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One weird way my OCD expresses itself is that apparently, according to my brain, germs can’t get to me in my own home. I don’t feel the compulsion to wash my hands as often or for as long or to use extra soap and I don’t feel as dirty after touching a surface. Even my cane feels cleaner when I’m at home.
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Have you read Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno Garcia
No, I looked it up and I might just listen to it while I ID mushrooms in the herbarium! It’ll be atmospheric.
Speaking of symbiotic fungi… every person has a mycobiome (the fungal subset of your microbiome), the one in your lungs is a blend unique to you! The community could be symbiotic too, we need a diverse microbiome to train our immune system with lots of data on microbes (they get a place to live, we get a better immune system). It’s called the Old Friends Hypothesis, which I love.
Source!
Managed to avoid a massive meltdown by switching earlier.
So we went to pull the garbage can up the driveway, but when we flipped one of them upright, water came pouring and splashed all over our legs and feet. And we're wearing shorts and crocs so like right on our skin.
By the time we'd made it up to the bathroom, whoever was fronting was crying and rapidly approaching a meltdown. Getting doused in garbage water was incredibly distressing for the contamination OCD parts
But I was able to snap to the front and put on my samesong and got to work cleaning us while avoiding contaminating anything else.
And in retrospect it's kinda funny how quickly we went from crying and approaching meltdown to calmly and effectively addressing the problem
another thing i really miss from before my ocd got so severe: reading and writing. i can't clean paper, so it's not like i can just relax with a book nowadays. i especially wouldn't touch a library book with a 10 foot pole. which is very sad to me, because i love books and reading, i used to even do work for the school library every day back in high school. but i can't even pull one of my own books off the shelf to read, so until the day comes when i can again they will sit and collect dust.
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Because of brain stuff I get really easily grossed out by food/contaimination especially when dealing with dirty dishes, and I’ve figured out I have an easier time sometimes if I use paper towels to clean them But also I feel really guilty and wasteful when I use them. I know that I should just not feel bad but easier said than done 🤷🏻‍♂️
I washed a dish today without a panic attack! Which is a big deal cuz I have a huge contamination thing about dishes. The water did not touch my hands so I am not tainted and I will not die. (I am aware it is not sensible, please don't tell me I'm being weird.) Now. Do I push my luck and try to wash a baking sheet??? For cookies???
The funny thing about contamination anxiety for me is that I’m not really afraid of getting sick and I’m not really afraid of symptoms, because my chronic illnesses mean that I experience the symptoms more often than the average person even without having some sort of virus or whatever. And I’m not REALLY afraid of dying, at least no more than I am afraid instinctually as like… an animal. I also don’t really fear pain unless I am anticipating it, and even that is a fear I’ve been growing out of.
I AM afraid of getting others sick, but I think that’s just being an empathetic person and not OCD for me.
And yet I am still afraid of germs, and I hate when I can “feel” them on me, when I FEEL dirty, and I am TERRIFIED of parasites because the concept of having a creature inside me that doesn’t belong there is like… oh that’s a bad one man. I don’t have words for it beyond “terrifying” and “horrifying.” Freaks me out. But I don’t have a reason, I don’t have intrusive thoughts about illness or death, I have intrusive thoughts about creatures inside me. I guess that’s it, maybe that IS the reason.
