not? Of course, he fucking heard them, this was Ellie, this was BabyGirl, he’d been dying to get her to talk to him all week, and hearing her utter anything at all, and he’d hear it. No matter how painful. Yes, her questioning whether he loved her, was painful, because, did she not know?

No, he hadn’t admitted how he felt, that was something Noah had struggled with since he was young, and he always had, he’d lost so many people in his life, that telling someone how he felt came with actions, over words. He showed them how he felt. Which, is kind of why he tended to round up all the people who hurt everyone he loved and tortured them to wit's end. It was safe to say, that Carla, Jeremy and Gia had truly been enduring so much pain and suffering at Noah’s hands this past week. It wasn’t his wrath that was justly earned, however, his pain that had been poured into their suffering, which just made it all the more potent as far as he was concerned.

Noah moved around the island bar and shifted to stand before her, his hands moving to cup her face in his hands.

“Ellie, BabyGirl, of course, I love you. If you’ll let me, I will spend the rest of my life proving it to you.”

His forehead leaned down to hers softly, she shuddered softly, tears glistening in her eyes as she smiled slowly,

“I love you too, you, idiot.”

Thankfully he was already leaning down to press his forehead to herself so it wasn’t hard to bring her lips to his with a kiss. She hadn’t told anyone she loved them properly since, since… Jeremy. Ellie hadn’t dared trust herself to do such a thing, because the thought of that kind of betrayal…

Her heart clenched thinking about loving someone who would use her, and lie to her, and yet, seeing the pain and anguish in Noah’s eyes with the fact he’d been living with the reality, she’d been comparing them.

And she had, hadn’t she?

It made her feel sick.

That this man, this man that had been willing to try and force the hand of the closest person to him in the world, his brother, for her. No, not a man, a demon, who could torture, main, and kill, all manner of beings in ways she could only imagine, and he had been talking about plotting against Nicholas, because that was what he’d been saying in no uncertain terms with that little rant just now. His words were coming out in a jumbled mess as he paced along the breakfast bar, but they had been there. Looking up at him now, her hands resting on his biceps, fingers squeezing lightly as she smiled.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, BabyGirl, but I couldn’t stand the thought of, okay, still having been lying to you when I did.”

She laughed at that, tears in her eye, fuck, why was she crying, her cheeks were wet and Noah was kissing them now, brushing her tears away with his lips. Sighing when she got another good look at him though, shaking her head, she might be in tears, but he looked, damn he still looked like he was barely able to stand up on his feet, how was he still standing right now?

“Come on, Mister, you look like you are about to fall asleep on your feet! What you have been doing all week??”

Starting to guide Noah towards her room, he really did need to sleep, he looked dead tired, and she was the one who was honestly dead.

“I’ve been playing with my new pets, three of them, it's been cathartic to make them scream.”

Oh, oh, she could bet what their names were too, Carla, Jeremy, and Gia.

As she got him into her room, and into her bed, wrapping him up into her blanket, he managed to convince her to join him, she did, wrapped up with him, cuddles, nothing more, he needed sleep. Sure, he could magic himself to look normal, but he’d still be exhausted, and she wouldn’t believe him for a second until she’d seen him sleep with her own two eyes. Her head on his cheek, hearing his heartbeat start to lull,

“Ellie?”

“Mmm, yeah?”

“M’not Mister.”

“No?”

“I’m the fucking king.”

Giggling as she remembered one of his lines at the music show, yes, yes he was.

tags: @spicywhenspeaking @bngurngheart @cncohshit @valiantroeagleangel @blackveilomens @dominuslunae @tearfallpixie @nyxthedestroyerofworlds @wild-child-7747 @notingridslurkaccount @lyschko666 @lacktoesandtoddlerants @jilliemiw86 @emmmm127 @laurpartyprogram

Ellie had a good night with Nicholas, they sat, and they talked, but not about Noah. He kept to his agreement to avoid continuing with the subject of the other demon lord, and she appreciated that. Instead, they talked about everything else under the sun, almost. Movies, music, what was happening in the mortal world, and how reincarnation in effect worked now that it was in reality something that she had to think about. It was about the soul, about being reborn, a new life, that she wouldn’t be her as flesh and blood, that she was a new person. Which brought about the big question she just had to ask him. Could she become a cockroach in her next life? That was entirely something that she would not look forward to, ever, and if that was a possibility, she called bullshit on Jolly and Folio’s reasons for not doing it. Absolute bullshit!

Apparently, with the way Nicholas had explained it to her, with his amused grin after her little rant, only those who reincarnated without learning their lessons ended up that way, which shocked her. Ellie had been under the impression that they didn’t allow that, and Nicholas had shaken his head. There were levels of punishment, and while there were some that were here for eternity, there were others, that got to a point that any form of punishment became derivative and pointless. The souls themselves demanded reincarnation, and if those that punished them came to a point that they caved and gave in, that was exactly what happened. Maybe it wasn’t a cockroach, maybe it would be something equally detestable to the soul, but either way, it was always a vile gamble they had to make.

So, thankfully, if she chose to do this, she wouldn’t end up as a cockroach, and for that, she considered it a blessing, but also, the thought of becoming someone else, and having no control over what could happen in another life, she wasn’t sure how she felt about that. She needed time to think. At that, Nicholas had nodded and agreed, that this wasn’t a decision anyone should take lightly. Hearing all of this, made everything with Jolly and Folio staying back from reincarnation make so much sense, she’d never questioned it too much before anyway, selfishly if she was honest, never wanting to consider the thought of losing her friends while she was here, but this just settled even more for her.

As a whole, the night just left her with so many questions, and yet, also, helped give her a little hope. Funny. Talking about being dead, finally talking about it, and what it meant, gave her hope.

The next morning, it wasn’t as hard to get out of bed. Not only that, Ellie got up, and she got dressed, made her food at home instead of a delivery this time… and then even managed to make it to work for the first time in over a week.

Ellie paused at the door to the office, taking in a breath, she could do this, she’d talked to Nicholas for hours last night. They were her friends, they were still her friends, it wasn’t like any of them had truly changed after all, it was just, different. Yes, in some ways it felt like her world had been turned on its head, literally upside down, inside out, all over again, just like when she came here in the first place. Just like when she first became homeless. She’d survived it before, she could survive it again. Ellie was a survivor, she always had been, right from childhood. She’d survived her birth mother who didn’t want her and abandoned her, a father and stepmother who had neglected her, friends that, were only her friends when it was convenient for her. When she’d needed them most, they’d all conveniently disappeared from her life. The streets had been no easier, though, surprising, Ellie would say living on the street, it was there she found kindness in some places than she had in the rest of the world. Then she had come to Hell. A whole new stage in her life, well, death.

Pushing the door open, she walked into the office to find Jolly and Folio already there. Not that it was that surprising, she was about an hour later than she would have usually arrived to work on a normal day.

“Sorry I’m late, only about a week, but I made it I guess?”

Glancing between them, there was a hesitation there, she could see it, they were wary. Ellie supposed she couldn’t blame them, she’d been avoiding them, for all they knew she was here to blow up and scream absolute fury at them for their part in the deception.. and that was, well…

“So, I was thinking, for lunch, pizzeria, down the road, who’s in?”

It wasn’t just that she forgave them for not telling her, it was that, and she wanted her friends back. If they had to build their friendships back up from scratch, she’d do it, if not…

She missed her friends so badly, and she felt so alone right now she needed them, her friends.

“Holy shit, YES!”

Folio was the first one to speak, which didn’t surprise her one little bit, as he was right there, jumping at the chance to rush over and wrap her up in a bear hug. His arms wrapped around her so tight she would swear that she couldn’t breathe for a second there, not that she really needed to, but even while dead, as a soul, it was kind of a second habit.

“Folio, can’t, breathe.”

Hearing him chuckle in response confused her for a second until she was patting him on the back and heard Jolly from off to the side, who was patting Folio’s shoulder,

“You’ll get used to not really needing to, Sweetheart, but come on, let her go, I want a hug too.”

When Folio let her go, she blinked at him, Jolly’s words sinking in, but despite knowing that he was right, and she didn’t need to, the human innate instinct to breathe kicked in, and there she was taking in a deep breath, letting the air fill her lungs. Looking over to Jolly, eyes wide, he just smiled to her warmly,

“Don’t worry, we all do it. Just because we don’t need to, doesn’t mean it doesn’t feel good. It actually feels a bit like a high if you can stop breathing long enough before taking that first sweet breath. Such a rush. My record for not breathing is half an hour.”

“TWO HOURS!”

Folio exclaimed with a bright grin, proud that he could claim the title here, as competitive as ever, Ellie just laughed, shaking her head, ridiculous. Of course, he would take pride in that. However, the fact that Jolly actually threw in the titbit about not breathing about experiencing a high, prompted her to raise an eyebrow at him, which was, wow, cheeky. She wondered what other things they could get up to being dead that they hadn’t told her about before.

“That was while you were drunk, and right before you passed out on the floor. No one can prove whether passed out from the liquor or the lack of oxygen, or both.”

“Despite the fact that neither of those things is supposed to have quite the same effect on him in Hell as they used to?”

“Exactly.”

Jolly raised an eyebrow as he smiled, Ellie got his point crystal clear as Folio rolled his eyes, waving off the entire back and forth between them, declaring them as bullying him and deciding that making fun of him was pointless, he was better when it came to this no matter what. Even against demons, they might have fantastic lung capacity, but they actually needed to breathe. They were alive and while they could probably rival Jolly’s half an hour, apparently not Folio’s two hours, not at all. Human, souls, while their bodies functioned normally, sure, but it was just different here, in Hell, it was confusing to think about really, not needing to breathe, but still feeling hungry and eating. See, confusing! Where was the line? All Ellie could think, when it came down to it, was magic. Answer to everything, right? Right. Otherwise, she just couldn’t wrap her head around it. As it was, bonding with these two in a whole different way than before, over being dead and what that meant for them, it was going to be interesting indeed.

Giving into a Jolly hug was sweet, his arms wrapping around her soft and warm after being accosted by her Folio hug, giggling softly as he hugged her tightly, and said softly,

“Good to have you back Sweetheart, I’ve been going crazy dealing with his zoomies every day.”

Smiling as he let her go, Folio and his zoomies, honestly, he was like one of those tiny little puppy dogs sometimes, running around with no off switch. Not that any of them told him that. Mostly because if they dared, he’d probably get that puppy dog awful pout on his face and whine at them about it. But at least it also made him easier to handle, fun, games, and treats! Even so, she was sure Jolly would have been just fine without her, he had been before her, and he would have been again, when she’d said that to him, he’d just turned and given her a look, just because he would have been, didn’t mean he wanted to be, because life changed with friends, and friends changed you.

The souls that came through the office for the morning were thankfully pretty quiet, and easy to handle for her first day back with the guys, and they could skip off to lunch, which, ever since she had mentioned the pizzeria, Folio hadn’t let her forget it. Her shout, he made sure to remind her, not that any of them had to pay, but still, it was a principle of the thing. She said she would, so, that was how it went.

Once they got to the pizzeria, Nicholas joined them,

“I’d asked how you knew where we were, but then I’d come back to mind reading.”

They had all laughed at that, it had become an ongoing gag in the months she’d been in Hell, every time it had come up, they’d had a good laugh about it. It felt good to know that despite her issues, that joke wasn’t going to disappear any time soon either. She was okay with that, it was nice to know that they hadn’t treated her differently, even if she did notice they had tip-toed around some subjects. As it was, it was on the top of her tongue right now, to ask about whether the resident food thief of the group was going to show his face at any point during lunch. She didn’t though. As much as Noah was always in the back of her mind, the thought of bringing him up, asking about him, made her feel a little sick, she didn’t want to know.

So she just kept the thought to herself.

It was a cowardly move, she knew, but he also wasn’t here.

He wasn’t here, and she hadn’t gotten another message from him since Nicholas had arrived at her doorstep last night.

She knew she hadn’t, because she’d been checking her phone, compulsively.

As much as Ellie might not want to admit to that, she had been. Yes, she has said to Nick that she didn’t know if she could forgive him, but that didn’t mean her feelings for the man, the demon, had completely disappeared. As painful as they were with the massive secret, the fact that he’d lied to her for months while involved with her, and no matter how he swung it, he had lied to her. The others were her friends, Noah had been more. Ellie missed him. It hurt thinking about him, but she did miss him.

She didn’t want to see him, but she missed him.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful, if dying, made things easier to handle, instead of just as complicated as ever?

Seems she wasn’t that lucky, not even close.

Didn’t stop her from enjoying lunch with Jolly, Folio and Nicholas at least. Sure it was pizza, again, but it was a meal that was easy to share with friends. You could order any number of toppings on a pizza and people would pick off what they didn’t like, it worked just fine with Ellie. Despite this, they still ended up with three pies on the table between the four of them. That's what happened when one of them was a demon, and two of them were grown men, one of which was a hyperactive puppy that would take a challenge and try to eat them all under the table with a look. There was no look today.

Ellie’s weakness was garlic bread anyway, so she was good, she got some of the extra cheesy kind to share.

They spent lunch laughing and joking, talking about the last week, about the souls that had passed through, and joking about everything that Ellie had missed out on. Apparently, there had been one guy who had walked through the office in a clown costume, in a full-on clown costume, squeezing a honking horn in his hand with each step he made. That was his only means of communication. Just hearing about him truly gave Ellie the heebie-jeebies and made her glad she hadn’t been then, when Folio saw her shudder as they talked about him, he raised an eyebrow.

“What, clowns are creepy, okay, don’t look at me like that!”

“Well, this one certainly was.”

Jolly agreed, with a nod, Folio agreeing immediately  as well before Nicholas gave him a look with a glance to Ellie,

“What..”

She looked between the three of them and cringed slightly,

“What did he do, oh no, oh damn, he’s in Hell, still in his clown costume.. Do I even want to know?”

“Probably not.”

Nicholas reached over and patted her hand gently.

“You better tell me, otherwise I will think of the worst-case scenario,”

“Serial killer.”

Folio supplied succinctly,

“Kids?”

“Nope, no kids, never kids.”

“Oh, good, 'cause that was the worst case.. Good.. good..well, I mean, not good.”

Her face flushed as she babbled a little, shaking her head, she had just not wanted him to kill kids.

“You know what I mean.”

The guys chuckled at her awkwardness, but they were okay, they were all okay, and no more talk of creepy serial killer clowns please and thank you. No. No more.

It was later that night when she was in her comfy PJ’s, the long warm ones, sort of, not that they were a matching set, they were mostly just lounge pants and an old soft worn shirt of Noah’s, it was comfy, and he’d left it here one night so she’d appropriated it. She’d not worn it all week, but after today, and how much she missed him, she was, she was just weak, okay? So, while she was staring at her phone, considering texting him, but no clue what she’d even say to him… she was wearing it, her finger tapping against the side of her phone as she stared at the screen, and then she heard a knock at the door.

Sighing, she got to the door and opened it, only to be greeted by the sight of a demon lord on the other side.

“Noah.”

tags: @spicywhenspeaking @bngurngheart @cncohshit @valiantroeagleangel

@blackveilomens @dominuslunae @nyxthedestroyerofworlds @wild-child-7747

@lyschko666 @lacktoesandtoddlerants @jilliemiw86 @emmmm127

@badomensls @sorrowsofsilence @collapsedglasshouses @vinyardmauro

@4rtificialfolio @agravemisstake @sunsshinesunny @tearfallpixie @dsireland86

@notingridslurkaccount @laurpartyprogram

Okay so I've tagged everyone that has so far been on the ride for the Hell-Verse.. hopefully they get through.. fighting with my tags is exhausting, I know they are weird.. but they are working like this.. so.. Ima go with it!

Ellie knew what Ishtar was doing. She might feel bad that Folio was going out of his mind a little, considering he was not getting as much time with Ishtar as he would like. However, after years of the demoness trying to get him to meet with her outside of the bar so they could get closer, dropping hints and him not picking them up? She deserved to have a little fun, didn’t she? He needed to work to snag her. So yes, him wooing her, even if it was over text messages, with their flirty conversations, and stolen moments before and after work.. Sure they were barely there, Ellie knew that Ishtar was certainly making him work to get his time with her. 

As it was, he certainly didn’t look remotely disappointed right then as he leaned across the bar, signature bright smile across his face as he relished the chance to talk with her. Ellie was thankful that the shot challenges weren’t a thing any more, at least, not to the extent that they used to be. As they say, boys will be boys, and Ellie had noticed, they would still get up and do stupid shit. Now, however, at least Folio wasn’t determined to push for the night of constantly pouring liquor down their throats until they were smashed so she could get closer to Ishtar.

Tonight, was one of those contest nights, only instead of shots they were playing darts, and that of course, put Noah at the forefront of the game. 

“Can someone explain to me, who had the bright idea to think it was smart to try to compete against Noah using sharp objects again?”

Ellie giggled at Jolly’s complaining before he lifted his glass and drained the last of his current beer. Folio being at the bar as he talked to Ishtar, was supposed to be getting them another round of drinks. They’d sent him up there a little while ago, knowing he’d take some time to come back with their drinks once he got distracted talking to Ishtar. If there was one thing that was predictable on a night like tonight, was that folio would get preoccupied with Ishtar and spending time with her. The guys could tease him about it all they wanted, but, Ellie noticed that they also enabled him at the same time. Whether it was planning nights out specifically to the bar so he could spend time with her. Other times they planned boys nights to help distract him when they knew Ishtar was busy working, and he wasn’t going to be able to see her, they found ways. 

Yes, between Jolly, Noah and Nicholas, they all enabled Folio, and then teased him mercilessly while doing so at the exact same time. 

“At least he doesn’t have you trying to throw axes, do you have any idea how difficult that is? In saying that, pretty sure I almost took his head off last time he wanted to teach me something.”

Ellie grinned wickedly only to earn an, are you kidding me glance from Noah, before focusing back on the dart board.

“Never happen, BabyGirl. I knew exactly what I was doing. You didn’t even get close.”

Shrugging slightly, he said that, but she swore she’d seen a little bit of blood that time, and oh, it had been awfully close as well. Admittedly, she had been way off target to almost get him at all like that, which meant she had done horribly in that particular instance, but her argument still stood! The fact that Noah kept insisting on teaching her these crazy things was hilarious to her, but she did enjoy the time they spent together. Even if there were some days she just spent watching him train, one of her books in hand, glancing up as he worked on his exercises, whether with the other demons, or on his own. Ellie never watched him actually work with the souls he punished, never, just his physical training. His work with punishment another situation entirely, and one she was better off never touching at all. She had heard snippets from Folio about some of the horrible things that another lesser demon did, one that Noah had to keep in check, and she didn’t even want to think about it. In saying that, from the people she knew were in there, she knew they deserved it.

“I’m going to go and check on Folio, make sure he hasn’t forgotten our drinks.”

“You mean instead of making eyes at Ishtar.”

Shaking her head as the guys laughed in response, yes, she remarked on Folio forgetting their drinks, but the jibe that came at Folio’s expense as to the odds of whether he had legitimately forgotten their drinks was meaningless. She knew they didn’t really mean it anyway. They supported Folio as much as she did, otherwise they wouldn’t have endured his puppy dog starry eyed routine for the demoness as long as they had before he finally got this far with her. Finally being the word there!

 Once she had stopped by the bar to nudge Folio, say hello to Ishtar and put their drink orders in, smiling when Ishtar seemed to have not received their order at all before now. Ellie got an innocent get apologetic smile from Folio. She nudged him with her elbow to let him know she’d forgiven him. As long as he got the drinks to the table, that was, she needed to go to the ladies room. It was on her way back that she heard them chatting away and gossiping among themselves, Noah's shadows, they were always hanging around the bar when they were there. At least, lately, they seemed to have learned to keep their distance. Mostly since the incident that have Ellie wanting to kill one of them for actually trying to kiss Noah in front of her, it had not been a night she wanted to remember. Apparently a few had heard about it, and less wanted to test her, at least, for now, she wondered how long that would last though. They had started showing up again lately. Probably wouldn’t be long before they started approaching him again.

She didn’t really want to know what they were saying, but the problem was, the way when you heard your own name, it was like your brain perks up sometimes. You tune in without being able to help yourself.

“Oh there she is!” “Ellie, she’s so pathetic.” “I don’t know what he sees in her. She’s so, so, human! It's disgusting” “Absolutely, she’s nothing. She’s worthless.” “I bet you all she's in it just to bond with him, what else would a human want from a demon.”

Ellie hated it, but she’d come to terms with how Hell wasn’t as different as she’d like in terms of human vs demons relations. Of course, in the land of the living, it wasn’t demons, it was humans vs humans, it was about the different races, but it was no different, and dealing with it here was just, it was sad. When she had first arrived, she had thought there were a lot more humans in Hell than there really were. However, the reality was that because demons could shape-shift, was that many of them chose to take human form, and yet, they still spoke of her like that. It would never make sense to her, never. 

Hearing them talk about her so spitefully for no other reason than she was with Noah, and they wanted to be, was like a knife digging in. They didn’t even know her, and in truth, they didn't actually know anything about Noah either. All they knew about him was his position in Hell, which was why he did his best to avoid them. Yes, he admitted to his years of adoring fans so to speak, but he got over that before he’d even met Ellie.

She tried not to think about what they were saying as she made her way back to the table with the others, it was all too much right now. Ellie didn’t want to think about the way that word just seemed to stick in her brain at that moment. Bonding. Bonding. Bonding. Just the feel of it screamed another word, and it felt like a dagger twisting in her gut just thinking about that word… marriage. Ellie had long sworn off any thought of getting married years ago, along with that bastard Jeremy. After everything that had happened in seeing him again, that dark feeling in the pit of her stomach, she didn’t really want to deal with all of that again. Not marriage, not bonding, not any of it. No, no, thank you.

Noah didn’t know what to do, Ellie had started being distant for a little over a week now, and he was starting to get worried. It wasn’t like last time when she was avoiding him altogether, that at least was in his favour. But some nights when they were together, even when they were alone, she barely seemed to want to have anything to do with him. Trying to talk to her would get him one word answers, and yes, she still seemed willing, and open, and would smile and kiss him in the morning.. But..

She was pulling away..

He was terrified that something was going terribly wrong all over again and he, just, couldn’t do this again. The thought of losing Ellie, the thought of that loss when she had come to mean so much to him, he didn’t know if he could deal with that. His parents hadn’t been the greatest, even when they were here. Noah didn’t talk about them, not really, his parents were gone, into the abyss. No one talked about it, but there were ways for demons to die, permanently. Rare as they were, and do not ask Noah how to do it, any way that he knew, he wouldn’t speak of to a soul. Any self-respecting demon that knew, wouldn’t. He’d lost his parents not just years ago, but life times ago, the Ruffilo family taking him in, making sure he continued to come back to them each lifetime since that first time.

Now he was considering a different loss, and it was one he didn’t want to face. He would fight for Ellie, time and time again, and tonight he was determined to talk to her. It was going to be different tonight, because instead of trying to get her to talk to him, he was just planning on talking to her. Noah needed Ellie to understand, that no matter what was on her mind, what was upsetting her, not matter what it took, he would always be there, he would always listen. He would wait. He would be there when she was ready to finally talk to him, he was desperate for her to know that.

That was the plan.

He picked up their favourite pizza on the way home after a very long, frustrating day at work. Frustrating because, unlike some, no matter how many people he tormented, no matter how many souls he tortured, it was never going to ease the troubles on his mind. Noah would never understand how some would claim causing other people pain would make him feel better. Yes, yes, when he suffered, he rounded up those that made those he loved to suffer, and he would happily bring down his wrath, but did that truly ever take away his pain? No. Not even close. So yes, today was frustrating, because it was not nearly as satisfying as he would like it to be. 

Okay, so he called it home, it was her apartment. Noah hadn’t stayed in his own apartment in months. At most, he went back there to get new clothes and things he needed from time to time if he absolutely had to. They weren’t living together, technically, but he had been staying with Ellie so often that him not being at hers just felt wrong. Even with her pulling away, had she told him to leave even once, no. Was there a part of him waiting for it, yes. Did it make him sick to the gut over it, absolutely. The look in her eyes, something told him everything was going wrong, and he couldn’t stand it, so tonight, he was going to lay it out for her. Him just staying there, wasn’t just because they were together, it was because she was his everything, and no matter what she had to say, he wasn’t about to walk away. Ever. Not after everything they’d been through.

Setting the pizza on the counter, he knew she’d spent the afternoon with Ishtar, who would be off to work by now.

“Ellie, you home, I brought dinner, pizza.”

“Did you for-”

“I’d never forget your garlic bread, I wasn’t born yesterday, BabyGirl.”

Seeing her coming out of her room then, at least he got a small smile from her, that was the majority of how their interactions had been going lately. There was little teasing between them, maybe he’d get a smile, and then she’d shut down. Noah would try to keep it going through the night, but to no avail. When they went out with their friends, she’d interact with the others openly, just not with him, and he was almost certain that the only person that hadn’t noticed was Folio. He couldn’t blame him, if he had someone to distract him, he might not have noticed either, Ellie was his perfect distraction. 

As they sat to have dinner, though, Noah was going to take advantage of her quiet tonight.

“Ellie, I need to talk to you about something tonight.”

He could feel the way she tensed up, and whatever the reason was, Noah wasn’t going to let her doubts about whatever it was that was eating at her until there was nothing left, he wasn’t. She might not want to talk to him tonight, but he was hopeful she would talk to him, soon.

“You don’t have to say anything BabyGirl, just listen. I’m not going anywhere, I don’t expect anything, from you. I know most of your life you’ve spent with people in your life telling you that you should life your life a certain way, that you should do things in a certain order, but in truth none of that will ever matter to me.”

Tilting his head to try and catch her eye, to make sure that she was looking at him, and when she glanced away, he reached up and lifted her chin to make sure her eyes met his. Make sure she was paying attention to what he was saying. If she was looking him in his eye, she would pay more attention, it was a gentle touch, but it was effective, and he knew it.

“Furthermore, I don’t care if we never do anything but sit on that couch and watch movies. The single most important element of my life, is you. We can do anything you like, or nothing but sit around cuddled up on the couch.”

Ellie had been struggling, ever since she had heard about those girls talking about how she could only ever want Noah to bond with him. All she could think about was that bonding had to be the demon version of marriage. No how irrational it seemed considering it was not Noah that had brought it up, that Noah was not pushing the subject at her. It all just felt like a noose wrapped around her neck for the last week and a half. 

Her eyes were wide, glazed as she looked at Noah right now,

“God, I love you, Noah.”

Seeing the way he sighed so heavily, oh, she knew the relief he was feeling, she was feeling it too. Smiling slowly,

“You knew just what to say, didn’t know?”

A soft shaky breath escaped her, she’d been so scared, never able to consider how to talk to him about it, and she still wasn’t sure how to. It all came down to at least starting with one question, she supposed. Then, when Noah explained it to her, then they could talk about what they were going to do, if they would do anything at all, or enjoy everything they already had, just as it was. As far as Ellie was concerned, it was pretty wonderful already, no matter what Noah’s shadows or anyone else might think about them!

“So um, I heard some of your shadows talking about something called bonding, from the way they made it sound they made it sound significant…” And that she would never be worthy of him for it.

“Could you, tell me about it?”

Two weeks, it had been two weeks since Noah had happily explained everything about bonding with Ellie, and expressed how it was absolutely not marriage. Humans tended to throw marriage around like it was the be all and end all. It was said to be a binding of souls in the eyes of God, said, that was done on human faith. While he respected faith, he did, but this was something that was distinct, and magically connecting their souls beyond death, connecting his soul to hers. When the day came, the fateful day came he passed, and demons did not live forever even if they lived far longer than humans mortal years. When he was reborn, he would still be connected to her, and as he aged, he would come to remember her, and love her all over again.

They’d talked more than once about bonding, Ellie wanted to understand it more each time. Coming up with more questions, about how it would affect him, her, about why demons could do it and not humans. 

Today, though, there were no questions, today they were training. Noah was attempting to teach Ellie how to better aim and throw daggers at a target, and Ellie couldn’t help but smirk to herself at the thought. It was almost ironic thinking about it, the night she first heard of bonding, they had been teasing about him teaching her axe throwing and how horrible she had been at it. Dagger throwing, she seemed to be a little better at it so far, not that she had been all that better at fully getting the knives to stick in the targets as deep as Noah would like. Standing behind Ellie, holding her hands to adjust how she was holding the blade, to adapt the balance of her technique as she threw the weapon. 

When she managed to finally get one of the dagger to stick into the target deep enough, the blade didn’t just fall from the board, that Noah actually had to approach and pull it out. After a moment, Ellie smiled brightly.

“Well, look at that, we will make a warrior woman out of you yet, BabyGirl!”

She rolled her eyes at him with a smirk before picking up another of the daggers, while demons could, potentially summon weapons directly to them with magic, in this training arena, the magic to do so, was banished. Noah explained it in a sense that it was a training technique to make sure they didn’t get lazy. There was also the added benefit to make sure that those that were not as quick to learn, didn’t accidentally get in the way of other, more experienced demons, and get sliced up in the wrong way. There were also those that he had unfortunately seen, that were purposely dismembered. The way he had said that, had Ellie thinking back to some of Folio’s remarks about the demon that had tortured him for part of his tenure in the punishment realms of Hell. She was more than glad to have avoided that experience entirely, not just because she was a semi-decent person. No, she would not claim she was good, like anyone, there were probably questionable things she’d done in her life, but obviously, not enough for punishment.

“I think I’m ready to be a different kind of woman right now.”

“Oh, and what’s that?”

“Bonded.”

Noah almost dropped the dagger he was flipping around in his hand. As far as Ellie was concerned, it was a miracle he didn’t just slice off any of his fingers off with the look of the way the weapon just whirled around. Not to mention how he was looking at her. Startled almost, awed was another way she might put his expression, and she smiled,

“Oh, BabyGirl, I can’t wait to get you home, and-”

“No, here, right here.”

That stopped him short, Noah glancing around, they’d talked about the ritual enough that she knew it step by step now, right down to memorising all the markings she’d need to make. Yes, she knew already that plenty of others chose to perform the bonding rite in private, but Ellie didn’t want to wait another second. The moment the spell took, he could whisk her away, teleport them home, and then they could spend the rest of the night together.

As late as it was, there wasn’t really else hanging around training as well, it tended to be why Noah would bring Ellie during this time to train her. It presented the least probability that another demon might accidentally miss their mark and risk harming her. Yes she would survive, but why would she want to get hurt in the first place?

“Alright, let me get what we need.”

Really what he needed was, something to mark the circle, and some he quickly sound some chalk for the training ring to do it.. After he marked the circle surrounding them, Noah stripped his shirt from his body. While Ellie was already wearing active wear, her tank top had wide straps at her shoulders and he needed to mark runes to her collar bones too, not wanting to leave to go home to do this, a slice of a dagger, and the back of the straps were cut and the tank top became a halter top, exposing her collarbones. Perfect. 

Standing in the circle, each cutting their palms so they could mix their blood, marking the runes to their skin. Ellie had been thinking about thie for weeks. So fervent in her thoughts of how she felt about bonding, her hesitation had nothing to do with Noah, and everything to do with herself, she had the runes cemented into her memory. Dipping her fingertips into their mixed blood didn’t bother her in the least, between having to, at times deal with assaults in the office from souls coming through to punishment, to training with Noah, she was getting more used to a little bit of blood. Now, a lot of blood, that would be a different situation entirely.

Once they were both done, and Noah was sure they were right, Noah took Ellie’s hands and started with the demonic words of the ritual. It was a disappointment that she knew she’d never be able to speak or understand the language, but Ellie squeezed his hands as his words continued.. The blood runes tingling on her skin. She gasped as he continued. When he finally she finished, she watched on in awe as the ritual completed, the bloodied runes they’d both drawn onto their skin melting together and slither into one long line swirling band of blood over their skin. Eventually she noticed that the band of blood travelled all the way around her body, along one arm to Noah’s body, around his shoulders and arms and back to her body, again around her shoulders and arms. Wrapping them both up up completely, binding them completely in the ritual spell before the red string of blood sank into their skin and bonding their souls.

“And it’s done.”

Ellie shivered, lifting her hands to Noah’s face and pulling him down to her so she could kiss him, the softest whimper escaping her, they were bonded.. As she pulled back, she spied the small black tattoo on her index finger, it looked just like one of Noah’s. He’d told her this would happen, and she had wondered which of his tattoos she would receive, this one was tiny, and subtle, but she’d have it no other way. This was their bond mark, this was the mark from his soul.

“You are all mine.”

She giggled as she looked up to him,

“BabyGirl, I was always yours.”

tags: @spicywhenspeaking @bngurngheart @cncohshit @valiantroeagleangel @blackveilomens @dominuslunae @tearfallpixie @nyxthedestroyerofworlds @wild-child-7747 @notingridslurkaccount @lyschko666

Tags are open feel free to ask.

Ellie ran, she just ran, nowhere in particular at first and just found herself wandering down the street, the tears came and didn’t stop, she didn’t know what she was doing, she didn’t know what to think, there was no handbook for this. She was dead.

Of course, she remembered talking to Jolly and Folio about being dead more than once over the months gone by, but neither of them had seemed to want to go into much detail about how they felt about it. Just how they felt like this was a second chance. Scoffing, great, as if that didn’t feel telling now, they didn’t want to talk about it because they knew, and they didn’t want to give anything away. They knew, and they didn’t want her to feel worse when she found out. Talk it up, sure, but that wasn’t fair. She would have preferred brutal honesty, not platitudes. Ellie had had that far too much in her life.

She was dead.

She was dead.

She was… DEAD.

How had she died? When had she died? Walking down the street, her feet stumbling along mindlessly, did it matter, did any of it matter any more? It wasn’t like it felt like her life had mattered, to anyone for that matter. She’d been homeless, jobless, and just when it had felt like her life had started to matter in any meaningful way, it turned out she had really died.

Just when she thought that her life could actually get better, that she could actually do something, be someone, love someone… she sobbed at that thought. A fresh pool of tears stung her eyes as she thought of Noah, how he’d been lying to her for months, hiding the truth from her. She could have handled it, she swore, it would have been hard to accept, but she could have worked through it. If Jolly and Folio were able to, why couldn’t she? Why were they given the benefit of the doubt, and she was treated like, some sort of, freak?

Was she being punished?

Was that it?

Was this her punishment?

Some psychological torment like in that, that, tv show, what was it called again? Oh, she couldn’t remember. All she remembered was Noah had gotten a good kick out of watching it with her. Fuck, was that why? Because he thought it was hilarious that he was watching some sort of inception fantasy moment?

Was that all this was? Were they supposed to string her along and make her feel absolutely wonderful until they pulled everything out from under her feet, ripping her apart inside and out? Could they have been that heartless? None of the people she’d met here had seemed that way.

This was Hell though, they could be tricking her from the start, Hell, but not Hell, the Afterlife. What the hell was that even? Right from the very beginning, it felt like she’d been going around in circles.

Now nothing made sense.

Nothing.

And she’d fallen in love with a liar all over again.

Taking in a deep breath, at least she knew she wasn’t going to have to leave Hell any time soon anymore, but now she also had to figure out what the fuck she was going to do here now. What that even meant, though, she didn’t know, but for now, she found her way back to her apartment. She was tired, she was tired and all she wanted to do was climb into bed and never move again, because she was all cried out right now.

A week passed, and Ellie didn’t see another soul in Hell, not another soul living OR dead for that matter. The only other people she even talked to were on the phone when she was ordering food that was delivered to her door and left there at her door, by request. No, she didn’t even want to see who dropped it off, she just didn't feel like interacting with anyone. Sure, she knew isolating herself like this wasn’t healthy, but what did healthy really matter anymore, what could happen to her now? She’d get sick? She’d die? Oh, wait. Right. She was already dead. Ellie probably didn’t need to worry about that then, huh? Exactly.

Okay, so, maybe she shouldn’t be that bitchy to herself, but really, what was the point in trying to do all the things she was told to do while she was alive? It was like Folio drinking himself stupid with those shots. He would have destroyed his liver with alcohol poisoning long ago she was sure the way he knocked those back if he were still alive, but, here, in Hell, he didn’t have a single problem. Either way, she was just fine.

It was a week to the day she was holed up alone in her apartment, avoiding the rest of the world, the rest of Hell, when there was a knock at the door while she was waiting for her dinner to be delivered, she was waiting on pizza. At least today she’d changed out of her pyjamas, not every day she’d managed to, there had been some she’d just stayed curled up on the couch, waiting for the hours to pass by. She knew she needed to figure something out, but the motivation to move, to get up, to actually go out and do something, felt like it was constantly one step forward and two steps back. At least today, was a step forward kind of day, and she’d gotten dressed.

When the knock happened, she walked to the door, she waited for a moment, hearing the delivery guy shuffle on the other side. Swallowing, she spoke through the door, hopefully loud enough the person on the other side could hear her.

“Please just leave it by the door, and thank you.”

At least she still had her manners, right? Step forward kind of day. After another moment, she waited to see if she could hear movement on the other side of the door, and she heard the faintest shuffle of feet, and then nothing. Assuming that the delivery person on the other side had left her food on the floor by her door like she asked, and left, she sighed, thankful to avoid another person.

Maybe tomorrow. Maybe then she’d open the door while they were here.

Maybe she’d answer one of the countless messages she was constantly getting from her friends. 

Maybe.

However, when she opened the door, the person that had been on the other side, the person that had been knocking and waiting for her, wasn’t gone at all.

Nicholas was standing there with her food, silently waiting for her to open up.

“I intercepted the delivery kid in the foyer downstairs before he made his way up, and I figured I would save him the rest of his trip since I planned to come up and see you anyway.”

Ellie just stared at him for a long moment, unsure of what to say. When she didn’t say anything, he spoke again, his voice still as gentle as always.

“Can I come in?”

Pausing, Ellie’s lips pressed together before finally, she gave in.

“I’m going to be honest, I am extremely surprised that no one has just teleported in here and refused to leave.”

Her voice deadpanned as she spoke, completely blank as she spoke. By no one, he knew who she meant, the other demon lord they both were acquainted with. There had been more than a few times in the months that he had been all forceful, and pushy, and she had to shove him back into his place unless she was willing to just go along with it. Just like that first night that they’d spent together, with the weapons training, when he’d tried to push her into it, and she’d pushed back. She hadn’t caved with his threat of her bat.

“He wouldn’t do that Ellie, Noah wouldn’t dare, as much as he wants to see you, and he does, he is desperate to come see you, he has waited outside your building when he’d messaged you begging for you to respond, hoping that you’ll say something, anything to him.

Her lips pressed together slightly, she didn’t want to talk about Noah, she didn’t want to know that he was practically stalking her when he had known what she’d gone through and made her go through it all over again. Lying to her.

“If I let you come in, no Noah talk, we don’t mention him at all. Deal?”

When Nick paused for a moment, Ellie stood firm, she crossed her arms and his eyes narrowed. She went to grab the pizza box, but he moved it out of her reach too quickly for her to get it from him that easily.

“Oh come on, Nick, I don’t want to talk about Noah, take it or leave it.”

Glaring at him, Nicholas sighed for a second before he relented and nodded,

“Alright, alright fine, deal.”

With that, she let out a soft breath, thankful he accepted, and she wouldn’t have to deal with a stalemate at her door, stepping back into her apartment and giving him room to come in. Once he stepped past her with her precious pizza, and garlic bread balanced on top of the box, of course, she hadn’t forgotten the garlic bread, that would be sacrilege, she closed the door behind him.

“Bring it over, and set the food on the table, don’t worry, I can share. Long as you don’t eat it all.”

She was willing to sacrifice a few slices, Ellie didn't need to eat an entire pizza all to herself. This week she’d probably had leftovers for breakfast once or twice too many times as it was. Nick chuckled as he set the pizza box down on the table, moving to sit with her so they could eat. Flipping the box open, she reached for a slice.

“Look, Ellie, about not telling you about your status, that’s on me.”

Ellie didn’t want to look at him as she sat down at the table and held her slice of pizza, not wanting to think about everything that had happened, all the lies, all the issues that had come up.

“To be honest Nick, this last week, I’ve been trying to figure out in my head, what’s real, what’s not, how to make sense of everything. I don’t know what to think. Nothing makes sense. I got a job, Nick, you gave me a job.”

She dropped the slice of pizza back into the box. Suddenly, the food didn’t matter anymore, she didn’t feel hungry as much now that they were talking about this. One second she was starving, and the next, nothing.

“It was my decision, when I got your file, I went over the information and decided that with your history, you would struggle with the transition. Others have too, and then when you got here, you flourished so well. Like Jolly, you could have re-incarnated at any time you wanted, you could right now if you wanted, we’d miss you, but you could.”

She swallowed, reincarnation, being reborn into a whole new life, she’d never thought about that for herself, not even since she found out that she was really dead.

“So this, this isn’t a punishment, this is just, living? Living in the afterlife?”

Nicholas’ breath caught for a second when she asked if this was a punishment, and the thought that she’d spent the last week thinking they’d been punishing her and that was why they’d been hiding all this from her.. Oh, that was a horrible feeling.

“Oh El, no, oh no this isn’t a punishment, sweetheart, no. This was me getting too close to you as a friend, I fucked up, and I made a mistake. I’m not supposed to become friends with those I watch over Ellie. I got too close, and wasn’t objective.”

He was facing the music now, knowing he’d messed up and hurt her even worse.

“I know it doesn’t make up for any of it, any of the pain I’ve caused you, but, I am so I’m sorry, for everything.”

It was his fault, he knew he should have been honest with her sooner, the moment he knew she could handle this place. Even if it might have been a shock, he was sure she’d have handled it better with the truth told to her by a friend rather than by that horrible woman.

Ellie’s head was in her hands a little, her fingers running through her hair as she leaned forward, her elbows propped on the table, just trying to breathe, Nick could see she was struggling, he wanted to reach for her, comfort her, but he wasn’t sure how well she’d take that right now. He was lucky she’d let him in at all.

“Ellie?”

Lifting her head from her hands to look at him. It pained him to see him like this.

“How, how did.. How did I die?”

Nicholas sighed, and he shook his head slightly, yeah, that was a sensitive topic.

“Are you sure you want to know?”

Especially considering she didn’t remember, or, she did; she just didn’t seem to want to acknowledge it. Seeing her nodding quickly, yes, she wanted to know,

“Yes. I want to know.”

Nicholas paused, he knew this by heart, he knew her whole file back and forth by now completely, having read it far too many times already.

“Exposure, your cough, you got an infection and you never recovered. When you came to see me, your cough, you died in your sleep. Steven found your spirit under the bridge and directed you to me. I’m sorry Ellie.”

That damn cough, she remembered the blood, the pain, not being able to breathe, and the fact that after he’d given her the tea she’d suddenly been able to breathe.. Oh.. that.. Sighing.

“I knew Mama Ruffilo’s tea was too good to be true.”

Nicholas grinned at that, a soft chuckle escaping him.

“She is proud of her tea, and it does have calming qualities, but no, it's not a miracle tea, it was just something to soothe your throat. A placebo so you’d stop coughing and reset, considering you were no longer in any pain. The body was just echoing everything.”

Her lips pursed together slightly.. Next question,

“Why did I go through the gate instead of the office? Why all the song and dance with the interview? What the fuck, Nick?”

Nicholas nodded trying not to smile, they were serious questions, but the fact that she was calling him out on his shit, well, she did deserve answers at least, even if he doubted they were very good ones. Her demands reminded him of when he never let Noah get away with his shit. At least she’d keep him in line. He certainly didn’t want to be the one doing it forever!

“Like I said, I went over the information in your file. I assess every soul that comes through my desk, I admittedly don’t speak to every soul in person as I did with you, but I could tell I needed to with you, hence the interview, your file came up with, flags.”

He wouldn’t call them red flags because what Ellie had gone through in her life hadn’t been her fault, she’d endured a lot at the hands of others torment, endured so much that had been out of her control. He knew he was probably more cautious than others in his position, but he’d wanted to watch out for Ellie.

“Religious trauma for one at the hands of your stepmother and father, among others. Even before I spoke to you I knew your case had to be handled delicately, but when I met you, that solidified it. Hiring you, and giving you a job, was a way to integrate you into the Afterlife and transition you slowly, gently, it was supposed to be a process. I was supposed to assess your case and inform you of your status when I saw you were ready, and as I said, I got too close, and I didn’t do what I was supposed to. I was never supposed to be your friend.” 

Taking in a deep breath, that, she could understand. It wasn’t a good thing, but she could understand being blinded by it. She wanted to kick his ass a little for it, tell him off for being a complete idiot, but, she’d probably been a bit of an idiot too looking back. Had she met even one other person in Hell who claimed to be alive, even one? No. That should have told her something.

Breathing out heavily as she rolled her shoulder. Nodding slightly.

“Okay, okay, now I’m hungry again.”

Moving to reach for the slice of pizza she’d abandoned, she lifted it from the box and took a bite to calm the rumbling in her belly, hungry as she was. Even if she was dead, she still got hungry. It was impossible and confusing. As she swallowed her bite,

“Okay, maybe I forgive you, maybe, I could use some more grovelling from the others. Don’t think I’ll forget this any time soon, though, you’ll be reminded about this forever and a day, I promise you that.”

Another bite, letting the perfect pizza satiate her hunger, and she’d admit, talking to Nick was making her feel better, even if she didn’t feel great about any of this.

“They didn’t have a say though, El, it was on me, I was your caseworker here.”

Her lips pursed a little,

“Jolly and Folio can get away with that, but mister demon lord can’t, I don’t care what you say, Nick, he knew how I felt about my ex lying to me, he’s known me for how long now, and he said nothing. Nothing.”

Nicholas just looked at her for a long moment before he let out a heavy exhale, he picked up a slice of pizza as she spoke again.

“I don’t know if I can forgive him, Nick. I just, I don’t know.”

Another man, another relationship that had been shrouded with a massive secret that had felt like her heart had been ripped out.

He didn’t know if there was a thing he could say to help Noah, to help Ellie, but at the same time, he knew he had to try, and he wasn’t doing it for Noah’s benefit, he could see the pain in her, it was almost palpable. Nick hadn’t been lying about being her friend, it had been his fault here, and he wasn’t giving that up, it was his screw-up and he owned it, the least he could do was help her now, even if it meant telling her what Noah had tried to do, something that could easily get Noah in trouble if others found out. If the wrong demon found out, Noah could get busted back into the ranks. Not that Nick planned to tell anyone else, only three people and the walls of his office knew.

“He loves you, he loves you so much that he was willing to challenge my handling of your case. He came to my office that morning to tell me that you should be told, I asked if he thought you were ready, and he said he didn’t know. It’s not his job to assess people, and he was there to challenge me on holding back when the file on your stepmother’s death arrived.”

Swallowing her bite of pizza.. She wasn’t sure how dangerous that was when it came to demons, but that didn’t exactly sound good.

“Well, I’ll keep that in mind. I just, he kept it from me Nick, I need time.”