#college guide

I recently moved to a new apartment and my housemate is my classmate/friend. As someone who had a very, very bad roommate experience in college (mainly because that roommate constantly brought her boyfriend over), I was very apprehensive this time around. So far though, it's generally been going pretty well. Here are my tips to successfully cohabitate with others:

Communicate often and clearly. It's important to set a mutually-agreed standard of how you and your housemate(s) want to live. As someone who doesn't like confrontation, this has been the hardest for me. My housemate would always leave half-eaten dishes in the common spaces and wouldn't wash her dishes until days later. After noticing this was a problem, I gently asked if we could propose some rules for common spaces: wash our dishes the same day we use them, and make sure there weren't any unoccupied dishes in the common spaces. I structured it as a conversation, instead of me demanding it to happen, and brought up the larger picture: we didn't want bugs in our house and this was an easy way to prevent that. I then asked if she thought these rules were fair and if she had anything to add. She apologized for her behavior, said it was fair, and everything generally has been smooth on this front now!

Bring up any concerns gently. I think tone is a big factor in how something might go over. If I go yelling at my roommate that she made a mess, she's instantly on the defensive, right? Approaching it in a kind and open manner will elicit a (hopefully) similar response back. Back when we were apartment hunting, I shared with her my concern of having boyfriends over the apartment too much. I told her my previous roommate would bring her boyfriend over constantly-- his 6am alarm would wake me up daily, he snored, he acted like he lived in the apartment, etc.-- and that I was very apprehensive about the topics of boyfriends being in the apartment. I think that conversation let her know very early on that she needs to be mindful of how often her boyfriend is over. Except for this weekend (his birthday weekend), he's been over very minimally (not only for my sake but because she is a law student who needs to study!).

Try not to make a big deal out of one thing. This is another thing I have to work on. My housemate's boyfriend has been over since Thursday night, worked from our apartment Friday (even when my housemate was out of the house, at her law courses) and looks like he's leaving Saturday morning. He was also here very briefly on Sunday evening to say hi, since he was in the area. Honestly, I got a little bit annoyed because I don't think boyfriends should be over this much (2 visits a week is my hard max) and boyfriends shouldn't be alone in the apartment (my housemate should always be present). BUT I want to be considerate and give more leeway just this time because it was his birthday weekend. If he comes over this often when it's not a milestone event, then I will talk with my housemate.

Realize that rules will apply to you too. I'm currently single and am not seeing anyone right now. I'm trying to be cognizant of the fact that when I do get a boyfriend, how would I feel about these rules? I can't demand new rules, get a boyfriend, and go back on my word. A lot of the times, housemates might not all be in the same exact shoes so take careful consideration when making universal rules.

You meet a lot of people in college and the scale of interaction varies in your first week. Keeping track of those interactions (which are mostly small talks, media interests or academics related) can be difficult, especially if you are in an online school situation like me.

But if you feel like you don't want to mess up their names or want to keep track of the cities which they come from, how you felt while interacting with them, here's what you can do.

Make a google doc of first impressions of people, write how much you interacted with them, common interests, your vibes about them, do you know them much or are they just following your social handles? are you looking forward to interacting with them more, is it a so-so or are you and them very different people? Write all these down.

1. Make sure your mentality is right: there’s this trend with students to always say things are difficult or hard to understand, do not fall into that pattern of thinking! Speak positivity and success into your life even though you do feel like things are difficult. Never doubt, never show weakness.

2. Stay organized: buy a cute planner, plan your days and your activities ahead of time! Write down assignments and exams. Practice time management.

3. Socialize: we are all adults now and the way to get on top in society is to use the people around you. Join organizations, talk to people around you, you never know how they can help you. Be friends with your professors, you’re going to need a recommendation letter or a job position soon.

4. Internships: find an internship based on what you’re studying. This helps build up your resume plus you will have experience and decide if this is the career route you really want to pursue.

5. Take care of yourself: college can get very busy but you still have to take care of your body. Try to give yourself times throughout the day to relax a little. Take care of your body and drink water, and do your very best to squeeze time for the gym (it’s a healthy and productive stress-reliever). Try to eat at least one fruit or vegetable serving a day!

Update of College Life

I’m tired all the time, hungry, and broke.

i took college courses over the summer for the first time this year, so i thought i’d share some tips based on my experience!

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buy the textbooks during the main semesters i usually wait until syllabus week to purchase any because you often don’t need them all. however, you need the books ASAP in summer! you’ll likely have to read a couple chapters the first day the course begins.

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look at the notes before reading the textbook depending on the class, you may get powerpoint outlines, typed out notes, and/or study guides for the test. (i’ve heard of some professors recording lectures for you to watch, but i personally didn’t have those.) you have very limited time to learn the material (especially if taking more than one course), so it may be in your best interest to “teach [yourself] to the test.” this means you’d use the study guide (or outline, if that’s all you have) and only look for those terms in the textbook, ignoring everything else.

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keep on top of deadlines it’s unlikely you’ll be granted any extension since the classes have to be so fast-paced. make sure to give yourself enough time to respond to discussion posts (AND other students’ comments), take tests, etc. before the assignment locks (and it will). you might want to set a couple reminders on your phone. i had things due at 10 am, 10 pm, and 11:59 pm.

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These are the things I wish I knew my first semester at college.

1.   Register ASAP – You want the first pick of times, professors and locations.

2.   Whatever you do, do not pick an 8AM. Or 9AM. – You will regret it when you get points taken off for missing too many classes. Unless you have the willpower of steel and energy as soon as you wake up, don’t do it.

3.   Give yourself at least 1.5 hours for lunch – This lets you take your time. It’s helpful when there’s a long line for lunch, or you have some studying or homework to catch up on. A long break is also nice to just decompress and hang out in-between classes.

4.   Take classes you’re interested in the most – If you have options to pick in your Gen Eds, pick something you think you’ll like at least a little bit. If you don’t like science, but have to take science, try taking something with either a good professor, a general topic (like intro courses) or something that could help contribute to a minor that would go well with your major (maybe you will like the subject one day).

Okay I graduate next month so I'm calling this my 1.9 years in update, haha.

LOVE: Relationship is steady! Though I am still a little worried about life after graduation when we will be in different locations but ultimately through therapy, I've come to a place where I can genuinely say I'm taking it day by day and not overthinking.

SCHOOL: One *MONTH* left! Is that crazy?! These past few weeks have been crazy hectic with assignment deadlines and capstone requirements. I recently took my graduation photos and it made graduation feel so real. Overall, I'm very excited to graduate and leave this chapter for a new one!

WORK: I have had my full-time job offer secured since the Fall and I'm very grateful that I haven't had to stress about job hunting on top of finals, etc. I'm trying to enjoy my last couple of months of "freedom" before I have to work full-time until I'm 65. I'm also TAing this quarter (as I have most quarters while in grad school) and I am getting a little burnt out with everything. But the end is near!

HOME: Similar update to before. My roommate has not really changed: she's still messier and not as courteous as I'd like (or that I am to her) but the lease is almost up at this point. Living with her and just overall looking back at my experiences living with others has reaffirmed that I want to live solo. I also think it's important to live by yourself (if you're able to) and see how that experience goes.