The Batman and Robin situation is crazy

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The Batman and Robin situation is crazy

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The lamb in wolf’s clothing - Damian Wayne
the hair-tie rule
you notice it while you’re sitting on the couch together, your legs tucked under you and his stretched out across the coffee table.
the hair tie.
your hair tie.
it’s looped twice around dick’s wrist, snug against the faint white lines from old escrima grips. pink. a little stretched out. unmistakably yours.
you squint at it. then at him.
“why are you wearing my hair tie?”
he doesn’t even look up from whatever he’s fiddling with. just hums, absentminded, like this is the least strange thing in the world.
“am i?”
you grab his wrist gently and lift it. “dick. that’s mine.”
now he looks at you. really looks. that stupidly fond smile sneaks onto his face before he can stop it.
“yeah,” he says, like it explains everything.
“…okay,” you say slowly. “can i have it back?”
he pulls his wrist out of your hand with exaggerated care, tucking it closer to his chest. defensive. dramatic.
“no.”
you blink. “no?”
“nope.”
you stare at him. “why?”
he shrugs, too casual, eyes flicking away for half a second. “you always lose them.”
“that is not true.”
“last week,” he says immediately, “you left one in the batmobile, one in the shower, and one on the kitchen counter.”
you open your mouth, then close it. “…okay but that doesn’t mean you get to keep it.”
he grins wider. “it kind of does.”
you reach for his wrist again, and he dodges easily, laughing as he leans back against the couch.
“dick.”
“it’s practical,” he insists. “what if you need one later? boom. i’m prepared.”
“you are literally hoarding my hair accessories.”
“i’m safeguarding them,” he corrects. “important difference.”
you huff and cross your arms. “you could at least admit you just like wearing it.”
that makes him pause.
his smile softens, just a little. “maybe.”
your expression melts despite yourself.
“…why?” you ask, quieter now.
he rubs his thumb over the hair tie without thinking about it. “i don’t know. reminds me of you. feels like i’ve got you with me, even when you’re not around.”
your chest does that annoying warm thing.
you sigh, defeated. “you’re impossible.”
he leans in and presses a quick kiss to your temple. “and yet,” he says, “still your boyfriend.”
you shake your head, smiling. “fine. you can keep it.”
his eyes light up. “really?”
“but if i need it,” you warn, “i’m taking it back.”
he nods solemnly. “deal.”
then, after a beat, he adds, “i might need a backup though.”
you groan. “dick.”
he just laughs, wrist still proudly decorated with your hair tie.
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Fake Dating to Shut Dick Grayson Up
reader x Jason Todd
Dick Grayson means well. That’s the problem.
He’s been trying to “help” your love life for months—dropping names, nudging you into conversations, accidentally leaving you alone with people who are objectively nice but painfully wrong for you. Every time you say you’re fine, he smiles like he knows better.
“You just need someone who challenges you,” he says.
You challenge the urge to shove him off the nearest rooftop.
Jason finds the whole thing hilarious. Or at least he pretends to. He leans against the Batmobile, helmet tucked under his arm, watching Dick ramble about your potential chemistry with the latest unfortunate soul.
“Wow,” Jason says dryly. “Didn’t know you were running a dating service now, Dick. You charging commission?”
Dick rolls his eyes. “I’m serious. They deserve someone who actually—”
“—isn’t interested,” you cut in.
Dick opens his mouth again.
Jason doesn’t let him.
Jason slings an arm around your shoulders like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Solid. Warm. Way too familiar. You freeze for half a second before Jason squeezes once—trust me—and smirks.
“They’re taken.”
Silence.
Dick blinks. “They’re… what?”
Jason grins, all sharp edges and trouble. “Taken. By me.”
You stare at him. He looks back at you like this was always the plan.
Dick’s eyes flick between you. The arm. Jason’s smug face. “Since when?”
You panic—then commit. You lean into Jason’s side, fingers curling into his jacket.
“Since you wouldn’t stop trying to set me up with random civilians,” you say sweetly.
Jason hums. “Yeah. Real romantic origin story. Matchmaking trauma.”
Dick squints. “Jason.”
“Dick.”
“This better not be—”
Jason drops his forehead against yours, just barely touching. Close enough that you can feel his breath, hear the smile in his voice.
“Relax. I’m being a great boyfriend.”
Your heart tries to escape your ribcage.
Dick groans. “I hate both of you.”
Mission accomplished.
Except… now Jason doesn’t move his arm.
Later, when Dick is gone and the cave is quieter, Jason finally steps back. For a second, the air feels colder.
“So,” he says casually. Too casually. “Guess we’re fake dating now.”
You cross your arms. “Guess so.”
A beat.
Jason tilts his head. “We gotta sell it, y’know. Dick’s persistent.”
You raise a brow. “And how exactly do you suggest we do that?”
Jason’s grin softens—loses a little of its sharpness.
“Easy,” he says. “Public hand-holding. Occasional rooftop make-outs. Maybe you come by my place, steal my hoodies.”
Your stomach flips. “That sounds suspiciously thought-out.”
He shrugs. “What can I say? I’m committed to the bit.”
You watch him for a moment, then sigh. “Fine. But if this gets weird—”
“It already is,” Jason says, gently bumping your shoulder. “But… we’ll keep it fake.”
He offers his hand. You take it. And neither of you lets go.
-> pt2 <-
Bruce Wayne & Kids™ on one of those YouTube celebrity interview channels
°
Interviewer: *hands Bruce one of those Most Googled Questions boards* We'll just start off with some miscellaneous questions for Bruce
Everyone: *nods/hums their agreement*
Bruce, peeling off the first sticker: Ok! First question, "Who is Bruce Wayne..? Dating!
Bruce: God question, so actual-
Bruce gets interrupted as all his children, sitting around him, give their own answers
Dick: Clark, obviously
Jason: Superman
Tim: Selina
Cass: Minhkhoa Khan
Stephanie: Superman
Damian: Mother
Duke: No one..?
Bruce: ...
Everyone: ...
Bruce: So as I was saying, Bruce Wayne is currently single
Bruce, exasperated: Thank you, Duke
The kids: *suspicious glaring at each other and Bruce*
Bruce: ...
Bruce: Hey so we need to redact that-
The final clip is filled with long beeps, you can mildly make out three voices, two saying "Superman" and a young voice going "mother"

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Duke is so not afraid of Jason.
Like people are all kinda sensitive to Jason about his death when they first meet him or never even get past the tip toeing. But Duke is like "Wait so you died?"
And Jason's like "Yeah."
And Duke is silently processes before deciding "Skill issue" was the appropriate response.
Jason obviously finds this hilarious and genuinely admires Duke's balls and that's how Duke got boosted to Jason's favourite within 15 minutes of meeting each other.
POV: you just watched this kid punch his own tooth out so you'd get in trouble