#dayuhan

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#Dayuhan #rocktoberfestdxb2017 (at Rocky's Cafe Regent Hotel Dubai)

At siguro, hanggang subok nalang.

My Dearest Motherland, We’ve done this before, remember? The many love letters I wrote to you - sometimes with an exaggerated tone of romanticism - the first time I left. Remember the promises? That I was to come home to you, to help enrich what beauty remains of you. I did come home, and I did try to do my part in helping enrich that beauty. That was painfully fulfilling - painful because it was not easy trying to fit in after four years of being away. I felt as though I was misplaced between being there and not there at the same time, because the agenda of coming back did not just mean getting into the business of doing all patriotic things for the love you - it also meant grounding myself and finding myself. And you did not willingly offer a place for me to start right the first time I returned - you were sure to ground me that it was not as easy and as heroic as I envisioned it: that it would not be easy to sustain a revolutionary heart when I have to think about bringing food to the table, and I had to fight for the stability of my family. That love and passion went through a phase of heavy cynicism. It was hard to believe how in a few months your state of being could transform my love for you into cynicism bordering on hate. And like many others who criticized you, there was a time when I felt as if you are a hopeless case - the bureaucracy, the difficulty of finding a job that could make ends meet, the traffic, the disgusting streets of Manila, the theater that never seemed to tire of tasteless farce that is our government, the common apathy among the young people, etc. Finding my place was difficult. At one point, I had to let go and let things be - let others who have the time and the opportunity take up the job of making things right and well for you. When I let go, I didn't love you less. Like how I feel for my own mother, I sometimes hated you, blamed you for many things, like the burdens I had to carry for your sake. Yet despite it all, I loved you more and more. Loving you is the only thing I know how to do. It is when I let go that I realized you wanted to be exactly where you are. That you are grateful if your children came back and burned their idealism to make things right - the successful ones worked around the failed passion and transformed it to professionalism, while those who failed kept trying anyways. But at the same time, I learned that you bore no abhorrence for those who chose to leave and never come back - you'd be happy to see them fly nevertheless. My dear Motherland, it was four years ago when I last perceived myself as a person who needed to chop herself into pieces to deliver my great love for you and your people. I am whole now. Four years ago was the last time I found myself desperately re-planting my roots - believing that it is the only way to do you justice. I am embracing the fact that I shine best for you when I fly. And there will be many flights. There will definitely be a lot of love letters. I hope you never tire of them - raw and honest storytelling of pains, solutions, nostalgia, and a historical revisiting of my idealism - I will tell you all of them. I see you best when I am outside. You are most alive when I am outside. You know that best. And despite the departures that seem to outnumber the arrivals, know that I will never love you less, my dear Motherland. You are home. I will always remember. Love, Bianca

#Pulis, Pulis na #Pilipino! Maglingkod tayo sa #bayan 'wag sa #dayuhan. #streetart #grafitti #sticker #stickerart #wall #wallart #wallporn #wheatpaste #slap #Lumix #LX3 #IGersManila #PinoyIGers (Taken with Instagram)

Such perfect song <3