#cosmopolitanalienation

iris. IRIS. you are opening a can of worms here. you are unleashing the beast etc. do not ENABLE ME !!!

i am very well. recovering from illness finally !! exciting stuff. and my day has been made all the better from this spectacular question :D please know that when i was rewatching the scenes mentioned For Research it took me a very long time because i kept just. replaying them over again. day in the life of a lor i fear ! but alas i shall cease the rambling. i decided to limit myself to only a couple scenes because believe me if i talked about EVERYTHING i'd be here for like. a month.

there's no particular order to this, they were just the scenes floating around my mind recently. also bear in mind i am not in any way a writer and this is mainly a stream of consciousness ramble with a lot of repeating myself. if that intrigues you, enjoy !

In a way, it might be fitting that first AlbaTwain fic on AO3 (and the only one so far) is a presumed-abandoned chatfic which breaks off before they ever meet. So much chaos and so much potential just out of reach! (I will write a fic about them. One day. Hopefully)

Albatross and younger-Dazai and Albatross and older-Dazai interacting both have potential for humor and angst. Imagine if Dazai becomes more buffoonish as a mask partly because he realizes Albatross does that and it works. That would go especially nicely with Baudelaire-Albatross. I currently have it on scant authority that Baudelaire’s dandyism influenced IRL Dazai, and The Flowers of Buffoonery could very well be a reference to The Flowers of Evil

In a no powers AU or one where he wasn't in the mafia for another reason, he and Yosano might get along, but he canonically laughs while killing people, so I think he'd have to gain more regard for strangers' lives before she would respect him

As for jester-based characters, the only fic where Nikolai is Albatross’ brother and is grieving him is in Bahasa Indonesia and I don’t know Bahasa Indonesia, but the concept lives rent-free in my brain. Brothers or not, I would like to see the murderous laughing bird-motif vest wearers who obscure at least one eye, wear part of their hair short and part braided, and consider themselves friends with a man with a dark bob, unconventional Christian religious views, and a history of medical malpractice interact because they have so many superficial similarities but approach life in vastly different ways

[on my walk on the Tumblr dash road encounters your blog and puts one CD inside your mail box titled as— skk despair and continues my walk]

Oh I see you just dropped by to hurt me, specifically.

I'm not sure for whom the hopeful look would be worse.

Teen!Chuuya who needs something, anything, to get his life back in order, something to tether himself to, so he isn't alone. And he looks at Dazai with those brightly burning eyes, feisty but hopeful, that he's finally found something. But Dazai can't give him what he seeks. It's the wrong place, the wrong time, he himself is battered and bruised and he can't be home for Chuuya. He wants. Stars above, he wants. But it doesn't feel right, this is not how it's supposed to be. They had no control over this and they tried but they failed and now it's over.

Or Dazai, age 22, still in love with Chuuya, maybe more than ever. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and he chose it, and he learned what he was missing. He waltzes back into Chuuya's life with feelings burning in his chest, with hope to be better, with success under his belt. And finally it feels right, he feels something. But Chuuya, who has mourned him and learned to hate him, stares at him with heartbreak. He's right to blame Dazai for leaving, and maybe the time where they had potential really is behind them, but Dazai was so hopeful they'd grown and matured and could make it work. And Chuuya just stares at him, wondering why the hell he thinks it could work now.

And maybe they can try. But everything is different. They are different. Who knows if they'll even like it now.

Love that we get a passage specifically about Dazai picking up writing after Odasaku-

I like to think Chuuya would fight tooth and nail for Dazai to not only live in his books, to only leave something behind. That Chuuya drags him outside into the sun, to breathe fresh air, to live a little. It doesn't matter where they go, they don't know where either, as long as they are going together, because they're only half of themselves by themselves...

Ouch. Hopeful despair is still despair. It might still not work out, and then what. They give it an earnest try and it's not enough.

Yeah tbh that seems accurate...

The world is always falling apart and I can do nothing about that. So at least in my bubble, with my tea, I must preserve hope for the sake of my sanity.

There's a specific baked apple tea that is so good it doesn't even need tea and sugar and maybe the world can be alright while I drink that.

My instant reaction is:

Oh my heart he is so so so so so so cute. I'm melting ❤️‍🔥

This is exactly what I needed to see today...

Also yes I do see the vision.

I think that this cute little guy, who looks so incredibly innocent, is going to destroy everybody with questions that deal with the fabric of reality and the inevitability of death. And he is going to look adorable while doing so.

— the song is called instead of here, by mitski. (She released her latest album and I'm crashing out)

— also there's another song in the album called cats, and of course I'm bound by my mind when it comes to associating everything to soukoku. I'm not able to tag the songs here because of them being newly released!

Ow. I'm very fond of Death being personified and kind, and this very much fits in that vein.

Death comes looking who called and it's just a kid...he was just a kid, knocking on her door again and again, before his time.

And of course the stars never answered back, it would be too easy, it's in humanity's nature to give them meaning, they don't have meaning inherently...he would have had to give the stars their worth himself...

He went where nobody could reach, huh. Just what did Dazai do in those two lonely years, away from everyone he knew, with only heartbreak for company...

Hello fellow Iris!

Apologies it took me a while, I'm still sick and only slowly winding up to usual capacity again.

Hmmm to me it reads less like a jealous AU and more a letting go... I'm reading the "I'm wishing you well" at the end as mostly sincere... With the name of the song being "Hold No Grudge" too... Or at least this is the wish the singer wants to materialise for themselves. The "I'm sending you love and wishing you well" is something I've heard and said during amicable break-ups.

Especially as the singer wants to grow up.

Man the reminiscing is very skk though.

Taking on the world together. Showing themselves to one another. Filling the void with noise in private.

Man the reaching out without getting an answer is also so very skk.

Our haven was always in a song.

This too can be skk in that their banter had a rhythm, a melodical quality. Does it really matter what they said, or was the thing that mattered the call and response, the ebb and flow of the tide, the chorus of their joint voices?

It doesn't matter, anymore. It's gone, now. You have to let go of the innocence and the dreams and the companionship as you grow up and grow apart.

.

Also thank you I will be extensively thinking about skk as blood diamonds now :)

[ :) is the smile of an Iris in pain]

[I want to scream.]