#confused post

"My brain broke because of the horrors" - what are the horrors? People want to know. Now you have cool edgy mysterious vibe. Implies a serious injury, not just the vague miasma of corporate speak. Compatible with taking a long dramatic drag on a cigarette or swigging a bottle of whiskey

Kinda sad that she still ended up as a duck, I thought that fakir would've written a story where she regains her human form. But that's kinda what gives the ending its charm. Her returning to her original form and accepting that form, so I'm not gonna complain too much about it. I do like her paired with fakir more than her with mytho since fakir cared for her even when she was duck/ahiru not because she was tutu. (I'm kinda contradicting myself here but ig that's normal when trying to get a feel abt an ending like that)

I'm trying to let the feelings flow. I'm trying to stop holding on to anger and pain and expectations.

I wonder why is it that I can't see myself as someone pretty or even halfway decent looking. I got a coworker that keeps telling me that she'll help me find a 'man' or 'women' cause of course I got no idea which way is swing cause I have never been asked out on a date before in my life and the one time I made i made a comment about i was told flat out that I wasnt girl friend material. Which still sticks with me to this day. I might tell the corworker next time she comments about it Ill tell her why would anybody wanna date this mess like I don't kid myself about it I'm not half decent looking cause I got the social skills of soggy oatmeal I don't even wanna be around myself and in the end nobody really wants to keep me in their life I get heartbreaks over finding out about people I thought as friends don't see me as one like I thought about them. I don't date cause I don't know if I could survive if a person I 💯 opened myself up too romantically iy don't know if I could survive or not. And back to eariler mentioned about nobody wanting to keep me I got facts to back that shit up. For my 22nd birthday I had wanted to in the month of it hang out and do shit with the friends I made in College. I spent the better part of the month before trying to figure out schedules so I could plan something I never heard back from any of them. So two months after that birthday I group message them and light them up and of course no apologies as to the fact they made me feel like mud and worthless no I just got excuses from most of them about them being so like too busy to even message saying hey I can't do anything cause my schedule is totally garbage right now sorry. I would have happily taken that cause yeah I understand that nope I just got crap about we are all adults and can't plan to do shit like that at drop of a hat. Well Fuck you guys too. I just wanna have some friends that I can do stuff with and matter to them like they mattered to me. I got like 5 friends that I can talk and three of them in barely do cause yay know life and all that shit. I want to matter to people...

01/08/2017 I dont know. I dont know what I am feeling. I dont know what I am doing. I dont know.

This is not my best night but it's important to remember that I've come a long way. A long way from how dark things were. From how limited everything was. From how harsh everything was. From how harsh everyone was. From being put down for everything I did. From being made feel worse and worse about who I was. From being treated like shit. From being hit, mocked. From eating my lunches alone. From having people dislike me by default. I've come a long way. My life is good. I'm happy. I want everyone, my friends, my family, my love, to be happy. To feel what I feel waking up everyday. It's so good. I just want everyone to be happy, so I will continue to try and make that happen. I'm surrounded by friends that are more than just friends to me. It was hard growing up, but I done my growing up now. I don't have friends, I have family. Everything is good. This is a weird night though. Goodnight