J’adore

Now you’re battling an insecurity you never had! This is for every relationship. Romantic, familial, and friendships.

All the discourse around black women’s hair on love island got me to thinking, because I was one of those people who liked and reposted a video talking about the women’s hair on the show.

I try to preach to stop policing black women’s hair but the first thing I noticed were that the black women on love island did not have braids. They had sew-ins in hot weather while doing challenges that involve water. I was upset and I was annoyed.

After seeing a video of a man calling out people for attacking the women for their hair choices for the show. I was embarrassed. But then I questioned myself as to why I felt a way about OTHER women’s choices and why did other black women also feel a way. Why were we so passionate? Then it hit me. We are traumatized.

We see ourselves in other black women. We are barely allowed to take up spaces or be represented, especially when it comes to national television so we believe we have to look our best at all times. In a way, some of us making those comments want to protect the women on tv because we see ourselves. But we are doing the complete opposite by commenting on their hair, especially by doing it publicly.

I’m glad I was called out and I’m glad it made me look within. We say people (who are not black women) need to let us live and stop spewing hate towards black women, but we also need to check ourselves and let ourselves live.

The trauma we have endured and continue to endure is so deeply embedded in us that it’s causing us to traumatize ourselves (bullying, hateful comments). Be vigilant and challenge those thoughts even if they are coming from you or people that look like you!