#deadpool reader

Bruce: sighs Do you have any idea how much damage you caused last night?

Deadpool!Reader: Physically, emotionally, or sexually?

Bruce: …

Jason: chokes on coffee

Y/N: girl with that hairdo (whistles) the things I would do to you

Yelena: you better be ready back up those words. Or are you all mouth?

Y/N: oh baby

Yelena drags Y/N-Pool off…

Walker: uhh guys…we have a team meeting. Never mind.

Reader: dramatically and sadly, “Day 925, the bats show no sign of releasing me- a totally normal and amazing citizen from this prison.”

Reader; “he has left the second scariest Robin to guard me, Jason.”

Red hood: a little offended; “Second?”

Reader: shuttering looking like she’s reliving something, “Damien is like a angry dog, he bites.”

Reader: “also is this lega- and he walked away. Hey! I want to speak to a lawyer!!”

Reader: now yelling “I have rights!!! I think- do you have rights in Gotham?”

_______________

Batman: finally shows up.

Reader: “hey It’s You! You know if I head a penny for a rich completely normal guy who is the center of a multi million  franchise of hero’s- while also being a hero himself through the means of money… well Id have two pennies!”

wc: 3.6k a/n: soooo I got a little inspired by Eleanor Camacho aka (Earth-616) Deadpool's daughter 👉🏾👈🏾 hope ya likely☺️

Traveler M.List

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ˏ⸉ˋ‿̩͙‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ˏ⸉ˋ‿̩͙‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ˏ⸉ˋ‿̩͙‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙.·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .‿̩̥̩‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ˊ⸊ˎ‿̩̥̩‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ˊ⸊ˎ‿̩̥̩‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ˊ⸊ˎ

You stand still in front of the memorial, arms crossed tightly over your chest, fingers digging into the thick red-and-black fabric of his suit. Well, not exactly.

It’s yours now; tailored to fit your frame, stitched up more times than you can count. But it’s identical to his in every way that matters.

The mask is already on, the lenses hiding your eyes, but you swear if you weren’t wearing it you’d probably look like a kicked puppy right now.

(Not the aesthetic you’re going for really.)

The room is quiet. Too quiet.

It’s the kind of silence that wraps around you like a weighted blanket, but instead of comfort it’s suffocating—pressing down and making it hard to breathe.

But then again maybe that’s just you.

Your gaze locks onto the suit hanging on the mannequin. A perfect, untouched replica of what you’re wearing now. The fabric is pristine, the colors vibrant, and the mask—God the mask—stares back at you, hollow and empty.

Just an empty shell meant to honor someone who used to be here but isn’t anymore. (Because he's dead. Duh.)

Y/n-Pool and Laura practice in the danger room until Laura charges at them growling.

Y/n: Laura, it's me!

They say as she lands on top of them, claws dug in the ground next to them.

Laura: I know.

She says with a smirk before leaning down to kiss them. After a few moments, the two separate with wide smiles on both their faces

Y/n: If this is what training with you is like, then I think we should do it more often, honey badger.

Slowly opening your eyes, you’re met with darkness and the feeling of being extremely cramped. Slowly adjusting your vision to the darkness and moving your hands to feel around you, realizing that you are in a box. It seems to be a coffin since it was narrower towards the bottom and more angled and wider at the top. You were good with recognizing coffins since you’ve put so many people into one and got buried alive in one the first time you tried butt-chugging for the first time. It was a lot of fun, ingesting a lot of alcohol and finally being able to get drunk. But back on track, back to being trapped in a coffin!

You still had your katanas and guns thankfully, along with plenty of ammo and what seems to be a few grenades. You also had your mask on, thankful since it was your trademark and you’re NOT fighting while looking like a moldy raisin. Looking bad-ass was a key part of being a mercenary and Avenger! Though the red was not mixing well with the purple and black color scheme of the robes you were in.

Oh right, the robes. You weren’t wearing your usual suit and instead wearing some black and purple fancy cult outfit. Did the people who buried you really have to put you in something so ugly? It was a black long robe that hit right above your knees and had a purple pattern on the inside. A shorter robe that had a hood was on top of the longer robe, acting as a jacket of some sort. The shorter robe had gold detailing on the bottom and sleeves, which were weirdly shaped and had what looked like an outline of a mirror embroidered onto the sleeves and the hood (at least you thought, you could only feel the pattern on the hood), a purple and gold belt that did wonders for your waist, and a pair of black capri pants. Realy? Capris? Out of all the things you got stuck in capris were decided? These people have no taste. You also had some black, purple, and gold boots on right now but those weren’t as important as the horrid capris you got placed into. This was the clothing choice that was decided for you to be buried in?

Pushing the ugly design choice away you place your hands onto out in front of your and up against the lid of the coffin you begin to push and attempt to escape from the small box. 

“This is a lot heavier than it should be..”

You mumble to yourself while pushing the lid to the coffin, it still not budging. Giving up with a sigh, you consider your options. You had one or two grenades and could attempt to blow the lid off, but your clothes and other weaponry would get destroyed. What if there were people on the other side? I'm sure they would love to see your naked body (I sure would) but did they deserve to see it? Or worse, what if there were minors!? You may be someone who dabbled in a few crimes, but pedophilia or any crime that Olivia Benson would be called to is not a crime you wanted to commit!

While considering your options and also realizing that since you couldn't open the lid to the coffin you were most likely buried 6ft under, you fail to hear faint muttering from outside the coffin. 

“I better hurry up and find that uniform before someone spots me…”

Continuing to think about your options, deciding to say fuck it and blow the door off. You place your weapons in front of you and turn around, preparing to protect them from the blast. You also slide off your mask and set it close to your chest as you grab a grenade.

“Let's blow this up like a taco bell bathroom.”

You mumble as you pull the pin from the grenade and put it against the door. Mentally counting down the six seconds it takes for it to explode, you realize that you didn't check if you were facing the lid of the coffin in the beginning. You could have been pushing on the back the entire time, and now you were just blowing up the back of the coffin.

“Oh fuc-”

The explosion from the grenade cuts you off, sending you flying until you hit a wall. So it seems you weren't buried after all! Good to know. You begin to fall from the wall, landing on your back.

“MYAHHH!? WHAT THE?!”

A voice yells out as you stare up at the ceiling, regretting your decision as you feel your back slowly regenerate. Sitting up, you check to see if you still have all your belongings. Miraculously you still had everything and no damage was done to anything thankfully. None of your bullets even split from the case they were in! The Author's magic is truly wonderful isn't it? Slipping on your mask and standing up, you turn and find a gray…gray cat-creature? It had gray fur and bright blue eyes, blue flame ears and a black trident tail. Wrapped around his neck he had a tattered white and black striped bow that was extremely ugly. He kind of looked like a pokemon, an ugly one at that, but still a pokemon.

“What are you supposed to be? ‘Cause whatever you got going for you right now is, full offense, ugly.”

You call out to the cat creature as you strap on all of your weapons. It doesn’t respond and just continues to stare at you wide-eyed. Did you have something on your face? Looking down at yourself you don’t see anything out of the ordinary, save for the ugly clothes you were in. Oh right, your clothes. The back of them got burnt off in the explosion but somehow the front remained intact. And if the creature was behind you the entire time…was a glimpse of your ass so amazing that it stunned a creature into silence!?

“Listen here kitty, or whatever you are, I know my ass is amazing but you are probably an animal and I am a human, so if we fuck I would get into legal trouble. And my publicist wouldn’t be happy with me, nor would the author be for having to write such a thing. So just keep this memory in your heart for now, ok?”

You walk up to the small creature as you speak and it seems to snap out of its trance. Its eyes trail up from your body to the weapons as you walk over, looming over it. From its point of view, you seemed like a maniac. You came from a coffin that just suddenly exploded, your back started healing on its own and just acted like nothing happened! You just slugged on a lot of weaponry and walked over to it and rambled on about fucking it. 

As you realize you have made the wrong impression on the possibly cat thing, you open your mouth to speak but before the words can exit your mouth the creature runs off. How rude!

“Wait no, get back here!”

You yell after the creature and start to chase after it. It runs off outside to a courtyard, the cold air hitting you like a sack of wet mice. It was dark out and the moon shone brightly, illuminating the creature and the pathway you ran along. It seems you were in a courtyard that-

HOLY FUCK WERE YOU IN A CASTLE!?

Pausing on chasing the cat thing, you slow your run and stand still before staring up at the building. There were a few lights on in a section of the castle further away and a well in the middle of the courtyard. Next to the pathway there was a bench with an apple tree with the juiciest and most vibrant red apple you've ever seen.

Walking over you pick one off the tree and take a bite, happiness on your taste buds. It was surprisingly sweet but with a pleasant tang that appeared the longer the flavors lasted on your tongue. In other words this was a pretty fucking good apple.

“Oh right, I gotta find Nermal.”

Remembering the cat creature you walk towards the direction you last saw it while happily eating the apple. It seriously was a delicious apple! Which is odd, because the wacko writing this hates fruit. Eh, I like it so who cares about their opinion.

Approaching a large building that looked extremely fancy, you enter and are smacked on the face with the smell of books. It wasn't a subtle smell either, it was like the smell declared it was your step father and got overly-personal.

Beginning to walk around while enjoying your apple, you bite down and are met with something squishy. You immediately stop chewing and slowly look down at the apple, you are met with a half bitten worm wriggling about. You just ate a worm. A worm was in your apple. What the freak.

Spitting out the bite of apple you took, you throw the apple as far away as you can and swear that you will never eat an apple from a random tree for the next week. Or two weeks, no clue on how long it will take to recover from the worm.

“Ouch- Who threw that!?”

A voice yells out, drawing your attention to where it came from. Walking over to where the noise came from you are met with a funky looking guy in a crow mask while holding Tom by a…. Is that a whip? Do you think he would whip yo-

“You! Wait a minute… You're the new student that ran off! My, were you ever eager to make your debut. Might I ask what happened to your coffin to leave it in that state?”

You blink owlishly, staring at the guy while wondering what he was on. Student? You already went through school and your definition did NOT want to go through that again. It was hell!...or was it? I got no clue, I don't really remember what it was like. Once you get enough thunks to your head everything kinda just blends together. Anyways we'll just go with your school life as mine, this is a x reader story after all!

“Oh yeah I blew it up. But what about me being a student? I'm like 50 percent sure I graduated high-school and I definitely don't have enough to go to college.”

“You what now.”

The crow guy stares at you and you stare back, sending him a wink along with a small kiss. He seems slightly frightened by this which led you to wonder if this guy was scared of flirting. Or maybe it was you? Nahhhhh, you're gorgeous! Why would anybody be frightened of you?

“I blew it up, like I said. It burned this ugly ass fit though and made me flash my ass to that cat! Here, wanna see?”

You eagerly begin to turn around but a loud shout from big bird and the sound of a loud slap to his mask makes you frown and turn back to him. Was bro not an ass guy?

“THAT SHALL NOT BE NECESSARY! PLEASE REFRAIN FROM DOING SUCH INAPPROPRIATE ACTS TO OTHER STAFF AND STUDENTS!!”

You sigh and frown. This guy seriously is no fun- he probably stands in the corner of parties with a singular red solo cup being his only companion through the night. What a loser.

“Boooooo, you're no fun! Do you really gotta force my freak in since nobody wants yours?”

The freakless man just stares at you, utterly confused and slightly scared on what your ‘freak’ was. And why did you have so many weapons?!

“Excuse me…? Nevermind, just let me fix your robes before we continue this conversation. Ah, for I am gracious!”

He takes out a pen with a gem on it while you silently wonder if this guy was into praise. He flicks the pen towards you and white sparkles envelop your (ugly) clothes. The back suddenly reappears, your ass now shielded from the cold once more. How the hell did he do that though? Was this guy like Strange or something??

“What in the shit giggles did you just do?”

“Please refrain from using vulgar languages. And I used Magix, this is a magic college after all. Did the timespace teleportation muddle your memories?”

He sighs before speaking, begging to walk towards the exit.

“I shall explain it while we return to orientation, I do need to return at one point after all. Truly my magnanimity is boundless.”

You blink, not understanding what the big word he said was. But thanks to a quick Google search from the author it just is another word for generosity! You're so smart!

Following after the guy, the cat thing squirming as it was dragged along by the bird man's whip. Oh right, the cat thing. It was now making a lot of noise well squirming around on the floor. It did not look comfortable at all, poor little guy.

“Myah!!! Let me gooooo! I am the great Grim, once I'm outta this I'll show you how powerful I really am!”

“Quite the noisy familiar, aren't you? Do be quiet for a bit, we don't have time for your pointless complaints.”

Crow takes out his pen again and flicks it, a muzzle suddenly appearing on Mr. Kitty, who you now know name is Grim, face. Poor Mr. Kitty, he just wanted that pot pie. 

“MMMRPHHHHH!!!”

“Why did you insist on bringing such a poorly trained familiar? Such a loud one too. But alas, I allowed it anyway. I am truly gracious, no?”

“That's not my cat. I don't own any ugly creatins, I only live with one. And she's an old drug addict but that's not important.”

Big bird ignores your words and continues walking out of the library. Soon you reach the courtyard again, the dreadful apple tree making eye contact with you. Next time you see it you're seriously going to burn it down. Those apples deserve to perish for what they've done.

Freakless clears his throat, turning your attention back to him.

“This is Night Raven College. It Is an institution for students the world over who demonstrate a rare aptitude for magic. It is the most prestigious academy of its sort in all of Twisted Wonderland. And I am Dire Crowley. Having been entrusted with its care by the chairman, I serve as headmage.”

 Big bird, now identified as Crowley, pauses his little speech to look at you and make sure you're paying attention. You weren't, but you nod your head anyways to seem smart. He looks back ahead at the castle-like college and continues yakking.

“Only those who the Dark Mirror perceives as having a talent for magic are admitted to the college. Those who are selected are summoned to the campus through those coffins you awoke in, serving as ‘gates.’ A black carriage bearing one such gate should have come to meet you.”

Now finally paying attention, you are now confused. The coffins were basically portals? That doesn't sound very fun, especially if you're claustrophobic. Or if you don't remember getting put in the coffin so you think you got buried alive and blow up the coffin to escape! It would be horrid if someone did that, wouldn't it?

“Nope, I got no memory of a carriage or getting kidnapped. Would be fun if I did though.”

You shrug and Crowley looks slightly concerned due to the fact you didn't remember anything. Eh, when life gives you limes. Or was it oranges?

“My, your memories seem to be extremely addled with. Or perhaps the incident with your coffin caused some form of head trauma? Once you are sorted into your dorm we'll have to get you to the infirmary. Truly kind of me to help you so much, my graciousness knows no bounds!”

Why in the actual freak does this guy yak so much? You were not paying attention to a word this guy was saying, it's not like it was that important right? He's just chirping away about this college and how kind he is so you'll be fine.

“Anyways, that black carriage serves to receive a student chosen by the Dark Mirror. It too bears a gate that connects to this campus. And as you know, sending a carriage to meet someone on a special day is a time-honored tradition.”

“Wait, what? What do you mean getting kidnapped is a ‘time-honored tradition?’ And what the big cow balls is a ‘Dark Mirror?’” 

Finally tuning back in to pay attention to him and not your thoughts of Hugh Jackman oiled up in your movie together, you are left with a couple of questions. Why are they kidnapping people through coffin portals, and what is a ‘Dark Mirror?’ Was it just an emo mirror? So many questions, and hopefully answers.

“You were not paying attention, were you?”

You give him a laugh in response and he sighs before continuing to speak.

“I shall explain it once more for you in simpler terms, as I am quite the nice guy.”

Freakless Crowley clears his throat before explaining to you again. This time with you paying attention. 

“This is Night Raven College, the most prestigious magic academy in all of Twisted Wonderland. I am the headmage, Dire Crowley. The Dark Mirror is a magical artifact that picks students to attend based on their magical ability and then sorts them into their dorm by the nature of their soul. It also acts as a gateway to travel throughout Twisted Wonderland.”

Are you on cocaine? Or was this guy just really high right now? Cause this was actually bonkers. Completely bananas even. Magic academy?? Yeah magic existed, cough, Strange, cough, but an academy in a castle for it? And what is Twisted Wonderland??? Did you end up in some unknown country again? Or were you the one that was high? Yeah, that'd explain it actually. 

“Do you understand all of this?”

“Yep, got it all. It's all coming back to me, thanks.”

You in fact did not understand or remember a single thing this guy said. But you didn't want him to repeat himself, and it's fun to not know what the heck is going on sometimes. It's like a surprise party but instead of a party it's getting your liver dined on by some hot cannibal on a Friday night. Not like that's ever happened to you before though…

“Great! Now let us continue on.”

Crowley continues to walk along the pathway from the courtyard to the exterior hallways. He enters through a door and beckons you to follow him, continuing to navigate his way through the fancy ass school.

It did look kinda odd, all the lights were green and there were big paintings everywhere. Looking closer at the lights in each corner of the hall, it turns out they were all in fact candles. Were these barium salt candles or something? Oh wait, this is a magic school. They're prolly using magic to make the fire green, that makes more sense after all. You're so smart!

Approaching a door you're met with a lot of muttering before a sharp voice cuts through the mummers and efficiently shuts (mostly) everyone up.

“We're done with orientation and dorm assignments? All right, new students—let me be clear. At Heartslabyul House, I am the law. Break the rules, and it's off with your head!”

Did they just say if you break the rules here you get the chopping block? Whoever this person in you think you're going to get along splendidly, you're such a wonderful rule follower after all! Or that you could just survive anyway if they cut off your head. It's happened before and it made the guy who cut your head off throw up. Looks a little funky but it's a fun surprise- like an old McDonald's toy! The new ones suck ass, I miss the old ones. Give me back my lead cups!!!

“Well, that ceremony was as boring as ever. I'm going back to the dorm. If you're in Savanaclaw House, follow me.”

A deeper voice calls out from further in the room. It sounded quite pleasant, definitely a voice you want to hear whimpering!

Glancing over at Crowley you see him just standing close to the door but not entering. Was he waiting to make a special entrance or..?

“New students! Allow me to be the first to congratulate you on your achievement. As dorm leader of Octavinelle House, I am honored to have the opportunity to support you in what I hope will be a fulfilling campus experience.”

“Hey, does anyone know where the headmage went? He disappeared midway through the ceremony…”

Whoa. This voice was the most beautiful voice you've ever heard. It was regal and decadent, rich and smooth. But anyways, as soon as Crowley was mentioned he stiffened up and pressed his hand to the door, eagerly waiting for the perfect timing to make an entrance.

“Some headmage he is.”

“Maybe he had a tummyache?”

And at those words Crowley pushed open the door and walked as cuntily as a man can into the room. Grim was just being dragged along and was still slightly struggling against the whip while you walked in behind Crowley. You entered into the room like you knew what you were doing and were meant to be there all while silently hoping that this orientation thing was going to be somewhat interesting. Or that it won't get realized you're prolly not supposed to be here and get chased out with pitchforks.

“I most certainly did not!”

Crowley affirms the rich sounding voice that spoke right before he entered. He leans onto a cane with a hand on his hip while staring at a student with white hair and bright red eyes. He was adorned in the same ugly robes as yourself but he had a purple turban like headband with gold detailing and a funky pair of gold earrings on. He seems very happy to be here actually.

At Crowley's entrance a shorter boy with red hair groans and mumbles to himself softly.

“Ah, speak of the devil.”

“ If you must know, I was searching for the new student who'd failed to show for orientation.”

Crowley continues to speak to the red eyed boy and clarifies what he was doing, gesturing to you standing next to him. You give the guy a smile (which he can't see unfortunately) and a wave. He smiles back brightly and sends a larger wave back. He opens his mouth to talk to you but Crowley's voice cuts him off.

“You are the only one who has yet to be assigned a dorm. Step up to the Dark Mirror, and be quick about it. I'll watch your weasel.”

Crowley nudges you up to the large mirror in the middle of the room while Grim growls at being called a weasel. You nod and begin to walk up to the mirror, which was hovering above a fountain spewing a green liquid? How odd.

There were a lot more people in this room than you thought, all of them muttering as you walked to the mirror. A few stuck out to you though, like a tall guy with white wolf ears and some ginger with a heart on his face. Weirdos. As you survey the crowd the white haired guy and you make eye contact, with him giving you another smile and two thumbs up as to quietly say ‘You got this!’

You give him a nod before stopping in front of the mirror and looking up at it. It had intricate gold snakes carved towards the top of the mirror. In the mirror though was a white mask with black details and green smoke at the bottom. What was with this place and green details?

“State thy name.”

“I'm Cumshooter Giggleshart the third.”

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

“Thou's tongue spews vulgar lies. Reveal thy name now.”

Man, you couldn't have fun in this place could you? Letting out a sigh you begin to tell the mirror your name.

“[Name]. Or Deadpool, lotsa folks know me by that name. Or master if you're 𝓕𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 like that.”

“[Name]... The nature of thys soul is… Loud. Colorful. Unpredictable. A storm of vibrancy and emotions, yet it is empty and soundless at the same time. Thous soul holds thousands of colors yet they are all monochrome. I sense no magical ability from this one therefore no dorm shall be appointed.”

A loud gasp was heard from everyone as soon as the mirror finished speaking and plenty of mummers followed.

“They can't use magic? How'd they'd even get in here??”

“What a pointless existence. A waste of oxygen- a waste of everyone's time here really. Magicless barbarians like that thing should be rid from this earth.”

“Whoa there Light Yagami, calm down. Just cause they can't use magic doesn't mean they should be annihilated!”

“Do you think I could see if I could take them out after this? Can't let a cutie like that slip from my grasp, magicless or not!!”

“What a Weirdo…Ew.”

“Are you suggesting that the black carriage went to receive a person who cannot even use magic?”

Crowley's voice cuts through the sea of noise, turning your attention back to him. What was with all these people and the fact you couldn't use magic? It's not like it was the end of the world or something. Maybe this was a cult? That would explain a lot actually. The robes, the weird name they called this place, Crowley. How fun would that be!

“But that is absurd! The student selection process has not erred once in its century of existence!”

As Crowley speaks Grim takes the chaos of the Dark Mirrors words and slips out of the wip he was stuck in. He jumps out and runs to the middle of the room, standing up proudly with his hand- er…paws on his hips.

“Unlike that human, I can actually use magic! So lemme take their spot and be a student here!”

Crowley sputters for a minute before the whip in his hand vanishes into sparkles and he stares down Grim. The students had created a circle around Grim, who was in front of you, as he yapped about how he should be a student here.

“Not so fast, you hyperactive weasel! There are many capable mages, human mages might I add, who would be a better fit for this school than… whatever you are. You should be thankful I am not banning you from the premises right now! For I am truly gracious.”

Grim looks at Crowley like he just told him that he never thanked Beyoncé. Grims expression changes to one of anger and he stops his foot (paw?) before letting out an annoyed huff.

“More capable!? My magic is the best of the best, no human is better than me!! I'll prove it to ya if I have to, just watch!”

Grim takes in a huff of air and the short red-head immediately ducks down and yells out to alert everyone else.

“Everyone, get down!”

Mostly everyone gets down but you and a few others stay standing. You were mostly fine since you were behind Grim but the others were in his hit range, quite stupid of them to stay standing. Stupid like you. Ugly baboon.

“MYAHHH!”

Grim lets out a loud sound and begins to shoot fire out of his mouth in different directions, one of the flame balls hitting the white haired guy's arse and lighting it ablaze. Letting out a high pitched scream, he starts patting down the fire and starts running around the room like a chicken with it's head cut off. 

“AHHHHHHHHHH! HELP! MY BUTTS ON FIRE!!”

Watching the white haired boy run around, you know you should help him but watching him struggle was a lot funnier. Eventually a guy with black comes over and puts the fire out with magic, ending your fun. You frown and turn away from him, turning your attention back to the chaos.

“Someone catch that blasted animal before it sets the entire school ablaze!”

A guy with ears sighs and let's out a yawn while stretching him arms. Why were there so many furries here? This said with no offense to furries of course (meant with all offense to the weird ones, you guys should die in a burning fire), I find them pretty cool actually. I would love to hear about your fursona if you have one!!

“Ugh. Can I go now, or…?”

He groans out and…. Oh my goodness gracious. The most divine man you've ever seen is stood next to the hot guy with lion ears. The human body has two hundred and six bones in the body but at the sight of those two you just gained and extra one. 

Having the great idea to try and pick one of thse two ethereal men up, you walts your way over to the two. But just as you walk up behind the two you trip over a crouching student and land flat on your face.

“Ow…. That hurt like a buttcheek on a stick..”

You mumble to yourself as you slowly lift your head up. You're met with the sight of the pretty boy and Lion guy looking down at you with a slightly curious look.

“Are you alright?”

The beautiful man asks you and you nod, standing up and dusting yourself off. You got this! Just be normal!! The worst thing he could say is no, right?

“Yeah, just couldn't help falling for you.”

You flirt with a wink and a blown kiss, but instead of swooning (like they should) both him and the Lion guy grimace at your words. 

“That was absolutely horrendous. Approaching me while wearing that horrid mask, a terrible pick up line, wearing your robes incorrectly all while just having made yourself a fool in front of everyone is an insult to me personally. Once you make yourself presentable and not such a blundering buffoon I'll allow you to try again.”

“Ugh. Can I go now, or…?”

God damn no was in fact not the worst thing he could say. The blonde turned his attention away from you and to the guy with lion ears, leaving you standing there. 

“Oh? I thought you fancied yourself a hunter. Go and help yourself to that plump little morsel!”

Pretty boy chuckled as he spoke, the Lion guy seeming annoyed by his laugh. You definitely weren't wanted over here anymore so you walked over to Crowley, who was standing in the corner of the room, and continue to watch Grim terrorize everyone.

Soon a guy with gray hair and glasses approaches Crowley with a shady smile and a glint in his eye. This guy definitely was fishy. (He even smelled a little like saltwater too.)

“Allow me to handle this, Headmage Crowley. If none of you are up to the task of catching a small animal, I will accept the responsibility.”

Oh brother this guy was a try hard. He may have been pretty but was probably the guy who would somehow find out you peed your bed until 5th grade a day use it to blackmail you. If he ever tries anything your totally throwing rotten tomatoes at him.

“WTG Azul. Rackin' up those participation credits.”

A blue floating tablet calls out. So Azul was the old man looking fellows name? It sounded kinda cool, but yours was a truck ton cooler. Your always cooler, that blonde guy didn't know what he was missing out on! Your mask wasn't ugly either!! I'm not salty about getting rejected, it wasn't even a rejection! He probably already has a partner and that's why he said all that. Yep, that's the reason.

“Hey, um, the rooms still on fire... Could someone maybe put this out?!”

The red eyed guy looks around the room slightly panicked, his robes now fixed and no longer singed or burnt. Crowley just looks around angrily as Grim continues to light the place up. 

“I'm sorry, were my instructions unclear?!”

The Lion dude sighs at Crowley's shouts of irritation, mumbling something that causes Grim to stop spewing fire and yell at him before returning to ‘showcase his skills.’ In all this was getting a little boring and you were tempted to just shoot the little rat and get this to stop.

As your silently considering your options the red eyed boy notices you and excitedly runs over to you, the black haired guy who helped get his ass deflamed tailing after him. He runs up to you with a bright smile and eagerly extends his hand to you.

“Hiiii! I'm Kalim Al-Asim, nice to meet you! I like your mask by the way, the red is so pretty.”

You take his hand and shake it, smiling back as well. He seemed like a real nice guy, different from most of the people you've seen here anyways.

“Your name is [Name] right? It's such a beautiful name, I bet you're really beautiful yourself!!”

You chuckle at his words and let go of his hand. You didn't notice how he seemed slightly disappointed at the lack of your hand but he immediately perks up once you start speaking.

“Thanks Kalim. You're a real jaw dropper yourself. Though you make one part of me stand up.”

You wink and he seems slightly confused on what you meant. As he opens his mouth to speak but the guy who helped him earlier runs up to the two of you.

“Kalim! You can't just run off like th-”

He pauses when he sees you and Kalims confusion withers away, smiling as the guy joins you two.

“Ah, Jamil! There you are. This is name, isn't their mask so cool?!”

Kalim eagerly tells the guy, now known as Jamil, as he gestures to you. Jamil sighs as he looks over at you before looking back at Kalim.

“Yes Kalim, it is quite nice. Though you shouldn't run off like that during this commotion. One of the fireballs could have hit you again!”

Kalim laughs apologetically and mutters out a small ‘Sorry Jamil..’ half-heartedly. Jamil just shakes his head before returning his attention back to you.

“Its nice to meet you [Name]. As Kalim had already stated I am Jamil, Jamil Viper. It is a pleasure to meet you. I hope Kalim hasn't caused you any trouble.”

You shake your head and wave your hand, dismissing his concerns. Taking a closer look at him, he was quite beautiful.  He had long black hair tied into a low ponytail with some of the locks in braids. There were three gold coin looking things attached to a braid on the left side of his head. He also had beautiful tan skin and charcoal Grey eyes. Or just Grey eyes, who knows? This is just what the wiki saying and I would doubt that you guys don't really look into his eyes but a lot of you are freaks so anything is possible.

“Nice to meet ya Jamil. And nope, no problems here. I should thank Kalim for introducing us, it isn't everyday I get to meet such a gorgeous fellow. The pants dropping kind of gorgeous.”

Jamil just blinks at you at your flirting. Why does no one here enjoy your wonderful advances!? This many hot guys yet none of them are into you???

As Jamil opens his mouth to speak Kalim suddenly juts in and wraps his arm around your shoulder.

“Ohhhh, I know! Once orientation is over we should invite [Name] to the welcome party for all the new Scarabia students! I'm sure Jamil wouldn't mind cooking for one more person, right?”

Jamil sighs as Kalim continues to rattle on about the party for the new students and all the wonderful food and music there'll be. 

“Kalim, you do realize that the Dark Mirror didn't assign them a dorm, therefore they aren't student here.”

Jamil speaks and interrupts Kalim, making him deflate a little at the thought of you not being able to go to the party. Poor dude.

“Come onnnn, how about they just attend the party then leave campus once it's all over? I'm sure I can get Crowley to agr- Whoa!”

Grim runs right through Kalims legs, making him stumble slightly. Azul and the short red-head chase after Grim while using their magic pen things to cast spells at him. They missed by a long shot. It was honestly sad, how could they miss so badly? You continue to watch the two chase after Grim while Kalim keeps pestering Jamil about letting you attend the party.

As you watch the two run, you notice…green circles? Whatever they were they were floating through the air slowly but at a rhythm. Whenever they stopped at a certain point a small ‘Perfect’ or ‘Great’ would appear next to them. But most of the words appearing were ‘Good’ or ‘Miss’. Each time a word appeared one of the spells Azul or shorty casted would either hit Grim or miss him entirely, there being more misses than hits.

“Heyyyy [Name], you still there?”

Kalim shakes you while looking slightly concerned. You snap your attention back to him and Jamil and take in a small breath.

“Yeppers. Just zoned out while watching those two.”

You point to Azul and the red head who were still going after Grim. Kalims mouth forms an ‘O’ shape as he shifts his weight from one foot to the other. He still had his arm around your shoulders and moved you with him as he moved.

“You mean Riddle and Azul? I forgot that they were chasing after that weasel!”

Kalim laughs as Jamil crosses his arms and shakes his head. In all honesty it was getting a little boring watching Azul and the guy now known as Riddle try and stop Grim from destroying the place. You could help, buttt you had two ways to do so.

Option one was to shoot yourself and use the surprise to make everyone stop this whole thing. Though that option would hurt a little it would be worth it to see the surprise of everyone. Besides, trauma adds character!

Option two was just either to shoot Grim and just make this stop. It would benefit the earth with the carbin thingamagig that was ruining the ozone layer. You had no clue what actually was going on, who paid attention in science anyways? Only time I did was when my science teacher would do one handed push ups or talk about what being a space cat was like but that's not too important.

“Hey Kalim, option one or two?”

Kalim pauses and hums while thinking about which one to pick. He lets out a bright smile as he finally decides, Jamil looking slightly curious on what you were about to do.

“Option two! What'd you have me pick for?”

“Just wait and see my dear friend, your about to see the true abilities of Marvel Jesus!”

Kalim seemed confused but eager to find out what you meant while Jamil on the other hand was skeptical of your intentions. Waiting until Grim was running at just the right angle, you whip out one of your pistols faster than House can pop a vicodin and press your index finger down onto the trigger.

But just as you shoot, Jamil jumps onto you and pushes you onto the ground. A loud bang is all that's heard in the room, with two bodies lying atop one another is the sight that is left. As blood begins to pool out from beneath the pile, everyone is left staring in silence with one thought on their minds.

“What the fuck just happened?”

Extras!

☆ Vil does not like you at all currently. He also hates your mask and cannot fathom why someone would willingly wear that. Are you so ugly that the mask is better to look at than your face?

☆ The random student who wanted to take [Name] out will be an actual event in the future, but who knows who your mystery date will be!

☆ Idia was very interested in you from the moment you he first saw you. You had the exact same mask and weapons that Livepond, one of his favorite comic book characters, has! Down to the marks of the mask and the engraving of "Smile and wait for the flash!" on the barrel of your pistol!

☆ Kalim and [Names] dynamic will slightly be like Yukio's and Wayne's. Expect plenty of hellos from him!

☆ Crowley has a good sized bruise on the back of his head from the apple. And the worm fell down his shirt. Today was truly not the day for him.

☆ Floyd was going to just take one of [Names] guns and 'examine' it but was (thankfully) unable to due to the commotion Grim decided to cause.

You were a goofy sarcastic playful hero who always made jokes while brutally punching villains in the face while doing wacky and wild stuff saying the most unhinged stuff with a smile on your face and your Fans and Most pro heroes love that about you

Iida was always with you not because you were dead gorgeous and your fighting skills were amazing but because he's worried about you! You pulling these dangerous stunts makes him have a heart attack whenever he peacefully wants to see the news he sees you teasing and taunting a very dangerous and very deadly villian riling them up to the point where they just slash at anything to get you to stop your yapping, next thing you know he's grabbing his hero suit and running over there right now he always scold you for being u safe while you just either laugh it off do those cringey "I'm sowwy🥺" look iida pretends to be cringe out about but deep down he thinks your pouty face and puppy eyes are cute,

Bonus: both you and Iida's fans agree that Iida was the Dad friend and make those complications video of him being one

Bakugo wants you to depend on him and look up to him he always wants you to be by his side whenever you work with him, but you being a little shit makes his job way harder, you always making fun little jokes and uncanny comedic lines while the two of you are literally in a life and death situation while you're just singing nursery rhymes, He always yells at you to be serious and all you did was say "uh oh cranky pants need a sippy cup?" He chased you around that day and seeing that cute little cheeky face of yours made him blush he always acts like he doesn't wanna work with you but in truth, he stalks your schedule and demands his agency to work close to yours but he won't admit that even the fans kinda see that he cares for you and loved you and himself dynamic

Momo is the worried mother if you ever get hurt by a nasty villain she's beating that villain to a pulp heck even making the dude see the clouds, she always is very protective of you like a mother hen making sure you eat, sleep brush your teeth she always tell you to while you whined like a child, if you didn't bring your lunch don't worry she brought a little bento box for you!, whenever your merch comes out or before she's always the 1st one to get it. She even has a room dedicated to it (just like Izuku but we'll get to him) literally she and Izuku would have a battle about who got the rarest merch and expensive merch

Ochako is like your number 1 biggest fan she always knows your schedule as well so she can either watch you from afar and if you needed any help she'll be there to kick their asses!, she's like Pucca (if you know the childhood show congrats) she always watching you dreamily eyes fluttering but strong and dangerous if anyone messes with you, she's is always in her dream world imagining carrying you like a little princess and she's the knight although she's also ok with you holding her like that as well both ways make her blush and giggles and kicking her feet while floating up, she makes fanfiction of you x reader or her under a fake username ofc so she can write down all her fantasies (some of your classmates would follow that page secretly) she keeps an oversized merch t-shirt that you wrote an autograph

While Izuku may be all Might's number one fan who said he can't be yours as well? Like this dude knows it all has 4-6 pages of you, your quirk, your weapons, your personality, your likes and dislikes, your family, your address-, you name it! He doesn't even need to write down your schedule since he remembers it so easily dude has a great memory there's no denying it, whenever his fans scream all over him wondering what's his favorite hero everyone is so surprised when he mutters out you heck he's shy whenever he talks to you your his idol his darling his sweetie standing in front of him happily making jokes and laughing along or badass shooting and slashing any bad guys, as mentioned in mom's headcanon this boy got a WHOLE ROOM dedicated to you heck one time you jokingly put a dick shape drawing when he asked to Have a autograph he bought a photo case for that and put it on display like he's PROUD

Sero and Denki were your go-to when wanting to cause trouble and Crack some jokes heck all even flirt with each other trying to see who gets the most flustered denki craves whatever attention you give him whether trying to annoy him or not he loves it when you eyes are on him he may act like a carefree person who jokes with you but he's a possessive dude he glares at your fangirls from afar when they're squealing all over you trying to get a autograph calling you hot that made his blood boil that he had to intervene by saying there's a villain waving goodbye at the girls while their squealing got louder seeing Denki but Denki glared at them Sero is the calmer one but is Obsessive he loves everything about you whenever your close to him on the outside he as cool as a cat but inside he's dying screaming on the inside just wanting to hold you close he always ask for any sort of physical interaction like high fives, hugs, he even remembered you patting him on the back praising him for wrapping up the villains luckily someone recorded it and now he saves that in his phone watching it repeatedly over and over again also he keeps those spiderman x Deadpool comics

Y/n, manning a bake sale and tired of their shit: Sure! You know one?

Wade: