welp

Kahit saglit, kahit sa sandali lang na to- kahit sa oras lang na to, habang mag isa ako, at nanonood ng grey's anatomy, hehe, gusto ko sabihin at damdamin na mahal na mahal kita, jeric wilfred ko.

Kahit gaano kasakit, kahit gaano kahirap.

Hello,

Saktong tatlong buwan na tayong hiwalay noong nag desisyon ka na bumalik sa akin, noong nag desisyon ka na gusto mo bumalik sa akin at itama lahat, na na-realize mo kung gaano kahalaga yung "ako" at "tayo" sa buhay mo. Hanggang ngayon alam kong ramdam mo na nahihirapan pa rin akong bumalik sayo, sa atin, at alam kong naiintindihan mo yon- salamat. At ginagawa mo lahat para bumalik ako sa atin, pinapatunayan mo lahat nang kailangan mo patunayan, sinusuyo mo ako araw-araw at pinapaalala kung gaano mo ako kamahal.

Gusto kong sabihin sayo na mahal kita, gusto kong aminin at damdamin sa sarili ko na mahal kita kasi alam ko naman na ayon yung totoong nararamdaman ko- pero ngayon kasi mas malaki yung takot ko na masaktan mo uli, kasi noong huling beses na naramdaman ko yon halos ikamatay ko na- na pakiramdam ko sa susunod na maranasan ko yon lahat ay hindi ko na kakayanin.

Pero gusto ko sabihin dito- aminin, kahit sandali, mahal na mahal kita, bubba ko.

anyway, happy anniversary to that traumatic incident. its been a year and I still dont know what I did to deserve it.

cheers.

*hugs*

For 6 years, everytime that you have this crisis, everytime that you get confused, I am the person that you always end up hurting. Always.

I decided to go to you.

Because I wanted to see you one last time, even if that means I'm gonna have to get my things from your room, I don't care. And maybe because I am still hoping that when you see me- you'd realize that you can't go on with your life without me.

But for the last time you decided to disappoint me.

For the last time, you pushed me away.

On my way home, I tried so hard not to breakdown. I have all this questions in my head- on why I am not enough for you, on why you can't fight for me, for us. Why is that no matter what I do- you still don't see me as someone worth fighting for.

When I got home thats when I realized– the reason why you can't fight for me is because you don't love me.