I hate this stupid body and FND/conversion/whateverthefuckitis. I was having a pretty bad emotional breakdown this morning relating to the loss of my home. My legs stopped working, they just felt like numb slightly tingly lumps attached to my body. I could feel through them still but cannot move them. I have been stuck on this couch for nearing two hours now and I am very achey and need badly to use the bathroom. With immense concentration I can wiggle my toes. I really need to pee. It has not been this bad for quite a few years. I was never meant to have legs, my ancestors lost those millions of years ago, most days I can barely control them to let myself walk. At best they work when I think of them as an extension of my spine towards my flukes — but that does not work for walking. Why did they spend so many resources making me human, and then making me human again when it broke down and desperately holding me into a human shape when the limbs and rubbish they attached to me simply do not work. None of it works for what they did to me. Just admit it did not work and put me back in the water, put us all back in the water. Can we stop this tyfus charade?
Hopefully this ends soon so I can clear some tasks. And hopefully once it is a tail, it will never happen again as the body has what it expects and I should not carry so much stress or weight.
I want me body back, let me swim forever, please
